NOTE: *Eminem's Without Me starts playing* Guess who's back, back again!
Okay, but really, I've been SO BUSY LATELY! And I think all the stress kind of made me have writer's block for all of my longer wips so you have no idea how good it feels to finally get this chapter done!
I hope you enjoy it cus I'm really happy with how it turned out despite the struggle ^-^
Izuku stumbles backwards, doing several takes of Kacchan's back as he slowly steps away and walks over to the other side of the room. He finds that now is as good a time as any to get more acquainted with the group routines they've decided to do. He'd asked Jirou for the set-list they'd agreed upon, with the added change of the song he wanted for his and Kacchan's own part. The other songs are a bit off-kilter with his own, but Jirou said that it wasn't a problem. She's more than capable of making a mix that'll work with all of them, even if she has to break his off with a transition. It wouldn't have been the first time they'd done something similar anyway.
But no matter how hard he tries to focus on what everyone else is saying, Izuku can't stop his eyes from drifting back to Kacchan, catching him staring intensely on more than one occasion and not even making an effort to hide it. He can feel nervousness creeping up just underneath his skin, making him itch slightly and distracting him to the point that Uraraka has to call is name multiple times before he even registers that someone is trying to get his attention. He may as well not mean his apologies at all because as soon as they start talking again, he goes right back to hardly catching anything.
With a shaky sigh, he excuses himself and just stalks over to Kacchan, figuring that he has to get over this already instead of just letting anxiety eat at him. He's probably overthinking things anyway. He's always overthinking everything.
"Kacchan."
He turns back to Izuku with a hum, eyes drifting from his face to further down before trailing back up, something ghosting past them in a fraction of a second that is once again gone before he can make sense of it. It's unbearable to not be able to glean anything from him, how closed off he's purposefully made himself so that he has no idea what he's thinking or why. Izuku still feels awful, being this close still hurts more than anything he's ever felt before, but he pushes past all the ache so that he can finally start healing.
"How's your wrist?" Kacchan whispers, jaw tense, and Izuku is once again knocked sideways, instinctively reaching for that arm and looking away.
"It's okay, I think…"
"That's good…" Kacchan pauses, clicking his tongue while he runs a hand through his spiked hair before crossing his arms over his chest, lips pulling into a taut line that Izuku always thought made him look cute rather then stubborn. "I didn't mean to hurt you."
Izuku's heart is beating impossibly hard in his chest and he swallows around the lump that's formed in his throat. He needs to stop these butterflies from fluttering in his stomach each time he feels the heat from Kacchan's skin so close, to stop this itch inside him to reach out and touch him. Taking a deep breath and closing his eyes for a moment Izuku wills himself to get his feelings under control.
"Yeah, but you did." He murmurs, rubbing at the previously injured spot with a sigh. "What's done is done, I don't break that easily… Most of the time."
With a hand running through his unruly locks, Izuku exhales shakily, masking it as a short laugh as he looks away. He hears Kacchan stepping closer, feels his hand hovering over his arm without it actually touching him and his mind grinds to a halt, body locking in place so that he doesn't do something he might regret later.
The whole room seems to fade away for a split second that lasts a lifetime, the chatter from his friends' discussions growing distant, the squeaking of shoes on the polished pavement nothing but an occasional bleep that breaks through the barrier that's suddenly built around them. Izuku turns to Kacchan, his face so close that he can almost feel his breath brush against his cheeks and he shudders. His fingers twitch, a movement that's barely even there, but his fingertips lightly touch the back of Kacchan's hand and he immediately pulls his own back, straightening his posture and turning the other way.
It feels like his heart is drumming against his ribcage, painfully in a way, and he instinctively rubs his chest in a futile attempt to ease that dull ache, make it stop this urgent pitter-patter. Izuku takes another deep breath, clenching his fists and thinking back to the day before. He needs to believe in himself a little more, isn't that what Todoroki told him? He doesn't need someone's affirmation, he can do this.
"I think we should talk about our set and maybe start practicing it."
"I've just been waiting for you to say that."
Izuku nods more to himself than to Kacchan, trying to detach himself a little from the situation. Focus, get lost in the technicality for a moment, you can worry about feeling later.
"Okay so…" He skips over to the other side of the room to quickly grab his phone where he's been adding notes ever since that morning and walks back to where Kacchan is waiting for him, arms crossed over his chest and with his default displeased grimace. Izuku ignores his face and looks instead at his screen. "First, I want to do this song." He shows him his phone so that he can look at the highlighted track in his playlist, opening another tab to show the specific part he wants to dance to, the other's lips turning down a little further.
