The Divorced Catholic, Beverly

It was almost four years ago I met Sharon in this very church. I'd just moved to Los Angeles, and being the devout Catholic I am, I located my church quickly. My first Sunday here, I sat in front of Sharon and Rusty. I didn't engage much with them, other than just a quick few words after the service. I remember Sharon smiling at me as we were gathering our things to leave. I took that as an opening, and I asked her if it was a safe area, explaining I'd just moved here. She just laughed quietly and nodded, explaining to me she was a police officer. That day, I had no idea I'd met a life-long friend. My name is Beverly, and I attend church with Sharon and her family. It's been a delight to get to know all of them these past few years. I am honored to be here at the church with them today.

I moved to Los Angeles just before the holidays, as I said almost four years ago. Moving is never easy, and it was especially hard that year. I'd just divorced from my husband and wanted to move south. We had lived in Northern California, and L.A. fit. I work as an accountant for a shipping firm, and we have offices all over the state. When I saw the opening appear in L.A., I applied for the transfer and got it. Anyway, I came here to start over after a nasty divorce. Thankfully, we never had children of our own to drag through the divorce, but now at my age, it's just me. I'm alone. My parents died years ago, and I am an only child. I do have friends back home, or I should say where my ex-husband lives, but I'm okay starting over. He had an affair with a mutual friend, and it was rather embarrassing to say the least.

That first day I met Sharon, I asked her one more quick question as we were walking out.

"Do you know if the church has a divorced spouse group?"

"There is one here, yes," Sharon gave me a comforting smile as she answered me. "Let me connect you with Father Stan. He can tell you all about it."

I quickly glanced to her hand and saw no rings. It's been a bad habit of mine since getting divorced. I miss my rings, and it's the first thing I look for on a person when I meet them. I don't know why I gravitate toward that, but I do. So, Sharon gestured for me to follow her out of the church, and as we walked, I cleared my throat to ask her a question I'd already been wondering.

"Are you also, ahh, divorced and in the group?" I said as I remember blushing. Oh, I still remember that feeling, like I had done something terribly wrong.

Sharon glanced at me and then beyond me, looking for Rusty. He'd stopped to talk to a friend, and then she looked back at me. "No, I'm not divorced," she shrugged and looked away. "I do know the group is rather large here and very popular."

I just nodded, "Kind of ironic the Catholics have a large divorce group, isn't it?" I lightly chuckled.

Sharon gave me a small smile, getting the irony too and shrugged, "It is, I suppose, but the church is reaching out to everyone, no matter where they are in life. I know I appreciate that."

We reached Father Stan, and Sharon made the quick introductions. Her phone rang, and she sighed as she realized it was work. She offered a quick goodbye and left for the day. I still appreciate her pointing me toward that group all these years later. That group has been great for me.

I continued to see Sharon and Rusty in church over the next few weeks. Often, they were together, but sometimes, Sharon was alone. Christmas came, and I ran into Sharon and Rusty at the midnight Mass. It was nice to see a friendly face in church, and each week, we talked a little more than we had before that. I was curious as to her story. She said she wasn't divorced, but I had never seen a husband with her, not that every husband goes to church. I, at least, expected to see one at some point over the holidays. I didn't. It was just always Sharon or Sharon with Rusty. That spring, I started going to the divorce support group, and I settled into my life in L.A.. In doing that, I started volunteering at church, and that is when I first really had an opportunity to talk to Sharon.

We had both volunteered for the graduation committee at the school. Sharon told me she'd done it for the last couple years now and had also done it when her other children were in school. Yes, I learned she had two other children who were grown and living on their own. I also learned that Rusty wasn't technically her son; at the time, he was her foster child, and I remember thinking I'd crossed paths with a truly giving person. Our conversations never got too deep. For one thing, we were working on the graduation committee, and on another hand, she often got called out for work. She never went into detail, but she'd told me that things with Rusty were tense, not at home, but with the case in which he was set to testify. I could tell it was weighing on her. She looked tired and seemed worried all the time. Anyway, we managed to pull off the school graduation without a hitch that spring. I never did pry or ask more about her husband, but I could tell something was off there. Rusty never mentioned anyone either, and I was around him some that spring too. I quickly saw what a great kid he is and what a wonderful job Sharon has done with him.

That first summer, life was just busy all around for me, and I know it was for Sharon too. She was often busy with work, and sometimes, she came in late for Mass. I know she struggled to get there on Sunday mornings, especially if she had an active case, so I always made room for her in my pew if I saw her walking in late. We had an odd relationship back then. It wasn't bad, but we just were in that friends- but not extremely close phase. That changed, though, at the end of that summer. Sharon showed up at the divorce support group.

