Let's see whether any of y'all can guess who that was at the end ;) Anyway, thank you to MasterQwertster for betaing in such a short time! So, i'm back at school and now im in year 11 and i seriously want to die, i guess doing subjects i actually want to do helps but at the same time, it does not, i know i have exams in week 5 which is 3 weeks away so im gonna be slower in updating. SO, in the beginning i forgot to address my insistence of the goats eating the Dursleys' grass in irregular patterns, it is kudos to Purpleeyeswtf on youtube! With None Piece, which i highly reccommend like godamn.
"Oh my," Robin says, folding the Daily Prophet neatly in half, "it seems, Luffy, that Peter Pettigrew was sighted."
He says nothing, rage silently bubbling deep within, that bastard.
"A non-magical person saw him, called a hotline, but of course, he was long gone by the time the Ministry arrived." Robin finishes, taking another sip of her steaming black coffee.
"Why would he have changed out of his animagus form though?" Zoro asks, crossing his arms, "If I was a wanted crimin- oh wait."
Usopp snickers, "Well quite frankly, criminals in this day and age are cowards, so, I can't guess why he would willingly reveal himself unless-"
"-he in fact wanted to be seen." Brook cuts the sniper off.
"Brook…" Usopp whines.
Robin giggles, "If that is the case, then he might want to realign himself with the traitor of the ministry."
"Or even Voldemort himself." Nami says, and is proud to note that Hermione no longer flinches at the name.
A slam startles her though, "I want to find him and destroy him." Luffy says, the words delivered so calmly, yet with anger lying underneath it.
"We have so much on our plate as is." Sanji mutters, on his second cigarette of the day already.
"Yeah! Umbridge is a big meanie." Chopper growls. "She makes us sit in those chairs the entire lesson! Doesn't even let us go to the toilet. Although, the cushioning spell worked, thank you Robin!"
"Do you think busoshoku haki would work?" Sanji ponders.
"Won't figure that out until we try." Zoro mutters.
"Looks like we've got our first lesson with her today." Hermione comments, pulling out her schedule. "A double, in fact."
"In any case, Pettigrew will either be caught by us if he tries to attack Luffy, or, Ace and Sabo will find him." Nami says.
"Hermione, you wouldn't be using a time-turner by any chance?" Robin asks, smiling in amusement in the way she reddens greatly.
"Of c-course not." She stutters.
"Hmm, then I don't believe it's possible to be attending all of those classes at once – unless you have an akuma no mi, of course, fufu."
"Oh alright." She sighs heavily. "I'm not supposed to tell anyone but yes, I have a time-turner."
"Really? That's so cool!" Usopp, Luffy, and Chopper cry in sync.
"I suppose it is." Hermione smiles.
"Oh, the things you could do with time-travel." Brook sighs.
Zoro claps him on the back, "Gotta live in the present, Brook."
Brook smiles sadly, "Yes, we do, Zoro-san."
Grim silence descends for a few moments before Hermione abruptly jumps up, bag almost splitting in the process, "I'm going to be late."
Nami snorts, "That's ironic."
"Robin-san, what is this cushioning spell?" Brook asks. It's clear that Luffy will be fine, but he doesn't know how to cast spells with only a thought.
"Prolongo molliare. It literally means prolong softening." Robin says, waving her wand at Brook's robes.
They do have potions before-hand though, so perhaps the day is not for naught.
Snape is restless. Dumbledore knows what the woman is here for, as well as he does.
It's partially for the Ministry to keep a lid on the rumours of the reappearances of Voldemort, seeing as Fudge is beginning to grow mildly paranoid in his old age.
But, the larger part of it was the way that Potter was able to deal with not one, but three dementors.
Snape had been within the ministry when there was word that two dementors had gone astray, and then the report came in from the wizard supposed to be trailing Potter and his 'brothers', who had been led to the zoo and as such had missed the whole confrontation.
Severus puts it to the red-haired girl. He remembers her, back during his own school days, she had been so happy to see Remus that he partly thought they were lovers.
But the way she could move within a crowd… she'd had a bright future. Maybe as an auror, but more likely as something far greater than that.
Even the way Remus could sway a crowd! It was preposterous that he was so popular. And Sirius had stood there with a proud look on his face, scowling at those who dared to go near Remus, or Thorn, or Sean.
He was weird like that, fiercely overprotective, almost to the point of overbearing.
But! He's getting off track, that Umbridge woman… he kind of remembers her instructor from the days of spying on the Ministry, but he could never get close enough to confirm what they were talking about.
He just knew that the man was hailed a hero, having died in a solo mission against Voldemort. There were rumours… nasty little things cast by gossipers, that he had tried to team up with the most evil wizard in history.
But those rumours were fiercely shot down by none other than Dolores Umbridge, his daughter.
She was a nasty little toad, feisty, full of an unnatural fire to punish those and live in the days of discrimination.
And he was certain that she had ulterior motives for moving here.
The report had been hastily scrawled and the detective fired. However, their worst suspicions were confirmed when first, weeks later, there was a lot of muggles suddenly believing in magic, claiming that these 'magical white creatures' had transcended to them, freeing them of all their sorrows.
There were some groups that were saying that there was LSD in the water, that or someone with a lot of drugs had cured the muggles.
Due to the fact that nobody truly knew which side he was on, he hadn't been able to get more out of the report. He scowled again. While it was necessary to be a double agent, he wished he didn't really have to be, mostly so that he could easily learn the ways of the Ministry.
And he isn't just going to go and ask Harry Potter what happened.
And then the train… He doesn't know exactly what happened on the train, but he's heard enough gossip to have an understanding.
It seems that the Potter boy had some degree of control over dementors, and was not exploiting them either, as it had left straight after.
Another part of him wanted to believe that Potter and his… posse were evil, villainous to the point that they could paint Voldemort in a shining light, but deep in his shrivelled heart, he knew it was not true. Nope, they are free. They disregard rules as is their whim and often leave miracles in their wake
That Umbridge woman wanted to see them destroyed though. He had seen her twitch as the group laughed and talked when they arrived in the hall.
