AN:
I decided to be nice and not wait a month. Also, I wrote an entire new chapter last night and I'm feeling motivated and... good. It's an odd feeling. I'm going to try and keep pushing but I'm at a bit of creative impasse so hopefully that will work itself out soon and I'll be back. For now I hope you enjoy.
"So breathe in so deep
Breathe me in
I'm yours to keep"
El's eyes were fixed on the single beam of light that was glowing through the sliver in the curtains, wondering what time it was. There was a heavy arm around her waist, pinning her to the solid figure still slumbering behind her. His soft, even breathing was warm against the curve of her neck. She knew if she moved to check the alarm clock behind her, he would jolt awake—he'd always been a violent waker when disturbed—and she wanted the moment of peace to last a little longer.
She dared to shift her legs, wincing at the sore pang between her thighs, her insides feeling tender and… raw. They hadn't been gentle the night before, fighting for control until she'd pinned him down with her mind and ridden him to her completion. After she'd slumped onto him, panting, he'd flipped her, getting her onto her hands and knees and pounding out the frustration he'd felt all day that he'd shown in the bathroom and kitchen. He was still a generous lover, allowing her to finish a second time before letting himself unwind.
It had been hot and heavy and almost perfect.
"Mike, please, fill me," she begged, rocking her hips back against him, clenching and trying to help him reach that point of bliss. "Please, I want it."
She'd wanted that final thread of intimacy, the one he'd always given her before, to tie them together. His rather abrupt pulling out the previous time had felt so wrong and she wanted him to give it to her now, wanted the proof of him she would feel later, wanted to feel him come undone inside of her. Wanted it to be like it had always been.
"El, fuck, I—"
And then he was gone and there was something warm on her lower back, his breath panting and gasping against her shoulder. The same emotion she felt before had come back but she'd been too tired to say anything, falling onto the bed, trying to catch her breath.
Empty.
There was something off, but she didn't know what and she was too afraid to ask. Was he holding back because knew what waited for them at the end of the week? It was the only explanation, and while it was fair… it didn't make it any less disappointing.
His hand twitched against her hip, beneath the tangled sheets they were twisted into, and she felt his breath stutter. There was a soft sigh, her mess of hair tickling her neck and then she felt him shift, his arm tightening around her waist, pulling her closer to the concave of his body, a sleepy, "Mmm" leaving his lips.
At the sound, her heart flip flopped in her chest and she pushed away the uncertainty, deciding to enjoy the moment and rolling over to face him. His eyes blinked open slowly as she reached, stroking his mop of ebony hair from his sleepy black lashes, letting her fingers trace the shape of his face. Everything felt easy and calm, like it had the previous morning, the gentle glow of the early sun peeking between the curtains, his body warm and sturdy.
"Morning," she murmured, feeling something in her chest give way a bit as he smiled lazily back at her. "I thought you'd sleep all day."
"I feel like I could. I'm tired after yesterday." He reached up, rubbing his eyes like he was trying to wipe away the residual exhaustion. "Just sleeping today would be great. Lying here. Just like this." His arm moved back down, winding around her waist and pulling her closer again, that damn happy smile she'd always loved lighting up his face as he leaned down to press a kiss to her temple.
El felt herself shiver. It was so intimate, so… normal. Or maybe what normal would have been if they were back in Hawkins, in a small apartment of their own. If he'd never left. A glimpse of what they could have been. She closed her eyes and surrendered to it, letting her hand reach up and rest against his cheek, his lips still pressed to her forehead. It could have been so perfect.
The warning bells were back, the ones that were telling her that just being physical was already failing. It would never work. Not with him, not when he was like this. So… sweet. Perfect and gentle, and loving, and completely accepting regardless of the situation. Like she was the only thing in the entire universe that mattered. It had always been like that, from the very beginning, the way his dark eyes would focus on her and it felt like she was his entire… everything. The only person he wanted to see.
"El." His voice was almost a sigh, his hand sliding up her back to play with her hair. "I missed this."
Her own hand traced down, across his chest, and she kept her eyes shut with her forehead pressed to his clavicle, avoiding his gaze. Curling into him felt right, and his words made her shiver again. It would be too much to see how he was looking at her, what emotion lived in his eyes. She wouldn't be able to resist.
"Not just, like, sex," he continued, his voice rumbling low, where she could feel it against her forehead. "Well, I missed that too but I mean… this. I missed this. I missed holding you." His hand moved down to her lower back squeezed like a reflex. "I forgot how you mumble when you sleep. How fucking cute you are. And how—how perfect you feel in my arms… I didn't think I could forget anything about you. Or I hadn't realized I forgot. Right now it's…" She heard him swallow, felt his adam's apple bob as he searched for words. "It's like I'm dreaming. And I really don't want to wake up." His lips brushed the top of her head and then his hand was on her chin, tilting her face up to him.
Their mouths met, so carefully, and she felt herself melting, felt the wall and resolve she'd constructed so carefully start to shake and crumble. Her eyelids cracked open just barely—his kiss so easy and needy—knowing if she met his stare, she wouldn't be able to hold back from him for another second. He would have her heart again.
His lips were soft, her own opening up for him, lashes fluttering against his cheek, her fingers curling into the locks at the nape of his neck, pulling him closer and—
BANG BANG BANG!
They broke apart with matching startled gasps, the knocking on the door sounding more like an attempt to break it down, the wood groaning. El automatically reached for the sheet, covering herself as she sat up, staring at the door and feeling extremely confused as to who would be pounding on it. The easy comfort vanished and she felt Mike lay a protective hand on her waist as he sat up too, as if he was any more ready to deal with an intruder in his naked state than she was.
The worry vanished at the sound of the familiar lisping voice.
"Rise and shine, El! It's your favorite friendly groomsmen here to tell you to get your lazy ass out of bed and come have breakfast on the beach!" Dustin sounded obnoxiously cheerful and El immediately scoffed at the idea of him being her favorite anything at the moment. "Up and at 'em, Seven Eleven!"
"Would it ruin the wedding if you murdered him?" Mike mumbled under his breath and El had to cover her mouth, barely containing her snort of laughter.
"If you don't get up, I'm coming in there. You've been moping and missing out on all the fun and I won't let you hide away today!" El rolled her eyes. He couldn't get in, he didn't have a— "I got your spare key from Mr. Lo, I told him you'd lost your purse again. I'm serious. I'll drag you down to the beach if I have to!"
El's eyes went wide, panic flooding her as she heard him jiggle the doorknob, swinging around to look at Mike who suddenly looked equally panicked. She pointed towards the bathroom, but he was already scrambling off of the bed, grabbing his clothes from the floor and disappearing inside, trying to keep his footsteps quiet. The handle on the door clicked threateningly and El felt her temper snap.
"Dustin, if you open that door I will melt your fucking brain right out of your head!" She yelled angrily, running to her open suitcase and quickly grabbing her pajamas. The door stopped shaking and she sighed as she slid on the police academy sweatshirt and pair of worn boxers she usually wore to sleep before walking over to the door and barely cracking it open, squinting against the bright sunlight.
Dustin looked way too pleased with himself, holding a picnic basket and wearing swim trunks and flip flops. She resisted the urge to glance to her immediate left, where Mike was currently hiding in the bathroom. Her heart pounded and she didn't hide her scowl, glaring at her curly-haired friend.
"Hand over the key," she demanded, holding her hand out expectantly.
"Come on! You know you wouldn't have agreed if I hadn't shown some tough love."
"Give it."
"Fine…" conceded Dustin with a sigh of disappointment, handing over the key attached to an oversized sand dollar.
"Now, what do you want?" she snapped. "I was sleeping."
"I know, but it's almost noon and I want to have breakfast. Max and Lucas are coming over, we're all going down to the beach and you're coming too. I'm getting Mike next and then Will so—"
"No!" She gasped, then covered her mouth, realizing her mistake. "I mean, I'll come. But… you can't ask Mike. Because he… went for a walk." If Dustin tried to get into Mike's room and found it empty, it would be suspicious. Her mind grabbed a lie. "He knocked earlier, asked me to go. I told him no because I wanted to sleep," she said emphatically.
"A walk?"
She shrugged, feigning indifference. "That's what he said. I didn't care."
