Riding in Cars With Boys

Chapter 8 – Light Up the Sky

Renesmee's POV

After having been 'clean' for a month, I found that life was becoming relatively routine and dare I say…boring. Jacob and I were good. There wasn't much that had changed between us being friends and being in a relationship. He took me out on dates, to movies and cheap diners. We laughed a lot and we kissed even more and sometimes we touched. You know, really touched.

I didn't feel much temptation anymore. Tyler stopped calling a few weeks ago, and though school was a struggle sometimes, I found that staying up till midnight to study had a better effect on my grades than staying up till midnight to party did. Who knew?

Jacob's smug self was currently trying to help me with my trigonometry homework. I say 'trying' because he was doing a better job at mauling my neck than helping me with math.

"Jake!" I gasped as I felt his teeth bite just a little too hard. I pushed him away and cupped my neck, my incredulous eyes going to his innocent face.

He shrugged, seemingly unapologetic. "What? You taste good."

"Okay, well, that's great and all, but I wonder what I'll taste like if I never finish high school."

His lips twitched, fighting a smile. I rolled my eyes.

"Forget it. This crap is like imprinted in your brain. Can you please focus and try and help me? I'd really, really like to graduate."

He flopped back on the bed, huffing out a particularly dramatic sigh. "If I help you, can we make out?"

"Is that all you ever think about?" I forgot the homework for a moment and lay down next to him, resting my chin on his sternum. I drew lazy circles over his stomach and he hummed, content.

"No," he murmured. His eyes were closed, and I knew if I kept up with the circles he'd be asleep in no time. "I think about other things, too. Like what color panties you're wearing."

I smacked his chest and pushed away from him, returning to my abandoned homework. Jacob and I hadn't really talked about boundaries and such, but it seemed to be an unspoken rule that sex was off the table for a while. Really, we'd only been dating for a few weeks, and even if I had known him my whole life, I just wasn't ready to give up that part of myself. I was still more than a little afraid that Jacob would get sick of me and leave anyway.

We had done some exploration, however. I'd allowed him to trace my upper half with his hands, and okay, maybe there had been some kisses there as well. Jacob had said that I could do whatever I was comfortable with as far as touching him, but I still hadn't touched or seen his, ya know, penis.

I shuddered a little just thinking about him. I didn't think sex was gross, certainly, just unnecessary. I knew it could be fun, I'd heard quite a few stories, but it hadn't really ever interested me. I was okay remaining a virgin for the immediate future, and I knew that if the time ever came, then Jacob would make it all wonderful. Well, as wonderful as it ever can be, I suppose. For now, though, I was content taking care of my own needs.

"They're blue," I nearly whispered. His responding groan did funny things to my tummy, and I wondered for the thousandth time if maybe I shouldn't just get it over with.

Jacob sat up then, holding a pillow over his crotch. I had to bite my lip to stop from laughing at him. Boys were really too easy to get riled up, especially Jacob.

"Yeah, yeah, it's hilarious. Minx," his eyes were a darker shade of brown, molten chocolate spilling around his irises.

His eyes held mine for a moment before his lips descended on mine. A low moan caught in my throat and before I knew it, we were both lying back on my bed. My hands were pinned above my head and his lips were devouring mine. When I gasped for breath he moved to my neck, and then lower still to my collarbone. I had a rule that he couldn't mark me anywhere visible. He wasn't very good at following it and I was even worse at enforcing it.

With his free hand, he palmed my breast through my t-shirt. I arched just a little into him, my jean-clad center hitting his thigh. My breath caught in my throat and Jacob seemed to suddenly sense my unease. Slowly, he released my hands, instead cupping my face in his large, warm hand. He withdrew his other hand from my breast, pushing himself just slightly away. With one last, gentle kiss, he landed next to me on my bed.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. I was shaking my head before he said it, knowing already that he was going to say it.

"You don't need to apologize. I could have told you to stop, but I didn't." My lip was back between my teeth. If I wasn't careful, I knew I would draw blood.

The silence that followed was thick with sexual tension and my unease. I liked where things were going. I liked the feel of Jacob's hands on me, loved the way he kissed me. It pleased me that I aroused him, but I was just…scared. Sex was a foreign concept to me, and I wasn't ready to learn it's language yet.