It was almost as if she held a grudge against them for some reason.
And she had already asked if he would be willing to brew her all manors of potions. At his declination, the smirk had slid off and she had huffed off.
Serves her right, it's not like he's sadistic enough to make his students spill the truth.
He had an inkling, the way that Straw Hat Luffy had torn up history through the use of a revolution…
Unintentional, but a by-product of them becoming the second crew to reach Raftel.
And, if the whispers about her father being volcanic were true, then there's was a chance, albeit slight, that he was one of the harshest Marine leaders in all of history.
Either way, he was determined to protect the 'crew' from the trouble the toad wanted to stir, his lips curled into a sneer. Perhaps, they will tear up the Ministry in their corrupt ways similar to the end of the Great Pirating Era.
Snape is in a good mood today. It makes Brook nervous, it makes all of the Gryffindor students nervous.
A Snape willing and excited to sink his hooks into them is what they consider a good day. This Snape?
Brook decides he will be known as 'prepping-them-for-the-fall' Snape, the fall being their trip down to hell with him when he tortures them today.
But then, the entire façade disappears and he scowls at them all and orders them to get to work, "Phew, for a moment there I thought my heart would beat out of my chest." He wipes sweat from his brow and curses the fact that he is not a skeleton.
"Shishishi!" His captain laughs, as care-free as ever, but Brook is certainly not as carefree, he dreads the class they have after lunch.
Today, the third years will unfortunately acquaint themselves with the woman known as Dolores Umbridge in a class designed to dumb them down.
"Oi, Brook, concentrate." Sanji grouses, preventing him from adding rose roots, instead of daisy roots, "Where did you even get rose roots?"
"Wherever my heart is, there is love." Brook answers, mind elsewhere.
Sanji's laugh bubbles out of him and adds the correct roots when Snape's watchful glare isn't on them. "Do you believe that a simple façade would suffice to give me the appearance of a skeleton, Sanji-san?"
"Well, it would probably scare the hell out of most people, but yeah, it would give you the appearance of a skeleton. Why?" Sanji asks, stirring his rat spleen in with the ease of a chef.
"Oh how I wish for the days when I was all bones. When there was no flesh on my body to call skin, when my body would not need sustenance, or when milk was all that was needed to repair myself. That and a good night of rest." Brook sighs dreamily, and Sanji watches in amusement as a few students edge silently away from him.
"Well, I'm sure you'll become a skeleton soon, Brook." Hermione says, watching the way Sanji knows his way around potions with awe.
"Yes! I most certainly will." Brook smiles widely, that he is sure for.
"Yeah, Luffy already promised him and Captain never breaks his promises." Zoro comments.
"You are correct, Zoro-san." Brook says.
"Tch, of course I am." Zoro mutters, adding the blood of his shrivelfig to the cauldron.
The time passes in a quick manner, barely able to correctly create the potion on his own.
"Now, that was sufficient time for you all to add your ingredients to the pot, allow it to stew and clean up while it simmers. What shall we test it on?" Snape sneers.
Brook doubts that he would test it on a student. Regardless, he wonders what would happen if any of them tried it. Would they revert to this body's baby or, perhaps, to their old ones? It would be an interesting experiment, though not one that Brook cares to test.
With another sneer, Snape reveals a tarantula from one of the jars on his cluttered desk, "No volunteers? Pity. Potter, I think yours will suffice."
Luffy shrugs and gestures to his cauldron. It's probably perfect, but only because Sanji-san would've helped, Brook thinks.
Snape scoops some out and places it into a little vial, "If Potter has done this correctly, the tarantula will shrink to the size of a pinhead." Snape drawls, he pours it into the jar and the Tarantula shrinks down and down until it is, as Snape said, the size of a pinhead.
"Awesome!" Luffy shouts, leaning forward, forgetting about the cauldron literally in front of him, it leans dangerously, the rubber boy pitching forward. "Oops."
Instead of catching it like Brook is sure Luffy-san intended, some of it splashes on his captain.
"You stupid boy." Snape hisses, but before he can fix it up, Sanji has grabbed the cauldron almost mid-air.
"Drink this." Snape says and forces Luffy's mouth open, it snaps open, wider than a window causing the majority of the class to move away with haste, even Snape hesitates for an instant and suddenly Luffy-san is shrinking, much like whenever he used to use gear third.
"Dammit." Zoro mutters.
Luffy shrinks until he's the approximate size of a five-year-old, "Where am I?" he says, not with hostility but enough to make Sanji groan in annoyance.
"If you drink this, Potter, it will fix you." Snape says, descending on the small boy with the vial.
"Nuh uh! How do I know you're not a bad guy?" Luffy declares boldly. Brook is glad that he still looks like Harry Potter rather than his previous body.
"Luffy, drink the damn potion, you have amnesia okay?" Zoro grunts.
"Ehhh? Zoro? When did you get here? Sanji and Brook too?" His eyes widen, and he blinks back tears, without much prompting he leaps at them, almost naked aside from the robe that – thankfully shrunk with him having been touched by the potion. "I'm glad you guys are alright too!"
Brook squeals louder than he would've liked to, "Luffy, no!"
"I thought I'd never see you again!" He shouts in glee, but then looks down despite being on top of Zoro's head. "Ehhh?! What am I wearing?"
"Professor Snape! The potion!" Brook cries for their sanity.
The Professor barely hesitates, managing to stopper it before hurling it to Zoro, the unfortunate soul with their captain on his bright green head, accentuating his bright, red, face.
"Luffy, I swear to god, drink the damn potion!" Zoro shouts and shoves the bottle under his nose.
"Shishi." Luffy finally drinks the potion before they become permanently scarred for life and within seconds is large. "Oh, whoops."
Snape is still shaking, whether it's from shock or anger, it's clear that none of them want to find out.
"Moss-head, you got him?"
"Of course dumbass." Zoro says, captain unfortunately still on his head.
"Brook."