Dustin stared at her, eyebrow raised, and she was sure her heart would burst right out of her chest it was beating so fast. It was a bad lie, Mike didn't even exer—
"Eesh, him and Will turning into health nuts out there. Walking everywhere and working out," he lifted a lip and shook his head as if disappointed. "What a bunch of losers."
El opened her mouth to reply to that, a bit confused and surprised, not sure what he meant, but then she remembered the bigger issue at hand and rolled her eyes. "I'll come to the beach, just let me change, okay?"
"Yes!"
He looked proud of himself and she decided not to spoil it by telling him she'd been planning on spending some time out on the sand anyways. She and Joyce had gone shopping for the trip and her stepmother had convinced her to get a new swimsuit just for the occasion, one a little more modern than her worn out blue one piece. Instead she glanced at the picnic basket and felt her stomach rumble, sniffing hopefully.
"Breakfast?"
"A whole box of Eggos, already toasted."
She swallowed and nodded more eagerly. "I'll meet you out there. I need to brush my teeth and stuff. Go get Will."
"If you see Mike, drag him out too. He sucks at saying no to you."
"What? No—We don't—I mean, that's not true," she huffed feeling nervous and annoyed at his need to always remind her of the past. "I'll tell him if I see him."
With that she shut the door right in his face, hearing him grumble from the other side followed by his retreating footsteps. She slumped against the door in relief, realizing her legs were trembling and quickly staggering back to the bed. A pair of hands caught her before she made it, and she yelped in surprise as Mike snagged her hips and pulled her back against him, his body shaking as he wrapped his arms around her and collapsed onto her shoulder.
It took a second for her to realize he was laughing.
Turning, she raised a brow, feeling a giggle escape her lips as he laughed so hard he wheezed, his arms pulling her close, his half clothed body completely vibrating with mirth. "I can't believe he bought that," he cracked up again. "And that he thought barging in you would be a good idea? I thought you were going to snap him in half!"
"Yeah, well… I was thinking about it," she agreed, grinning.
"I can't believe he went and got the spare key, that old guy wouldn't even give it to me yesterday… god, did he really think busting in on you would be a good idea? Does he have a fucking death wish?!"
It took them several seconds to calm and when the humor of the situation faded, El remembered the seriousness of it all, glancing down. They'd almost been caught. Again. She was letting herself be careless, getting caught up in the moment… losing herself to him so much she didn't pay attention. Just like in the kitchen with the plate. Was it always going to be this way?
He must have felt her tense because his hand rubbed across her back soothingly, concern replacing the amusement in his eyes.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing, um, I just… it's a little…" She was staring down at her hands, resting splayed out against his ribcage, his skin so pale it looked like frost between her fingers. "I mean, this—"
"Us?"
She flinched, she couldn't help it, and she felt his muscles tighten under her hands as he realized how she felt, discomfort flooding in between them and replacing the easy warmth that had surrounded them in bed. It made her uneasy, the thought of them being an "us" again. They couldn't be. She knew that it wasn't possible. That had been her entire thought process she'd gone through while washing dishes. But she wanted to think it was. She wanted to pretend like everything was going to be amazing, as amazing as last night as they cried out each other's names and this morning, wrapped in the sheets and warm comfort.
But it couldn't be more than that. Common sense knew better.
"Mike…" She didn't know where she was even going but at the sound of his name his arms slackened around her. "We can't… you know we can't be what we were."
There was a pause. She could almost hear him thinking. He'd become a stranger but his habits were the same and he was ridiculously easy to read. His energy had always been obvious. When he spoke again he sounded a bit hurt.
"Why not? You said you still want me. You keep touching me and… I mean, we can't stop…" His face was flushing. She didn't even have to look up to know. "I-I still want you too, El. I can't keep my hands off of you even when I try…"
"You're going back to New York in four days. I'm going home. That's it, Mike."
"That's it?"
"What else is there?"
His arms fell off of her and she watched him walk away from her, watched him start pacing across the mint green carpet, moving her own aching body towards the bed and sitting on the end of it. Oh right. Pacing. That was something he did when he was worried. Or nervous. Or angry. Shit… was he angry? She risked a glance at his face and didn't see anger so much as frustration. She stayed quiet and after a minute he stopped, turning to her.
"So you want to just stop this? Now?" He almost sounded like he was in pain.
"No!" The word flew from her lips before she could stop it. Their eyes met and she shook her head, wrapping her arms around herself and then quickly looking away. "I mean… I'm okay with—with this. With right now. And yesterday." She took a quick breath, feeling her palms sweat and her heart racing and risking it, saying out loud the conclusion she'd come to last night. "I'm fine with this week. If this is… if we're just this."
Trepidation immediately flooded through her and she shifted away, inhaling sharply and closing her eyes. She waited for the disgust and the anger and the hurt to fill his voice as he told her she was a terrible person, that she was stupid and selfish for thinking that he would be okay being relegated to a glorified fuck buddy.
She wouldn't let herself admit that it was more than just that. That the cuddles and soft gestures and warm kisses were weakening her defenses. Surely, they could fool themselves for the next few days that whatever was going on between them was pure lust and need and the primal, human urge to fuck.
It couldn't be more than that… but it always was when it was your soulmate. It became more. It became everything.
The bed dipped and her eyes popped open as she felt him sit next to her, close enough to feel his warmth. She shivered, the cold feeling in her stomach abating a bit. His boxer-clad thigh pressed against hers and she stared down at the point of contact, completely unsure of what he was going to say.
"So… you're okay with whatever happens this week? If what's been happening… keeps happening?" His voice was hard to read but he didn't sound angry. More curious.
El felt her lungs tighten. "Are you?" It was almost a whisper.
He was close, she could feel his breath on her neck and then he was pulling her to him, crushing her against his chest. His heartbeat pounded against her, matching her own staccato rhythm. A kiss on her sweaty tangle of hair.
"I want to stay like this, El. If it's too much… I want whatever you can give. We can figure it out from there, how about that?" He swallowed, hands gathering her nearer to him. "This can't be over." His voice dropped, the words slipping out hoarsely. "Not right now."
She hesitated, unsure what exactly he meant. Now as in the moment? It had to be… she'd already explained they would lose each other at the end of the week. Was he accepting her unorthodox proposal?
Was he really okay with not having a label or a clue about what they were, about just letting it be an unnamed feeling?
His words sounded right, the idea felt right, and she bit her lip. Her arms went up, wrapping around his waist and she nodded. How was he so… understanding? He had the right to ask for more but instead he was telling her he wanted her to be comfortable. Her heart pounded against the wall she'd surrounded it with, shaking the foundations of her determination.
"Okay," she whispered. "Yeah."
His ribs jumped as he inhaled sharply and then he squeezed her once, looking down at her. She looked back, seeing the warmth in his eyes, the happy quirk in his lips. Maybe this was it. Maybe it was all he needed. It could be enough.
"Cool… cool." He paused and licked his lips. "Um, also… are those my boxers?"
"Huh?"
Surprised by the sudden change in topic, her gaze went down to the worn pair of plaid boxers. Over the years her style had evolved from Hop's first humble offerings to something considerably more feminine, but there'd always been an assortment of men's clothing she wore at home or on weekends. Both her dad and her two stepbrothers had rather unwillingly contributed to the collection and she wasn't always sure where some of the items had come from. She didn't remember when the boxers had appeared, she just knew they were perfect for sleeping in. But… now that she thought about it…
"Oh, um, maybe?"
"They definitely are. Those were like my favorite… I can't believe you stole—actually, I can believe it…"
"Shut up, you probably left them at my house and forgot. I didn't steal them." She tugged at the soft fabric. "I thought Jonathan left them or something… I don't know…"
"Really? Your step-brother left his underwear in your room?" Mike challenged, quirking an eyebrow and El shuddered at the thought.
"No, that's not what I meant—He just leaves clothes sometimes when he visits," she defended, rising from the bed and moving to the dresser to pull out her swimsuit, suddenly feeling very possessive over the article of clothing. "Besides it's been like three years. Do you really want them back?"
Mike was still sitting on the bed, watching her as she set the two piece on top of the dresser. She turned and quirked a brow as he gestured down. "I told you, those were some of my favorites."
