Shouto's skin is crawling. He watches as Kirishima throws an arm over Bakugou with a broad grin, telling him something, before ruffling his spiked hair and the blond shoves him, his eyes once again landing on Midoriya as he replies with a smirk stretching over his lips. Shouto feels sick, he feels absolutely disgusted by the way he's staring, like he's some thing for him to win and show off, taking away everything that makes Midoriya amazing and reducing him to some sort of trophy. He hates it, wants to make it stop with every fibre of his being, that leering, that hungry gaze. It doesn't belong on Midoriya's back, anywhere near him, really.
Without thinking, Shouto's feet take him forward before he has the chance to stop himself, leaving Yaoyorozu behind with a confused call of his name he doesn't fully register. He places himself between Midoriya and Bakugou, blocking his line of sight and stopping those revolting looks from reaching Midoriya at all, taking the brunt of them for him.
Midoriya tenses when Shouto approaches, the awkward and almost uneasy way he was shifting from one foot to another ceasing all of a sudden before he turns around to face him. As soon as his eyes land on Shouto, it's as if a giant weight is lifted off his shoulders and his posture relaxes entirely, an easy smile making its home on his face, freckles bouncing up with the movement.
Shouto's heart skips a beat at the sight, his eyes widening slightly with the sensation. He forgets whatever was going on in his head then, suddenly only leaving room for how painstakingly obvious his feelings are now that he's aware of them, jealousy still bubbling just underneath his skin. The notion that he's very uncomfortable with how hot and itchy it makes him is overwhelming, even more so when he realises how easily he succumbed to it. He's vaguely aware of the glare burning holes into his back and he can't decide whether he feels even worse or satisfied that at least Midoriya doesn't have to deal with it anymore.
"Todoroki-san! Did you want something?" His head tilts curiously, green eyes shining in the dimming daylight, and Shouto chokes on his own tongue, unsure what to say. "Oh, by the way," Midoriya cuts in excitedly, turning to the short woman next to Jirou who is holding on to a camera, "this is Asui Tsuyu, she's the one who films all of our promotional videos! Tsuyu-san, this is Todoroki-san!"
"Midoriya, for the last time, just Tsuyu."
"Sorry, T-Tsuyu." Midoriya rubs at the back of his neck sheepishly, a light flush taking over his features, and Shouto just blinks at him. "Um, anyway, what was it you said you wanted?"
Shouto doesn't mention the fact that he hadn't uttered a single word, instead clearing his throat before turning his gaze towards the ground. "I felt like I had to come here," he says honestly, for a moment wondering if he should have lied, then adding as an afterthought "and I wanted to congratulate you properly. You really did something beautiful…"
Out of the corner of his eye, Shouto sees Midoriya beaming up at him, covering his reddening face with his hands and mumbling into them. "It was really nothing special…"
"Midoriya, you were awesome out there. You gave the music life." Jirou comments, continuing to put her equipment away after playfully pushing his shoulder.
"I can't help but agree. I think I'll take much too long to edit this video because I'll keep watching you."
"Guys," Midoriya whines, making Shouto's stomach flip. "stop, you're embarrassing me… Everyone did a great job, it wasn't just me…"
Shouto looks away, hoping that his cheeks aren't burning as red as he thinks they are from how warm they suddenly feel, the way Midoriya hides behind his arms and starts mumbling into them much too precious for him to handle. Jirou pats his head with a laugh, only serving to make him even more embarrassed and Shouto can't help the corner of his mouth from twitching slightly at the exchange when he catches it on the edge of his field of vision. His heart is threatening to leap right out of his chest. Did this happen so much before and I'm only now noticing it?
Jirou turns back to Shouto, nodding at him before calling for his attention.
"We're all going out for drinks to celebrate. You two coming with?"
She asks, one hopeful glance aimed at Yaoyorozu who is now looking at her phone, likely waiting for Shouto to get back. As if sensing their looks, she lifts her gaze, raising one eyebrow at Shouto before she notices the girl waving at her and returns the gesture, though a little jerkier. Fleetingly, Shouto wonders if he was that obvious before. And if he was, how in the ever-living hell did he not realise it?
