Chapter 5: Akane's Farewell Ranma's New Field
Akane wafted out of the luxurious norimono like a curling cloud of mist as the air resounded with the crying notes of many youkai playing the shou. The eerie plaintiveness of the sound made her skin crawl. She realized that she was right on the edge of bursting into roaring flames as the eerie music made her blood sing loud in her veins and her body began to vibrate like a reed in the wind, but the sight of the of Tendou gate with its cracked and peeling paint damped her emotions.
This had been the place in which she had grown up and she found it boring; she felt like a butterfly staring at its abandoned chrysalis. She did not belong inside this place anymore - it was just that simple. I have outgrown my former home.
"You really can't go home," Akane whispered. "I never understood how true that really is until this very second."
This place seems so ordinary, so ramshackle and plain, she thought. I can't believe that I grew up here. This house and its yard look like something that a child drew with crayons on cheap construction paper. I must leave soon! I was planning on having a long glorious night with Ranma, but he belongs here and I don't - not anymore anyway. A night with him would be bad for both of us. It would cause us to linger over one another, even though I have to move on.
She winced as a sudden pain stabbed her heart. It's not fair, dammit. It's just not fair! We have struggled against so much and just as we started getting close to building something between us, we were interrupted by Jusendou and Safuron and that that-that blonde bitch-Kiima-yea, that was her name Kiima, she takes a dip in the pool that her people drowned me in and then tricks Ranma into thinking that she was me... The nightmarish memories of China overran her in an unstoppable flood. They swirled around her as she began to flounder, making her feel as though she were drowning all over again.
Akane relived dying-twice. Once by drowning in the pool at Jusenkyou, then again during Ranma's battle with Safuron. She remembered being afraid that Ranma might die for her and how she reacted by dying for him. That was why they were so great together. They were wiling to die for one another and always without flinching. It occurred to her that Ranma died that day too, but he had more than one life, thanks to his father having put him through the training in the Nekko-ken (cat fist).
It's a pity that I had to die first, is all. I can't even wish it was the other way round. I'd never wish death on him. I love him, dammit. He's mine! But - I'm being selfish. I have to move on now for both our sakes. I hate it, but I must leave. It is what I must do. He will understand, eventually. Nabiki will keep him satisfied and Shampoo has taken herself out of the running. He was done with her and Ukyou after they all took a role in destroying our wedding. I have never seen a man so quietly angry as Ranma was after that. He's still angry. I just hope he doesn't take it out on his parents and Dad, not that they don't deserve it.
The odor of recently consumed saki and sautéed cabbage assaulted Akane's nostrils as her father and Genma approached the spot where she stood in the gateway. Both of the old men were drunk on their asses and smelled so bad that she nearly gagged. The stench was especially bad when her father tried to put his arms around her for a hug; he stank of sautéed cabbage, beer and cigarette smoke combined with the sort of stale sweat one gets from just sitting around. Akane found his odor revolting.
She felt the overwhelming urge to push her father away, and even placed the palms of her hands against his chest, but then remembered what she had done to that little frog-like youkai. She had killed him as much because he had insulted her as she had because he had threatened her. She did not want her father to hold her in the same regard as she had that ill-tempered little frog.
"Dad!" Akane cried out. "You've been drinking again."
"Indeed I have my dear, but that is something I do on a weekly basis. You never objected before."
"It's different now, Dad," Akane said trying to keep the desire to wretch out of her voice. "I'm different."
Soun and Genma staggered back as one and stared at Akane.
Genma reached from behind Soun, placing his right hand on Soun's shoulder. "She's right, Tendo-kun!" Genma exclaimed. "Your daughter has a glow about her that I have seen before - at Jusendou."
Soun teared up. "What's wrong, with you, Akane?" He choked and then heaved as though he were about to vomit. "Did you catch some awful disease in China?"
"I'm about to ascend, Dad," Akane said. "I know it's hard for you to understand or even think about." Akane paused to sniffle. "I've always been hot tempered and clumsy, and I know that you can't imagine me being what I have become, but I'm a youkai now, a phoenix."
