Warnings: Off-screen Character Death, Minor Character Death, Mentions of Attempted Suicide, Mention of Accidental Murder (Manslaughter?), Maiming, Burning to Death, Accidental/Intentional Self-Harm, yeah I switched this fic to M, and also still no swearing!
Disclaimer: Yeah, I really can't touch things without seriously messing them up. I don't own Highschool DxD, or it never would have gotten published in the first place.
The canopy above me was a rich purple that practically screamed luxury, just in case the soft mattress beneath me wasn't enough to clue me in. The room itself was only dimly lit by a light source hanging from the ceiling. Knowing Rias, it was probably a chandelier.
Faint rustling sounded from the chair next to my bed, small hands nervously gripping and releasing a nun's habit.
Judging by the choice in decor and the bed beneath me, I was back in the real world, recuperating after the disastrous rating game. I wasn't injured, so that meant I must have fallen unconscious after taking Riser's last attack and then didn't wake up after being retired.
Right after hearing Rias resign out of a foolish desire to protect me. And it was my fault.
Trying to distract myself wasn't doing any good. Counting how many bumps I could feel beneath me or what shadows seemed to be in the gloom wasn't pulling my attention from the roiling ball of self-loathing in my gut.
I'd been played like a rat to the pied piper's tune. I had gone and done exactly what Riser wanted. He had defeated Issei, forced Rias to resign, and even gotten his personal revenge on me, all with one expert stroke.
That was the only reason Rias would still be alive instead of being forcefully resigned by death before we even got there. She had been used like bait, luring the rest in. Were the pieces I had defeated even fighting me at full power, or was I just being led along? Were my actions (red on gold) for nothing?
"Umm, Kai-san?" Asia spoke up quietly, her whisper clearly audible. She had tried talking to me before, but I had ignored her, simply not wanting to acknowledge the pity that was sure to be in her eyes. I just kept running instead. Like always. But I couldn't put it off forever. Just had to rip it off like a band-aid.
"Yeah, Asia?" My voice was equally quiet and slightly raspy, dryness tickling the back of my throat.
The nun started at the response, clearly not expecting anything after having been ignored previously. Her voice came out slightly high-pitched and faster than usual. "Oh, sorry. Umm, I just wanted to let you know that you're all healed and-"
Her mouth snapped shut with an audible sound as Asia gulped before speaking again. "I-I mean you're okay, you're not hurt or anything, and we're all okay too, umm, but not really Rias, she…"
I let the stammered words flow over me, not fully hearing them. At least she was talking to me now, even if what it took was me dying and Rias being virtually sold into slavery. The thought was followed with another burst of self-loathing, that I could be glad for something that must be incredibly hard for Asia.
My mind finally realized that Asia had stopped talking, the silence more comforting than the bland unmotivated condolences of how much I'd helped. I laid there and just looked up at the purple canopy above for a moment, too miserable to really care.
Then I heard a faint sniffle coming from the chair beside the bed.
Sitting up as quickly as possible, my first thought was of how I could make her stop. Why was she crying, what did I do? The young nun was staring down at her hands, tight-fisted and gripping her habit, soft tears dripping down her face and onto her clenched hands.
Oh gods oh gods I was bad at this stuff. "Nono, please don't cry, I'll fix it or whatever, just please be happy?" You were supposed to hug crying girls, right? But I was sure that would just make it worse. All I could do was try to tell her it would be all right and maybe Issei could help, just feeling useless the whole time.
Asia shook her head slowly, long blonde locks swaying like a weeping willow's branches. She hiccuped twice, taking in a heaving breath before wailing "I-I'm so sorry, Kai-san!"
I was taken aback, pausing in my poor attempts at giving comfort. What did she have to be sorry for? I was the one who had led Issei and myself directly into a trap, yanking him with me down the gullet of the beast. Asia was the one who had held on through everything, using up the last of her energy to keep her king alive and fighting.
"I'm the one who should apologize, Asia," I said sorrowfully, finally working up either the courage or the recklessness to lightly place a hand on her head. The younger girl flinched, but didn't break away or stop crying. "Really," I pleaded with her, "I'm the one who messed up, you have nothing to be sorry for."
But she just shook her head again, the strands of hair moving and sliding beneath my gentle touch. "I-It's not about t-that," she hiccuped, head bowing down further.
Pulling back slightly, I frowned in confusion. What could have happened to make Asia this upset besides the rating game? Had Issei broken up with her or something?
I briefly noticed the nun's grip on her dress tightening for a moment before her head jerked up, indirectly knocking my hand off, and Asia made actual eye contact with me for the first time in a month. Her cheeks were blotchy, her eyes large and wet, fresh tears running in rivulets down the trails of their predecessors.
"I'm sorry because… because… because someone has to be!" the young devil almost-yelled, not stuttering once as she made her pain-filled declaration. I was taken aback by the sheer amount of guilt that was in her eyes, an ocean of doubt and remorse that threatened to drown the girl.
Then she was out of the chair and running towards the door, pulling the door shut behind her before I could say more than a slightly strangled "Wait!" As the wooden construct closed, I lowered my arm, barely realizing I had raised it, my gaze drifting over to the side of the bed where the nun's headpiece lay abandoned in her hurry.
What could the girl have done to cause herself to feel that much guilt? If she was left alone, I wasn't sure what she might do to try and ease that hollow feeling, like a beast within, ripping and tearing pieces of yourself away. I threw my legs over the side of the bed and headed for the door, grabbing the white headpiece on my way.
Opening the door with a sharp yank, I was met by the surprised visage of Issei, hand lifted to open the door on his own side. The shock died down almost instantly, replaced with anger. I interrupted him before he could speak though, shoving the headgear into his hands. "Your girlfriend's crying somewhere, are you going to yell at me or are you going to go cheer her up?"
Issei only hesitated for a moment before shooting me one last glare and pivoting on his heel to run after Asia. I breathed out a slow sigh as he left, knowing that he'd probably confront me about making his girlfriend cry later. Forcibly straightening my shoulders I took a deep breath and moved on. I had to go apologize to Rias, and it would be best to do it now.
The walk was quiet and seemed like it took at least three times longer than it should have, each step echoing around the rooms or halls as I navigated back to the central room. In front of me was the same door, the tiny smear of blood on the left side and the slightly dented handle from where someone had been rushed opening it.