"Well, now they're some of my favorites," she countered sweetly, turning back to square off with the man sitting on her bed.
"They're stolen property, technically. I could reclaim them," he told her, rising, a wolfish gleam in his eyes.
She snorted and turned back to the dresser drawer. "Yeah right."
"Don't make me come over there."
"I'm not worried."
It took three and a half seconds for his arms to wrap around her waist and pull her up into the air. She squealed as he swung her around and threw her over his shoulder, carrying her back to the bed and laughing. Her gasping turned into an unbelieving bark of protest as he threw her onto the decimated sheets. He came down on her, his knee between her thighs and his waist on her hips, pinning her wrists next her head and smiling.
El felt a bit surprised but she started giggling in disbelief as he cocked an eyebrow, a devilish smirk on his face. His eyes were playful and she squirmed a bit, not actually trying to fight him.
"I warned you," he intoned, trying to put on a serious face. "Now, are you going to give them back or do I need to take them back myself?"
"Mike…" It was meant to be a warning but it came out breathy and needy. Fuck, she didn't want him to stop.
He grinned again, that handsome, wolfish smile that made his dark eyes spark like midnight fire, a shiver running over her. God, it wasn't fair. He was so impossible to resist.
His hands released her wrists and he slid down her body, his fingers hooking into the elastic of the boxers, oh so slowly easing them down until one of her hip bones was exposed, then the other, his eyes fixated on the smooth skin. He looked up, meeting her eyes and fuck, oh shit, she was throbbing again, watching as he grinned and then moved to kiss the jutting slope of her hip, trailing across the plain of her stomach to the other, his breath hot through the thin cotton fabric, making the burn worse.
"Mike," she gasped. "W-We…" The protest died on her lips as his hand slid up her thigh and she closed her eyes, her back arching. God she wanted to give in, it was just so easy and now she wasn't worried because he was okay with just this… they could be this, just gasping whispers and wandering lips, and the guilt that had told her he wouldn't allow it was gone.
But Dustin was waiting and she couldn't risk him coming back before Mike left. They just didn't have time right now. Maybe tonight would be a different story, but his fingers were pulling the boxers lower and his lips were moving and she felt a whine escape her lips. Her hands tangled into his hair and she tugged him, pulling his mouth off of her before things went too far, bringing him back up to her face.
"I have to get to the beach or Dustin will come back," she grumbled, watching his expression turn into a disappointed grimace. "He won't back off. I told him I'd go." A heavy sigh. "And he has Eggos. I'm hungry."
He'd been hovering over her but at her words he collapsed onto her with a pitiful groan, making her laugh as he gave up, flopping onto her as if he'd lost all will to try. "Fucking Eggos. I should never have started you on those things, you're like a junkie."
"They're good," she protested, playfully pushing him off and scooting to the side. "There's cinnamon sugar ones now. And strawberry."
"The one thing I've always been second to," he sighed mournfully. "Goddamn toaster waffles."
She giggled as she sat up, wrapping her arms around her knees and watching as he reluctantly climbed off of the bed, standing over her and grinning back. He was still such a dorky idiot, it felt good to laugh at his goofy humor again. She had missed that… how easily he made her laugh.
He finished dressing, yesterday's clothes rumpled on his tall frame, fishing an obnoxiously large life preserver keychain from his pocket and making sure the key to his room was still attached to it. It was such a casually messy look and she could remember so many times when he'd looked the same, standing next to her window as he snuck out of her room. His voice broke her from the memories. "So, are we going to say you ran into me on your way out to the beach and told me the plans for the day? I can change and meet you guys down there."
"Yeah," she agreed, watching him as he reached up suddenly to touch his shoulder, frowning in thought. Her head tilted at his concern. "What?"
"I can't go shirtless… I have scratches all over my back." He looked troubled but not upset, his brow puckering the way it always had when he was searching for a solution. "I guess I'll just have to wear a shirt… I hope I packed enough."
El felt a bloom of guilt. Those scratches were totally her fault. "S-Sorry," she stuttered, eyes wide.
"Oh, don't worry about. I just don't think I could explain those away…" His eyes found the spot on her collarbone where the pinched bruise purpled her skin. "How did you get away with that?"
She'd forgotten about it yesterday until she'd tried on her strapless bridesmaid's dress and Max had asked what had happened. It had been a quick lie, something about running into a shelf with a stack of books and getting a bruise, her voice casual enough to avoid arousing suspicion. She was still surprised it had worked.
"Work injury," she shrugged, biting her lip. "Sorry about scratching you."
"Really, don't worry about it. It's not like I didn't like it. I just don't think I can make them believe Catwoman jumped me in an alley or something." He was grinning at his lame attempt at a joke and she managed to roll her eyes, barely hiding a smirk. "It's not a big deal. I'll just wear a shirt and tell them I don't want to sunburn."
"You always burn."
"Exactly." He smiled triumphantly.
There was a moment as they stared at each other. He was obviously reluctant to leave but they both knew it was necessary. He started to move towards the door, fiddling with his room key, but quickly turned back around, crossing the floor to the bed. His hands found her chin and he was kissing her as she sighed, feeling so affectionate and relieved.
"Keep the boxers. I like seeing them on you," he murmured against her mouth, and El felt like she was actually going to melt into a puddle right there on the bed.
Then he was gone and she blinked her eyes open in time to see him open the door, gazing fondly at her over his shoulder. "See you down there," he promised with a relaxed smile.
"See you."
Her door shut and she heard the one next door open as he entered his own room. Something about him being so near made her heart happy and she got up and almost danced over to where her swimsuit lay, picking it up and taking it into the bathroom. She turned the shower on and brushed her teeth while the water warmed up, wanting to do a quick rinse to tame her curls. And she still had the sticky reminder of last night on her back, her body aching all over.
The knot of anxiety that had made her tense and moody had relaxed and she sighed happily under the spray, feeling better than she had in years. Mike was back and he was happy and she could touch him and taste him and not feel… afraid. They still had time this week.
She toweled off and quickly changed into her swimsuit, adjusting the top so it stayed up and inspecting herself. It looked good. The two-piece was cute, she thought. It was off the shoulder with ruffles that went around her arms and chest, bubblegum pink and white striped. The bottoms were cut high up her hips, which was currently popular and made her waist look even smaller. If Joyce hadn't insisted she try it on she probably would have gone for something more simple.
El smiled happily, scurrying back into the room and throwing her book, beach towel, sunscreen, and room key into her bag. Her sunglasses were sitting on the nightstand and she swiped the cat-eye frames and put them on along with her hat.
With a satisfied nod of her head she opened the door and stepped out into the hot sunshine, her flip flops thwacking against the sidewalk as she made her way to the sand, following the gentle roar of the waves to the end of the building. When she turned the corner she felt her heart stop, staring at the massive blue expanse. She'd seen glimpses of it yesterday as Max drove them to the brunch place, but other than the first night when it had been dark and she'd been drunk, she hadn't faced the full presence of the ocean.
It was amazing, never-ending, and she took a tentative step forward. Her eyes swept the beach for Dustin, spotting him on a checkered blanket with the familiar figures of Will and Max. They smiled when she joined them, her eyes glancing nervously at the sea. It was like the quarry but even bigger and she felt a shiver of anxiety at what was hidden in the dark depths. When she had been drunk and emotional the cool waves had felt good, the darkness inviting, but now she wasn't sure if she even wanted to get close to it.
"El! Oh my god! You're a total babe!" Max was staring up at her, looking almost shocked. "I don't think I've ever seen you wear something that wasn't… cute?"
El frowned and looked down at herself. "I look bad?"
"No, you look hot! Get down here before someone sees you!" Max grabbed El's wrist and pulled her down, grinning playfully.
"You do look nice, El," Dustin agreed, nodding happily. "She's right."
"Definitely," Will chimed in.
El felt herself blushing, looking away quickly, the shy demeanor she'd mostly outgrown coming back at her friend's compliments. It felt nice to feel nice, but it was even nicer when other people agreed. Before she could respond Lucas appeared holding a cooler and Mike was right behind him, toting another cooler and a bag. His eyes widened at the sight of her and she quickly glanced away, knowing she wouldn't be able to keep from smiling at him. Her heart danced in her chest and she tried to keep from being obvious as the group of friends dug into Dustin's attempt at brunch. Lucas and Max had brought a cooler full of beers, water bottles, and sodas and another one with sandwiches and chips.