"What's that supposed to fucking mean?"
Izuku fights back the urge to roll his eyes, finding some solace that at least he's reacting in a way he predicted he would, finally. He isn't used to not knowing what Kacchan plans to do, usually so in tune with his boy- ex-boyfriend that he can almost finish his angry explosions for him inside his head.
"Whatever you want it to mean, that's what this is about. I'm working through my feelings, is that so wrong? I wish you could do the same."
Kacchan hums, shifting his weight to another foot before letting out a huff of a breath and running a hand through his hair, messing it up slightly. "I already know how I feel, Deku."
"So do I. I just want to make peace with it." The words come out a little faster than he can process them, but Izuku finds that they're nothing but the truth. "I never meant to hurt you either, Kacchan. And I know I did, and I'm sorry, okay? But this is how things are now."
Stepping closer still, Kacchan reaches for him, stopping just short of touching him and turning his back to him with an exasperated grunt. Izuku suddenly becomes aware of how quiet the room is, the subtle stares on them, taking one quick glance around the room and seeing heads snap in another direction, only a couple pairs of eyes staying on him. Uraraka and Shinsou nod his way, a silent question hanging between them, and Izuku shakes his side with small smile that may look a little sadder than he means it to. After one long heartbeat, they go back to their own conversations, the murmur of everyone's voices blending together as the moment passes just as quickly as it had begun.
"Kacchan…" Izuku whispers shyly, getting a grunt in response.
Kacchan moves towards the centre of the room, staring back at him when he doesn't make to follow and startling him back into motion. Everyone starts getting out of their way when Izuku goes up to Jirou and asks her to set the speakers to the spot displayed on his phone just for as long as he can show the steps he's already thought up.
When Izuku gets to Kacchan, the other steps aside, arms back over his chest, watching him closely. He feels like shrinking under that gaze but sucks in a calming breath instead, stretching his arms one last time before gesturing to Jirou that he's ready and closing his eyes. He doesn't think about anything or anyone, wills himself to forget anything exists but himself and the music and gets lost in it, letting his body respond of its own accord to the flow of the notes. Izuku was planning on closing his feelings off for this, thinking that it was the only way to distance himself from Kacchan for just as long as they had to go through it, but it's just him for now.
There's no one else here, it's just you and the song, the instruments, the melody, the voice.
He feels the music in his veins, flowing through him like the blood his heart keeps pumping and he only comes back to reality when he bends backwards and he twists onto his knees. He opens his eyes and sees everyone else's on him, Kacchan included, his mouth pulled to a thin line and his knuckles white as he holds onto his arms tightly. The music keeps playing in the background for a few moments longer until Jirou actually gathers her wits and presses stop.
Slowly getting back to his feet Izuku is self-conscious of the way the others are looking at him, thinking he may have done something wrong without even realising it when he got so in tune with the feel of the harmony. Kacchan walks up to him, instructing him to do the same thing he did and tells Jirou to start the music from the beginning.
Izuku obliges, feeling Kacchan's presence just a little off to the side behind him and this time he keeps his eyes open. He watches him from the corner of his eye, catching sight of him when he twists and turns and being mesmerised by the grace of his movements, as always. And when the song comes to the point where he'd stopped before, suddenly the steps come to him without warning and he keeps going. He twirls towards him, thoughts all but gone as he gets to one knee, until Kacchan moves to wrap a hand around his waist and Izuku startles backwards, alarms going off in his brain.
Too close, too close!
His heart is beating hard in his ears, muffling the music that stops soon after while the others gather around them, wonder and excitement shining in some of their eyes.
"That was amazing!" Ashido exclaims.
"It doesn't really go with the other songs though, does it? I guess you did mention that." Kirishima hums in thought, scratching his chin.
"But maybe we could make it work?" The former shouts back, bouncing excitedly. "Let's make it into a story!"
"That's not a terrible idea."
"It could be interesting to try and make sets with a meaning."
"Straight up, fam."
"It could be a conversation between lovers!"
"Is that… Wise…" Uraraka finally makes herself heard after Ashido's outburst, stealing a glance at Izuku, who's breaths are slowly becoming harsher at the thought.
"Past lovers." Shinsou interrupts the babble. "Make it the battle between two points of view on a relationship that doesn't work. And this is how it ends."
"Oh! I like that!"
Kacchan scoffs and rolls his eyes, but his reaction goes unnoticed as the others start chattering enthusiastically, throwing ideas into the air.