I didn't allow myself a single second of pause before lifting my hand up and knocking on the door. This was my fault and I had no right to feel hesitation. My knuckles had barely brushed the wood for a second tap when the door swung open so fast I had a moment of panic that it would hit whoever was opening it on the other side.
No such thing and instead the widening aperture revealed a tall stranger, broad enough to block my vision of the rest of the room with a deep black cloak framing his body like the curtains of a theater and held together by a small red gemstone that seemed to shift slightly as I looked at it. The man had hair so red that he had to be a member of Rias' family that trailed to the back of his neck, two long bangs dangling down to his breastbone and accentuating the man's admittedly handsome features.
Although probably the most defining feature was the excited gleam in his blue eyes and open-mouthed grin that immediately fell into a look of abject despair as his entire body slumped at the sight of me. "Oh," he said dejectedly, not even bothering to introduce himself. "I thought that you might be the Red Dragon Emperor, I've been hoping to meet him for a long time."
Someone wanted to find Issei? And they didn't want to beat him up for something? Well that was certainly a new one. Still, I didn't want a stranger to be around for this, no matter if he was a member of Rias' family or not. I stepped to the side as casually as I could and pointed down the corridor in the way I had come. "I just barely saw him go that way. I think he was looking for a restroom."
Upon hearing my lie the man immediately lit up again, evacuating the doorway and almost skipping down the hall without a single word of goodbye. I held in place for a moment though, casting a look of suspicion at the back of the man's flaring black cloak. I thought I had seen a glint of dark intelligence for a moment, something that completely defied the man's excited demeanor.
He certainly wasn't the fool that he seemed to be. I'd need to keep an eye on him if I ever saw him again. For now though, I had bigger problems than Issei's biggest fan. Squaring my shoulders I looked directly into the same main clubroom, lit by flickering candles and half-operational lightbulbs same as always, but somehow the tone was much gloomier than usual.
Akeno and Kiba were seated on the two couches, each remaining in their clothes from the battle, tattered and singed in places but still mostly workable. There was no sign of Koneko, but Rias was seated behind her large desk, slumped in her leather chair with heated cheeks and a blank look on her face. I had seen those kind of eyes only once before.
And I would never let that happen again. I stalked into the room, passing by Kiba and Akeno and ignoring their looks of curiosity and disappointment. They weren't the main concern at the moment. I planted my feet in front of the desk and held my arms behind my back in parade rest waiting for Rias to acknowledge me.
It didn't take as long as I had thought it might, Rias only taking a moment before noticing my presence in front of her and looking up with dull red-rimmed eyes that contrasted with her usual blue iris. All that Rias could see in her future was her past coming back to haunt her.
Sure that I had the king's attention, I bowed deeply, as low as I could go. "I'm sorry." That was all I could say, the rest of the words I wanted to say choking in my throat and squeezing my heart like a vice. No apology could fix my mistake.
There was a moment of pause before Rias sighed deeply. "Raise your head, Kado-san," she said, and I obeyed, looking up to see Rias looking at me with a sad smile, "It wasn't your fault, Kado-san. I was unprepared to fight Riser."
It wasn't your fault.
I'd heard that before. Kioko whispering into my ear as I looked at dried blood on the pavement. My own whispered words in the dark as I woke up in the middle of the night, visions of lightning and crab legs in my mind.
It's all your fault!
A fierce anger burst to life inside of me, like gasoline poured on a flame. What right did she have to say that! To forgive me? I barely even felt it as my fingernails dug into the skin of my palm, instinctively channeled magic lighting up my fingers and piercing even my devil flesh.
"If I may say," I said, the words tumbling out of my mouth before I realized I had thought them, "What in Dante's seven hells were you thinking when you resigned!" My hands slammed down on the thick wood desk with a bang and I felt more than saw Akeno and Kiba spring to their feet behind me, ready to defend their master.
My attention was focused squarely on Rias though, who jerked at the sudden noise but had barely reacted to my words themselves. I was inexplicably furious and couldn't resist taking it out on the person right in front of me. "You don't get to resign like that and just force us to give up with you!"
Rias blinked, responding in the same gentle voice she had forgiven me in. "There was no chance we could win against Riser. I couldn't keep watching you and Issei fight for nothing."
I gritted my teeth, angry at how calm she was, how it seemed like I was the only one who got this. "So what! We're your peerage! We knew we could be hurt when we fought for you. We went into that battle knowing we would give everything we had, we would die for you!"
For the first time since I had entered the room, Rias showed emotion, a spark of anger in her own eyes, replacing the blankness. "Well what if I don't want you to die for me! I refuse to allow any of my peerage to die, even if they choose to uselessly throw themselves against a Phenex!"
"That's not your choice to make!" I roared out, leaning further forward until I was close enough to see my own face reflected in Rias' eyes. "You are our king. We are your pieces." I had to fight to lower my voice, speaking in a harsh tone that was still backed by my sudden fury. "You lead, and we will follow. You flee, and we will stand and fight to our last breath."
"I refuse to accept-"
Rocking back I barely held myself back from burying a magic-laden fist into the desk. She just wasn't getting the point! "It's a game!" I yelled, more at the ceiling than at Rias herself, before my gaze shot back down and pinned her own blue eyes in my brown ones. "It's a game, and you announced checkmate before all your pieces were defeated."
Rias cocked one eyebrow, regaining some of her aristocratic sarcasm. "Except that I had two pawns and a bishop remaining and the opposing king is immortal-"
"Don't look too far into the analogy." I paused and viciously swept a hand across my hair, resisting the urge to pace and instead glaring down at my hand, the hand I could still remember hitting Riser's cheek. "Besides, he's not immortal, just very hard to kill."
"And the difference is?"
Biting my cheek I clenched my fist tight, still not looking at Rias. "That we have a chance. The rating game's over, gone. But still have ways to beat this." I had killed one Phenex before. I might have to do the same again. If there was some way to rig a fight with Riser and keep pummeling him until his magic ran out, he would have to give up or risk his own life. That would be our biggest chance.
The anger had faded somewhat, instead leaving behind immovable determination. It felt hollow compared to the blind ferocity of fury, but it was a core of steel and held me up. I looked up from my clenched fist, staring right into Rias' eyes, wide in realization.
"Don't give up just yet, Princess. I promised I'd save you, didn't I?"