"Of course, Sanji-san. Professor Snape, may we take leave?" Brook bows deeply to the professor.
Snape finally snaps and roars, "50 points for your idiocy! Go and get changed, you three stay!"
"Yes, Professor Snape." The three bow contritely and Luffy slides off, grabbing his clothes from Brook.
He never said whether they were added or subtracted… The three think simultaneously.
"Thanks Snake guy!" Luffy seems to have picked up on the fact that he didn't specify which way the points were going.
"Luffy-san is quite the handful yohoho." Brook laughs, even as they clean up through lunchtime.
"Unfortunately." Zoro grunts.
"That damn idiot. How come he gets to see Nami-swan and Robin-chwan while we're stuck down here?" Sanji grouses, rubbing the broom harder than necessary.
"That's what you care about? Dumb love-sick cook." Zoro says and internally, Brook prepares for the ensuing battle.
"Oi oi, don't you dare insult Nami and Robin." Sanji says hostilely.
"Oh fight me you pickled idiot." Zoro says.
"The only pickled one here is you moss for brains!"
"Eh? You say something fool?" Zoro growls, reaching inside his robe for his katana.
"I think I did." Sanji says, leg lifting.
"No need to fight right now is there, Sanji-san, Zoro-san?" Brook implores, he doesn't need to explain this to Professor Snape.
It's unfortunately too late and the two leap at each other, teeth bared ferally as black swords and legs cross in an explosion that shakes the castle.
Brook runs around, trying to catch as many falling jars as possible, cringing comically as each one hits the ground.
"Stop stop stop!" Brook shouts futilely, "Dammit! Where's Nami-san when you need her?"
You know what they say, speak of the devil and he she will appear, "What are you damn idiots doing!?" Nami screams of murder, punching both opposing forces on the head.
The rest of the crew follow behind, Luffy at the back, chewing on a bone, "Oh Nami-san, thank goodness you're here! The-"
"And you!" Nami screeches, a fist landing on Brook's poor, head, "Why are you letting them? Do you know how many beris this would cost to clean!?"
"Good thing we have magic then." Robin says with a laugh. "Luffy-san, would you please clean the room?"
"Eh?"
"I'll ask Sanji to cook you more meat." Robin whispers in his ear.
"Alright! Suteki!" Luffy shouts, holding his wand to the sky.
In an instant, everything is moving back to where it came from, untouched by the madness inside the room.
Jars unsmashing, contents unsmooshing, candles cleaning their spilt wax up, the desks unsplintering. Sanji and Zoro sit dejected on the ground like naughty dogs. Hermione bursts into the classroom, clearly frazzled by the amount of classes she has.
"Oh, hello." She says, and Usopp grabs her bag before the contents fall out.
"Reparo." He mutters and it becomes as good as new.
"…How?" She seems to finally see the state of the room repairing itself.
"Luffy's incredibly strong." Chopper says with a smile.
"Thank goodness." Brook puts his hand to his heart.
"We should hide." Usopp says, almost offhandedly.
"Why Usopp?" Chopper asks.
"Because Umbridge is coming this way." Robin answers. "In fact, she's practically upon us."
"Shit." Sanji murmurs, glancing around frantically.
"We're so screwed. Why is she coming to Snape's classroom?" Chopper says hysterically.
"Shhh, Luffy, Zoro, Chopper, you're with me." Nami says and drags them over to the back room, within is a wardrobe that they fling open and stuff inside of. "Robin."
"Of course, Nami." And then with the ease of a veteran, Robin squeezes the remaining crew in the supply cabinet before ascending to the ceiling– nobody ever looks up.
"Thank goodness we don't have Franky." Nami whispers as they hear the door open.
"Professor Snape?" Comes the high pitched girly voice, when nobody answers the door swings open. "Not here."
There's silence before Snape's desk chair scrapes against the cobblestone floor, "Now, let's see her-"
"Excuse me." Speak of the devil, Brook can hear the tell-tale swish of the Professor's robe. "I would knock, but seeing as it is my own classroom."
There's a pause of silence, "What are you doing Dolores?"
"Just checking. You don't know where there could be bugs in this day and age. Why do you think security has been tightened?"
"There's only one bug here." Snape drawls.
"I'm afraid that I will have to cut this little hustle short. I do have a meeting with the Minister to attend to." She says primly.
Snape says nothing and the door slams behind the toad, "Stupid woman, probably bugged the whole school by now."
Brook realises something horrible. There's something itching at his nose, making the urge to sneeze become unbearable, but, if he can live through his own death (twice! No less!) then he can stifle his body's desires.
Despite his best efforts Brook releases a minute sneeze, rattling some of the jars in the process.
"Who goes there?" Snape asks, and Brook can hear the fury in his voice.
He stays as still as a skeleton, unfortunately failing in the process. He hopes that Snape will pass it off as his imagination. Luck was never on his side though and Snape opens the supply cabinet.
"Weasley? Granger?" He opens the other cupboard and releases a heavy sigh, "Alright then, where are the rest of you?"
Nami-san emerges with the remaining crew, "So, you were there the whole time?"
"Mhm, after I fixed the room-" Nami slaps a tired hand over his mouth.
"Damn moron." Sanji mutters.
"The room was destroyed?" Snape says, very quietly and very dangerously, eyes glittering in the firelight of the room.
Chopper gulps as Luffy nods behind Nami's hand.
Snape sighs, very heavily, "I wouldn't expect anything better from you lot."
"May we leave now? I have a feeling that Umbridge wouldn't appreciate us being late to the first lesson." Brook points out.
"Be careful with that woman. She plans on being the one to mould the future, and, if rumours are to be believed, her father sided with Lord Voldemort to usher in a new era." Snape explains softly, "Now get the hell out of here and stop causing me so much trouble." He finishes grouchily.
"Shishi, thank you, Snake-guy." Luffy smiles sincerely and escapes the classroom, the rest of the crew following, bowing contritely to the grumpy man.
They fall back to the mystery room, taking extra care to skirt around the Defence Against The Dark Arts classroom. They weren't lying, they would be late if they took extra time in the mystery room.