"I might have a few songs that could work with that, I could stitch them together nicely, with a little remixing here and there."
"Anyone got any objections to Shinsou's suggestion?" Ashido doesn't leave any time for anyone to actually say anything, shouting "Then it's settled" before they can even open their mouths. But from the look on everyone's faces, they seem pretty into the new idea, the conversation getting away from Izuku as he just looks towards Shinsou with as much gratitude in his gaze as he can muster.
The only person who seems to have some qualms with this new development is standing with fists clenched at his sides, looking about ready to blow up when Izuku comes closer. His head snaps towards him and he opens his mouth, most likely with an angry remark at the tip of his tongue but he bites it back and just snaps his jaw shut with a loud click. Izuku brings a hand up to rub at his neck, sighing heavily.
"I-"
"Just don't." Kacchan snaps, making him flinch. "I don't care what they wanna do. I couldn't care less. There's only one thing I want and this isn't gonna change anything."
Izuku averts his gaze, biting his lip nervously and humming. He wants to reach out and comfort him, like he'd done so many times before, but he's aware that the reason for Kacchan's pain is him and he'd be lying if he said it doesn't hurt him just as much. But there's nothing he can do about it except keep moving forward, and this is just the first step in a long and arduous road.
Shouto is about to crash into bed, exhausted after another tiring day of practice and feeling his muscles aching from all the strain he's been putting on them, when his phone buzzes loudly on his nightstand as soon as his head hits the pillow. He looks at the time and frowns, seeing it's far too early to be this done with the world of the living, then reaches to look at the notification. The corners of his mouth twitch involuntarily at the name displayed but when he actually opens the text his expression morphs instead to one of confused concern.
[Midoriya Izuku 06:34 pm]
So um… recnt dvlpmnt. Ders been a chng of plans 2 the mob…
Rubbing at his eyes, Shouto asks him if they're good or bad changes, getting a very cryptic 'I'm not sure' that in no way eases his worries. Midoriya goes on a bit of a rant about what happened through the following texts, a rush of misspelled words that give Shouto a tiny headache to decipher but he eventually gets the gist of it, thinking of what he should or shouldn't say.
He settles for a short text saying that it doesn't sound so bad given the theme and the other immediately agrees, going then on another rant about how during practice he kept getting drawn to his ex. Shouto does his best to ignore the uncomfortable feeling that suddenly settles in his chest at the words, not really knowing what to make of it just like the first time Midoriya talked in length about his previous relationship. He attributes his distaste for the situation to the fact that the other seemed much too kind to be with someone as disagreeable as that Bakugou. That and the parallels he draws between him and his father, knowing he shouldn't project his personal feelings onto Midoriya but having a hard time not doing it anyway.
Still, as long as he can rationalise his emotions, he can keep his cool, thankful that Yaoyorozu had made him see the error of his actions, or rather, how to prevent them from happening again. So, with a deep breath and after he's sure Midoriya's wave of rambles is done, he says the only thing he can think of that might be reassuring to him.
[Todoroki Shouto 06:51 pm]
Remember what you told me yesterday. You can get through it.
-delivered-
He doesn't get a reply for a while and his eyes start to droop closed, his fatigue finally catching up to him and making his body feel heavier by the second. The vibrations of his phone right next to his face startle him from the limbo between slumber and wakefulness, his heart beating a little too fast for comfort and he shakily reaches for the device as his body calms down.
[Midoriya Izuku 07:00 pm]
Ur right. Sry 2 dump dis al on u.
[Todoroki Shouto 07:04 pm]
It's fine, I'm happy to listen to anything you have to say. You'll have to excuse me, however, I think I'll need to sleep now. I'm feeling especially drained today.
-delivered-
Shouto is sluggish, his vision blurring as he sees Midoriya's reply wishing him a restful sleep, adding a thank you after that he's already too far gone to actually take note of. The conversation, as brief as it may have been, seemed to leave a lasting impression, images of Midoriya twisting and turning around him only to fall into the arms of that angry blonde weaving in his dreams. The guy's mouth twists into an arrogant smirk that seems all too fitting even if he's never seen him wear it, one that looks strikingly similar to the one's he's seen on Enji time and time again. When he wakes in the middle of the night sweating and burning with ill-tamed ire, Shouto has a hard time falling back asleep.
Over the course of the next few days, he finds himself a little more irritable than usual and not entirely sure why. He snaps at Yaoyorozu a couple of times, but she sees the tension in his shoulders and takes it in stride, rubbing his back reassuringly as he cools down from the momentary outburst and feels the guilt settling right after, apologising profusely. She just smiles at him, sympathy painted in her features.