Hoping that sounded as cool and comforting as it did in my head, I turned around, pushing past a slightly shell-shocked Kiba on my way to the door, not looking back as I closed it behind me.
I managed to stay upright for a moment longer before slumping to the wall, back against firm plaster and wood. Way to make promises you can't keep, Kado. Just add them on to the pile, why don't you.
No, I couldn't think like that. I had to do this. For Rias and for her future. Shaking my head from side to side I pushed off the wall, taking a moment to straighten the borrowed school uniform, the sleeves barely too long for my own limbs.
The next step would be to visit Kioko, let her know how the rating game had gone. I'd promised myself not to keep her out of the loop and it wasn't like I could hide something as large as losing the rating game anyway. I knew her address, so I could be there in about half an hour.
Stepping outside of the clubhouse, still caught up in my thoughts, I reflexively shivered at the cold before realizing that it was nighttime, the time either approaching midnight or having already passed it. How long had I been asleep?
At this hour Kioko would be asleep, and my parents were expecting me back by the afternoon, not almost into the following day. Clicking my tongue I picked up my pace into a run, thanking the devil body once again as I sped through the night air.
Veering my path to cut across the park and shave a few minutes off my time, I shivered and picked up the pace slightly as I passed by the fountain, remembering that the last time I had been here I had been distraught at best and self-harming at worst. If Kioko hadn't been there I didn't want to think of what might have happened.
It wasn't long before I reached the street that my house was on, still only breathing lightly thanks to it being the middle of the night and my devil traits being the strongest. There were no street lamps to light up the thin avenue that my house was on, but I could see the two-story form of the antique shop just fine with night vision.
Slowing down as I reached the door I fumbled around in the windowsill for the house key. Slipping the thin piece of metal into the lock I eased open the door, cursing as the small bell hung over the door lightly rang, a faint tinkling sound in the darkness.
Hoping that all my family was asleep I closed the door behind me and locked it with a small click, slipping the key into my pocket before slowly creeping through the randomly sorted piles of old but expensive junk to make my way to the staircase on the other side of the room.
Reaching the bottom of the old wood stairs, my heart sank as I saw a slight orange glow lighting up the side of the wall, proof that there was some kind of light on upstairs. It was probably my mother, always worrying about me. Not bothering to try and hide my footsteps anymore I walked up the stairs, still inwardly wincing at each creak as the boards bent beneath my weight.
As my head poked over the top of the stairs I could see the silhouette of my mother, seated on our aged sofa with a book in her hand and a lamp behind her, framing her in the dim light.
Just as I climbed the last stair my mother turned her head to the side in a motion that suggested it was a habitual check, immediately noticing me and placing a thin bookmark into her book before climbing to her feet.
I stepped forward into the light, prepared to apologize for being so late, but was interrupted as my mother moved forward and wrapped her arms around me in a deep hug. My body tensed at the first moment of contact before sagging, releasing all the pain and stress that had been built up as if by magic.
My family usually tended to avoid physical contact, a combination of fears and worries that hadn't been cleared away even by years of living together. But I could feel relief suffusing my mother's body just as it did mine, somehow this loving gesture exactly what we needed at the moment.
My hands twitched, before slowly reaching up to return the embrace but my mother pulled away first, stepping back and folding her arms in front of her as her long black hair flowed smoothly behind her back. The perfect picture of a loving lady.
Slowly, ensuring I could make out the words, she mouthed did you have fun?
Swallowing, I put a wide grin on my face and hoped she couldn't noticed how fake it was in the darkness. "Yeah, it was…" My arms shuddering to a halt as the blade lodged in her stomach, my hands soaked in blood as I brought them down again and again, the searing heat in my back and look of defeat in Rias' eyes. "…Fun."
S~~~S~~~S~~~S~~~S~~~S
My eyes slowly blinked open as the almost rhythmic thumping noises against my door finally shook me from my troubled sleep. Rubbing my face and forcefully chasing away the final images of dull eyes and blue sparks, I glanced at the clock on my bedside table to see just how early my sisters had decided to wake me up. "What do you want?"
The pounding finally stopped, a relief to my already budding headache. "You didn't call-" "You didn't write-" "You got back late-" "You have to tell us everything that happened!"
I groaned again, giving up on falling back asleep with those two so eager for details. It was rare that I was gone more than a day, so almost two weeks was probably strange for them. I should probably be grateful that they actually let me sleep in as long as they did, even if it was only a few hours with how late I got back last night. At least it was a Sunday, so I didn't have to go to school on top of everything else.
Well, there was no avoiding this. There was no way my sisters would let me hold off on sharing the story, so I'd just have to get it over with. There was no way I was going to tell them about Rias almost killing me though, or about fighting with Riser…
…Or the rating game at all, or training with magic, or anything I did. Mentally panicking now, I berated myself for not coming up with a cover story before this. What did I think was going to happen?
"Did you fall asleep?" "Do we need to come in?" "We can wake you up…" "I'll get the water!"
"No, that's fine!" I immediately yelled, shooting up in bed and pushing the blankets off me with one hand. "I'm up! I'm up!" Now I just had to figure out a good story that didn't involve anything about devils, magic, or death in five minutes. No problem, right?
S~~~S~~~S~~~S~~~S~~~S
"And you're sure that wasn't dangerous at all?" My father asked quietly, poking one eye up over the book he was reading to fix me with a skeptical expression.
Shoving down a brief burst of irritation I smiled, waving off his concern with a casual shrug and gesture with my chopsticks. "The President's family owned the property, so I'm sure that they made sure that the property was safe before we came. Besides, there were beds and electricity, so it can't have been that old."
"So there weren't any ghosts," "or zombies," "or yokai," "or anything there?" My sisters asked, slightly downhearted but with faint hope in their eyes. I could see my father rolling his eyes behind his fake glasses and mother was silently chuckling. If only they knew…
"Well," I said secretively, leaning in closer and lowering my voice, "I'm not supposed to tell you, but there was an old devil locked away in the basement." My sisters were transfixed, leaning in closer to match me with awe in their eyes. "It scared Rias so badly that she screamed," I confided in a whisper, "But I punched it so hard that it went back to the underworld and never came back." Okay, so I took some liberties with the tale.
Leaning back in my chair with a satisfied look, I watched smugly as my sisters talked between each other in hushed whispers. Then they turned to me as one and said "You're lying."