"I'm just…scared, I guess," I confessed. Virginity had always been made a big deal in our house. My parents had both been virgins when they got married, and I wanted love like they had. Part of me was worried that by having sex before marriage, I would ruin the chance at lasting love. Another part of me worried about the other things too; how it could hurt the first time, how I could end up pregnant. And though we weren't really religious, there was always the fear of damnation.

"That's understandable," Jacob murmured. He was lying on his side, facing me. There was no judgement or teasing in his voice. He truly understood where I was coming from, and that's what made him so wonderful.

"Maybe we could try…other stuff?" I blushed hard, feeling heat rise to my face. I wasn't opposed to touching, be it with hands or mouths. And I definitely wasn't opposed to orgasms, having brought myself to several before. Some of the drugs Ty shared with me made me a little, well, a lot, riled up. And since I had no interest in letting Tyler touch any part of me so intimately, I took care of things myself.

"Other stuff?" Jacob quirked a brow, wolfish smile in place. His fingers twirled and twisted in my hair. His face was close to mine. All I had to do was extend my neck to meet his lips, and I did. His mouth captured mine as I grasped the hair at the nape of his neck.

He leaned back against the headboard and I quickly straddled his hips, careful to keep my stuff away from his stuff. My hands, so hesitantly, fell to the hem of his t-shirt, fisting the dark fabric nervously. I traced the edge of his belt, butterflies battering my stomach at the thought of how close I was to that private part of him. His breath caught in his throat as I traced the outline of him through his jeans.

He groaned into my mouth, tongue flicking out of his mouth to invade mine. Jacob did his best to keep his hands still, curled as they were in the fabric of my shirt behind my back. I could tell it took him a great deal of restraint to let me lead.

"Is this okay?" I breathed. My fingers grasped the buckle of his belt, ready to tug it apart with his say so. Maybe I wasn't ready for him to touch me, but I could touch him. I could do that for him.

He hummed, hardly moving away to speak. "More than okay."

My eyes held his as I undid the buckle and then the button and zipper of his jeans. A hiss escaped his lips as I reached inside his jeans, palming his erection through his boxers. I could feel the heat of a blush on my face, unsure how to do this for him. His fingers gripped me tighter. I felt the bite of his nails through my shirt.

I tugged hesitantly at the waistband of his boxers, and he lifted his hips enough to allow me to pull them down. His erection sprang free, causing my breath to catch in my throat. It was unfair, that even that part of him was beautiful.

He kissed my jaw. "Breathe, baby. You don't have to do anything you're uncomfortable with."

I shook my head, my hair swinging loosely around us. "I just…don't know what to do."

Jacob released one hand from behind my back, slowly capturing mine, where it lay limply on his thigh. He took my wrist, eyes intent on my face. I flexed my fingers as our hands approached his erection, my knuckle grazing the taut skin. He swallowed hard and sucked in a shaky breath.

I allowed him to place my hand on his shaft, skin velvet soft, and he covered my hand with his own. "Just…like this."

He began to move our hands up and down lazily, his breathing becoming harsher with every stroke. He licked his lips and dropped his head back. I kissed his Adam's apple softly, loving the way his groan vibrated through his throat.

"Fuck, Ness," he panted. His lips devoured mine, both of his hands moving to cup my face. My hand faltered in its rhythm without his guidance, but I resumed pace quickly.

"Harder," he breathed, his lips ghosting the word over my own mouth. I whimpered, dropping myself down to rest on his thighs, my body demanding friction as I did what he asked. My thumb stroked the tip of him, collecting the drop of precum leaking from his slit. His hips bucked as I did, and I couldn't help but feel proud at the reactions I was eliciting from him.

I squirmed against his thigh, wanting him to touch me, and fearful of his touch at the same time. My free hand ducked under his shirt, clawing at the defined lines beneath, feeling the muscles clench as he neared his release. He began thrusting jerkily into my palm, causing my strokes to be more forceful. I was absolutely mesmerized by the way his skin stretched and pulled over his cock.

"Ness, honey, I'm gonna…fuck." He pulled up the bottom of his t-shirt as he came. The white liquid landed unceremoniously on his bare stomach, his hips still moving sporadically. His lips crushed mine, his hand tangling in my curly locks. I ground myself against his thigh, forgetting to be embarrassed as I watched bliss soften his features.