Akane watched as her father froze into something resembling a statue made of human flesh. The same thing happened to the Panda man. Neither of them tried to speak, they simply stared at her looking deeply alarmed. Tears started leaking from the corners of Soun's eyes, then he wailed like a baby who had been delighted to see a burning coal, then seized it with his tender little hand. Even Genma visibly flinched as tears began trickling down his stone hard face.
Much to her alarm, the only thing Akane felt was an inexplicably odd detachment. She watched her father suffer and did not suffer with him. She was the one who had passed on, not him. She was no longer able to identify with him - to share in his pain.
Maybe I've just gotten used to Dad bawling all the time, Akane thought. He's been prone to clouding up and bawling since Mom died. I guess my passing is even worse, but that cannot be helped. As much as I want to comfort him, I can't. I must leave that up to Kasumi and Nabiki. I can see how it is now that I am no longer quite among those who are still alive. I'm somewhere between the living and the dead. Leaving is a must for the dead while comforting is a job for the living. The only reason I am still half-alive is because I have too much to do for the Kami before I can move onward. Ranma and I have still have that much in common.
Then Akane noticed Ranma hanging around behind her father and Genma with a sheepish look on his face. He seemed reluctant to come near her. She rushed between the two old men and took Ranma's hands in her own. Taking his hands in hers reminded Akane of a pair of statues she had seen as a child. The statues were highly stylized figures of a man and woman facing one another while holding hands. She and Ranma had hands that felt like leather covered stone. Both of them had come by such hands by bitter effort. In Ranma's natural form, as he was now, his hands were much larger than hers, but her hands were just as rough and hard as his.
Maybe the lack of feeling in our hands is what has kept us apart all this time, Akane thought. Wait! That's true in a way. We are lovers in spirit, but we are rivals in the Art and are doomed to stay that way forever.
"Akane - you - you look - well - rapturous," Ranma said, stammering the words out. "Are you gonna be okay?"
Rapturous? Akane thought. He sees me for the first time in years and this is what he says? What is he thinking? Oh, wait! For him I have only been gone for mere hours - half a day at most - and I probably do look rapturous. I haven't felt this good in my entire life.
"That's because I am about to ascend, Ranma."
"I'm losing you, aren't I?" Ranma asked.
He has that choke in his voice whenever he tries to stop his inner feelings from coming out, Akane thought. I have the exact same problem. It's a pity we could never reveal our inner feelings to one another. Perhaps it's because we feel things much too intensely.
Akane felt an unstoppable surge of love for Ranma so strong that it made her hurt physically. She could see that he felt much the same. He loved her so much that it caused him physical pain.
We have been such silly children! Akane thought. It's a pity that we are just now getting to the point that we can show our true feelings for one another, but here we have it. We held back because we feared what others wanted or might have thought. Ooh, if I could just go back in time and change a few things, but that's not possible.
"You aren't losing me forever, Ranma," Akane said in the gentlest voice she could muster. "All you have to do is meet the twelve challenges that Zeus has given you and you'll be free to do as you please. It'll be a snap for a guy who has defeated a dragon and killed a Kami."
Ranma visibly shivered.
"But it'll be lonely without you around to admire me and my victories," Ranma said with his cockiest grin.
Rather than putting Akane off, his braggadocio only made her fondness for him grow more intense. "You'll live! Who knows. You might even get over yourself."
When Ranma brags about himself he brags with good reason, Akane thought. It's just that he has never been quite as good as he believes. I suppose that it what has sustained him through his struggles - constantly believing himself to be better than his current challenger - even though he wasn't. Had he believed anything else, he would not be standing in front of me now.
Ranma's grin brought Akane back to the immediate moment.
"What? You mean you're going to run out on my sisters, Ranma?" Akane asked with the notes of her usual jealous anger in her voice.
Akane's voice made Ranma flinch again; he made warding gestures towards her.
"No! No!" Ranma exclaimed. "I'll take care of 'em! I promise!"
Akane felt a huge delight at Ranma's sudden alarm. An evil grin grew across her glowing face. "Oh you will, will you? How will you take care of them, I wonder?"