"Okay, are all of your charms still functioning?" Chopper asks the two devil fruit using Gryffindors.
Luffy smiles his assent and Brook frowns, "Prolongo molliare." In an instant, he feels the distinctive change, almost like there was a pillow comfortably attached to his behind.
"We ready for hell then?" Sanji asks.
"Always." Luffy replies.
Hefting their bags, they leave the remaining crew, "Enjoy, and remember to not let her words get to you, okay?" Usopp says, almost sternly.
"Of course not, Usopp-san." Brook agrees and they leave.
"I wonder what that woman is truly like." Brook ponders as they pass through the long hallways. Much too soon they find themselves in front of the scheduled classroom, most of the class already assembled, waiting for the overstuffed toad.
Hermione puffs as she catches up to them, despite having been in a different corridor two minutes previous, "Ah, Hermione-san, what period did you just have?"
"Arithmancy." She says, still catching her breath.
"Is that that gross mathers subject?" Luffy complains. "Man, numbers are dumb and annoying."
Hermione's mouth opens and closes a few times. "Don't worry about him, he knows the right kind of maths. Right, Luffy?"
"Hmm?"
"Brook starts with 300 pieces of meat and you take a 1/3, how much does Brook have left?" Sanji says with a small smirk.
"200."
"Everyone needs 77 apples. If there's six of us, how many apples do we have overall?"
"462." Luffy immediately replies, Hermione looks further shocked, Sanji laughs.
"See? Food is the best way for Luffy to do maths."
"Anyway, Hermione-san, what do you think Umbridge will be like?" Brook asks.
"Well, whatever she's like, she knows about sea-prism stone." Sanji mutters.
"I don't think she's going to be teaching us very much." Hermione says quietly.
They enter as the bell sounds for next period, and to their horrible surprise she's already sitting at her desk, with that stupid little velvet bow on top of her head.
Brook rarely finds himself insulting ladies, it is an impolite, ungentlemanly thing to do. However, in this case, the woman is already grating on his unfortunately fleshy nerves, and she has yet to have them in a class.
As they sit down, Brook is suddenly highly grateful that the charm works, as he only feels a slight strain when he straightens up.
However, it is a different matter for the desk. After all, that green-blue marble pattern is most certainly sea prism stone. Brook hesitantly pokes it, barely refraining from gasping as he feels his strength leave him.
The rest of the class was silent since Umbridge was an unknown element, and generally, you would wait for an opponent to reveal their tricks and hidden openings.
"Well good morning!" She beams like an artificial light as they settle down.
The class mumbles in response and her artificial grin twists downwards, particularly when she realises that none of them replied in the slightest.
Luffy-san has a very serious expression adorning his face, one that Brook usually only sees when they are to fight an enemy. Although, like Professor Snape said, she was not to be trusted in the slightest.
"Now that will not do. I should like you to reply with 'Good afternoon Miss Umbridge!', one more time, I think." Umbridge implores, that dim smile making its appearance once more.
"Good afternoon Miss Umbridge." The class chants back to her, the three straw hats staying silent while Hermione-san elects to follow the teacher.
"There now," the teacher says, smile strained heavily, "that wasn't so hard, now was it? Wands away, quills out please. Young man, would you please take your hat off?"
"Hm?" Luffy tilts his head in a manner that suggests he didn't hear her when Brook knows perfectly well he did.
"When you do not understand or do not hear a question please respond with, 'Sorry Miss Umbridge, could you please repeat that?'." Umbridge says, she seems disappointed at the amount of energy they have.
Luffy shrugs. Brook watches as the woman tenses and then calms, almost immediately.
"Take that straw hat off your head. Are you searching for a detention?" Umbridge says.
"Sorry, but I might be if you want me to take my straw hat off." Luffy says, not sounding apologetic in the slightest.
By now, the class is quite interested, because Harry Potter, the boy who lived, is giving lip to the unknown teacher.
Hermione raises her hand, Umbridge bores her beady into Luffy's, the captain not turning away for an instant, she turns to Hermione and nods, "Yes?"
"Professor, if you have an issue with his hat I believe you should be bringing it up with Headmaster Dumbledore. None of the other teachers seem to have a problem with it." Hermione explains. Brook takes great pleasure in the way her face twists.
"Young lady, I will not be taking orders off someone as young as yourself. If Mr Potter cannot adhere to the basic uniform rules, then I'm afraid I will have to deduct 5 points from Gryffindor. You may join me for detention tomorrow night as well."
The class groans quietly, sending not quite resentful looks in Luffy's direction. No doubt they had picked up on the certain quality of tone she took on when speaking to him, almost like she held an unknown grudge against the boy.
"Now, if there are not any more questions, I will repeat for those of you who did not listen the first time: wands away, quills out." There was a harsh edge to her words now.
Brook hopes that the entire lesson does not transgress in such a savage manner.
Luffy smirks internally, he's already managed to get on her nerves and it hasn't been 10 minutes into the lesson.
Try not to piss her off too much, Sanji says, smiling mutely to him.
Ah, I think she's already pissed.
Too true, you are quite grating on her nerves, Luffy-san. Brook grins.
The class follows her orders, gloomily, because rarely would an exciting class follow such words. She withdraws her extremely short wand (doesn't that mean a lack of flexibility or something? Luffy thinks) from her purse and raps it once, appearing in its' wake; 'Defence Against the Dark Arts, a Return to Basic Principles.'
"Hm, your learning has been quite fragmented, for such young, untouched minds. It has not been good for development, has it? Neither teacher seemed to follow a Ministry approved syllabus, which will lead to a severe disadvantage in two years time when you will be taking your O.W.L's." She smiles again, "You will be happy to know that these problems are to be rectified. We will be following a carefully constructed, theory-centred, Ministry-approved course of defensive magic this year. Copy down the following please."
She taps the board again and in an instant, the 'Three Course Aims' replace the previous words,
'1. Understanding the principles underlying defensive magic.