His hands fell to my hips, encouraging my movements as I continued to grind against his thigh. I knew I should be embarrassed for dry humping him, but watching him come, knowing that I brought him pleasure, caused a fire to burn in my belly. His hands pushed and pulled my hips, guiding me, and I closed my eyes, feeling my face turn a new shade of red. He kissed my neck, whispered sweet words in my ear.

"Oh." It was a quiet, drawn out gasp, and I stilled over him. I opened my eyes to meet his, feeling the embarrassment choke the words from my throat.

"It's okay, Ness. It's okay," he murmured. His hands slid up and down my arms, and I relaxed after a moment, removing myself from his lap. Had I really just humped his leg to orgasm? I shifted, feeling the wetness between my legs. Yes. Yes, I had. And I had loved it.

"Was that…okay?" I wondered.

"So much more than okay." He hummed, kissing me on the temple as he stood from the bed and disappeared into the en suite. Over the sound of the water, I could hear him laugh. It made me smile.

"What's so funny?"

He threw himself back down on the bed, jeans and belt back in place. He nudged my thigh with his foot, and then reached out to pull me closer. I sat next to him, our backs against the headboard, my head on his shoulder.

"Just wondering…what kind of other stuff you're okay with," he grinned. I slapped his chest, returning to my discarded homework.

"Now that you're a little more focused, can you help me?" I griped, but I was still smiling. This boy…he made me do silly, stupid things, and not feel so embarrassed about them. This boy. He was a good one. A keeper. Not that I hadn't already known it.

"Who said I was more focused?" He leered. I looked down, and I don't know why I did. Was it possible he was already hard again? I blushed crimson and shook my head. I pushed my math book back in his lap, ignoring his groan.

This boy.

!#$#!

He wouldn't stop staring at me.

I usually wouldn't mind, but my parents were sitting across from us, and he had that devilish look in his eyes. The look that says, 'I totally made you come.' And he had, and it was wonderful, and I wanted to do it again. And again. But not now.

Dad cleared his throat, his eyes narrowed at me. "Something wrong, Ness?"

I blushed for what felt like the thousandth time that night. "Nope. Nothing's wrong. Everything is terrific."

Jacob's grin grew. He busied himself with filling his mouth with broccoli, and I wondered what else he'd like to fill his mouth with. What the hell was wrong with me? He made me come once, and I couldn't stop thinking about it. About all the ways he could make me…

My fork clattered against my plate as I dropped it, and both of my hands came up to cover my face. It was a really good thing no one could read minds. Mom and dad shared a look, then mom looked to Ana. She wasn't so much eating as she was playing with her food. She had named her broccoli and they were fighting. Was I that weird as a kid? I hoped not.

"Ana, you may be finished. Go wash up and play in your room for a while," mom instructed.

"'Kay!" Ana hopped down from her chair and skipped out of the room. I wished I could go with her, because something told me my parents were about to say things I didn't want to hear.

Dad heaved a sigh, taking his plate to the sink. Mom was smiling softly, glancing at dad. What the hell was wrong with them tonight? He grabbed the bottle of wine from the counter, refilling both of their glasses.

He leveled me with a stare as he sat. "You're being safe, aren't you?"

I choked. Jacob actually had to pound on my back to help me clear the obstruction from my throat. His cheeks were a little pink, and I couldn't believe we were going to have this conversation.

"What?" I croaked. Jacob looked to my parents, scratching the back of his neck. So uncomfortable.

Dad held up a hand, grimacing. "I don't want to know specifics. Just tell me you're being safe."

"Dad!" I cried, covering my face in mortification.

Jacob scrubbed his hands over his jeans. The jeans that I had rubbed myself against earlier. I squirmed. So, so uncomfortable. "Dr. C, it's not…"

Dad shook his head. "No specifics. We understand what it's like to be young, and in love. We also know times have changed. We won't get involved in your private lives, but just know, we're – "

"Dad!" I cut him off, slamming a hand on the table. "I'm a virgin!"

His eyes went wide, and then he relaxed. He offered Jacob a smile. "Oh. Oh, good. Well, that settles that."

Mom sputtered, "That settles nothing!"

Dad groaned. Mom stared. My parents were the weirdest. Mom finally cleared her throat and spoke, after she took a rather large gulp of wine. I was going to need some wine to get through any more of this discussion.