"I'll do whatever they need me to do!" Ranma exclaimed.
Clueless as ever, Akane thought. He was never good at dealing with innuendo - or even catching it.
"Anything?" Akane asked.
"Yes, anything at all!" Ranma said. The alarmed tone remained in his voice.
"Promise me that you will satisfy their every need, Ranma," Akane said as she walked toward him. She stood so close to him that her breasts were just barely in contact with his chest. "No matter what they need, you will deliver on it."
"I promise, Akane," Ranma looked down into her eyes and said with that choking sound in his voice. "I swear. I will do whatever they need whenever they need it - provided Zeus doesn't get in the way. I don't think that I'll ever be able to whip Him."
Akane immediately understood that Ranma's arrogance was only exceeded by Nabiki's. He had met all the Greek Gods and the only one of them he truly feared was Zeus - a God of Storms - in the final analysis. Never mind Ares, the God of War or Apollo, the God of the Intellect, or any of the rest - just Zeus - the Sky God and the Being who caused thunderstorms.
"Okay, Ranma. I will hold you to it. You will please my sisters short of any interference by any of the Kami."
"Yes, I give you my word, only - don't go, Akane. I need you."
Akane shook her head. "I must go. I have no choice about that. And you don't have any say in it." Thinking it would be wise to put Ranma on the defensive, Akane sniffed at his shirt, then asked Ranma what she would be a seriously embarrassing question. "Why do you smell like okonomiyaki?"
"I-I-I, uh, well...Did you know that they have been having sex?"
"Who, Ranma? Who's been having sex? Do I know them? And what does that have with your eating okonomiyaki?"
"U-Chan and Konatsu - they started having sex within a week of our busted wedding..."
"How interesting!" Akane exclaimed. "But why did you have okonomiyaki for supper?"
"Well, you and your sisters left and I diddunt feel like cookin' and the old men were drunk and - well - I ordered take out from U-Chan's."
Akane stepped back and gave Ranma one of her old jealous stares. Watching him squirm almost made her feel like the good old days had returned and that nothing had changed, but underneath it all, she could not deny that the single most vital thing of all had changed. They could no longer love one another in their current states. He would never become her lover until he had succeeded in making something of himself - something seriously celestial. They were no longer on the same plane of existence.
Still, there's no reason to leave him in crippling pain, Akane thought. "I hafta give him something. Maybe a kiss on his cheek and a light hug will do. I can barely stand the smell of him. Why, oh why do the living stink so badly?"
Oh, shit! I said that out loud.
Ranma stared at her with his mouth set in a grim frown. Then he conjured a cup of water and poured it on his head, invoking his curse. Ranma plus water made for instant girl with red hair.
"Do I smell bad now, Akane?" Onna-Ranma asked in an irritated voice.
Akane was suddenly flustered, but could not lie. "Yes, actually, you smell worse. We are the same sex at the moment, but we are no longer on the same plane of existence."Unlike a great many people, Ranma Saotome was difficult to read at times. One could never know what he was feeling unless you knew him well. He could be livid with rage and if you did not know him personally, you would not realize until after he had given you a sound drubbing.
Akane knew Ranma in both his forms quite well, and she well understood that Onna-Ranma was well beyond livid. Worse, there was the hard glint of pain in his-her now deep blue eyes that unnerved Akane.
"I'm sorry if my body odor is spoiling our last visit," Onna-Ranma said. His voice was positively arctic, "especially seeing as how you're gonna move onward and leave us behind today."
"It's not our fault, Ranma," Akane said. Her heart had been torn open by the tone of Onna-Ranma's voice. The fact that he was in his cursed form had made it especially painful for Akane. "It's just that, that everyone smells bad to creatures on the heavenly plains of existence and now I exist on the lowest of those plains."
"Yeah, Ranma," Nabiki said as she took Onna-Ranma by his right arm. "We the living are in the process of slowly dying, in other words we're rotting. That makes us smell bad, doesn't it, Sis?"