Slumping down lower in my seat, I sighed, poking half-heartedly at my food with a pout on my face. "Well no need to be so mean about it…"
"We're twelve," "not two." "It was an obvious excuse for-" "skipping school all week."
I was thankfully distracted from the ruthless barbs of my sisters as my mother tapped my shoulder. Turning to her, she carefully mouthed No honorific? with a raised eyebrow and amused look in her eye.
Please let me go back to the insults. Looking down at the food in front of me and poking the small pile of vegetables with my chopsticks, I said "Well I didn't start off on the best terms with Ria- the President, and so it was a way to snub her at first. We're friends now, but it feels weird to call her anything else."
"If you didn't like Gremory-senpai at first," sister number one asked, "Why did you join her club?" finished sister number two.
Huh. That was a very good question that I really should have figured out the answer to before now. Since somehow I didn't think that "I died and got impressed into indentured servitude" would go over that well. "I really like the supernatural," I hedged, sounding as confident as I could with such a weak reason.
My father chuckled slightly from behind his book, a bite of food disappearing as he brought it up to his mouth. "Doesn't surprise me with all those books you read."
Another brief surge of bitterness surged up but I quickly quashed it and forced a laugh. "Yeah, guess I couldn't give up hope on discovering magic just yet."
Out of the corner of my eye I could see my mother giving me a slightly worried look, but I ignored her and just concentrated on my food. Luckily the conversation didn't continue after that and in ten minutes I was bounding out the door to the antique store, barely missing someone coming into the shop as I skidded onto the street.
Now my first priority was to tell Kioko about the rating game, but why do something so simple? With a smile I pulled out one of my sisters' cell phones which I had nicked in the confusion of cleaning up after breakfast, my own having been destroyed in the rating game. "Hey, Kioko-chan? This is Kado, would you be willing to go on a date with me today?"
S~~~S~~~S~~~S~~~S~~~S
When Kioko had told me it would take her an hour and a half to prepare for the date I had rolled my eyes, mentally thinking that there was no way it should take that long. I mean it was just putting on a set of clothes and doing hair, right? I'd made sure to pick out a nice-looking set of clothes for myself, but that was barely even ten minutes, not the ninety that Kioko was taking.
I immediately regretted that line of thought when I saw Kioko walk into the mall square, the same place our double date with Issei and Asia had ended so tragically. If I hadn't already been sitting down at one of the park benches beneath the shade of a tree, my knees would have buckled as I caught sight of my girlfriend.
She was wearing an ocean-blue dress I had never seen before, draped over one shoulder and trailing down at an angle, lightening in shade until it was the shade of a clear sky as it ended at mid-thigh, leaving enough of her long legs visible to make my heart skip a beat. Her shoes were new as well, a set of sandals with multiple straps wrapping around her ankles to secure them on her feet and with just a touch of high heel to make her seem taller. Overall, she looked like a goddess from Greek mythology come to life.
Realizing that I was basically ogling Kioko I jerked my attention up to her face and found myself once again struck dumb. Her hair was gathered in a set of braids that seemed to weave in and out of each other, framing her face and curling slightly at the ends. Even her face seemed to glow, enhancing the smirk and raised eyebrow that proved that Kioko had noticed my staring.
Flushing slightly I redirected my gaze to the metal table I was seated at, afraid of looking at Kioko in a way that I really shouldn't. But I still couldn't keep from stealing quick glances at her as she slowly walked over, only catching brief flashes that left me hungering for more.
By the time I felt that I could control myself, Kioko was seated across from me, one elbow leaning on the table and looking at me with a look of teasing expectancy. "Well?" She asked, obviously all too aware of the effect she was having on me and not quite ready to give up control just yet.
"You're absolutely beautiful," I said honestly, still not fully there enough to come up with a better response and fighting to keep my gaze on her eyes instead of drifting to elsewhere on her body. I really should shoot whoever said that an hour and a half was too long to get ready for a date.
A smile twitched at the corner of Kioko's mouth but she suppressed it quickly, turning away as if she didn't care. "And?" She said imperiously, not yet satisfied.
Thinking for a moment, now that I'd managed to reclaim my scattered bits of concentration, I gave a debonair smirk and reached forward to take Kioko's soft hand in my own rough one, leaning forward to bestow a slight kiss on the back of the hand. "My lady, you are a treasure too fine for this world, better suited for the vast heavens where you would outshine even the brightest of stars."
I watched carefully, hiding a smirk, as red slowly began to suffuse Kioko's ears, though she managed to keep the blush from reaching her cheeks. After a moment of shocked silence, Kioko yanked her hand back, tucking it in closer to her chest as she looked into my eyes like she wasn't affected at all. "And?"
Oh, so that was how she was going to play it?
As I stood up, Kioko's face took on a concerned expression and she put out her hand, worried that she'd gone too far. She paused though when I rounded the edge of the table and dropped to one knee next to her.
"Horikawa Kioko," I said honestly. "You are the love of my life and I have no idea how I survived my life until I met you." Taking a breath and subtly enjoying how flustered Kioko looked, I continued. "You're always there when I need you, and I hope that I can be take up a fraction of the space in your heart that you occupy in mine. The only reason I haven't already proposed is because we're both in highschool and I don't have a ring yet."
There was a moment of silence, Kioko squirming away from my look and futilely turning away from me to hide her radiant blush. Then a voice from outside our little bubble called out "Woo! You go, man!"
As if that was the first drop of rain, suddenly there was applause, whoops and cheers, and flashes from cell phones coming from everywhere around us. Looking around with wide eyes I realized that somehow Kioko and I had become the center of attention in the mall, a circle of bystanders surrounding us like a fighting ring.
Kioko hadn't noticed the crowd either, judging by her startled look and curling deeper into herself. That was enough reason for me to ignore my mounting embarrassment and stand up again, forcibly grabbing Kioko's hand and yanking her off the park bench. Head down, I pushed through the crowd and ignored the cheering and pats on the back from strangers as well as I could, although a smile of my own was tugging at the corner of my mouth.
Luckily, the crowd let us go without much hassle, dissolving quickly once they realized the spectacle was over and leaving us alone again, although an elderly man gave me a final wink and thumbs-up from across the square. As I waited for Kioko to regain control of herself I couldn't help but run over what had just happened.