These feelings don't seem to lessen as time goes by and he notes that they seem to intensify whenever Midoriya texts him with more tales from his practices that mention 'Kacchan' and whatever they do together. He knows he shouldn't feel this way, that it makes absolutely no sense that the simple name of a person he's only encountered once would make his blood boil without a discernible reason for it.
Shouto tries to understand why this keeps happening, always coming up with the same answer and figuring it must be the truth. Though he can't stop this feeling from spreading through his veins unwarranted, even if he knows very well that he shouldn't meddle in other people's lives and it's really none of his business. Besides, Midoriya keeps talking to him, telling him about his insecurities but always ending up more determined than when he started with Shouto hardly saying anything. It's almost as though he only needs someone to talk to himself through and it's somewhat amusing, but Shouto doesn't get to appreciate that in the midst of the coiling irritation every time he sees 'Kacchan' and reads about what Midoriya has to say about him.
And he only seems to come to a conclusion after the day of Midoriya's flash mob comes. He is busy with practice so he was sure he was going to miss it, only hearing about it from him after the fact per his request. They were going to have someone film it, since it was a promotional stunt to begin with, and Midoriya assured him that he'd give him the video whenever it was ready.
As it turns out, since he was focused on his and Yaoyorozu's own practice, he completely missed the texts Midoriya sent him saying there'd been yet another change of plans, this one to the time and location, and he only sees it as he's already stepping outside to wait for his partner. Yaoyorozu usually takes a lot longer than him in the locker rooms, but this time she sprints out mere moments after, just as Shouto is checking his phone and he hears some music he doesn't recognise starting to play. She grabs his hand before he even has the chance to finish reading, pulling him towards the plaza in front of their studio's building with an excited squeal that he can only make sense of when he sees Midoriya waving at him from the back of a particular group.
He starts waving back but then his attention gets snagged by the five at the front, Bakugou dead centre, with Kirishima and a blonde girl he doesn't recognise on each side of him, Kaminari and Sero behind them and between the other three. Bakugou's posture exudes arrogance as he starts moving in time with the song, but as soon as the starting beat hits, his movements are sure and precise, fast-paced but fluid. Shouto would be lying if he said he didn't capture the crowd's attention, some 'whoops' and cheers already rolling around as he the two at the back break off and leave him with Kirishima and the girl to roll their bodies rapidly and they, too, move away soon after. The choreography is eye-catching, filled with quick steps and turns, powerful locks, and Bakugou never once leaves room for a single mistake as he jumps around with all the others.
The music starts to shift slightly as they reach the end of their set, softening and blending with another before all five of them finish with their arms open, that smug look on Bakugou's face as he spots him and aims it right at him then turning his back to the growing crowd riling him up. Shouto feels his anger spark but is quickly distracted by a long dark-haired woman with a camera pointing it towards Uraraka with Ashido and Shinsou beside her once the music fully transitions. It's a completely different song now, that somehow managed to blend with the alterations added to both this and the previous and Shouto has to admire the craftsmanship of the DJ.
He lets go of his annoyance the moment they start moving in unison, hands reaching up before they all bend forward and shoot back up. This choreography feels a lot heavier, the tone of the song and the drama behind each movement a lot more heartfelt. Shouto finds himself appreciating this set a lot more, thinking the hint of satisfaction due to the fact that despite Bakugou's amazing technique he lacks in some departments should surprise him, but doesn't.
The two others leave Uraraka and Shouto sees Midoriya approach from behind her, his heart skipping a beat as soon as his arms wrap around his friend at how wonderfully tragic the scene feels even if it's only just begun. That sensation is only intensified when she turns and jumps into his arms. They dance like they're one, melting into each other beautifully, Uraraka looking almost ethereal when Midoriya picks her up below the arms and turns her around. The way he holds on to her after she's back on her feet breaks Shouto's heart so sweetly he almost wants to keep living the moment forever, especially since Midoriya is suddenly replaced by the other two. The emotion in all of their movements is so powerful that Shouto feels short for breath, watching Uraraka bend her body down on the floor and raise back up as the music once again shifts.