Kasumi walked over to Onna-Ranma's left side, took his arm and said, "It's just natural. We all die eventually, Ranma. Akane has been dead for months now."
Akane nodded her head. "I died twice during the Battle of Jusendou, Ranma; surely you remember."
Onna-Ranma's high pitched voice was choked with pain as he stammered out his reply. "Bu - but I thought that I saved you the last time you died, Akane. How is it that you returned here with me?" Tears were running down the sides of Onna-Ranma's face as he spoke.
Funny that he can cry when he's in his female form, but never does while he's male, Akane thought. I wonder if there isn't some Cimmerian in his lineage? I'll have to ask around heaven and find that out.
"Ranma, don't weep for me. I'm not really dead, I was transformed. A tiny part of my transformation is because of what Safuron did to us, but the rest of my transformation was by your efforts and mine."
Onna-Ranma sniffled and wiped his nose with the the overly long sleeve of his blue silk shirt. He shuddered from the top of his head to his knees. Akane feared that he might collapse and, had it not been for her sisters standing on either side of him, he surely would have.
Suddenly, Musashi's bo appeared in Akane's hands as the youkai standing around in the garden began to play their shous quite loudly. The eerie sound of the music once again caused Akane's blood to sing in her veins. She feared that she might catch fire, until she realized that she had the option of turning into a living phoenix instead of turning into a white hot ball of fire and incinerating everything around her.
Everyone's faces began to reflect the harsh actinic light that she had begun to emit. The look on Onna-Ranma's face was both tearful and proud. That made Akane's heart sing loud in her chest.
"Farewell, everyone!" Akane sang out. "We'll meet again one day, Ranma."
And with that, Tendo Akane took on her sacred form. The wind around the yard began to swirl as when Ranma used the Hiryu-Shoten-ha. Akane took to her new wings and flew above the grounds of Tendo-ke in a tight circle and then shot up out of sight into the night sky, leaving her astounded family and her lover gaping up after her. Eventually, a single long red and gold feather floated down and settled on the grass in front of Onna-Ranma.
Onna-Ranma stared at with his deep blue eyes clouded with sadness. He reached out and slowly picked the feather up gently with the forefinger and thumb of his right hand as the youkai and Akane's norimono faded into the night.
"I guess I'll add this to that clump of hair that Ryoga cut away from her," Onna-Ranma whispered.
"So that's what happened to her hair," Kasumi exclaimed. "I just knew that she didn't do that bad of a job on her own hair."
"What didn't you tell us, Ranma?" Nabiki asked as she pressed herself against Onna-Ranma's arm.
"Ryoga's such a careless bastard," Onna-Ranma said grimly. "You know he can make cloth and other flexible stuff stiff and sharp, right?"
Kasumi stared at Onna-Ranma with a mystified look, but Nabiki nodded her head.
"He made his belt into rigid and sharp object, like a thin sword, and then he threw it at me. The damned thing sailed over my head and descended behind Akane just as she spun on her heel." Onna-Ranma paused to shudder. "It missed her skull by inches."
"And you kept her hair?" Kasumi asked.
Onna-Ranma nodded his head.
"I'm assuming you have it stored in a safe place," Nabiki said.
Onna-Ranma nodded his head again.
"Then you should put this feather wherever her locks are now," Nabiki said. "It's the last your likely to see of her for a long, long time."
"At least you have two mementos of her, Ranma," Kasumi said as tears poured down her face. "One from each form of her."
Onna-Ranma clutched the feather to his chest and fell to his knees weeping uncontrollably. Nabiki and Kasumi joined him and the two old men stared at them in numbed silence; they were so shocked that they were unable to even weep.
The next morning, the sun rose as it always had. Akane was gone and nothing in the universe seemed to realize it. Ranma felt very alone in his pain and loss, but he was not actually alone. Others felt her absence as well, it was just that the universe could not cease moving simply because a single person died or moved on. Death is inevitable and life is purely a matter of choice. One must choose to live, but death can come from anywhere at any time. If one is alive, then he ought to choose to live. Dying is something too easily accomplished. Ranma chose to live, and to do so, it was necessary for him to make a living.