She munched happily on the now cold Eggos and listened as everyone talked, occasionally adding a comment or correcting a memory but for the most part just enjoying being around everyone, the discomfort from last night gone. After lunch was scarfed down they decided to head into the water, but El quickly volunteered to stay and watch their things.
"Aw, you don't want to go swim in the ocean?" Lucas sounded crestfallen. "I just mean… it's pretty great, El."
"I… I know," she conceded, glancing towards the waves again. "It's just… deep, um…"
Max cut in, throwing her a fiance a look that said, "Stop talking" before reaching and squeezing El's hand. "You don't have to go in, Ellie, it's okay. Just get some sun and we'll be back in a bit."
"Okay."
She really wasn't upset with them for going in without her, watching her friends get up and walk out towards the water. They would have fun and that made her happy. As long as they were happy, she didn't mind staying behind. It was always worth the sacrifice… that was something she'd learned long ago.
Glancing back over to her bag, she remembered she'd thrown a book in and pulled it out. Getting comfortable, she grabbed the last Eggo out of the picnic basket and she chewed on it as she tried to read, while her friends splashed around on a sandbar further out. El didn't see how Mike looked over his shoulder towards her every few minutes, eyes lost in the pages of her paperback, smiling at the story.
After almost half an hour the heat was starting to get to her and she sighed, rolling over on the blanket and pulling her sunscreen out of her bag, realizing she'd been in such a hurry to get down here and eat that she'd forgot to put any on. She'd burned herself enough times over past summers to know better than to forgo the SPF. And a sunburn would clash with her red bridesmaid dress.
Glancing over her shoulder she spotted all of her friends still further out in the waves, bouncing and laughing and tossing a ball around. They were having fun and she felt the familiar and empty feeling of being different. Why couldn't she just be normal? Why did her past get to keep her from going out there and joining them?
Yet another fear that controlled her.
But she glanced at the dark waves and shuddered. To get her mind off of it, she sat up and popped open the tube of sunscreen. It would have been smarter to do this when Max or Will or someone had been here to help, she realized as she struggled to rub the lotion over her back.
"Need a hand?"
An unfamiliar voice disturbed her thoughts and she looked up at a young man she guessed was a few years younger than her, college age, maybe. He was thickset, with long brown hair and a smile that made her skin crawl.
"Um, no thanks… I'm okay," she scooted away and broke eye contact, wondering why this total stranger thought offering to put sunscreen on her was a good idea.
"You're going to burn. You're pretty pale." He moved to sit down next to her and she stiffened. "I'm Chase by the way. My friends," he gestured back and El looked over her shoulder to see a crowd of what had to be frat boys watching them eagerly, "thought I should come help you out."
"No… it's okay," she shook her head, frowning as he ignored her and grabbed the tube of sunscreen from her. "Seriously, I don't know you."
"You could."
He was grinning at her, his eyes wandering down to her bikini clad figure and she felt herself shudder, totally repulsed. A flash of annoyed irritation buzzed through her. What was with this guy? Did no not mean no anymore? With a frown she snatched the sunscreen back and scooted further away, wanting him to get the very obvious hint and vanish. Before she gave in and pulled his greasy hair out of his scalp with her mind. That would certainly get him to leave her alone. She decided to give him one more chance to fuck off.
"No, ew, I don't want—" She started to snarl.
"Hey, babe, you need some help?"
She knew this voice and looked up from under her hat, at the tall, dripping figure of Mike. A wave of relief washed over her as she realized what he was doing, let herself smile prettily back at him, patting the blanket next to her.
"Yes, please… sweetheart," she gave Chase a pointed look as Mike plopped down, handing her ex-boyfriend the tube and then turning her back to him. The pet-name felt forced but she was hoping it would be enough. "I thought you were going to stay out longer?"
"I thought you might be lonely." He was grinning playfully at their ruse. "And you looked like you needed some help."
The douchebag was still sitting next to them, looking somewhere between disappointed and annoyed. Mike glanced over as he started applying the sunscreen to her back, eyebrows raised. A clear challenge.
"Did you need something?" He had that dominant tone she usually only heard when he was mad or screwing her brains out and it made her shiver at his touch. Chase scrambled up, dusting sand off and shrugging.
"No, uh, nevermind. Nice to meet you."
He was gone and El watched as his fraternity brothers welcomed him back into their fold, slapping his shoulder and offering condolences. As if that game plan would have worked!? She snorted out loud, shaking her head and heard Mike let out a matching noise of annoyance as he finished rubbing in the sunscreen. His hands were warm and he rubbed her muscles, the ones in her lower back that were tense from arching for so long during their previous encounter, making her sigh and lean back, into his touch. Damn that felt good.
His voice was low in her ear as he worked the muscles. "Sorry, I know you could have handled that. I just thought I'd help."
"It's fine," she breathed and then opened her eyes as his hands pulled away. "I mean, it's okay. I didn't really want to break his fingers anyways. Too much yelling."
Normally she might have been upset that he thought she couldn't handle herself. She wasn't a helpless child. But honestly it was just easier now and he'd been pretty lowkey. It was something a friend would do. A quicker fix than a confrontation.
Mike snorted, amused. "Would you be the one yelling or would he?"
"Both."
He chuckled as he scooted back from her and she let herself turn to face him. His back was turned and he was digging through the picnic basket and pulling out a water bottle, taking a long drink, head thrown back, dark hair clinging to his neck and face. El found herself biting her lip, as she let her eyes wander across his form, unable to keep from noticing the way his wet grey t-shirt clung to the lightly-chiseled muscles in his chest. When had he become muscular? She remembered the broadness of his chest when she'd clung to him, and the firmness of his biceps when he'd held her against the bathroom door.
His eyes caught hers over her sunglasses, the cat eye frames slipping down her nose, and she quickly looked away flushing, as he put the water bottle back. Hot damn.
"So… how's your book?" He asked, glancing down at the cover that showed a small mouse holding up a sword and shield. "Ooh, Redwall. That's a good one."
"I just started. It's really fun so far. I didn't think mice could be so interesting."
"He really brings the characters to life, you almost forget you're reading about like, animals. Not as good as Lord of the Rings, but, you know, still pretty good," he teased, smirking at her, one eye closed to block out the glare of the sun.
Her heart was racing and she quickly looked out at the ocean again, feeling like she could use a bit of a cool down. The deep water held no appeal, but maybe sitting at the edge and getting her feet wet would be nice…
"Um, I think I want to go… sit." She swallowed, pointing to the shallows. "Out there."
"Really?"
"Just for a bit… I bought this swimsuit, I should get it wet," she shrugged, wanting to be casual despite the nervousness that tickled at her at the thought of getting closer to the water. "Just the shallow part." She looked back over at him, noticing how his eyes lingered on her aforementioned swimsuit, tracing the shape of her body beneath the stretchy fabric. Did he like it?
He swallowed heavily and looked away. "Yeah, that makes sense. I can sit with you if you want. Um, if that would be okay."
That sounded more than okay and she started to perk up before glancing around at the collection of towels and bags. Oh right. Her one job.
"Shoot, nevermind. Someone has to watch our stuff…"
"Oh. Right. Yeah, you go ahead, I'll stay here," he quickly agreed, looking disappointed. "I can stay behind."
The courage that had made her think venturing further out suddenly vanished at the thought of doing it alone. Maybe not, maybe she would stay on the safety of her blanket and keep reading her book, trying to ignore how good Mike looked as he sat mere inches away from—
"Hey guys, what are you doing?" Will was standing in front of her and then plopping down next to her.
"Just talking," El answered quickly. "Are you done swimming?"
"Yeah… I was getting a little cold."
Will had never stopped hating the cold. It was one of the reasons she'd been surprised he wanted to move to New York instead of Florida or Arizona. Joyce was always sending him sweaters and socks and huge jackets to help him get through the winters. He reached for his towel and wrapped it around his shoulders, basking in the warm sun.
"Gotcha," she nodded.
Mike cleared his throat from the other side of her and she glanced back at him. He was fidgeting with the tie of his swim trunks as he looked at her, smiling hopefully.
