A/N: Hi. Let me first apologize for the length of time this has taken me to put this out. It's really inexcusable and I'm incredibly angry with myself. So, please, bring on the pitchforks. Secondly, I can't thank you all enough for the support you've given me while I write this story. It's really quite astounding and no amount of 'thank you's will ever be enough. So, without any further ado…

Riding In Cars With Boys

Chapter 7 – Make Me A Bird

Renesmee's POV

After puking my guts out for the weekend, school seemed like an even bigger hell-hole than it usually was. The only upside to it was seeing Jacob – I'd really missed my friend.

My head buzzed uncomfortably as I listened to Coach Lucy drone on about proper pompom use. I swear I only became a cheerleader because I knew it would look good on college apps. Now I regret it more than ever. And honestly, would I ever get in to college? My grades last semester were average at best, and that was with all the uppers I was on just to make it through the day. My throat itched uncomfortably and I excused myself for a drink of water.

I found a couple of girls smoking next to the water fountain and smiled uneasily at them. I was aching for any sort of relief, so I didn't think much of it when I asked, "Can I bum a smoke?"

The girls exchanged a look, raised an eyebrow at me and stalked away. I exhaled a sigh of relief and felt tears prick my eyes. I couldn't even kick the habit for a couple of fucking days.

After practice, I raced to my locker, shoved my shit inside and booked it to my car. I immediately called Jacob.

"Hello?"

And I burst into tears. "Jake…Jake I can't do this. I can't fucking do this, Jacob. This fucking sucks, I can't keep this up. Please, Jacob, please."

I didn't know what I was asking him for. A pass? I knew he wouldn't let me get away with that shit anymore, not since I asked for his help. Jacob was like a bodyguard, except he's guarding me from me.

He was silent on the other end. And then, "I'm not letting you kill yourself if that's what you're asking."

I sobbed unattractively and sniffled. "I need something Jacob, anything. Just something to take the edge off, not enough to get high. Just a little, please. Please?"

"No. My answer is no - it will always be no. You asked for my help and you have it, is that how you want to repay me? By getting high again?"

All I could do was sob. I sat still for what felt like hours, but was only mere minutes. I knew there was a small baggie in my glove box. Tyler had put it in there quite a long time ago, 'just in case.' I could take it and Jake would never know. I could just take the edge off, just make the day a little bit easier for everyone.

Instead I found the words falling out of my mouth. "There's Adderall in my glove box."

He was quiet. I reached over and pulled it out, tracing the outline of the pills through the plastic bag. That's all that separated me from a good high, was a plastic fucking bag.

"Empty it. Open your car door and dump it down the nearest drain. Do it now, or so help me…"

I swallowed thickly, opening the bag. I felt as though I was going to vomit. This was all just too much for me.

His voice was much quieter now when he spoke. "Please, Renesmee, do this for me."

I stepped out of the car, the small plastic baggie slick in my sweaty palms. I swallowed back the bile, disgusted with myself. I stood over the nearest drain, like this was some sort of fucked up funeral.

"I'm only doing this for you, Jacob," I muttered, unzipping the bag.

"I know, honey. I need this. Do this for me."

And so I did.

!#$#!

"Fuck, fuck, FUCK!" I threw my pompoms across the yard, utterly and completely fed up with myself. I could not, for the life of me, get the timing down.

Jacob chuckled, and I glared at him. "This is not fucking funny."

"It is pretty funny, because that window is open and I'm pretty sure your parents can hear you."

Tears immediately pooled in my eyes. Detoxing is like being bi-polar. Your nerves are shot and your emotions are all over the place.

"Aw, Ness, come on. This is not a huge deal. Quit the squad if you really don't want to cheer! No one is forcing you to do this but yourself. And you're really being way too hard on yourself, anyway." He leaned back casually, resting his head on his arms.

"That's really easy for you to say, Jacob. You're an above average student and you're co-captain of the varsity fucking basketball team! And you're an awesome baseball player. You won't have any problem getting in to college, you're basically a shoe-in. So excuse the fuck out of me for trying to get where you already are."

"If you think I haven't busted my ass to get where I am, you're sadly mistaken. Maybe if you decided to stay in once in a while instead of out getting high every night, your academics might be a little more up to par!"

He snatched his jacket from the back of my car, where he had laid it down before.

"Call me when you're done being a judgmental bitch who thinks she's the only one who has to work hard."

And with that he slammed his car door and peeled out of the driveway. The tires squealing was loud enough to alert my family something was wrong. Edward poked his head out the side door.