He gave up on going to formal school the same week Akane ascended. He could not see any future in becoming educated in the pedantic crap that was taught at Furinkan. Soun and Genma together could not persuade him to stay in school. They finally gave it up for a bad job.
The last day he attended Furinkan, Kuno proved himself to be a veritable plague. Ranma now feared the day he ran into Kuno on the street where there were would be no real constraints. He did not know what he would do to the pompous kendoka. Tear him to tatters, most likely. I 'd hate to go to jail for murder, but killing that pompous ass would almost be worth it. Perhaps I should seek out prey other than that rich-assed Kuno. I know where some real louses hang out.
Ranma was indeed a warrior and a hero, but the world only had intermittent use for heroic warriors. He sought out every last two-bit hood in Nerima, robbing them repeatedly of their ill-gotten gains. He took all the fun and profit out of strong arm robbery. Some of those bad boys were stubborn and Ranma got to strip them of their ill-gotten valuta multiple times, but even the most stubborn of them realized that there was no longer any profit for them anywhere in Nerima City. They moved on to other parts of Tokyo where Saotome seldom visited.
Once the last of the Nerimaean nogoodniks finally vanished, Ranma realized he was going to have to find another steady source of income. He was saddled with a house that had an attached dojo and large garden. Such a place cost a fortune in taxes, even in an outlying district such as Nerima. They also had to pay utility bills as well as ongoing maintenance on the buildings.
The house was clearly due for a new coat of paint inside and out. Ranma and Nabiki could likely do the work themselves, but how would he pay for the paint, brushes and drop cloths? He was pondering this thorny thicket of problems as he wondered into the shopping district of Nerima. He stumbled across an ancient farmer unloading his produce cart. His promises to Akane about caring for her sisters weighed heavily on his mind. The burden was his and his alone, now. Even Soun had moved out of Tendo-ke, no longer able to deal with the painful memories it conjured in his fragile mind.
Fortunately for Ranma, the Nerima district of Tokyo had long been famous for producing three things, its manga and anime and the daikon radishes its farmers grew. Nerimaeans raised a great many crops besides daikon, but the large bullet-shaped daikon was their most celebrated crop. Ranma got lucky and stumbled across an ancient and frail in appearance farmer unloading his crop at the outdoor vegetable market. The man was complaining about how his lazy son-in-law and daughter had abandoned farming for physically easier jobs in downtown Tokyo.
The elderly farmer surprised Ranma by looking right at him as he said, "But then, I suppose you have better things to do as well, dontcha son?"
Ranma stared silently at the old man, not quite able to put his thoughts together.
"Musashi took up farming between wars," Ranma said in a speculative tone. "I don't see why I shouldn't. I don't have anything truly important to do right now."
The old farmer's face lit up. "You mean you'd be..."
"Yeah, I'd be willin'," Ranma replied, "but you gotta unnerstand, old man, if sumthin' comes up, I'd have to drop whatever I'm doin' in order to take care of it."
"How long does one of your fights usually last?"
Ranma snorted. "Here lately they've all been over and done in under a minute."
The old man looked thoughtful. "But?"
"But some of 'em have gone on for a month or more," Ranma said. "It all depends."
"You mean fighting evil is a lot like the weather."
"That's actually a pretty good description of it, yeah."
"Well, then we shouldn't have any insurmountable problems," the old farmer said with a hearty laugh. "Between the Kami and the weather we farmers are the biggest gamblers on this earth."
"I ain't no good at gamblin'," Ranma said. His face reflected his dejected feelings. "People can always read my face."
"In other words, you can't lie even when you want to, right?"
"I guess not," Ranma said as sadness flooded his being. "I could never pull the wool over any of my fiancées' eyes."
The old farmer regarded Ranma for a silent moment then said, "Your name's Saotome Ranma, isn't it? You're engaged to Tendo Akane, right?"
Ranma bowed to the old man, then stuck out his hand. "I'm Saotome Ranma of the Saotome School of Anything Goes Martial Arts."