"Did you still want to hit the shallows? Now that there's someone to watch our stuff?" It was a pretty straightforward question but he seemed apprehensive. Maybe he didn't know where they stood anymore than she did. "If you want," he added quickly. "No pressure."
She hesitated but the thought seemed much less scary with him there. Nodding, she made the move to stand up. "Yeah, okay. Let's do it."
Will assured them that he would be fine on his own, smiling and looking too satisfied with himself. El chose to ignore her brother's knowing look, dusting the sand off the back of her suit and then taking a few hesitant steps towards the ocean.
Mike noticed her hesitant pace and stayed at her side, letting it be on her time and not rushing her or saying anything. When her feet touched wet sand she looked down at the froth of bubbles in each wave as they lapped at her ankles. It felt nice.
"This is good," she said with a smile, more to herself than him.
"You want to sit?"
"Um… yes."
They did, the cool water feeling refreshing, clear enough for her to watch the sand ripple and pull with each wave. It was hypnotic and they sat in silence as she stared, feeling content with where she was and who she was with. The water felt good lapping between her legs, helping to soothe away the sore ache left over from the night before. God, it had been intense but she'd loved every second. Even now she couldn't make herself regret it, even though it almost hurt to walk.
She let herself glance over at him, wondering if he felt the same. Clearly they weren't over each other but she was still haunted by the pain of the past, unwilling to let that conversation happen. Not right now, when she felt happy and glowy and lighter than she had in years, the sun warm on her knees the ocean cool on her legs and soft comfort of his pinkie bumping hers. Instead she let her eyes close, breathing in the salty air and exhaling the anxiety as much as possible.
"Remember when we were swimming at the quarry?" The words left her mouth without a solid reason, the same memory that had troubled her earlier suddenly much easier to handle. "And you were nice and sat with me like this the whole time."
"They dragged me out to play chicken every fifteen minutes," he argued, a teasing glint in his eye. "So, it wasn't the whole time. That would have been way too nice of me."
"Okay, fine. Most of the time." She rolled her eyes at his bad attempt to flirt but then sighed, relaxing as she looked back over the water. "That was a good day."
"It was."
There was a quiet moment as they both remembered all that had happened that day in the past, when there were no barriers or distance between them. It was a solemn reminder of what they weren't anymore and El frowned, starting to regret bringing it up. Mike spoke up again, the teasing tone back in his voice, "And I beat you in that splash war so—"
"Woah, wait. No you didn't," she snorted.
He gave her a smile that was charming but full of pity, eyebrows tweaked together in blatant disbelief. "I totally did."
"Did not."
"You literally said, 'I give up', I'm pretty sure that counts as me winning."
"Nuh uh, no way!" Her hand dragged through the water between them and she laughed as she flicked it at him, splattering his t-shirt and neck and making him yelp in surprise.
He grinned and splashed back and suddenly they were both thrashing and sloshing around and trying to splatter each other with as much salty water as possible, knee deep into the sand and waves. El laughed and shrieked and crawled away from him, using her mind to tug his shirt back and then doused him thoroughly with another splash, grinning as he gasped and stared at her with widening eyes, yelping, "That's cheating!"
She giggled as playful outrage filled his face and then he lunged for her, his arms wrapping around her waist. "You're gonna pay for that!" he threatened with a laugh, pulling her out into the waist deep water and dipping her under. It was waist deep for him anyways, but more like chest deep to her and she gasped as she went under, choking on salty foam. Suddenly she was floating in a prison of glass in the darkness, the sound of water and the distant roar of a monster filling her ears.
He pulled her back up and she was coughing, eyes stinging, thrashing to get out of his arms. Fear pounded through her, filling every vein, and she managed to shove his arms off and move frantically towards the shore. The sand gave way under her feet and then she was crawling on all fours, up onto sand, almost to dry land, feeling like she was drowning even though she was mostly out of the water.
"Oh, shit." It was choked gasp behind her and she felt a hand on her back, trying to help her as she cowered away. "El, fuck, I'm so sorry, I just, I forgot for like two seconds and I—"
She heard his words but couldn't react. How could he have forgotten? The whole reason she hadn't joined them out on the sand bar was because she was terrified. How could he just forget?
Turning her head to look, she glared at him, tears streaming down her face, watching his expression go from guilty and worried to utterly distraught. She opened her mouth to say something, anything, to ask how he could fucked up, but instead she cried out and looked down.
A sharp pain ripped up her left shin and she gasped, rolling over and trying to figure out what had happened catching the glint of a broken glass bottle just as a wave pulled it back into the ocean, burying it under the sand. Her gaze went to the pain burning up her leg and she saw a broad, jagged tear in her flesh, right next to her shin bone, ugly and a good three inches long. A wash of red was pouring out, the tide pulling it out to sea as she stared in disbelief.
"Oh!" She cried out, the sight making her suddenly woozy. Sure, she'd seen lots of blood before, her own as well as others, but something about the feel of the torn skin and the burn of the sea salt and why was there so much blood?
"El? What's wrong—" She heard Mike's panicked gasp and managed to roll herself all the way over, barely holding herself up on her elbows, unable to tear her eyes away from the blood. "Oh my god! Oh shit!"
His hands were on her and he was saying something, about a tower and a first aid kit and then Will was there too, helping to drag her further up the beach, away from the stinging waves. There were pulsating black stars dancing in the center of her vision and she felt the familiar feeling that came before she passed out creeping up, hot all over. Suddenly there was something cold pouring into the wound and she inhaled sharply as the salt was washed out, a stinging relief. Her hearing came back, the black edges starting to fade from her sight, and she looked up at the worried faces in front of her as they poured fresh water over her leg.
"El, you need a bandage or something, to stop the bleeding, there's a lifeguard tower up the beach, I'm sure they have some supplies," Mike was talking way too fast. "Can you walk? Do you need help?"
"I…" Words were hard. "I'm okay," she managed.
Will exchanged a worried look with his friend before glancing back at his sister.
"Take her to the lifeguards, I'll tell the others what happened, okay?" Will's arm was under hers, trying to help her stand but her legs felt heavy and her shin was throbbing. "C'mon, El, you have to help us."
"Here, I got her."
There were two warm arms under her legs and shoulders and then she was being hoisted into the air, the staccato thump of a heartbeat in her ear as her head pressed against the soaked fabric of his shirt. It took her several seconds to realize it was Mike, carrying her bridal style and hurrying her up the beach towards a small, raised hut several hundred feet away.
When did he get strong enough to carry me? The thought broke through the haze of pain and she wrapped her arms more securely around his neck, nestling against him. He'd carried her before, back when they were teens, but he'd wobbled, shaky and unsure, before thumping her onto the bed or couch and panting. Now he was solid and warm and safe and she found she would be happy to stay like that forever.
"Hello?" His voice buzzed against her temple as they neared the small building. "I need some help! Hello?!"
He knocked on the door and then tried the handle, grunting in annoyance as he realized it was locked. She wasn't heavy but he seemed to be struggling to carry her and get inside and he bumped his shoulder against the door, as if he was considering breaking it down.
No no, you'll only hurt herself, she chastised silently.
With a jerk of her chin she switched the lock mechanism and turned the knob, the door swinging open to a cool, dry area. There was a cot in the corner and a wall of cabinets with a counter on one side. Mike quickly and carefully set her on the cot, before turning and tearing through the cabinets.
El watched him, trying to organize everything in her mind as the shock wore off. The brief rush of adrenaline had faded but she avoided looking at the slash in her skin, afraid it would make her dizzy again. Instead she watched the muscles in his back tense as he dug through a cabinet, sighing in relief as he found the medical supplies.
After another second he came back holding a brown bottle of peroxide and some gauze, kneeling down and reaching for her leg. He held it out carefully, biting his lip as he looked at the ugly cut, clearly worried.
"It might sting, okay? I mean, it shouldn't, but if it does—"
"It's okay," she whispered, nodding slightly.