"Everything okay?" he wondered, though I was willing to bet he already knew it wasn't. None of this was okay.

"Fucking peachy," I muttered as I picked up my pompoms. And then louder so he could hear, "I was being a judgmental idiot and I made Jacob mad."

He held the door open so I could sneak in past him. "I see," was all he managed. And then, "Cake is always good for that sort of thing. I don't think your mom would have ever married me if I hadn't apologized with cake."

I pursed my lips, nodding. "I don't think cake is going to solve this one."

He shrugged. "Cake can solve a lot. Don't knock it till you try it."

!#$#!

And so I made a cake. Rather, Bella made the cake and I watched, rather disinterested, and angry with myself.

She worked in relative silence, seeming to sense my sour mood. When the cake was finished I kissed her on the cheek to thank her and left. My 'being grounded' didn't mean much to my parents or me. They had never really grounded me and I don't think they knew how it really worked.

When I arrived at Jacob's house, I was almost too afraid to knock on the door. I knew that I was wrong to say the things I'd said, but I was never very good with apologies.

It was Billy who opened the door for me.

"Ness. I wasn't expecting you," his brow furrowed in confusion, and he wheeled himself backward so I could step inside.

I held up the cake by way of explanation. "I came to apologize to Jacob. I said some stupid stuff earlier."

He nodded. "Ah. Well, you know where his room is. I'm headed out. Are you planning on staying long?"

I shrugged, unsure if Jacob would even want to see me. "I don't know. I guess that all depends on Jacob."

"Okay. Well if you kids need anything, just give me a call."

I shut the door behind him and made tentative steps to his bedroom. "Jake?"

The door swung open almost immediately. "I smell cake."

I held up the container and he grabbed it excitedly, returning to her seat on the bed. Law and Order: SVU was playing on TV, and Jacob seemed incredibly engrossed. I sat next to him as he pulled a plastic fork out from seemingly behind his back and dug in. He moaned around the first bite.

"Thish ish aweshome, did you make thish?" crumbs toppled out of his mouth as he spoke and I giggled.

"Bella made it. I figured you might want something edible. Jake…I'm really sorry. It was really stupid of me to say something so insensitive. I know how hard you work. Honestly I'm jealous that you can do it all and not need the 'help'."

He narrowed his eyes at me, chocolate frosting smeared across his upper lip. "That's kind of a sucky apology, which is why I'm guessing you brought cake. So I forgive you."

I smiled, shaking my head. "Thanks, Jake."

When he'd eaten a sizeable amount of the cake, he set the remainder on his desk. I snuggled up close to him, my head on his strong shoulder. He smelled the way I remembered. And suddenly I felt as though Jacob could be more than a friend.

He was strong, smart, funny, handsome, and he cared about me. Jacob could be a really great boyfriend, but I had changed the relationship between us already. He was the caretaker and I was damaged goods. There was no way he would ever want to be with me, he deserved so much more.

!#$#!

"Ness? Nessie, come on, wake up," Jacob shook my shoulder gently.

"Hmm? Oh." I disentangled myself from him, one limb at a time. A blush spread across my face as my dream came back to me. His soft lips had been on mine. Had pushed mine open so gently, had caressed my neck as his hands travelled delicately over my body. And then his lips had been lower….

His chuckle interrupted my thoughts. "You okay? Your face is awfully red."

I put my hands to my cheeks, feeling their heat. "Shut up. You know your body temperature is incredibly high."

"Your phone was ringing," was all he said in response as he left the room.

I let out a deep breath, fanning my face. This was just a silly crush. It was a crush because Jacob was sort of my hero right now. That's all this was. Picking up my phone, I saw that I had several missed calls. Three of them had been from Tyler, which I deleted immediately. The last one had been only a few minutes ago, and it had come from dad.

He'd left a text as well: Ness – Where the hell are you?

Grimacing, I noticed that I had slept for three hours at Jacob's, and it was now nine o'clock.

I quickly dialed home. Bella answered.

"Mom, I'm so, so sorry. I fell asleep at Jacob's house, I'm on my way home right now, I promise."

"You worried us again, Renesmee. You said you were only going to be gone for an hour, and you didn't call to say you would be late or to tell us that you were okay," she took a deep breath and let it out while I wiped away the moisture from my eyes, "but now that we know you're okay, please come home."

"I promise, I'm leaving now."

"Everything okay?" Jacob wondered when I hung up.

"Yeah, I'm just an idiot. I didn't call my parents when I got here and they were worried about me. And then I fell asleep and they just worried some more. I have to go now."

He nodded and walked me to the front door. "I hope you're not in too much trouble."