2. Learning to recognize situations in which defensive magic can legally be used.
3. Placing the use of defensive magic in a context for practical use.'
Luffy sighs when he realises he can't just copy the words with a wand now, Suteki is very disappointed in his bag, but, he whispers to Suteki and the words begin to flow on his own parchment. If there is a will, there is a way, he thinks proudly.
The whole room feels like a nursery room, maybe like that place at what was it called? Pink island? Hazardous something? Eh, wherever Law was hanging out in the New World with Caesar. It had a weird nursery meant to confine the giant children.
But anyway, it was meant to control them, keep them in line for some purpose, he can't really remember. This one, with all the pink and books on the wall that Luffy's certain are about as dull and dry as the one they're going to have to read.
"Mr Potter, why is there no quill on your desk?" Umbridge asks, noticing his blank desk.
"Because I write with Suteki." He explains, feeling a little thrum of power travel through him in confirmation.
"Suteki?" Umbridge looks confounded.
He withdraws his abnormally long and flexible wand with pride, "Suteki."
"I said 'wands away, quills out', Mr Potter. This is the second time you have disobeyed my direct orders, I believe we will be seeing each other quite frequently." Something gleams in the hag's eyes and Luffy smirks again. He's really rattling her if that's how quickly she snaps.
Regardless, he puts away Suteki and whispers for it to stop writing for him. It does immediately despite the disappointment running through him, he pulls out the fake quill Hermione bought him, a little ball-point at the end.
After a couple of minutes, the class is finished and Umbridge smiles. She asks whether they all have the book they were supposed to get for the class, 'Defensive Magical Theory' by Wilbert Slinkhard, and the class mumbles yes.
"I think we'll try that again," Umbridge says. "When I ask you a question, I should like you to reply 'Yes, Professor Umbridge,' or 'No, Professor Umbridge.' So, has everyone got a copy of Defensive Magical Theory by Wilbert Slinkhard?"
"Yes, Professor." The class chants back and Luffy thinks about how she was trying to train them like dogs for the navy.
Well, not the navy any more, but they might as well be given how much they thought of themselves and the amount of resources they controlled.
"Good, I should like you to turn to page 5 and begin reading chapter 1." She explains before returning to her seat.
Yawning loudly Luffy lets the book fall shut with a thud. He doubts there's anything worthwhile in there to learn about defensive magic, especially given how proficient he is in spells (and other things that she probably knows).
He lets his head plod down on top of the book, hissing quietly as he touches the sea prism stone coating the desk, so, instead he sits back up and stares right ahead, planning on ways to get the teacher fired.
Would claiming torture work? He doubts it, as it wouldn't be so simple a matter to prove.
What about proving her being tied to Voldemort? Again, it'd be difficult to prove, and besides, she doesn't seem the type to be affiliated with someone like him anyway.
He glances over to Hermione, finally noticing her hand up in the air, her book untouched in front of her.
Luffy raises an eyebrow in interest. Hermione has rarely, if ever, resisted the urge to read a book under her nose, quite similar to Robin in that aspect. He wonders why change now.
Although, the answer to that is quite obvious given the woman in front of them.
She glances side along to him and shakes her head minutely, staring resolutely at Umbridge, who seems to be fixed on the work in front of her.
10 minutes later and Umbridge has yet to look at Hermione, except, Luffy's not the only one openly staring anymore, the entire class is silently watching.
"Would you like some help with the chapter, dear?" Umbridge glances up, a tic of frustration at the corner of her eye.
"Not about the chapter, no." Hermione responds.
"Well, we're just reading now, so if you have a question you may pose it at the end of the class." Umbridge smiles.
"I've got a query about your course aims." Hermione ploughs on with determination.
Umbridge raises her perfectly sculpted brows, "And your name is…?"
"Hermione Granger."
"Well, Miss Granger, I think that the course aims have been described perfectly, if we read through them carefully."
"Well I disagree." She says bluntly, "There's nothing there about using defensive spells."
There was a short silence as the class processed that, staring back at the board. Luffy grins grimly at the realisation. Umbridge wanted to cripple Britain's next generation by imposing her 'carefully constructed syllabus' on them all.
The question is whether Fudge knows, or maybe he sent her specifically to screw them all over.
Her pouchy face finds him as he grins and glares a little, causing his grin to become wider.
Regardless, she answers Hermione, "Using defensive spells? Why on Earth would you need defensive spells in my classroom?"
Brook raises his hand, hard and straight. Her eyes slide over to him with scrutiny before nodding, "Yes Mr…?"
"Weasley. So, what use will practical theory do us in the real-world, Miss Umbridge?"
"Well, Mr Weasley, there's hardly a threat in the world for you all to be harmed by." She smiles.
Hermione thrusts her hand back into the air, "Yes?"
"Isn't the whole point of Defence Against the Dark Arts, to learn how to defend yourself?"
"Are you a defensive trained Ministry expert, Miss Granger?" Umbridge replies sweetly.
"No but-"
"Well then you have no right to decide what the 'whole point' of this class is. Wizards much older and cleverer than you have devised this study plan. You will be learning spells in a completely risk-"
"Well, that won't prepare us for the real world in t-"
"Hand,Mr. Potter." Umbridge says. He shrugs and leaves it despite the smouldering rage in him. He wants to land a satisfying punch into her face.
Sanji's goes up in his stead, "And you are?"
"Malfoy, ma'am, when in a fight, your opponent isn't going to fight fai-"
"Enough!" She declares loudly, eye blazing. "Unless you have been an adult for as long as those at the ministry with as much experience as they have, you are not fit to be telling me how someone will fight."
A very short silence reigns before the next brave soul raises their hand, "Isn't there a practical section in the O.W.L's next year anyway?" Pavarti Patil asks.
"As long as you have studied the material long and hard, I'm sure you'll be able to perform them in exam conditions." Umbridge replies.
"Without ever practising them?" Pavarti says incredulously, "Are you telling me that the first time we'll be using these spells is in the exam?"