He poured the peroxide onto the garish wound, watching as it bubbled and foamed, destroying the bacteria and germs from the dirty ocean water. It was a nasty gash, the skin shredded and swollen. El stayed silent as he gently dabbed at it with the gauze and then went to bandaging it up as best as possible, putting pressure to stop the bleeding. Soon there was a pile of stained white squares on the floor but the red had stopped pouring out, much to their relief. He was clumsy but gentle, using the medical tape to fasten the dressing before looking up at her from where he was kneeled in front of her.
"Better?"
"Yeah… thank you." He was close, so close she could feel his breath on her skin. "I… I'm sorry, I almost passed out," she mumbled, feeling ashamed. "I've seen more blood than that."
"Sometimes it's different when it's yours," he shrugged. "When you can feel it. Don't feel bad. I'm just glad it wasn't worse." There was a pause and then he swallowed guiltily. "I'm the one who needs to apologize, it's all my fault, I shouldn't have dragged you out so deep… this wouldn't have happened."
"You didn't know there was a broken beer bottle." She acquiesced, but she wasn't ready to forgive him for dunking her quite yet.
"No but… I shouldn't have pulled you out. I don't know what I was thinking—no, I wasn't thinking, I just wanted to make you laugh…" He was red-faced, part shame part embarrassment, shaking his head at himself. "I'm so fucking stupid sometimes. I know you hate deep water."
"I heard the monster," she said quietly staring off into space. "I haven't heard it in a long time."
It was true. The demons of the past were buried, a pile of ash where the lab once stood. Her friends had made sure of that. Monsters and portals were just bad dreams now, and even they didn't visit her as often as they used to. But she still didn't go to lakes or pools, only the bathtub at her parent's house shallow enough to keep her from feeling too immersed. Showers were still preferred.
But the ringing in her ears, the distant screaming of an interdimensional being haunted her and she shivered, his hands on her thighs the only thing that felt warm. It took a moment to come back from her thoughts but when she did, she realized he looked totally crushed.
"El, I'm sorry, fuck, I'm so sorry." He pulled his hands away and leaned back from her, like he was afraid his touch would hurt her too, brow furrowed. "I… I didn't mean to—I just—I-I mean—"
"Mike."
She said his name the way she knew would get him to shut up, soft but firm, her hands reaching and pulling him closer, her palms resting on the back of his neck. It was a convenient height and she looked him right in the eye, shaking her head. His remorse was clear, it was a stupid act of forgetfulness, not malicious intent. When had he ever tried to hurt her? Not when he'd been full of emotion and said something he didn't mean, but when he'd wanted to hurt her, without an apology or speck of remorse.
She couldn't think of a single time.
"It's okay," she breathed, bringing him even closer. "It's alright. I forgive you."
Anything to keep him from pulling away again. If there was one thing she couldn't deal with in that moment, it would be the feel of him pulling away. She needed him closer, her hands moving up to tangle into his hair, the familiar signal. He moved closer, between her legs, still kneeling in front of her, their breath mingling as he cupped her face.
She closed the distance, her lips brushing his and then he surged forward, his thumbs stroking her cheekbones as he kissed her, an apology and a need and question all in one. Her fingers caught the fabric of his damp shirt and she tugged it, wanting to feel his bare skin. The kiss deepened and then he leaned back and pulled the shirt over his head. Their chests crushed together and she shivered, tucking her face into his neck, leaving tiny kisses as his arms wrapped around her and held her close. It wasn't animalistic hunger or a desperate need, but something much more simple.
"I just want to keep you safe," he whispered, voice strained, his eyes searching hers. "I didn't mean to hurt you. I'm sorry, El."
It wasn't just the deep water and the broken bottle, but the years of uncertain hurt and anger that had built between them both. Neither were ready to address it directly yet, but she gripped him tighter, her fingers running over the thin lines of scabbing she'd left on his shoulders and back. The scars on his heart throbbed against hers and she pressed a kiss to the curve of his neck.
Her voice was a quiet murmur, "I'm sorry too."
The misconception that both had stopped wanting the other had been kissed and touched and soothed away, and now they were acknowledging it, knowing they had hurt one another by not being totally honest. Her letting him think she didn't want him to stay, him letting her think he didn't want her enough to try harder to stay… or convince her to leave with him. The details were fuzzy but they didn't matter in that moment because they were together and they were sorry.
His hand was cupping her face again, bringing her back to his lips and this kiss was was lighter, full of forgiveness. That was the past now. It didn't matter anymore. Not right now.
El closed her eyes and gave in, let the kisses grow hotter and sloppier, let herself whimper and gasp as he moved against her. He was much more gentle, like it was a reassurance and not some caveman-based need to try and fuck her as hard as possible. His fingers were inching up her thigh and she groaned as he met her center, a pulse of pleasure rippling through her. Her hips bucked to meet his hand as he slid it beneath the bottoms of her swimsuit, finding the spot that made her arch against him.
"M-Mike," she whimpered. He kissed her again in reply.
Two fingers pushed into her and a whine of pain escaped her lips as her eyes jumped open, not expecting it to hurt. Maybe it made sense, they'd gone two rounds yesterday and neither time had been gentle. She was raw and she couldn't pretend otherwise, her hand grabbing his wrist and quickly pulling him away. His eyes widened in alarm.
"Shit, are you hurt—"
"Just sore," she shook her head, apologetic but not upset with him. "Remember last night? And the morning before?"
"Oh… shit, yeah. I'm sorry." He looked a bit ashamed, glancing down at her body again.
She guessed he might have been a bit proud of how thorough he'd been if he wasn't so worried about her. Instead of pouting he furrowed in thought, pulling his hand out of her swim bottoms, moving to kiss her again. He eased her onto her back on the cot and she let him, unsure of what he was doing but not unwilling. His kisses moved to her neck, teasing and tickling as he went lower and lower. As his lips grazed her hip bone, she realized what his goal was, shuddering in anticipation. She'd barely been able to find the will to stop him earlier and she had no intention of stopping him now.
Her bikini bottoms were tugged down her legs, just far enough for him to squeeze his head between her thighs, her knees over his shoulders. Their eyes met and she bit her lip, watching as he grinned smugly at how willing she was and then buried his face between her legs. A gasp left her and she jolted against him, his tongue much softer than his fingers, the painful ache fading. Fuck, she'd forgotten how good he was with his mouth. And how much he loved it.
His tongue was everywhere, plunging into her and then lapping across her clit, making her hips buck up, craving more. He teased at first, light pressure, light touches, gentle nibbles. Her thighs clenched and she whined, soft pleas echoing from her throat, his name gasping from her lips as he worked her with his mouth, the pressure slowly increasing.
Her head fell back against the sorry excuse for a pillow, eyes closing as he increased the intensity, sucking the sensitive nerves and then tonguing her, spelling words of lust and making her back arch off the cot. She tried to keep from crying out, knowing there were people outside of the hut, nothing between them but a thin door. Her mind locked it just in case and then he nibbled her again and she couldn't think about anything that wasn't the feel of his tongue against her wet folds and his hands gripping her thighs.
"Mike, please," she whined, wanting more.
Even when he didn't ask her to, she would beg, unable to keep herself from asking for more. He looked up at her again and she was rocking her hips against his mouth, feeling so close. His ebony gaze, and his tongue, and the way his hair flopped into his eyes as he gave her his all, pushed her to the edge. His stare was intense, the same way he looked at her when he fucked her completely. She was sure she was about to cry, it felt so good. Her legs clamped shut and she knew she was there but she couldn't think, couldn't breathe, couldn't feel anything but—
"Oh, Mike!'
She spasmed, throwing a hand over her mouth to stifle her cry, feeling the familiar warmth that spread from her center to her fingertips wash over her. Her breath came in gasps, and she unclenched her legs, hearing a matching gasp from below as he pulled away.
Everything was warm and soft and she smiled lazily as he sat up, carefully untangling himself from her legs and pulling her bottoms up as he crawled back over her, crashing onto her, the taste of herself on his lips as he kissed her hungrily. His appetite was waking up again and she smiled against his lips, more than willing to give him something in return.
Her hand slid down his chest and stomach, feeling the slight muscles and then she was inside of his swim trunks, her fingers wrapping around his girth. He was already halfway hard and with a few strokes he was groaning against her, face buried into her neck, his breath hot as he gasped. She wanted to make him feel good, remembering how she used to get him off under blankets during movies when no one noticed. Her thumb stroked the head of his cock and she slowed, squeezing him firmly and hearing him grunt, his hips jutting against her hand.