"Oh, that's a great idea! Would you like to join us? I'm sure you're tired, but we won't keep you long, I swear!"
Midoriya's voice tugs him out of his thoughts and he blinks at him for a moment, unable to resist the sudden urge to stare behind him, to look at Bakugou still talking to Kirishima with his arms crossed over his chest. His arrogant grin is nowhere to be found, replaced instead by an angry scowl that only deepens when his crimson eyes flit towards Shouto and return to the other.
The thought of that guy in close quarters with Midoriya when alcohol is involved suddenly makes Shouto's blood boil all over again. He's overtaken by a need to go with them just so that he can keep Bakugou from getting anywhere near him, thinking that maybe if he'd asked Midoriya out sooner this wouldn't have happened to begin with. As soon as the feeling comes, it dissolves into guilt as Shouto realises that he's acting just like him, possessive and aggressively overbearing. It almost knocks the breath right out of his lungs and he discreetly takes one miniscule step back.
"A-ah, Kacchan's not coming." Midoriya interjects, no doubt noticing the change in his demeanour the moment he looked behind his shoulder, and Shouto turns back to him. "He's got work in the morning."
He tries to ignore the relief he feels, kicking himself at how wrong it is for him to act this way.
"Actually… so do I. Dance practice, I should really rest. Sorry, I'd love to join you but…" He needs some time to sift through these feelings, to reign them in and get them under control. He can't allow himself to devolve into nothing more than what his jealousy makes him and for that he needs to step away from the situation.
Midoriya nods, still smiling but with a hint of disappointment shining in his eyes. "Right, of course. I-We understand. Another time, then?"
Forcing a small smile to his lips, Shouto hums in agreement. He's already turning to leave after bidding them farewell, when he turns to Midoriya once more. "I'll see you soon, I hope?"
With a hint of momentary surprise ghosting over his expression, Midoriya looks down, scratching at his cheek. "Yeah, I'll text you, we can meet for coffee or something."
"Sounds wonderful."
Shouto stalks off, feeling several eyes on his back as he does, the aggression radiating off of two red ones enough to make the hairs on the back of his neck stand. He does his best to stop from turning around and glaring back, from going to Bakugou and giving him a piece of his mind. I'm better than this. I won't let my anger take control of me.
Yaoyorozu sees him approach, knowing from the look on his face alone that they're leaving and already starting to walk in the direction of their apartment, putting her phone away in her handbag. Once Shouto catches up to her, she looks up at him from under long lashes, her lips pursed as she waits for him to say something. When not a single word sounds from him, she keeps watching the way ahead of them.
"You really went in there like a knight in shining armour, huh?"
"Midoriya doesn't need protecting." The words are out of his mouth before he can process them, such conviction behind them that he suddenly feels a little breathless. He believes what he just said, he knows he does, Yaoyorozu had even said so herself not so long ago. Then why is it that Shouto did exactly that? "I protected him."
Shouto narrows his eyes, Yaoyorozu humming beside him. "That you did."
He thinks back to the way Bakugou was watching Midoriya, running a hand through his hair as he feels bile rising up in his throat all over again, his anger threatening to spill. Sucking in a sharp breath, Shouto realises just how much he cares about Midoriya, how much he doesn't want someone to look at him like that and how he's inadvertently acting in a similarly greedy manner, wanting to monopolise the other's attention to himself. Midoriya is more than capable of protecting himself and he's his own person. Shouto has no right to act this way towards him.
"I shouldn't have done that."
"You had the best intentions at heart, I'm s-"
"I didn't. I acted on my own jealousy, that was all." Shouto avoids Yaoyorozu's gaze when she glances at him with surprise in her dark eyes. "I'm an idiot."
"No arguments there. Took you long enough to finally figure it out."
Shouto sighs heavily. "I don't want to screw this up, Momo. I care about him. I've never felt anything like this before…"
Yaoyorozu tucks a lock of hair behind her ear, tapping her chin in thought. "Midoriya-san likes you too."