"As long as you have studied the mat-"
"Isn't school supposed to teach you all about the real world? It ain't gonna do much good if we haven't learnt how to defend ourselves out there, now will it?" Brook says quietly, voice carrying through the world.
"And what kind of a person would be willing to attack young people like yourselves?" Umbridge says sweetly.
"Ah, I dunno." Luffy says, "There's been a few serial killers, a few pirates that liked to abduct children, and how about the worst Wizard to ever live?"
Umbridge remains quiet for a few moments before smiling smally, "Let's make some things abundantly clear. Firstly, you are to be learning off this carefully constructed syllabus. Secondly, the ministry has always been ahead of such going ons, aurors doing their jobs by taking these villains down. Thirdly, Lord Voldemort is and always was dead."
"Then how come we fought him in first year?" Sanji asks softly.
"Detention! Mr Malfoy, you may join Mr Potter tomorrow night. You all may have heard some rumours spread by certain malicious wizards, but I can confirm that these are nothing but myths. The Dark Lord has perished. If you are still worried, by all means, come and see me outside of class hours and I will happily put your mind at ease. I am your friend." Umbridge smiled again. "And now, will you continue reading, page 5."
Professor Umbridge sat back down at her desk, Luffy put his legs on the desk, Suteki immediately casting the cushioning spell on his legs, and he watches in satisfaction as she grimaces minutely.
"Well, this class is going to be a waste of everybody's time." Luffy says loudly, face to the ceiling, exhaling deeply.
"Potter, come here." Cold and filled with unbridled fury, Umbridge beckons him with a pointed finger.
Leaping up he trots up to the desk, she glances down in disgust at the rest of his state of dress and withdraws a pink scroll from her desk. Writing something in ink that he can't read, she taps it again and it seals shut, "Take this to Professor McGonagall." She orders.
He grins and winks to Sanji and Brook as he leaves. Hermione looking only slightly annoyed with him.
Well, you certainly got under her skin quickly, dumbass, Sanji says quietly.
Shishi, well, she was easy to get under.
It certainly poses the question of where the rest of us will learn defence. Brook ponders.
Dunno, probably in the mystery room from Robin and Hermione. Obviously, it'll include sneaking around.
Those are the best ideas, Brook laughs.
He catches himself before he walks past Professor McGonagall's study. He raps loudly, "Oi! Professor Cat-lady."
"Potter? What are you doing out of class?" She asks angrily.
"Ah, I was sent here by the toad." He hands her the scroll.
Ushering him inside, McGonagall reads the parchment, "Is it true that you didn't listen to her instructions?"
"Yup."
"And you're out of uniform again I see."
"Of course, the proper uniform is too constricting."
"And you yelled at her, calling her a liar?"
"Hmm, don't think I yelled but close enough. But I definitely didn't call her a liar."
"And then she claims you disrespected her furniture."
"Yeah, she made some really strong furniture, it's uncomfortable." He elongates the really, stretching the truth so he can avoid blurting the truth out.
"Have a biscuit Potter." McGonagall sighs heavily and he accepts the ginger newt happily. "And sit down."
He follows her instructions, "You need to be careful of her, Potter."
"I know I do, it's just so hard when she's so annoying. Have you seen the syllable? It has no practical defensive spells in it." He complains.
"I know. However, remember who she is reporting to." McGonagall clasps her hands together.
"I don't even care whether I end up in the Ministry. I have no doubt that my crew would save me."
McGonagall smiles, "Another thing, has she discovered that yet?"
"Discovered what?"
"Who you are?"
He recoils, he didn't really think that she believed him, "You believe us?"
"I've had two years to open my mind to the fact that I could quite possibly be teaching the late second Pirate King crew."
"Well, if you are aware then I think she already knows, have you ever heard of sea-prism stone?" He asks.
She shakes her head.
"It's a material made from the sea, made specifically for people like me."
"Like you?"
He hooks his cheek and pulls, the only indication of her surprise is a quite significant flinch, "So what? You're stretchy?"
"Made of rubber. Robin, Chopper, and Brook have one too." He says, "We are weak to the power of the sea, which is why it works so effectively.
McGonagall sits back thoughtfully, "There were rumours when I was a child that the man preceding her, her father, had some… unusual powers."
"What kind of powers?" He asks, dread coiling in his stomach like a snake.
"The rumours were never truly clear, some claimed he was made of steel, others, lava."
The coil snaps, "Lava?!"
She seems taken aback at his reaction, "Someone you know."
"If it's who I think it is, then there's no mystery as to why she knows about devil fruits… Dammit!" He slams his fists down on the table, out of all the people to be the father of that forsaken woman…
"Eat another ginger newt."
He eats the box, earning a reproachful glance off McGonagall, "Regardless, it says here that you have a week's worth of detention with her, starting tomorrow afternoon at 5 o'clock."
"A week's worth of detention… I've had worse."
"I'm sure you have."
The bell rings and they sit, listening to students create a stampede of noise around them, "I bid you luck on your detention with Professor Umbridge, and remember the stakes of slipping up."
"We were always aware of the dangers, it's why we came here after all." He smiles, albeit small due to the circumstances, but still there. He is resolutely ignoring the darker thoughts of just how far Akainu went with Umbridge and jumps from the seat, "Thanks for the biscuits, Cat-lady."
McGonagall nods and he leaves.
His thoughts are churning at a hundred miles an hour. Akainu was back in the ministry, but he was already dead. Detention was going to be brutal and Umbridge probably knew of haki.
"Gah!" Everything was a mess. He enters the mystery room, scratching his head.
"Luffy, Brook and Sanji filled us in on the lesson. What was in the scroll?" Chopper says, gnawing his hoofs in clear anxiety.
"Well, I have a week of detention with Umbridge, but we have another problem." He leaps onto Sunny, the others following.
"What could be worse than detention with Umbridge for a week?" Usopp says incredulously.
"Her father was one of the admirals."
"When you say one of them, I hope you don't mean who I think you do." Robin says, a frown on her face.
"The question is, how did you find that out?" Zoro asks, sake in hand.