The old farmer bowed to Ranma saying, "Higashi Tokunou here, but please call me Yakkusu. I"m pleased to meet you."
"I'm not engaged to Akane, anymore." Ranma almost said it without choking, but not quite. "She asc...she left. I've got to stick around and marry one of her sisters now instead."
"Left, did she?" Asked with a startled look on his face. "Where'd she go?"
Ranma hesitated; he was now in serious straights; the man simply would not believe the truth, but Ranma was never any good at lying so he did dare to even try.
"She ascended to heaven," Ranma muttered, hoping that his lowered voice would let him get away with telling the truth, "as a phoenix."
The old man gave Ranma a hard stare, then clapped him on the shoulder. The old man's hand was amazingly hard and strong.
"I'm sorry to hear that, Saotome-san, but you'll get over it. You just gotta start livin' your own life without her now. I know it's hard. It'll take you a while to get past the grief." The old man paused to make a truly horrible looking face. "It did me. My wife has been gone for five years now and it has taken me this long to start getting better. I still miss the old hag, especially at meal times. Don't worry. Regular work will keep yer mind off her. Did me."
Ranma shuddered, understandably, at the mention of meal times.
"I unnerstand, whatcha mean, Jiji," Ranma said, hoping the old man would not mind being called the equivalent of Gramps. "I miss Akane the same way."
"Think you could step down offa yer martial arting highhorse to do a little farmin' with me?"
"Would you mind me mixin' my martial arts trainin' in with my work, Yakkusu?"
"No, provided you learn to do the work first."
"Deal!"
They bowed to each other, shook hands and then Yakkusu turned to get a piece of paper and pencil from his cart. He started sketching out a map for Ranma to follow.
While the old man was drawing, Ranma asked, "How'd you know 'bout me an Akane anyway, Yakkusu?"
The old man chuckled. "I've been knowin' the Tendo Clan for going' on twenty years now. Watched young Kasumi grow up to husband high. Has that sorry-assed Soun found her a husband yet?"
"Ah, well, you might say Kasumi finally took matters into her own hands. She ran off with a God named Hermes."
Ranma was shocked when this news failed to surprise the elderly Higashi. He accepted Ranma's claim without so much as a ruffled hair.
"She did, heh? With the God Hermes?"
"Yes," Ranma answered in a tentative tone. He wasn't all that sure that Higashi was buying any of what he was being told.
"Good fer her! Hermes is the perfect match for a young woman of Kasumi's talents."
This caused Ranma's head to swim for a moment.
"Wait, you did hear what I said, right? Kasumi left home with a God?"
"Like I said, that only figures," Higashi said as he clamped his pencil between his teeth. "Kasumi's special - very special. Sweet to a fault and can smooth over nearly anything. Hermes would be just the right God. Inari might've worked out as well, but Inari is female and Kasumi don't swing that way."
He turned to Ranma and shoved the sketched map into Ranma's hands.
"Here, take this. Be at my place by sunup and don't be late."
Ranma stared at the hand sketched map. Before he could finish puzzling over it, Yakkusu said, "Be sure to eat breakfast before ya leave the house! The last young man who worked with me didn't like to eat so early and he couldn't make the whole day. Had to fire 'im."
"You gonna provide lunch, or do I need to bring it?"
"I'll provide lunch and iffen we work late enough, I'll throw in a supper of some kind. Can't promise that it will always be a good supper, but I'll try my best. That's one the reasons I miss my old lady so damned much."
"If we work that late," Ranma said with a grin, "I'll cook. All you need to do is provide the fixin's for it."
Higashi stepped back with as surprised look on his face. "Really? You know how to cook?"
"I learned from the best two cooks in Nerima," Ranma said. "Tendo Kasumi and Kuonji Ukyou."
"Hah! Love that Kuonji girl's teppanyaki!" Higashi exclaimed. "We're set then. See ya in the mornin'. I still got more work to do today and I'm standin' here with you beatin' my gums and burnin' daylight."
And with that, Higashi seized the long wooden handles on the cart he hauled stacks of daikon and other vegetables on, and set off at a brisk pace to the east. Ranma scratched the back of his head and studied the map.