His head snaps towards her and he almost bumps into someone walking towards them in his distraction, apologising even as the person keeps walking hurriedly away. "Excuse me?"
"It's quite obvious, Shouto, don't give me that look. What will you do about it?"
He can feel her gaze boring down on his neck despite the fact that he's keeping his eyes on what's in front of him now. Shouto considers her words for a few heartbeats, shoving his hands into his pockets, turning his feelings over in his head and trying to make complete sense of them.
He wants to be more than Midoriya's friend, that much is obvious. He wants to protect him even though he knows that Midoriya needs no such thing. Shouto wants to dance with him in his arms, to be a part of his narrative rather than just a by-stander, a person in the audience listening to his captivating storytelling and unable to reach out and interact with the events. He wants to make him happy, to get more of those bright smiles out of him, to make him laugh if he can.
"Nothing." He decides. Yaoyorozu looks at his face for no longer than a second before nodding and turning away. "Not yet."
"Smart decision."
She smiles, leaning into him as they keep walking in silence. Shouto subconsciously does the same, taking some comfort in her warmth by his side, a gentle way she has of supporting him, making him feel less alone. When they finally get home, they each go their separate ways, but not before Yaoyorozu takes his hand for a moment, not before she squeezes it gently and then lets go, offering him another smile. Shouto returns it as best as he can, watching her go to her room as he sinks down into the couch cushions, leaning his head against the backrest and staring up at the ceiling.
He wonders how this newfound knowledge will affect him, if at all. He already felt this way, he just didn't know what it meant, still doesn't, if he's honest. He's not used to these emotions, he hardly knows if this is just a crush or something more. Do people his age even have crushes anymore? Isn't that just a thing that teens go through?
Shouto doesn't have anything to compare this to, no reference point, nothing. He's fond of Yaoyorozu, he can even say he considers Iida a friend. But this is something entirely new – even if he's been unwittingly dealing with it for a while now.
A notification ping jolts him out of his thoughts and he takes out his phone.
[Midoriya Izuku 07:57 pm]
-image attached-
Hope nxt time u can join us!
Shouto smiles at the picture of Midoriya and Uraraka holding up two glasses in cheers and peace signs to the camera. Midoriya's smile is enough to light up the whole living room despite Shouto having the phone's brightness turned down to the lowest setting, and seeing it warms his chest in a way he would have never thought possible. He wonders if it would feel the same were he still blissfully ignorant to his own feelings, if he would perhaps feel more at ease replying with 'Me too' and if the swarm of butterflies in his chest would have still fluttered up a storm.
He never thought typing an emoji could be so strenuous for his heart as he tells Midoriya 'goodnight'.
"Is that… a smiley face? Ocha, I swear I'm not that drunk yet, I just had one drink." Izuku stares at his phone for a while, rubbing at his eyes as Uraraka looks over his shoulder to do the same.
"Yeah, that's definitely a smiley face. Not a winky face though, you're not quite to second base yet."
With an exaggerated eyeroll, Izuku shoves her back with his elbow and earns himself a giggle out of his best friend. "Hilarious. It's just weird, he never sends those, it's always just perfect spelling and grammatically correct sentences."
"Well maybe he just felt like it this time. Or maybe he likes you. You know, like I've been telling you he does ever since the first night."
Izuku can't help but blush at the comment, ready to dismiss it with a half-hearted retort but getting cut off by the image of Todoroki's displeasure when he glanced back at Kacchan when Izuku mentioned going out with everyone. He would've reasoned away that expression with the fact that Todoroki had expressly told him that Kacchan wasn't one of his favourite people. But the tension visibly leaving his body when Izuku said he wouldn't be here even as he knew he would be refusing the offer… That wasn't so easily explained.
His chest flutters at the memory of the hopeful glint in Todoroki's eye when he asked Izuku if they'd be meeting in the near future, the small, barely-there smile that quirked his lips upward when he answered. Izuku would have liked to be able to say that the flush growing deeper on his cheeks was due to alcohol, but that would be fooling himself. There's a face filling his thoughts, one that's been a constant ever since that fateful night at the club and the phantom crimson eyes he feels on the back of his head are what makes him think he should stop.