Oh, the day she walked in, my jaw about hit the floor. Again, I didn't know all the details, and I can't say I was surprised to see her, but she walked in, made eye contact with me, and she walked across the room to join me. We had a casual setting for our meetings, a room with several couches and chairs. It was and has been such a nice part of my week. I can't go all the time, but I do enjoy going and sharing with others in a similar situation. Our group is open to women and men, but we are always all women. That day, Sharon sat down and glanced around the room. I knew she knew some of the ladies in the room, and after she had looked around the room, her eyes met mine.

"Better late than never," she shrugged. "It's been a very long time coming," she sighed and shook her head.

I remember just reaching for her hand and patting it. That day, I learned a lot more about her life. We don't have a specific pact to keep things private or secretive, but none of us leave and go out gossiping to others. That day, I learned that the so-called husband had been out of the picture for 20 years, that Sharon had separated from him decades ago, but partly because of her faith, she hadn't gone further than that. She explained that she was now finally getting divorced partly to adopt Rusty. That, I understood. She said she was also ready for her freedom and ready to live her life as she wanted. It was clear there was more she wasn't saying, but we didn't pry. Our group doesn't pry. We listen and offer friendship and advice-when wanted. I was just glad Sharon came that day. I remember as the meeting finished, I suggested a cup of coffee.

"Want to get a cup of coffee and even a dessert?" I asked her. She looked to me, as she had been putting her purse on her shoulder and pulling out her phone and paused. She glanced at her phone for the time, and then she nodded.

"That sounds like a good idea. I've had a tough couple of weeks with cases, and then, this with Jack," she nodded. "I think dessert is a very good idea."

We talked a lot that night over dessert. It was already late on a Friday night, and she explained she'd worked the last nine days straight. Her cases had been tough, especially the most recent one where they had to deal with a murdered teenager. It was great to really sit down and talk to her. I know she needed a friendly face, as well as someone who didn't work murders with her each day. We talked about Rusty and her other kids. We briefly discussed work, but we spent the most time talking about her divorce. She had served papers to her husband and said he was surprised to get them. Sharon did say she knew how to deal with him, that she had to play it as almost giving him a choice when there was no choice. Sharon said she knew Jack would not want to adopt Rusty, but she'd put that as an option. She told me her kids, all three of them, were okay with the decision, at least to divorce Jack, but that Emily and Ricky were hesitant about adopting Rusty. She said she understood that because they hadn't spent time with him, but she was very quick to point out that it was still her decision. One thing I know about Sharon is that she has a good head on her shoulders and doesn't decide without weighing all the options.

As the months continued into the holiday season, Sharon kept coming to our support group. She couldn't make it every week; it's rare for anyone to make it every single week, but I could tell that she was glad she'd decided to come. We heard about her divorce being finalized and then about Sharon adopting Rusty. She was delighted with that. As we got closer to Thanksgiving, I got a glimpse of the "more to the story," comment one evening when our group finished, and she and I walked out to our cars. I was talking to Sharon when I noticed her facial expression change. She had been listening with a stoic look on her face when suddenly, she started to grin. I can almost see that smile, and as I followed her gaze, I saw a very nice-looking gentleman standing up against her car, relaxed, leaning there, his feet crossed in front of him.

"My, my, who is that?" I remember asking her, trying not to sound too excited.

"Ahh, that's Andy. He's one of my lieutenants," she said almost nervous, but still smiling.

"No wonder you like your job. Are all your officers like, like that?" I gestured to her and started to laugh. I don't know if Sharon ever heard me. Her eyes were fixed on Andy. She'd mentioned her team a few times, saying she really had a wonderful team she supervised. As I look back, though, she'd been very guarded about discussing Andy, in particular. Now, I see it. She was trying to sort out a lot of different emotions during that time. Andy was part of that story.

"Andy," she said, almost breathless as we walked up to him. He still stayed in his same position, leaning against her car, arms and feet crossed. "You didn't have to meet me here. I told you I would stop by after my meeting."

I studied him as he shrugged. He grinned at her, "I decided on a change of plans. It's been a long couple of weeks."

"Oh, I'm sorry," Sharon turned to me. "Andy, this is my friend, Beverly. We've known each other awhile now here at church. Beverly, this is Andy Flynn, one of my lieutenants and my very dear friend."

"Beverly, it's very nice to meet you," Andy said and pushed himself off the back bumper of Sharon's car. He stuck out his hand to me, and I shook it. He stepped back, now next to Sharon, and that was the first time I had a look at them, there together. I could see it. I could see the spark.

"Lieutenant, lovely to meet you," I smiled at him.

"Please, it's Andy," he shook his head at me. "Now, you're sounding like Rusty." Both Sharon and Andy laughed at that, and I realized it must be somewhat of an inside joke. I looked to Sharon, and it was hard to get her attention because she was staring up at Andy, her eyes sparkling. Yes, so much of it made sense that night.

"Sharon, I'm going to get going. I'll see you on Sunday, I hope?" I asked her.

Sharon snapped her head toward me, now aware she had been staring and grinning at Andy, "What? Oh, yes," she shook her head. "We are not on call Sunday, so I should be in church. I'll see you then."