"Look, guys. We get it. Temptation is there. And your father is right, Ness. We don't need specifics. But if and when, you decide to go further, please be safe about it. You can come to either of us, anytime, for anything. Okay?"

They joined hands on the table, looking expectantly at us. I was absolutely mortified, unsure what the hell to say. Jacob cleared his throat, like he wanted to speak, but nothing came out. They were okay with us having sex? They'd always drilled into my head how special it had been to them to wait until they were married. And now they were saying it was fine? They were so confusing.

"Thanks?" I offered.

Mom laughed, and dad soon joined in. Jacob and I shared a glance, and he finally spoke up. "I think I should go. Thanks for dinner, Dr. and Mrs. C."

"You can stay, kid. We're done embarrassing you for the night." Dad stood from the table, dropped a kiss on mom's head and left the room. I heard Ana squeal a moment later as he chased her into the bathroom.

Mom nodded, taking our plates and depositing them in the sink. "You can stay, Jacob. There's cake in the fridge. Help yourselves."

!#$#!

I thrusted the paper triumphantly in his face, a bright smile spread across mine. "C+, baby! Fuck yeah! And no thanks to you mauling me."

Jacob laughed, shoving my arm aside to kiss me. "See? I told you, you could do it."

I rolled my eyes as I shoved the quiz in my messenger bag. A C+ was hardly a grade worth celebrating, but seen as how, without Jacob's help, I'd been pulling D's in the class…I was thrilled. Trigonometry was definitely not my strong suit, and I hoped mom and dad would be just as pleased as I was.

Jacob's pinky finger wrapped around mine as we exited the building. We were both grinning stupidly, swinging our linked hands. God, how disgusting were we? He led us to our parked cars, right next to each other.

"You comin' over tonight?" I tried to be seductive, leaning my weight against his chest, my hands around his neck. I kissed the underside of his jaw, loving the stubble that was there.

After the talk with my parents, I'd had less and less reservations about sex. And knowing my first time would be with Jacob, what was there to worry about anyway? We'd known each other practically forever, had been best friends as long as I could remember. It was bound to be a good time.

He sighed, hot fingers finding the exposed skin of my waist. My skirt was almost indecently short, and I'd worn it with the intent of luring him in. I thought it was working, especially at lunch. He'd been unable to keep his hand below the hem of the gauzy fabric, fingers dipping between my thighs, too high up to be publicly acceptable.

"I can't tonight. Rachel and Rebecca are coming over with Thing 1 and Thing 2. Billy has a whole stupid family dinner planned." He pulled a face, and I laughed, even if my hope deflated. Jacob wasn't overly fond of his sister's husbands. I'd never met them, so I couldn't say. I couldn't really remember his sisters, either. I only knew they hadn't been around much since college. Too difficult to be in the house without their mom.

I bit my lip as I regarded him. His deep brown eyes flecked with gold, swirling with adoration, were the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. He was a truly magnificent human being, and I got to say he was all mine. How had I gotten so lucky?

"You're sort of beautiful, you know," I blurted.

He threw his head back in a laugh, both of us blushing. It was true, but I hadn't meant to say it. He was all tanned skin, dark hair and eyes. He was still smiling as he looked at me again, laughter making his eyes dance. "You're a dork."

I stuck my tongue out, twisting out of his hold and moving around to my car. "Call me later, turd."

With a wink and a blown kiss, I slid inside my car and cranked the engine. He was still standing beside his car as I drove away, a small, brilliant smile on his face.

!#$#!

"Hey, Pops." I dropped a kiss on my Grandpa's scruffy cheek as I passed him. His mustache twitched with a smile as I sat opposite him.

In hindsight, it was a good thing Jacob was busy. I had completely forgotten about my parent's planned date night, and that Grandpa Charlie would be staying over while they were out. The last thing I needed to worry about was having my boyfriend in the house with the scariest Police Chief ever, even if he had known Jacob since birth. I wasn't incapable of watching Ana on my own, and I was a little hurt they had to ask Pops to come over.

Until I realized that I was totally unreliable. And my stomach sank. How many times had I promised my parent's I would be home, or I would call them, or whatever, only to never actually do it? How long had I stayed away, holed up in Tyler's house or at Jacob's? They had no reason to trust me. And that hurt more than anything.

"Feels like I haven't seen you in forever, kid. How's school?"