She let him move, finding the pace he needed and then using her hand to keep it, feeling him moan and pant against her, wishing she could take him inside of her. But if they were going to be able to go again this week, she needed to rest, trying to be content with feeling him thrustinghis hips against her palm as he breathed her name.
His fingers made their way up her waist, to the edge of her ruffled swim top, catching the edge. He yanked it down, exposing a breast, taking her nipple into his mouth, making her gasp, her pace faltering for a second. It felt good and she moaned, her head falling back, but her hand didn't stop. "This swimsuit, fuck, El, it's not fair how hot you look," he breathed against her throat. "I almost lost it when I first saw you in it. And that guy talking to you…"
He jerked her up the cot, pulling her hand away, and then he slammed himself between her legs, frantically rutting his rock hard cock against her covered center, his breath grunting out of him as he tried to find his edge. Their swimsuits were thin enough that it felt almost bare and she gasped at the sensation. It was as close as they could get and she wrapped her legs around his hips and whimpered, avoiding rubbing her bandage on him, letting him take control.
"I would have fought him if he touched you, El." His hips moved faster, his lips on her breast again, leaving a stinging bite on the underside that made her gasp out loud. "You're sexy as fuck and he knew it and I would have knocked him out. Fuck, El, fuck!"
"Mike," she gasped again, knowing he was so close. Jealousy had always made it easier for him to get there and she moaned for him, a sound she knew drove him crazy. "I didn't want him to touch me. I only want you to touch me," she replied, rocking her hips to meet him. He was grunting and she arched her back up to him, pulling him down to her lips by his hair and letting out a needy whimper. "It's you, Mike, only you."
It was truth, she would never let someone this close again, and his eyes widened for a moment before she shoved her hand back into his swim trunks, gripping his cock tightly and furrowing her face. Her words and her hand and her body were exactly enough. He grunted loudly and thrusted against her palm, spilling into her hand as he came, crashing against her like a wave on a shore.
"Fuck," he gasped and the needy tone was gone, replaced with grateful amazement. "Damn, babe."
El smiled at the term of endearment, the second time it had left his lips without him even noticing. The same name he'd called her when they'd been something. What he had called her when she had been his. It felt right and it was still satisfying knowing she could get him off without even getting completely naked. They lay there as he caught his breath and then he looked down at her and grinned crookedly. His lips found her and she smiled, the fear and pain from ten minutes ago lost in the endorphins he'd just given her, her wounded leg forgotten as she wrapped her free arm around his neck and laughed.
"I like this. Whatever it is," he whispered, nuzzling his nose against her temple. "I don't think I ever want to stop."
"Me either."
They caught their breath and then he sat back, grimacing and standing up to waddle over to the sink, grabbing some paper towels and busying himself before walking back to her and gently cleaning off her hand. He threw it away with the bloody gauze while sliding his shirt back on, ending up on the other side of the room again. El sat up more slowly, pulling her bikini top back up, pressing her thighs together and feeling satisfied. He was too good to her.
"Do you think we should—" She started.
"El? Mike?" It was Will.
There creaky footsteps outside and she flipped the lock on the door open just as his hand touched the handle. It turned and Will stepped into the tower, looking around. She waved at him from her place on the cot and he quickly walked to her, looking down at the mess of white gauze on her leg and frowning.
"Do you think you'll need stitches? Can I see?" She nodded and carefully peeled the bandage off. He was worried and as her endorphin rush started to fade, the pain came back, wincing as he inspected the gaping wound. "It's pretty ugly…" He turned his attention to Mike who was casually washing his hands in the sink. "Hey, did you find any of that medical glue? I think we could glue it and not have to take her to the ER for stitches."
"Oh… I didn't think about that," Mike admitted. "I was just trying to get the bleeding to stop."
"Let me check."
He dove into the cabinets and reappeared holding a bottle of what looked like super glue and then Mike was holding her hand as she winced, gritting her teeth as Will glued the wound shut. She blinked away tears, looking up at Mike, who was staring back intensely, something she couldn't quite read filling his eyes. He offered her a small, secret smile, and she looked away with her own smile, knowing he was thinking about what had just happened between them. It was quiet, the air charged with some sort of tension, and she decided to break the silence.
"Dustin said… you guys work out?" She winced against, her hands squeezing his large ones as Will blew on the glue. "Since when?"
Her brother didn't look up. "That's Mike's fault."
"Oh, jeez, sorry the company I work for gave me a free gym membership and that I got you one at half-price." Mike rolled his eyes and then focused back on El. "Since we mostly sit at our computers and program all day, they don't want us all keeling over at our desks. They have all these incentives to work out, I have a physical every few months and if I meet certain requirements I get perks. The free gym membership is standard but I got a new bike and a trainer and a discount for Will…"
"It's fine. It's probably good he makes me go with him," Will admitted, starting to stand back up.
"I hate going alone, the dudes there are always ten times my size and they look at me like I'm going to snap… we go like once a week," he explained to El. "It's not that big of a deal, I'm still a noodle, just a noodle who won't have a coronary any time soon."
"You're not a noodle," she sniffed, eyeing the toned muscles in his arms and chest. "Or you're… fettuccine instead of spaghetti now." She liked pasta and made it a lot, deciding it was a fair comparison. He would never not be long and tall, she supposed, but the broadening out was noticeable. She couldn't keep a teasing smirk off her face. "A stronger noodle."
"Aw, thanks," he deadpanned, a grin giving away his true feelings. "Maybe someday I'll make it to a lasagna noodle."
At that El snorted, shaking her head and laughing. "Not likely."
"Are you two done? We should probably get out of here," Will interrupted tiredly, glancing between the two in a gesture that felt suddenly familiar. He raised an eyebrow at El and she flushed pink. Shit, they'd totally been flirting in front of him.
"Uh, y-yeah," Mike agreed quickly, looking equally embarrassed and turning his attention back to her. "Did you need me to carry you again or are you good now?"
"Um…"
He helped her up, his arm steadying her, but she felt hesitant to put all her weight on her injured leg, the glue making it feel tight. With a frown she hobbled a few steps, unsure of whether or not she wanted to try and walk… but she would have to walk for the wedding so getting a limp now wouldn't help.
"I'm okay."
"You sure?" Mike didn't look convinced and she rolled her eyes at him.
"Yes. It's sand anyways. If I fall it won't hurt."
"Or you could just let me carry you." He was being overprotective again but instead of snapping she just shook her head. For a second he looked ready to argue but then deflated and nodded.
"Here, El, you can lean on me." Will offered his shoulder and she managed to walk over to him, leaning against him and wrapping her arm around his waist as he held her by her shoulder. It was considerably more sturdy and she nodded happily as he helped her down to the beach. She could feel Mike following closely behind, as if he was ready to catch her if she stumbled.
Part of her was still thinking about her apology back there. She had made him go, and she hadn't told him the truth about the scholarship—which he thankfully didn't know about—but he had apologized too, for leaving. It was all so… messy. She wanted to pretend like that had been enough but somehow she still had questions and feelings she didn't know what to do with. Was he really sorry? Sorry enough to move back home?"
Stop it, she chastised herself, stumbling for a second and feeling his hand steady her from behind. You can't make him give up everything.
If he was happy in New York, then that's where he needed to stay.
It was starting to hurt again so she pushed it away. No, they still had the rest of the week. She didn't have to deal with that yet and she didn't intend to. Right now, they had each other and their bodies and that was enough. He wanted her, he couldn't resist her, he would fucking fight a douchebag on the beach for her…
She bit her lip, a shiver escaping her at his words. He'd always been… not outrightly possessive, so much as just dominant. They'd never been so codependent that they didn't have separate interests, and usually she shut down anyone interested in her so quickly that he didn't have a chance to be jealous. Her love had been strong enough he'd never worried, but when someone moved in on her… it drove him nuts.
Apparently that hadn't changed.
And thinking about Lace again, how she'd been so lewd about what she would do to him… El was thinking bashing in some heads didn't sound like the worst thing. She'd kept herself from other men, not wanting anyone but him. It felt safe to assume he'd done the same.