What in the name of Hades had I just said! I had been trying to embarrass Kioko, but I hadn't meant for all that to come out! What was she going to think? That I was too enthusiastic? That I had gone too far? This could change everything!
But underneath it all, what scared me the most was the fact that I had meant every word. Only a month ago I had been so sure that leaving Kioko behind was the right thing to do. I knew that I would keep throwing myself into dangerous situations, and how could I drag Kioko down with me into the world of devils and gods? I knew that she could take care of herself, but she shouldn't have to worry about me, never knowing if I would come back alive.
I'd decided that all long ago, knowing that this was only going to be a short-term thing. So now why was I having these thoughts? There was no way that it could work out between us, not when I kept throwing myself into trouble and danger like I knew I would. But how could I simply discard that part of me?
A murmur broke me from my thoughts and I turned to Kioko, who was looking away from me, head bowed. "Sorry, what was that?" I asked. "I was distracted and didn't hear you."
Kioko lifted her head slightly, showing me the edge of a smile and a hint of teary eyes. "I said yes, you idiot."
And with that short sentence, every doubt in my mind abruptly vanished, leaving me shell-shocked as a slow goofy grin grew on my face. "Oh," I said stupidly, not able to gather any other words.
Looking up and seeing my face, Kioko giggled to herself. "Come on then, idiot, let's go find somewhere less crowded," she said, already pulling my hand along behind her like I was a stubborn dog on a leash.
I just followed, unable to do anything but smile.
S~~~S~~~S~~~S~~~S~~~S
"Well."
"Well."
"I've never been thrown out of an arcade before."
"And I've never accidentally broken three machines in a row."
"What part of that was accidental! Why did you even try the punching machine if you can't control your devil strength!"
"I don't know, it was just an urge! I didn't realize that the machine was that weak!"
"So you decided to try the same thing two more times?"
"If they can't do the upkeep on their machines properly, they shouldn't have them."
Kioko gave up the argument as a lost cause, rolling her eyes and sighing deeply to show her frustration. Her hand was still entwined with my own though, a comforting warmth that let me know that she wasn't really that mad.
I winced as I walked into another lamppost, Kioko walking close enough to the obstacle that I would either have to let go of her hand or take the hit. Okay, maybe she was a little upset.
It had been a great day so far, spending time together and laughing about stupid things like hair and school, a nice meal, followed by visiting the arcade and proving that I really was just that bad at arcade games. The first punching machine I broke had been a result of not monitoring my strength enough, but the second I got a little too vigorous at when I noticed an older man staring creepily at Kioko.
The third machine I broke was on purpose. The sleazy-looking guy left after that, which said good things for his life expectancy. I still tried to remember his face though, just in case I saw him again later.
The one thing that I hadn't done yet today was tell Kioko about the rating game. Glancing up quickly at the sky, I figured that I still had a few more hours before I should get home. That should be plenty of time for the idea I had in mind.
Lightly tugging at our joined hands, I got Kioko to stop just before dragging me into another street sign. "Yes, Kado-kun? Did you need something?" She asked sweetly. Oh yeah, she was mad.
I kept my gaze locked on her jade eyes, refusing to let my gaze drift elsewhere. "If it's not too much trouble, could we go somewhere for a bit?" I wanted this to be private, without anyone else around, and I knew the perfect place.
Kioko studied my face for a time, sharp eyes roving my features for something that I couldn't tell, before looking away with a careless shrug. "Sure, be my guest."
Navigating around the metal street sign I took the lead, wordlessly leading Kioko farther away from the mall and into the eastern edge of Kuoh. After a ten minute walk we were already in a less reputable neighborhood, the streets cracked and the majority of buildings being crumbling apartment buildings with grimy windows and graffiti painted onto walls and fences.
The street was empty, not another person in sight although I could hear a baby crying from a few houses away and, at one point, a sound of breaking glass. This was where the bottom percent went. The hungry, the desolate, the survivors. I still couldn't say if I was blessed or cursed to know it so well.
Still leading Kioko by the hand I pulled her into a specific alley marked by a skull scratched into a brick. Partway down the alleyway I reached above my head and pulled down a rusty iron fire escape ladder that screeched with rust the entire way down.
Pulling on a rung to make sure the ladder was secure, I waved my free hand towards the ladder. "After you milady," I said with false cheer, a fake smile on my face. I could tell that Kioko didn't buy it for a second, but daintily giggled anyway and rapidly climbed up the ladder, lowering a hand down to me afterward to help me up.
I accepted the hand gratefully and climbed up, leading the way to the next iron stairway and upwards. The aged metal grated beneath our feet like the workings of a mighty mechanical beast, ready to swallow us at any moment.
Reaching the top of the fire escape, a stacked pile of metal pipes used for sewer work let us scramble to the top of the building, the roof. It was completely flat and bare of anything but a water tower and a few blocks of cooling units, shut off despite the approaching heat of summer.
Plopping down at the edge of the roof, I invited Kioko to sit down by my side. As she did so I gazed out over the edge of the roof and marveled again. From here you could see cars, people, businesses, all running their daily lives, all with their own struggles and trials.
But from here they all seemed so far away, tiny false figures like toy soldiers, marching on in another dimension that didn't affect me at all. Even just sitting down relieved some of the stress from my shoulders that had been resting there for the last while. Right now it was just Kioko and I, nothing else.
We sat in silence, just taking in the view for a time, the sun slowly creeping lower in the sky. Eventually I broke the quiet, wetting my lips carefully before speaking. "My first fight was against one of Riser's knights, a girl named Siris who was the 'Delinquent,' whatever that meant." I said quietly.
Kioko stayed mercifully silent, which was a blessing since I wasn't sure if I'd be able to keep going if I stopped. "I stole her sword and almost cut in her half," I said bluntly. No more lies. No more avoiding things that Kioko needed to know. I couldn't keep being that person anymore, for her sake.
I told her about the entire rating game. About how I felt discontent in my role, about scaring Mira so badly that she resigned, about becoming arrogant and investigating too far. About Ravel, how I'd defeated her. And how I'd fallen for Riser's trap and forced Rias to resign. I even told her about the attack I'd jumped in front of to save Rias, something I usually would have kept to myself.
At the end of it all, I just sat still, hands in my lap and staring out across the expanse of air beneath us. "I just…" I couldn't put it into words, how crushed and broken I felt. How I regretted the mistakes I'd made and regretted who I had become. "I just… wanted to save someone."