Ashido and Shinsou step out to give way to Midoriya and Bakugou and there's suddenly an uncomfortable itch just below Shouto's skin. All three of them move together, turning quickly despite the soft and slow melody of the singer's voice. This set is filled with intricate twirls, matched with somewhat quick steps and evoking an imagery of inner turmoil, the twists and turns of their bodies mimicking that of a mind struggling with the grief of a loss. It's over almost as quickly as it begins, Uraraka lowering herself to the ground and moving away to leave Midoriya and Bakugou standing, the latter just a little further back to the left as the harmony blends into yet another song. Almost as if sensing the seriousness settling in the atmosphere the crowd grows completely silent.
This is it. Shouto's heart gets stuck in his throat as soon as they step forward together, his eyes focusing on Midoriya but unable to block out the blonde behind him. Even apart and with different emotional cues to their movements, they're so in sync it's impossible to deny the feeling of closeness between them. The low dip of Bakugou's body is almost reminiscent of submission in comparison to the way Midoriya carries himself in the turn of his own, both flowing into the next steps so effortlessly Shouto's breath hitches. The split second those two face each other makes his heart sink, and when Midoriya drops to his knees as the song hits a particular note, moving towards Bakugou soon after in a couple of turns he feels it break.
The pieces scatter further when Bakugou pushes Midoriya's back to the ground and flips beside him, and when they dance towards each other, hips rolling and those crimson eyes roaming Midoriya's body, Shouto feels sick. They're beautiful. They're poetry, they're prose, they're an epic love story that ends in tragedy but leaves one wanting more. Midoriya's hand is on Bakugou's chest now, and he rolls down to the floor, his body language reading agony and Shouto feels it when the other's hand is on him as he kneels beside him. They're inches apart when they lift themselves back up and Shouto can almost see their breaths mingling, can almost sense how much Midoriya wants to close the short distance between them.
And then he pushes Bakugou away to slide down on the smooth pavement and stands tall before him, turning his back on him as he gets back to his feet and follows, Midoriya's knees giving and it feels so realistic that Shouto almost reaches out to him. Bakugou holds on to his shoulders when he raises from the ground as well, the song giving its last notes, and Shouto feels like it'll end there but Midoriya turns out of his hold instead, the music fading to silence as he walks away.
The crowd erupts into applause and excited cheering but it's all drowned out by the volume of Shouto's heart beating in his ears, his eyes fixated on the blonde standing alone in the centre of the plaza, head hanging low and chest heaving with the effort of the routines. He feels Yaoyorozu tug at his arm and point towards Midoriya approaching them. Shouto has to will his mind to move away from how well Bakugou and Midoriya worked together, how they seemed to click like two pieces of the same puzzle, has to ignore the sinking feeling it leaves in his gut.
He sees that Midoriya is crying when he approaches them and immediately feels his body reaching for him of its own accord, stopping short of actually touching him or even pulling him into his arms like he suddenly realises he wants to do. Shouto asks if he's okay, Yaoyorozu mirroring his words at the same time and Midoriya responds with a wet laugh and a weak nod of his head.
"Sorry, I get emotional when dancing sometimes and… That one was very personal…" He wipes at his eyes with the back of his arm, Shouto watching the movement and stopping his thoughts before they linger on Midoriya's words and start inferring their meaning. "What did you think?"
"That was wonderful, Midoriya-san. All of the sets were beautiful but that last one," She wipes at the corner of her eye too "it was breath-taking…"
"Thank you…" He smiles softly, a hint of a flush dusting over his cheeks and he turns his wet eyes towards Shouto, tearing the ground right from beneath his feet with that look alone. "And you, Todoroki-san, did you like it?"
"It was amazing."
He admits with a strangled voice, that itch he felt only getting worse when Midoriya gets called away and excuses himself with a small satisfied grin standing way too close to his ex and even directing a few words at him as well. When he places a hand on his arm for a mere few seconds to say something before moving elsewhere to talk with both Jirou and the woman who had been filming, Shouto feels bile rising up in his throat. The sickening feeling worsens when he locks eyes with Bakugou and the other smirks arrogantly at him, much like he had at the beginning of the whole flash mob.
Shouto's fury burns deep within him and he clenches his fists. That's when it finally dawns on him what's happening, why he's been feeling this annoyed and quick to anger lately. Jaw tensed he calls Yaoyorozu.
"Momo…" She hums as she turns to him, seeing him staring intensely at the blonde and the way he's looking at Midoriya, like he's a prize he just won. "It's just like that."
NOTE: FINALLY! One Todoroki Shouto finally knows! As always, links to choreographies will be on my profile page! I should say that uni is being really tough on me lately, so updates might be sluggish until I can finally dig myself out of this pile of work! But fear not! This story is not forgotten! As always, feel free to leave any feedback you may have and thank you for reading! ^-^