"Andy, good to meet you," I nodded and smiled at him. "Have a good night."

"We will," he nodded and hooked his thumb toward Sharon. "I'm surprising her with dinner out, none of this 'order in' mess tonight."

Sharon looked to him as I was getting out my keys to step away, "We don't have to go out to dinner. We did on Sunday in the middle of the case and had dinner with Rusty on Tuesday while waiting on evidence."

Andy shrugged, "Maybe I just felt like taking you out for a nice meal. You deserve it."

"Found them," I held up my keys. "Night, you two. Enjoy your dinner," I nodded and walked away then, smiling all the way to my car because it was very clear Sharon had found a wonderful man.

I never did hear where they went to dinner that night, but shortly after that, the holidays were in full swing, and more of the story started to fall into place. The kids came home for Christmas, and I finally met Emily and Ricky. Sharon missed the Christmas Mass because of work, but then, she had the kids with her that following Sunday. It was their last day together, as Emily and Ricky were both flying out later that day. Ricky had a quick flight up to San Francisco, and Emily had an overnight flight, I remember, back to New York. Sharon was delighted to have her kids with her. That next Sunday, she arrived at church, looking as happy as she'd been the week before with the kids. It was now the beginning of January, and that lovely lieutenant I'd met almost a couple months earlier, came with her. Sharon and Andy sat behind me, as there wasn't a lot of room to sit with me. I would have loved to have watched their interaction during the service, but it was too obvious to turn around and glance at her. I'm sure other heads were turning, as I'm not aware of her telling anyone else about Andy or who he was back then. After the service, I turned to greet them, trying to act like it was normal to see Andy with her.

"Beverly, you remember Andy?" Sharon asked.

"Nice to see you again, Andy," I reached to shake his hand.

"Likewise," he nodded. "Sharon and I are going to my grandson's birthday party after this, and she's been telling me that her church isn't so bad," he grinned at me and then turned and winked at Sharon. She swatted at him, and if I had any doubt before, my suspicions were confirmed that the two of them were very close.

"You make it sound like I forced you to come with me," Sharon rolled her eyes at me. "You know this is a big part of my life."

"I do, and that's why I'm here. It's important to you; it's important to me," he grinned. We spoke for a few more minutes, mainly about Andy's grandsons, and then we went our separate ways.

I didn't see Andy with Sharon every week after that, but he did come with her maybe once a month or once every other month. Again, it was hard to gauge with their work schedule, but he definitely started coming with her more. I never felt comfortable just asking her then. Sharon's a private person. She confides when she is ready, so asking her doesn't do anything but put her on the spot. I respect that, and I eventually did get the whole story, later that summer. Sharon waited until the end of one of our support meetings before speaking.

"I've very much enjoyed the support I've gotten here. Honestly, I should have started coming here long ago. I didn't want to address that my marriage was over, even though I knew it deep in my heart. I'm very grateful for the friendships I've made her and the encouragement I've gotten from all of you. I wish you all the best, but I think my season in this group has come and gone. I'm dating a wonderful man," I remember her pausing to blush and look away, a grin on her face. "It might sound shocking, but I've known him for years. We've been spending a lot of time together over those years, and we are finally ready to move forward-as a couple. I really have used some of the tips from all of you to get to this point. I've been vulnerable and allowed myself to take a chance. Andy is a good man, and I'm moving forward with him by my side. I'm happy; I'm very, very happy."

Oh, how I loved hearing that from Sharon. It's one of those things most divorced people want to be able to say, that we've moved on and are happy. I still would love to find that happiness myself. I mean, I am happy, but it would be wonderful one day to find a man to share my time. Yes, I realize I don't need a man in my life, but I'd like to date again. That day, I remember being so happy for Sharon and still am.

Andy started coming more and more with Sharon, to both church activities and the service itself. Rusty was with them sometimes, but sometimes, the two were alone. That November was rough. I remember Andy was injured, and Sharon asked for prayers for him. It took quite awhile for Andy to get back on his feet, but when he did, the two seemed closer than ever. It was no surprise that next summer when I heard the two were engaged. Even since then, they've had their share of health issues and family drama. Through all their ups and downs, family lives, and health issues, I can see that Sharon and Andy are made for each other. She's a wonderful person, and he's the man she's chosen to love. I'm delighted for her, for them. It's been nice getting to know Andy at church events too. At first, it seemed like he was unsure of his place at the church, but he's gotten to know the priests and other parishioners.

So, today, as I sit her and watch my friend, Sharon, marry the love of her life, I have hope for other divorced women and men in the world. I believe that people can find happiness. I'm seeing it here. I'm seeing two wonderful people join their lives and their families. I'm so grateful I said something to Sharon that Sunday long ago because it started our friendship. I'm honored to be included today. She's a wonderful person and a loyal friend. Andy is a lucky man.