My body shuddered once, twice, before the dam broke and tears pricked at the corner of my eyes. I brought an arm up and furiously scrubbed my eyes, not wanting to seem weak or broken to Kioko. "I'm sorry, it's nothing-"
Warm arms wrapped around me and I was pulled into Kioko, my head resting just above her collarbone as she enveloped me, refusing to let me go. If my mother's embrace was relief and worry unfounded, this was empathy and acceptance.
My breath hitched and I finally began to cry in earnest, tears pouring down my face and dampening Kioko's dress drop by drop as the cage that I had locked every negative emotion of the rating game into finally came loose, letting everything pour out at once.
I don't know how long it was until I had finally released everything stored up inside me, feeling as drained as if I had just run a marathon before I became a devil. My face pressed to Kioko's shoulder as her arms were still wrapped around me, unrelenting. As solid as time itself.
And for the first time I could remember, I felt safe.
"You saved me."
Kioko's whisper was directly next to my ear and I could hear it clearly. I didn't try to move, instead just relishing in the feeling and willing to listen to Kioko like she had done for me.
"It was the twenty-third of January, last year," she began, speaking softly. "An underclassman stood on the roof and shouted something stupid at a crowd of second-years heading home."
I could remember what she was talking about now, the day that we had technically met. I shifted slightly, uncomfortable at remembering the embarrassing memory, but kept quiet. This was clearly important to Kioko, and I wasn't going to ruin it.
There was a long pause as Kioko didn't continue and I could feel her chest rising and falling, breath ghosting past my ear. "What you didn't know was that I had killed my parents barely two months before."
My head shot up fast enough to almost clip Kioko's chin, although I was still held tightly by Kioko and my neck was now at an awkward angle. Kioko's eyes were blank and fixed on the horizon, much like my own had been previously and her tone had no inflexion in it.
"It was just an experiment with my powers, it shouldn't have been dangerous at all. Just a simple experiment." Her voice didn't shake or vary at all, completely steady. "Then my parents were on the floor, dead. Hollow shells without a soul.
"Nobody knew, I just kept going to school and living like I always did. But it was all so… empty. Cardboard cutouts and pasted figures." Kioko didn't even seem to be blinking, just staring ahead, emotionless. But I could see small droplets beginning to grow at the corners of her eyes.
"And so," Kioko went on, "that day, when you called out to me, I had decided to kill myself." Her tone was bland, no variation from the previous sentence. But my blood boiled at hearing that, anger mixed with guilt that she'd been going through that pain and I hadn't noticed. The only thing that let me keep my tongue was that I knew that she hadn't gone through with it, that she was still in front of me.
But I still reached around and hugged her, tightening my arms around her as if to verify that she was alive, more than just a ghost. Kioko's arms squeezed back, returning the brief show of affection.
"I was going to kill myself the same way I had my parents. No damage, no crime, just three corpses. And then…" Kioko's voice changed at last, gaining a slightly dreamy tone as her voice lifted. "You called out to me. And for some reason, it felt like you were talking just to me."
Her shoulder jabbed me in the face as Kioko shrugged, her body loosening and finally relaxing slightly. "So I talked to you. Maybe I was just hoping you were a sign of some kind, some force telling me not to do it. But you were just a normal guy who had lost a bet. I don't even know why I told you my name, really."
I had no idea that was what had been going through her head at the time. She seemed normal, teasing, maybe just a bit annoyed when she interrupted me in the stairway, but I had completely missed what was going inside her. How practiced was that mask that I hadn't seen even a hint of what happened underneath it?
"So I went home. I thought about my parents, how much they loved me, and how horrible a person I was for killing them. How much I deserved to die for what I'd done. And… I couldn't go through with it.
"The next day, I went back to school and found you at lunch. I ambushed you, and you remembered me. You remembered me. And I haven't considered suicide since. It could have been anyone who remembered it, it was just a name after all. But… I'm glad it was you. I dated you because you're you, not because you remembered my name."
My mouth was dry, my entire body focused on this moment. It was a mixture between hope, shame, and guilt in a churning well of emotions that I couldn't make sense of. I had changed her life that much? But the most prominent feeling was a sense of determination.
I placed my hands on Kioko's shoulders, gently pushing myself away from her, this time her hands giving way and sliding down to my waist as I looked Kioko in the eyes. "You deserve to be alive. I don't care about what happened in your past, I wouldn't be where I am without you and if you disappeared, I swear I'd hunt you down and bring you back."
Kioko's eyes were still slightly glassy, but she looked back with the same iron will that I had, her green eyes boring into my own. "And the same goes for you." What did she mean? She kept going, not giving me a chance to say anything. "I don't care what you did, or what you think you did. Even if the world hates you and the universe is arranged against you, I will always love you. Until the end of time."
I suddenly realized that Kioko was a lot closer than she had been before, her eyes slowly drifting closed, leaving just a speck of green visible beneath her eyelids. I swallowed nervously, remembering my decision. Didn't I decide that this was too much, too dangerous? I should pull back, stop now. I had the feeling that this was a line that if I crossed, I wouldn't be able to go back on.
Then her slightly damp limps met my own dry ones in a stiff touch that quickly melted into a kiss that seemed to wipe away everything else. Her hands on my waist, my hands on her shoulders and the rest of the world fading around us like it was our first kiss all over again.
It wasn't romance, it was love. It wasn't heartwarming, it was heartbreaking. We were two broken people barely holding each other together. But it than moment, it was more than enough.
S~~~S~~~S~~~S~~~S~~~S
I was emotionally and spiritually drained as I walked down the dim street towards my house but I still had it in me to whistle a soft tune, a warm feeling in my chest. It was still just barely light enough that the devil vision made everything seem too bright, while shadows popped up in odd places, turning the simple street into a confusing mix of light and dark that made the whole world seem like an old film.
The chime of the bell as I pushed the old door open was comforting this time, as opposed to the feeling of shame that it caused last night. But the sound wasn't followed by the standard welcome provided to everyone who walked through the door, something I was used to from my years living here. Frowning, I peeked around a tall wardrobe from the fifties to see the cluttered counter, with nobody standing behind it.
The store stayed open until seven, so either my mother or my father should still be around. It was odd and somewhat concerning that they were absent. Had someone gotten sick? Navigating through the cluttered mess of dusty wood and porcelain I made it to the base of the steps and hopped up them, skipping every other stair as I advanced upwards.