I shrugged. "I think I deserve a lot worse then they'll ever know. So I'll take what they give me."

I turned to face him before I left. "Thank you for being such a great friend, Jacob. I really don't know what I would do without you right now." I had to stand on my tiptoes to kiss his cheek. And he surprised the heck out of me when he turned his lips towards mine.

His hands cradled my face ever so gently, his lips so warm and soft. It was sweet and slow and tender, and tears pricked my eyes because I'd just thought about kissing him and now here I was actually kissing him.

When he finished, he kissed my forehead. I could feel my heart in my throat, could feel the blood rushing through my veins. Singing, my body was singing.

"I can't tell you how long I've wanted to do that," he muttered, then chuckled, "I can't tell you how long I've waited to see this you again. And it feels good."

I smiled, biting my lip. "Goodnight Jacob."

His smile nearly split his face. "Goodnight, Renesmee."

!#$#!

I shut the front door behind me, kicking off my sneakers. I couldn't wipe the stupid silly smile from my lips, the lips that Jacob had just kissed. I touched them again, feeling the just-kissed tingle radiate through my body.

It had been a week since I'd gotten high, and here I was, on the greatest high of my life – without having used any drugs.

"Ness?" my mom wondered.

"Y-yeah," I cleared my throat, too happy to stop smiling, "I'm home."

My dad's eyes narrowed when he saw me. "You look awfully happy. What happened? You said you were at Jacob's."

I nodded and took a seat at the couch opposite my parents. I tucked my legs up under me, afraid to say to my parents what had happened. After all, Jacob and I had been friends since the day I met him. We had grown up together, done everything together. Tonight we had just bridged the gap from childhood friend to…what exactly? My smile faded. What did that mean for the two of us?

"I was at Jacob's. He really enjoyed the cake," I didn't know how much more I could say, or should say. Would they be angry with Jacob?

"Something else happened," Bella prodded. "Edward, why don't you give us a moment? I think we need to have a girl moment."

Dad's eyes went wide at the mention of a 'girl moment.'

"Right, well, anytime you feel like cluing in the old man, you just let me know," he held up his hands as he walked away

Bella patted the seat Edward had vacated and I made my way over to her. I faced her, unsure where to start. I opened and closed my mouth what seemed like a thousand times before she began for me.

"Good or bad?" she wondered.

I smiled. "Good. Mom, it was so good."

Her eyes went wide.

"Okay, okay, not that good. We um, well, Jacob and I…we kissed."

Now it was her turn to smile. "I knew it. That boy has had a crush on you for the longest time. But with you being with Tyler and all – wait, you aren't' still with him, are you?" I shook my head. "Oh, okay, good. That's good. I'm happy for you Ness, you seem really happy."

"I am. But now I'm so confused. I mean…"

"What does that mean for you and Jacob?" She filled in the blank for me.

"Well, yeah. We've been friends for so long, doesn't this change everything? We haven't even discussed what we are. Do we jump right into a relationship, do we date? What if this doesn't work out? What if he thinks I'm a really horrible person and regrets kissing me? Mom, what do I do?"

She took my hands in hers. "Ness, this only changes what you want it to change. If Jacob really thought you were a terrible person, I'm willing to bet he wouldn't have kissed you. So talk to him. Discuss what the two of you want out of this relationship. That's all you have to do."

I leaned in to hug her, remembering how close my mom and I had once been. Before I had become a monster. I missed these talks with her. "Thanks, mom."

When I finally calmed down enough to lie in bed, the first thing I did was pick up the phone to call Jacob. It was nearly midnight, and his phone rang twice before he answered.

"'Lo?" he muttered.

I bit my lip, suddenly shy. "Hi."

I could hear the smile in his voice when he spoke. "Hey."

"I know it's late, and I'm sorry I woke you. I was just wondering if you had plans tomorrow and if we could talk about today?"

He sounded suddenly worried. "Is everything okay? Did I cross a line?"

"No, no Jacob, you're fine. We are fine. I think we just need to discuss what this means for us. We've been friends for so long, I don't want to mess this up."

He hummed, still half asleep apparently. "I really liked kissing you."

"I really liked kissing you, too. So, tomorrow?" '

"Tomorrow," he confirmed.

"Goodnight, Jacob."

"Goodnight, Renesmee."

"I love you," I whispered into the dead air. And I fell into the most restful sleep I'd had in months.

A/N: Well, here it is. I can't apologize enough. I've already started the next chapter and I hope to have it up later this week. Until then!
Reviews are really lovely. Let me know if you all are still interested!