He was puzzled at first, but then realized that he had been to Yakkusu-ke before.
"I knew that old man looked familiar!" Ranma exclaimed.
He had landed right in the middle of Yakkusu's herb patch a few times thanks to the sundry amateur run airlines in Nerima - Air Akane - Air Ukyou - Air Cologne - even Air Happosai a time or two. Ranma had always landed on Yakkusu's place in his cursed form. Today would be the first time the old man had ever seen him as a man.
"Boy is he gonna be shocked the first time it rains on us," Ranma muttered to himself as he shook his head. "I sure hope he unnerstands."
Ranma arrived at Tendo-ke just as Nabiki returned home from Furinkan. She went to the hall and picked up the phone. Ranma followed her and put his finger down on the button so that she could not dial out.
"I feel like cookin' tonight, Nabiki," Ranma said. "What've we got in the kitchen that can be made edible?"
Nabiki stared at him as if he had suddenly sprouted an extra head.
"Why would I know?" Nabiki asked as a grimace of pain flashed across her face. "We've been living off of takeout for months now. We haven't bothered to shop for groceries."
"Oh," Ranma said, looking embarrassed. "I'll look then. Give me a minute."
"You do realize that Dad and Hinako-sensei are coming over tonight," Nabiki called after Ranma as she trod along behind him into the kitchen. The kitchen had not been used for so long that dust had begun to accumulate on all its horizontal surfaces.
"That's fine," Ranma called over his shoulder. "Just so long as Hinako-sensei don't drain me."
"She's been doing much better, here of late," Nabiki said. "She can stay in her adult body nearly all day now that Dad has moved in with her."
"Gee, I wonder why that is?" Ranma said, moving things in the pantry about.
"Well, it could be that she's vamping Dad's ki through something other than a hole in a coin," Nabiki said with an evil grin. This whizzed right over Ranma's head and Nabiki's face reflected her disappointment at his lack of amusement.
Ranma had busied himself digging through the pantry. "Nabiki, have you ever shopped for groceries ever?"
Nabiki suddenly looked cautious. "Why do you ask?"
"Because I made a deal with a farmer today to help him out with his work. I'm supposed to be at his house before sunup tomorrow and I don't know if I'll have time to shop for groceries."
Nabiki looked relieved, as if someone had just taken tons of weight off her shoulders. "I'll do the shopping, but you'll have to do the cooking."
"Really? Why?"
"Because I never learned to cook and don't plan on ever learning to cook," she said crossing her arms over her breast. She had a look of hardened determination on her face. "I'll never be a Kasumi."
"Isn't that rather cheeky of you, Nabiki? Never learning to cook? What if I get hurt and can't cook?"
Nabiki stared at Ranma in horror. "You're right, Ranma. I don't know enough about giving first aid, either. I guess that under our circumstances, I'll have to study up on both."
"I tell you what, tomorrow evening we will start cooking together, okay? Don't worry. I don't cook anything fancy."
Nabiki gravely nodded her head. "Deal. The very last thing I want is to confirm the Gods' charges against me."
"Hubris?" Ranma asked with a nasty grin.
Nabiki stared at Ranma as though she might break out into tears.
Ranma sensing her fear put his arms around her was surprised when she wrapped her arms around him and hugged him tight.
"Akane and I have been very bad girls toward you, Ranma, Nabiki murmured into his chest. "I apologize for us both."
Ranma laughed out loud. "That's okay. I started out thinkin' that the reason me 'n Shit-daddy came here was to run a scam on you girls and your dad."
Nabiki pulled back and looked Ranma closely in the eyes. "Funny, so did I." She gasped. "So did Kasumi! That's why we mistreated you so badly."
Ranma was still trying to get past his guilt when Nabiki broke out into unrestrained laughter.
"Well, that's all water under the bridge now," Ranma said as Nabiki's laughter subsided into giggles. He could feel the heat from his face turning red. "Shit happens."