Reaching the top, I grabbed onto the side banister and swung around to bleed off momentum. "Hey, is everyone-"
I froze, taking in the scene in a second. The room was untouched, the furniture the exact same as I had last seen it. But in the center of the living room, where there was usually nothing but empty space, there lay a pile of bodies, stacked like a pile of logs.
At the bottom of the pile, hands and feet tied with a thin black strap and another strip of black over his mouth, was my father. His glasses were nowhere to be seen and his head was lolling limply to the side with his eyes closed. A section of his silver-black hair was stained red.
Lying directly to his sides, arms and legs wrapped the same way, were my sisters, heads facing me and short black hair in a tangled mess in front of their faces, doing nothing to block the terrified looks in their eyes, although I could tell that the sister to the right was trying to look brave, holding back tears as best as she could.
On top of the pile was my mother, upside-down but still facing me, with no tape to block her mouth. She was crying, the tears dripping down her forehead and disappearing into her hair, loose from it's usual tight bun. Her eyes were filled with fear, just like my sisters, but it was for her family and for me, not for herself. And over and over, her lips formed the single word Run!
Beneath the pile, slowly rotating like a pack of sharks waiting for the kill, was a large golden-yellow magic circle in the shape of a bird created from fire. I had seen it once before, when Riser had visited Rias.
The circle pulsed and I burst forward, a silent scream on my lips as demonic energy poured from my soul in a flood, rushing into my limbs and lighting them up brighter than the start of the universe. The world blurred into perfect focus as everything seemed to slow down, my hand stretching out in front of me in slow motion.
My fingers were millimeters from my mother's face when the magic circle lit up, a pillar of fire erupting into the room and immediately drying my eyeballs and scalding my lungs. My vision was blocked from my wrist down, my hand not blocking it for a second.
Everything seemed to hang still for a instant of eternity before my body burst, unable to handle the magical energy and the world lighting up in all the colors of a supernova as my body crashed to the ground, unable to do a thing as bright spikes of pain raced up my spine and into my brain.
I scrambled to hang onto the last shreds of consciousness and managed to weather the pain long enough to see the fire dying down to reveal black ash floating to the ground along with the smell of burnt flesh and the sound of a bell ringing in the distance.
S~~~S~~~S~~~S~~~S~~~S
Hands cupping a warm cup of Akeno's best tea, I leaned back into the couch and let out a long drawn-out sigh, finally relishing in a moment of piece.
My eyebrows scrunched together as I heard quiet giggling from Akeno across the room. Growling lowly, I lifted my hand and shot off a harmless ball of magical energy in her direction which was easily dodged with a casual step to the side and a taunting "Oh, so violent~"
When my only reply was to groan and let my hand fall back to my side without complaint, Akeno's face quickly shifted into a concerned expression as she sat down on the couch across from me. "The day was that bad then?" She asked understandingly. "Just take some time and tell your old friend Akeno-chan aaall about it~"
This time the ball of magic hit Akeno's forehead directly, leaving a small welt that Akeno quickly healed with a pout. She wasn't wrong though, it might be nice to get the events of the day off my chest.
"Have you ever spent time shopping for the perfect dress for an occasion?"
My friend's smirk would have chased away many of her "admirers" if they ever saw it, promising pain with just a touch of pleasure in it. "Why yes, I have," she practically purred. "Ara ara, does my master want to see me in that? Ara ara, I think our relationship is progressing a little too quick for my tastes. I prefer men, you know."
She was rewarded with another ball of magic to the head, this one leaving a small burn that she deserved completely. I had my suspicions as to what "that" was but I had absolutely no interest in finding out. "Quiet you. Anyway, imagine doing that, but you're searching for a wedding dress, so there's at least twice as many types, and you hate the guy you're going to be married to."
Akeno winced in genuine empathy, knowing far too well my specific reasons for hating Riser. "I can understand why-"
I held up a hand and Akeno immediately stopped, allowing me to continue my thought. "Not only that, but once you find the perfect dress you're told that you can't buy it and 'put this on, it goes well with Master Phenex's hair.'"
Akeno winced again and wordlessly passed me her yet-untouched cup of tea, allowing me to continue to drink the calming brew while she refilled my first cup with deftly practiced movements.
After making sure that I was finished with talking for the moment, Akeno spoke up again, trying to understand my situation better. "Was Riser there himself then?"
Taking another sip of tea I sighed with relief as it slid soothingly down my throat. "No, thank goodness. I'd expected him to show up and brag about his superiority or about how pretty his new wife was, but I didn't see a single hair of his Maou-accursed head during the entire trip."
I let out a dark chuckle, looking down into the vague swirls of the tea. "Perhaps he realized that if he showed up I'd try to shove the power of destruction down his throat before he laid a hand on me." Even as I said it, the room seemed to grow colder and I took another sip of tea to warm myself up again.
Despite the fact that my joke was half serious, or possibly because of that, Akeno laughed loudly, not the usual giggling act that she normally did. She recognized that if she hadn't, it would have left an awkward silence that would have only dragged me down deeper into depressing thoughts. And the fact that I had a true friend like Akeno through thick and thin brought a warmth to my stomach more comforting than any tea.
Naturally, that was when the intruder alarms went off. A harsh alarm tone that seemed to reverberate within my head, a pulsing two-time beat like the harsh shriek of steel against steel.
Both Akeno and I jumped to our feet and I could already feel Akeno's magic building within her. "Stay out of sight and try to limit the intruder's movements," I barked at Akeno, beginning to form an orb of destruction in my hands. Whoever was attacking us clearly had no idea who we were, most likely a stray devil.
Akeno carefully slid behind the shower curtain, hiding her body and ready to attack if necessary while I stood in the center of the room, a fluctuating red ball hidden behind my back and ready to launch if necessary. I could hear pounding footsteps on the hallway outside, rapidly coming closer.
The door burst open at the same time that a bolt of lightning shot forward and a ball of destruction flew towards the opening moments before I recognized the blonde hair barging into our domain. "Horikawa-san!" My voice had a touch of panic in it, reaching out to try and regain control over my magic to stop it from annihilating my pawn's girlfriend.
Which is why my mouth dropped open when the void of perfect nothingness was blocked by a single pale hand, struggling for a moment in place before evaporating into faint red wisps of smoke that quickly vanished.