"McGonagall knows, but, she told me that there were rumours that her father was 'unnatural', either made of steel or lava." Luffy says, ignoring the way his skin crawls and his chest burns.
Nami frowns, "Wait, McGonagall figured it out?"
"I mean, it's not like we've been keeping it a secret." Sanji points out, tray of tea in hand. He sets it down on the table and Luffy eagerly sips down the green tea.
"I'm going to write to Ace and Sabo." He says after he's finished. It is of course, the best thing to do.
"Now wait a minute, sencho, I'm not sure writing a letter would work. The mail is probably being watched for that very correspondence. Instead, why not text them a meeting point? Or even call them on that phone. I'm not entirely sure wizards have managed to tap into muggle phones." Robin crosses her arms.
"Why don't we ask Koala when we call?" Usopp points out, "She works for the Ministry right?"
"As an ambassador… but I see your point." Robin concedes.
"Now?" Brook asks.
"I don't believe we have anything…" Usopp says, whipping out his schedule.
"Alright, everyone shush." Luffy says loudly and hits the dial button. "How do you put it on speaker?"
Usopp hits a few buttons and suddenly the tone dial is ringing through Sunny. Sure enough, Ace picks up the phone, voice sounding groggy, "Luffy? What's wrong?"
"Nothing right now… is this line really safe?"
He hears Ace breath heavily before he shouts out to one of the other rooms, "Koala! Is the line safe?"
He returns in a couple of seconds, "Yeah, apparently nobody has learnt how to hack muggle phones aside from muggles. But I doubt they'll bother with us. Anyway, what's up?"
"We may have a problem, can you grab Sabo too?" It's mostly so that Ace doesn't come smoking into Hogwarts to fry up Umbridge.
"Uh yeah, Sabo!"
"Hey Lu! What's up?" Sabo asks.
"We have a problem, our new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher is a bitch." Zoro says bluntly.
"He's not wrong, but that's not the extent of it." Robin says calmly, "Luffy?"
"Well, Cat-lady said that there were rumours about her Dad, the rumours were that he could shift into steel or… lava."
Ace and Sabo hiss in anger, "Not that bastard…"
"Has she done anything to hurt you so far?" Sabo says suddenly.
"Well…"
"Her furniture is made out of sea-prism stone." Chopper says.
"Sea-prism stone?!" The brothers shout into the receiver.
"That damned bitch!"
"Alright, is there anything we can do for you guys?" Sabo says.
"Nah, we figured out how to withstand it, but, we just wanted to warn you both that the ministry might end up coming after you." Luffy says.
"They can try." Ace snorts.
"Thank you for telling us about Akainu and Umbridge. Look, I know it's in your nature, but try not to piss her off too much." Sabo reasons, "We don't want to be in too much trouble with the Ministry this early into your school years."
"And if you can't do that, burn her. It fixes everything." Ace declares grimly.
"While very true, please don't." Sabo says.
"Oh, and have you both read the news?" Robin asks.
"Mm, he was spotted in muggle London, wasn't he?" Ace says darkly.
"It's weird that he seems the least of our troubles, isn't it?" Sabo laughs.
"Don't worry, if he even steps a foot in here, we'll know." Zoro says, grim and asserting.
"Yeah. Alright, Lu, we'll see ya." Ace says and Luffy hears him smirk.
"Yup!"
He clicks the red button, hearing it disconnect. As it does he sighs. "Man, this year is going to suck."
The others agree quietly.
Robin hums, "I think it's now a question of how the other years are going to learn with such an insufferable and useless teacher. Their overarching aim is to systematically stem the flow of our knowledge and as such I can not stand by. Knowledge is to flourish and bloom beneath the tutelage of elders."
"Well, who would teach them?" Nami asks.
Robin smiles, "Why not us? We may only be third years but our magic prowess is beyond what most adults would achieve in their lifetimes."
"Desperate times call for desperate measures." Brook mutters.
"But nobody would want to listen to some second and third year students." Usopp argues.
"We do have quite the convincing leader." Zoro says quietly.
"Man, Umbridge would be pissed at that." Luffy laughs, it is his new aim to piss her off as much as possible this year.
"She would be, but what would she do to us?" Chopper says in worry.
"Eh, who cares, we've all had worse." Luffy says, grim silence following his words.
"Well, I don't know about you, but I think that it would be a great idea. It would get people on your side too." Hermione says, crossing her arms. "The only issue is secretly getting people to join. Obviously this is the best place for it, though maybe not this particular world, but something similar."
"Mm. Okay, so it's settled, our own little study group to learn the practical side of things. We all better study up on the correct use of spells then, shouldn't we?" Nami says.
"Yeah!" Luffy has no doubt that with the range of their expertise coupled with the apparent 'charisma' he exudes, they will be able to teach their school what the Ministry refuses to.
Sanji sighs around his last cigarette of the day. Classes have ended and he's pretty sure that if he kills himself now, he'd die happy.
5 o'clock is coming too quickly for his liking and it's clear that Luffy feels the same way, though he's not verbal in his distaste of the coming detention – he had pretty much asked for it.
Not like Luffy actually deserved it. The only time he deserved punishment was when he was stealing food again.
And, the real kicker was that that bitch was the magma bastards' daughter. He took Luffy down to the kitchens for most of the night when he figured his captain wouldn't be sleeping.
So, they had a ton of cooked food right now, as did the house elves despite their insistence that they did not require it.
It gives him second hand anxiety, his captain not sleeping. He knows it gives the moss-head the same kind of anxiety too.
He heard Zoro pumping iron when he left, the heavy clanking of weights somehow reassuring, like he wasn't alone in his concern.
Not to say that the others don't display obvious concern: the books Robin reads to Luffy for him to sleep, the medication Chopper sometimes gives Luffy, the tales Usopp regales him with, the way Nami sometimes lets him cuddle, Brook playing him to sleep, and the way Zoro always lets Luffy sleep against him.
They don't talk about the execution of their captain, period.
There's always a day of silent mourning shared by them, but, they move on with life and instead celebrate their captain's birthday, ignoring the elephant stomping in the room.