I swallowed thickly over the sudden guilt I felt. It felt horrible to lie to everyone, most of all Pops. He was a cop, after all. If he had reason to, he could easily find out about my previous habits and fuck my life up. And he loved me so damn much, I couldn't bear to think of the disappointment he would feel. And it was all my damn fault.

"Oh, school's fine. I'm trying to bring my grade up in trig right now. Jacob's been helping me a lot." Try as I might, I couldn't keep the smile from my face when I spoke of Jacob.

Pops noticed. "Your mom was telling me about that boy. He good to you?"

I blushed, shaking my head. "Pops, you've known him since he was a baby. You know he's a good kid."

"Yeah but is he good to you?" He clarified, gaze unwavering.

I bit my lip, looking away. It was not a conversation I wanted to have with Pops, not at all. Ana chose that moment to enter the kitchen, stretching her arms over her head with a yawn. She climbed into Pop's lap, snuggling into his chest. Pop was a little uncomfortable with physical affection, but he pulled Ana closer, anyway.

"Poppa, I'm hun-gry," Ana drawled, rubbing her stomach for added affect.

"Oh no," he murmured, mustache twitching, tickling her side. She giggled, squirming around in his hold. "Not hungry. What ever will we do?"

Pops really hadn't known what to do with Ana's statement. Mom usually left money for pizza if Pops was coming over, because he was hopeless in the kitchen, and I wasn't much better. I did manage to find some frozen chicken nuggets and not burn them, so Ana was content with that. Pops and I shared a bag of microwave popcorn as we settled in front of the television.

Pops was intent on the screen, catching the recap of the baseball game from the day before. He'd missed it because he'd been at the station, and he was pretty hot under the collar about having missed it. Apparently, it had been quite the game. The dark scowl on his face made me reluctant to ask any questions. Not that I cared about the game, anyway.

Ana played quietly on the floor with her Barbies. She hadn't completely forgiven me for leaving after I promised not to, and she hadn't asked me to play with her since then. So, it really shocked the hell out of me when she unceremoniously thrust a Ken doll in my face.

"Play wif me?" She whispered, eyes downcast.

I smiled softly, sinking to the floor and taking the doll from her. "'Course I will."

The evening passed quickly, Pops snoring away on the couch. Ana and I continued to play Barbies, though she took so much time setting up her 'house' that we'd only been playing for twenty minutes when my phone rang.

Having not heard from Jacob, I answered the phone with the assumption that it was him, not bothering to check the name on the screen. "Hey, turd."

The noise on the other end was most definitely not coming from Jacob's house. The deep bass of the music caused unease to settle in my belly. There was screaming, too. Maybe crying.

"H-Hello?" The voice asked. It was a man's voice, but I wasn't familiar with the voice, and I swallowed.

"Who is this?" I glanced sideways at Pops, still snoring on the couch. Something was definitely not okay, and I was so glad he was there. Panic seeped into my belly, coiled around my stomach like a lead balloon.

"It's, uh…it's…fuck…" There was more screaming on the other end. I debated hanging up, but when I pulled my phone away from my face, the name on the I.D. said 'Conner.' And I definitely knew Conner, and that was not his voice. And something was really, truly wrong.

"This is Brett, Conner's friend. He…Jesus Christ, man. He told me to call you and then…passed the fuck out. You gotta come get him."

"Brett? Where are you?" I was on my feet and shoving them into shoes before I even thought about it. Pops was awake then, watching me intently. Ana was pouting, arms crossed defiantly over her chest at the injustice of me leaving the game.

"Ty's house. Dude…"

"What's wrong?"

I should have known better than to ask. I should have not answered the phone in the first place, or at the very least checked the caller I.D.

Pops stood, too, my car keys on his finger before I said a word. The fear on my face was easier to read than I hoped. I couldn't remember ever being more scared. And with his next utterance, I knew that I had never been more afraid.

"Dude…I think he fucking O.D'ed."

A/N: Boy, oh boy. Just when Ness thinks she's put that life behind her, something comes up. And Pops? What's he gonna do?

Don't kill me! I know I'm the worst, like, ever. Please put away the pitch forks and kindly kill me with words (in your reviews.) You guys are the best for sticking with me through this mess I call my life.

Chapter title: Light Up the Sky by Yellowcard.