He can't deny his feelings and he's running out of ways to deny Todoroki's, but Izuku isn't ready... He is nowhere near ready. He managed to walk away today even though that unbearable craving for Kacchan's lips almost knocked the breath right out of him for the agonising heartbeats he felt it. He managed to go through and walk away from that blissful feeling of dancing with Kacchan in front of a crowd, of having so many eyes on them and yet feeling like there's no one else but them, nothing more than his hands, his eyes, his breath on Izuku's body.
Except... Izuku felt someone else as well today. Izuku felt watched, he felt admired.
And he knows very well that it wasn't Kacchan's stare he was sensing. They felt different, both intense and at times intimidating, but in such contrasting ways that there was no mistaking one for the other. Kacchan's gaze made him feel like he was burning, enveloped in a violent flame that gave him his very own light to shine in. Todoroki's made him feel like he is the flame, dancing with the winds and flickering, faltering one second only to come alive the next. Kacchan wants to consume him in his fire, Todoroki wants to be consumed by Izuku's.
"Earth to Deku."
Uraraka waves a hand in front of Izuku's face and his breath stutters as he's pulled from his thoughts, his whole body trembling for only a second before he shakes his head and all the images and analogies inside it away.
"Sorry, I spaced out."
"You don't say." She replies dryly, flicking his nose playfully before grabbing him by the arm and dragging him away from the bar. "Come on, let's mingle, we're here to celebrate."
They join the rest of the group, chatting loudly and cheerfully. On Kirishima and Ashido's cue, they all raise their glasses, clinking them in the centre of their haphazard circle as they celebrate yet another successful flash mob. Izuku pushes his emotions to the back of his subconscious, resolving to think about this when there's no one to bear witness to his mutterings and mild panics over unwanted realisations.
Right now, he'll try to focus on his friends, on their joyous laughter and lame jokes, on stopping Ashido and Kaminari from trying to get him drunk or Kirishima from smothering him with bear hugs after he's gotten to the 'clingy' stage of his own drunken adventures. He listens to Asui go on about her ideas on how to edit the video, Jirou already telling her that she'll send the track over so she can have the best sound. He gets a little lost between a few conversations going on at once, Shinsou and Uraraka discussing some jazz routine they're planning while Camie is excitedly bouncing ideas off of Sero and Izuku on a choreography she's been putting together.
At the very least, his friends' lively behaviour is enough to keep his mind busy for the time being, distracting him from anything else that might be lurking in the darkest corners of his mind.
Though, when he finally gets to his apartment, not too late for what he's used to with his job but, at the same time, way past what might be considered decent to any normal human, Izuku is left alone with nothing but his thoughts when he crashes face first onto his bed. He tries to block out the two faces staring at him behind his closed lids, tries stop himself from feeling Kacchan's hands on his bare skin and imagining what Todoroki's might be like.
Izuku shudders, turning onto his back and staring up at the ceiling, barely seeing anything at all with the room shrouded in darkness. He stares for so long that his eyelids start drooping closed but he fights it, taken by an irrational fear of what might plague his dreams. Still, it's a losing battle, his mind drifting the longer he tries to stop it from doing so.
Colours start dancing above him, swirling reds mingling with whites, golden hues crashing against them until they all bleed out into an explosion of bright orange. In a sleepy and somewhat inebriated haze, Izuku reaches up towards the colourful display, his face warm and his chest warmer. Just as he slips further into the darkness that's pulling him down into melting against the comfort of his mattress, he feels the ghost of fingertips brushing against his own, already halfway into nonsensical dreams.
NOTES: I'm so sorry this took so long! I've been... struggling lately OTZ
I don't know, uni just has me so mentally drained! But I tried my very best! I hope it's enjoyable nonetheless, though! Oh gosh ajsfnjana
Thank you so much for reading and, as always, feel free to leave any feedback you may have!