They had all completed their dreams, thank the gods, otherwise Sanji doubts Luffy would be very happy now.
But, the magma bastard… The second in command of the Revolutionaries and Luffy had attempted to take him down, almost landing a killing blow…
They were all run down from trying their damn best to defeat the remaining marines…
Naturally, that was when the other bastard took them down, handing their captain over on a silver platter to the remaining Marines as Blackbeard claimed to be the third Pirate King.
Unluckily for him, the rest of the fleet, all other supporting islands, and surprisingly, Monkey D. Garp, (who most people still didn't know was there) caught wind of what had happened and attacked with the might of unholy vengeance, and well, Dragon and Shanks ended up taking down the yonkou together.
By that stage, Trafalgar Law was acknowledged as one of the yonkou and took the spoils of Blackbeard's territory. Kidd and Bonney fighting over the spoils of the other yonkou.
The other leaders of the Worst Generation became their own powerhouses, but almost all of them had given up on being King given that Luffy had already staked that claim.
So in the end, they tried to help take their leader back during the transition between Impel Down and the new Marine HQ. Naturally, they sunk Impel Down in the process, sea-prism stone not stopping Zoro on a mission.
Of course, the marines raced against time to execute their captain, and despite their brilliance and tactical knowledge, they arrived too late. Apparently, the marines, with their head figure of Akainu, had learnt from their damned mistakes and executed Luffy on the spot.
And that's when the war really began. None of them really stopped to mourn, just went ahead and slaughtered the marines and their allied forces, and from within the marines began another revolution to overthrow 'Absolute Justice' with the Vice-Admirals Coby and Smoker, and ex-Vice -Admiral Garp leading the revolt.
The only one to survive the slaughter were a few of the revolutionaries, Red-haired Shanks, and Jinbe. Sanji's pretty sure that the Minks did as well – or a few at least.
The rest of them were completely annihilated. Giving up on life the moment those spears entered the King. Luffy was the sun and, well… that was the day the sun died.
He's glad Jinbe survived, at least he now knew what happened. Shanks too, given the history book he wrote.
"Oi, time to go Luffy." Sanji finally says, banishing the thoughts from his mind as quickly as his smoke disperses in the air.
"Okay." He says softly.
The walk is quiet, students that see them give them sympathetic glances when they think that they're not looking. Sanji wants to growl, he'll show them that that bitch will not control their moves.
Doesn't matter that he'd never raise his leg against her. There are other, non-violent ways to harm a lady such as herself.
"Have you got the charm?" He asks absentmindedly.
"Mm."
Her door comes into view far too quickly and Luffy raps twice, "Come in." She calls in a sugary voice.
As they walk through the door, Sanji feels… something wash over him, like it was scanning him. Glancing at the door frame he doesn't notice anything out of the ordinary and yet…
"Oh that just won't do now, I would like you to remove that enchantment you have on your clothing dear." Umbridge smiles expectantly at Luffy.
Luffy looks blankly at her, "The cushioning charm?"
"Yes, I believe you won't be needing it in this class."
Luffy sighs before muttering something. She clearly becomes appeased by his action and gestures to the two seats in front of her desk. Luffy still sits upright despite the subtle trembling in his hands at the strain from the sea-prism stone.
Try haki. Sanji thinks.
Luffy tilts his head and the subtle shaking ceases, Sanji privately thinks that he only reapplied the spell subtly. Umbridge raises and eyebrow in annoyance and says, "Now, today we will be doing some lines," as they reach down for their quills she interjects, "No, you will be using a rather special quill for this."
She places two black, sleek quills on their desks, tipped with an unusually sharp point, "You will be writing 'I will obey direct orders'." She tells them softly.
Luffy shrugs.
"You haven't given us any ink." Sanji comments.
"Oh, you won't be needing ink for these." She gives the merest of laughs.
They both write I will obey direct orders, once for good luck. Sanji almost hisses when he feels it carve into the back of his hand, feeling such a white-hot pulse of rage that she would dare harm his and his captain's hands.
It's hardly the pain that hurts, but rather the way in which it is doled out. Dammit.
Sanji, your hands will heal, don't worry.
She's hurting yours too.
Still
Still indeed, they do not speak a verbal word, the scratches in the parchment breaking the silence.
Sanji glances over and almost laughs, the words devolve from I will obey orders to I want meat.
Nice
Work of art.
"Hands." She abruptly says after what feels like hours.
They obediently put the wrong hand out for her to check. Given the annoyance on her face, she noticed, "Other ones."
Sanji had to fight his barest instincts to run when her stubby fingers touch his precious hands. She smiles, pleased at how raw his skin is despite the healed nature of the words themselves.
As she glances at Luffy's her grin of pleasure turns into dismay at the line of red across his hand, thankfully, his captain's handwriting is illegible to even the craziest of people, which is a category she definitely fits into. "Tut tut, Mr. Potter, I'm glad we will have so much time to improve your handwriting. You may go now."
As soon as they are out of the classroom, Sanji snatches Luffy's hand in his own, looking at the sheer rawness of it, "Oi, it's fine. It's a mere paper-cut right?"
"Yeah, papercut." He reaches into his pocket for a much needed smoke. It's already dark so it's not like anyone's going to catch him.
"Besides, Chopper will fix us up, he always does." Luffy says with a small grin.
Sometimes the locket the ministry official has within his possession whispers to him, nasty little secrets, things that he knows are wrong but he does anyway.
Like those dementors. He released them, giving them a quick word of their target.
He remembers a time when he did not know the locket and weeps silently for such a time. They have become intertwined, necessary for each's continued existence.
Now he would do anything for the locket around his neck, found by a pawn in a back-street alleyway of a convoluted idea.
He has so many ideas to set in motion, so many plans.
Cornelius will take his advice and set to do what is expected of him.
He's the reason why Dolores Umbridge was even considered for the Defence Against the Dark Arts position.
He's the reason why Harry Potter will die before he can destroy the Dark Lord.