The lightning didn't even receive that much effort, simply being absorbed into Kioko's body without a single scratch besides burning a small hole in the girl's blue dress. What was probably close to a million volts of energy, completely ignored.
What really drew my attention though was the form on the girl's back. I could see short black hair over her shoulder, and though I couldn't see the face the body wasn't wearing a shirt. Instead, there was a tattered piece of cloth wrapped around the body's right hand, far closer to the elbow than there should be if there was a hand.
"Horikawa-san?" I asked in shock, attempting to grasp what had happened. Why was a stranger I barely knew breaking into our home with a possible dead body? And how had she nullified our attacks like that?
Kioko passed me without pause, completely ignoring both me and Akeno, who had emerged from the shower area with a wide look of shock on her own face. The girl stopped by the couch and sank down onto her knees, carefully rolling the body she carried onto the couch, letting him fall face up, arms spread out wide and legs bunched beneath the body.
I gasped as the face of my second pawn came into view, looking completely limp and almost dead. I could barely make out the slow rise and fall of his bright red chest, a burn mark stretching from across his face all the way down to his navel. Moving forward almost before I realized what I was doing, I pushed Kioko to the side and lowered a hand to Kado's chest, intent on investigating for any injuries.
But a hand snapped out and intervened, grabbing my wrist and holding it in place before I could touch my pawn, gripping tightly enough to hurt, but not enough to leave a bruise. Horikawa Kioko was standing next to me, green eyes lit with an inner fire and glaring at my face with an almost murderous gaze. "Keep your hands off him," she growled like a rabid animal.
Glaring back, I stopped trying to push my hand further down and let it hang still in Kioko's grasp. "Then why did you bring him here," I snapped, annoyed with this girl who was trying to keep me from healing my pawn. "Now will you let me heal him or will you continue to stand there while your boyfriend dies because of your jealousy."
The girl growled again, but let Akeno lead her away and set her down on the couch opposite, not taking her eyes off Kado the entire time. Holding back my sigh I turned back to my pawn, placing my hand on his chest and feeling out the pawn bond between us. Maou save me from high-strung girls with no common sense.
Each devil piece bond I had created was like a skein of thread interwoven with feelings and sensations that were inert for the most part, but would come alive when called upon. But as I tugged at the wrapped cord it seemed off, each pulse seeming muted and somehow strange. It felt like a tangled mess of colors and feelings, like wind blowing through a field of purple and orange.
But beneath it all I could feel a distant sense of aching pain. I couldn't tell if it was physical, mental, or spiritual, but it was somehow affecting the bond badly enough that I couldn't get anything solid from it.
Clicking my tongue unsatisfactorily, I pulled away and instead used magic to feel out through my pawn's body, analyzing it bit by bit. As I did so, I called out to Akeno. "Can you go and get Asia? We're going to need her help." I didn't want to have to involve the frail girl, especially when she seemed to have such a severe reaction to Kado, but this was best suited for her talents.
As Akeno left the room, my frown grew more and more, the questing web of magic spreading throughout Kado's body revealing more and more damage. By the time the scan had finished after an agonizing minute I was clenching my teeth in anger.
Pulling my hand away from his bare torso, colored red by deep burns, I pivoted on my foot and shot a glare at Kioko, fingers already fumbling at the buttons on my dress. "What happened to him! Besides the burn and the fact that he is missing a hand, his musculature and bones are barely holding together! His brain is on the verge on being mush! It's a miracle that Kado-san hasn't already died!"
The girl twitched before finally lifting her unblinking eyes away from my pawn and looking almost disinterestedly into my own eyes. "His home was attacked by the Phenex family. His parents and sisters are dead and he almost killed himself trying to use magic to save them."
My fingers slowed and finally stopped as she spoke, my disbelief growing too much to bear. "What? Do you have proof the Phenex clan is involved?" The girl looked hesitant, but eventually shook her head. I breathed a silent sigh of relief at that as I returned to disrobing. It would be an absolute disaster if it was discovered that a house of the seventy-two pillars had done something like attacking a human family for revenge.
My body froze, feeling like ice was crawling up my spine and invading my insides as wriggling tendrils that arrested my heart and stopped my movement. In front of me were two glaring chips of bright green ice that would not allow me to move, to flee. Even as I watched, red began to bleed into those merciless green eyes, tainting them with the color of blood.
A door burst open to the side, Akeno entering in with a tired but panicked Asia trailing behind her. "Buchou, how bad is the damage?" Then the furious red eyes blinked and I was free, shaking fingers slowly fumbling at the last button in an effort to remove it.
Kioko's eyes were green now, still looking murderous, but no longer holding that same strange power over me. It must have been strange, my mind forcing me to see something that wasn't there. But as I turned away to direct Akeno and Asia to the healing of my injured pawn, those two red orbs hung in the back of my mind, an afterimage in my vision.
I had seen eyes like those once before. The eyes of a demon.
End AN: Aaaand hello!
Quick note before I get to the explanations, this is a week late since I lost basically all my data including my writing last Monday and so basically had to rewrite this chapter in about 3 days. Some parts are changed from the original version, some parts are the same, but I think that the overall quality is worse. If I ever do manage to regain my data, I would love to piece together the two versions and make it better.
Right, explanation time. First up, I've had this planned for quite a while. Since before February, when I decided that Kado was going to defeat Ravel, I knew that the Phenex family would want to have some kind of revenge for that. And yeah, this seems a bit extreme and it might be, but Riser is mad and doesn't care about a bunch of humans. He can't do a direct attack on another devil's piece, but if a fire happens to burn down their home, well there's no proof that it was them, right?
Kioko's backstory hasn't been planned for quite as long, but I knew that her parents were dead or absent the entire time, I just didn't realize that she was the one that killed them until a few weeks ago. And yeah, this is getting pretty edgy, I get that, but I'm trying to be somewhat realistic about how things develop. I didn't have Kado's family die just to cause him more suffering, I did it because it made sense for what Riser would do for revenge. "You touch my family I touch your family" kind of thing.
All the same, I feel like this could drive off a lot of people and I really feel like I didn't handle it that well. I am trying to build up to something, but I don't think I've set it up properly or that I'll be able to deal with the climax as well as it plays out in my mind. But I've tried to add in a few hints here and there that probably only make sense to me.
Hope you guys did enjoy this, and see you next time!