They finally made it back to the blanket where their three friends were waiting, looking worried, but at the sight of them she smiled and gave a thumbs up. They cheered and helped her sit and she explained what had happened, leaving out the part where Mike had dragged her into deep water, deciding that wasn't important anymore.
"God, there are so many assholes who throw their shit everywhere. Littering is disgusting and I'm tired of it." Max sighed. "They just don't respect nature or the ocean and they're killing animals and hurting people and—"
"Babe," Lucas set a soothing hand on her arm. "They suck, but we're glad El's okay now, right?"
"Right. Sorry. It's one of those things that gets me really worked up."
Everyone took turns staring at her garish wound but once she assured them she was okay they all headed back to the waves, except for Dustin who insisted on keeping her company, pulling out a pack of cards and playing go fish which devolved into him showing her a couple of lame magic tricks causing her to laugh to the point that she was wiping away tears from her eyes. After, he grabbed a beer and laid back on the blanket, under a pair of sunglasses, next to El who was doing the same.
"Hey, sorry about yesterday, at dinner. Asking you and Mike… that was such an asshole thing to do," he said abruptly. "I know you guys still have shit to work out but it wasn't cool of me to be a dick about it."
"We… what?" She sat up and he turned to look at her behind his tinted frames, raising an eyebrow at her.
"I'm just saying. He's been trying to get your attention…" Oh, he's got more than that, she thought to herself. "Like hovering around you and shit. I don't know… I know you guys broke up because of the distance but I just think closing yourself off is a bad idea."
"What?" She almost felt outraged at how casual he was. "I'm not closing—"
"I mean, you are. And he's too oblivious to notice. As usual." Dustin snorted, laying back, unconcerned. "You said you guys talked. That's good. You should do it more often."
"Dustin…" She sighed, suddenly feeling tired. "It's more complicated than that."
"Is it? Or do you just think it is?"
El frowned, trying to think of a good point that would rebuke his unorthodox opinions but lost her chance when Max wandered up the beach and tag-teamed Dustin out. Apparently they were all going to take turns hanging out with her since she couldn't be left alone without hurting herself or being harrassed… she didn't mind. She'd missed spending time with her friends.
The rest of the afternoon flew by, full of warm sand and warmer sun and happy conversations with her favorite people. But Dustin's words kept coming back to her and she didn't know why. It wasn't that simple and she knew it. There were so many things that made it impossible for her and Mike to truly get back together. That's why she had resigned herself to keep things physical. The distance alone was hard enough, but she was starting to realize she didn't trust herself. She'd lied to him once… and he'd only ever been honest and good. How could she go back to him knowing she'd broken the first rule he'd ever given her?
Friends don't lie. And lovers don't either.
By the time the sun set her skin was turning a golden brown and her leg didn't throb quite as much. Max helped her back to her room and she ended up in the shower again, her mind thinking back to the forgiveness in the lifeguard tower and Dustin's words. She washed the salt and sand from her body, feeling the bruises still on her hips and the slight throb from the gash on her leg and sighing heavily.
When she left the bathroom, in her pajamas with a towel on her head, she looked at her freshly made bed and felt strangely… empty. Her eyes drifted up to the wall that separated them. Mike was just on the other side, but he suddenly felt beyond her reach again, as if she was home and he was in New York, seven hundred and fifty miles away. Staring a moment longer, she quickly shook her head and went to the bed. This was exactly why she had decided to keep things physical, to avoid feeling this way.
She crawled between the covers with a huff, determined to put all of it out of her mind and just sleep. But her pillow smelled like him... the faint tinge of Old Spice and the musk of his sweat. El groaned and flipped the pillows over. At one point all of the sweaters she'd stolen from him had smelled the same. She wasn't sure when the scent of him had faded away, but her heart ached at the memory.
Before she could talk herself out of it she was abandoning her lonely bed, grabbing her key, and pushing the door open.
She limped the short distance to his room, knocking quickly. Her heart was suddenly going a hundred miles an hour as all of the emotions she had been suppressing started rushing upwards. The few seconds it took him to answer the door felt like eternity, and she could hear the relief in her sigh when the door opened, and his tall frame peeked through the gap, before opening it further. Surprise written across his handsome features.
"Hi," she said softly, feeling herself smile, her body calming at the sight of him.
"Hey," he returned, a matching smile twitching his lips. "Everything okay?"
"Can I come in?"
"Of course."
He moved to the side and she walked past him, looking around the room, a mirror of her own. The bed was a mess and she realized he hadn't slept in it since their drunken night together.
Did his sheets and pillows still have her smell too?
She looked over her shoulder at him, unsure of what to say now that she was actually there in his room. He was quiet too, leaning against the now closed door, his eyes studying her. The smile that had just been there was now gone, replaced with thinly veiled concern that furrowed his brows. He'd always been able to read her like a book, and she felt exposed under his watchful dark eyes, sure he could see every part of her frantic mind.
Her heart rate was racing again.
What had she been thinking coming here? There was a slash of self-doubt and then the panic welled up like blood in a cut, the same panic when she'd smashed the plate, when she knew she was wrong but she didn't know how to make it better.
Mike's voice brought her back. Like it always had.
"Hey, come here," was all he said, his arms opening, feet moving, and she was so relieved she could only do as he told her. Without another thought she went to him, letting him pull her against his chest, her hands pressed between them, his long arms wrapping around her waist, as he tucked her head under his chin. He was dressed for bed too, his hair damp like hers, the smell of him, fresh and clean, filling her nose as he pressed her against his neck. A sigh left her and she felt every muscle in her body relax. This was what she wanted.
"What's wrong, El?" he murmured against her forehead.
"Nothing," she told him truthfully, her voice thick with emotion. It wasn't a lie because in that moment with his arms around her everything was perfect. "Will you just hold me?"
The question surprised her, as well as the realization that it was exactly what she needed. To just be held.
"Of course," he whispered, his arms tightening around her. She hummed her appreciation and snuggled herself closer, letting out a long breath as well as all the tension in her body that had been building since the lifeguard stand.
"Come on," he told her releasing her after a moment and gesturing towards the bed. "You should get off that leg."
He sat down on the edge of the mattress, arms winding around her waist and pulling her down next to him. They laid back against the pillows, his arm around her, her head on his chest, and their legs twined together. She scooted her body impossibly close until their chests and hips and legs were pressed against each other and a sigh of relief left her.
"Is this okay?" she asked him sleepily, her eyelids suddenly heavy. The exhaustion of the day that had been swallowed by anxiety was now overbearing.
"Yeah," he whispered back, and she felt a kiss pressed to her forehead. Looking up she was surprised by the intensity behind his eyes. "You should stay with me."
"Mike…" she breathed, her eyes searching his. He exhaled sharply, his hand spreading out across her lower back, warm and solid and comforting.
"T-Tonight. You—You should just sleep here," he quickly amended.
El was so tired and drained and so engulfed by her need to be close to him, she could only nod, and let him kiss her. This time when their lips met it wasn't needy but consuming, some silent sentiment passing between them. A reassurance.
When he pulled away, he was quick to tuck her back against him, and it seemed that they were both trying to hide how breathless and overwhelmed the kiss had left them. Her body was telling her what she already knew, what she was desperate to forget. What she had been ignoring since his plane had left her in Hawkins, cold and alone. The truth at the core of her being, that had been there since they were twelve and he'd given her a jacket and a name and a sense of humanity.
Sleep was weighing heavy on her tired mind, the warmth and familiarity of the closeness making it impossible to resist. But there was the thought, lingering there, as his hand slid up her back to stroke the curls at the nape of her neck. A sigh left her lips.
Her heart beat out each letter of his name and she curled further into him, letting the warmth spread through her entire body, giving in to it, letting it consume her as kissed her again. Letting the thought whisper into her mind, safe from the panic and the fear.
I love him.
AN:
I guess you could say they've figured... something out lol. I'm getting closer to the end and I'm estimating this one might have about twelve chapters and maybe an epilogue. Definitely an epilogue. So you're almost half way there, imagine that.
As always, leave me reviews, tell me what you think. There's much more to come and so far everything seems awfully... good. Where the hell is that angst I was talking about? Who knows.
I appreciate you all a fucking lot. Hope you won't forget that.
~Wynn