Nabiki kissed him on the cheek. "Yes, it does." She released Ranma and he could continue taking inventory of the pantry and fridge. The pantry appeared to be well stocked with dry staples, but all the fridge had in it was leftovers from the takeout meals that they had been surviving on.
"What sort of deal have you got with this farmer, and when will you get paid?" Nabiki asked as Ranma came to a silent and started scratching the back of his head.
"I think that he plans on paying me every time he sells his produce," Ranma said. "It won't be that much at first. I'll have to get his production back up before it'll amount to anything serious."
Nabiki bit her lower lip and then sighed. "I guess I'll have to dip into my college this week."
Ranma stared at her with a wretched look on his face.
"Oh, don't look so tragic," Nabiki said as she choked back her tears. "I won't be going to college anyway. You and I are going to gallivanting off on your heavenly chores any day now."
Nabiki sniffled and Ranma took her into his arms again.
"I learned something about the Gods today," she whispered to Ranma as she cuddled with him.
"What was that?"
"That the Gods always drive you crazy before They destroy you."
"Mmph! It's a good thing you're Tendo Nabiki then," Ranma said with his usual bravado. "You'll drive Them nuts before they ever figger you out."
Nabiki laughed bitterly. "Think so? This endless waiting for word from Them is beginning to wear on me. I thought They would act quickly, but its been over a month now and still no word from Them."
"Well, look at it from Their perspective," Ranma said. "When you're immortal, what's a year or even a century? They lose track of time. Time is something we mere mortals must worry about."
"I suppose you're right," Nabiki said. "Do we have enough here for you to cook a meal, or should I order takeout again?"
"Ranma sucked in a deep breath. "Call for takeout. All we have that I can cook quickly is rice and instant miso."
"Okay," Nabiki said as she broke free from Ranma's embrace.
"I'll work up a list for ya to shop for tomorrow," Ranma said.
"That'll work. Unagi tonight?"
"Unagi's damned expensive."
"I know, but we're having company."
"Your Dad and Hinako are not company. They're basically just family. Order something cheaper. Udon or even okonomiyaki."
"How about western style pizza?"
"If your old man's stomach will tolerate it."
"Let him have nightmares," Nabiki said. Ranma could hear her evil grin creeping into her voice. "He's living with Hinako now."
"Ya gotta point there, Nabiki. I don't think Hinako has ever cooked a single meal in her entire life."
"What makes you say that, Ranma?"
"The one time I was in her apartment, her floors were littered with cartons from cheap takeout and snack wrappers."
Nabiki gave Ranma a knowing stare as she asked, "What did you do once you saw it?"
"I cleaned it up."
Nabiki shook her head and tisked. "You are such a compulsive neatnik, Ranma. One little thing out of order and you just have to put it up."
"I couldn't believe that one of our teachers was that filthy is all. I cleaned up her place out of shame."
"She was living alone back then on a teacher's salary. Now she's living with Dad and the money he earns."
"Maybe so, but if they were really that well off, why do they still come over here on a weekly basis? They show up here like clockwork."
"Because Dad comes over here to pay his respects to my late mom, Ranma."
"Yeah? Maybe so, but what do you wanna bet me that our take out helps?"
Nabiki regarded Ranma for a moment, and then said, "Okay, udon noodles it is then. Too bad the Nekohanten closed."
"Bite your tongue, woman!" Ranma exclaimed. He was already doing his best to make out a list of groceries for Nabiki to buy. His hands were so stiff and battered from his training that he found using an ordinary pen difficult. "If that place were still open you'd have been challenged by Shampoo the mornin' after Akane ascended. You got an ink brush somewhere?"
"In the drawer, Ranma, where it and the ink are always kept."
"Oh, yeah," Ranma said looking sheepish. "Sorry 'bout that. I shudda remembered."
Ranma took out the brush and ink and proceeded to make out a list that could be easily read by anyone who knew anything at all about written Japanese.
Nabiki placed a large order for pork udon and hung up the phone.
"How you can write with a brush as well as you do astonishes me," Nabiki said. "I thought you spent all your time training with your dad."
"I did, but to learn anything serious ya hafta be able to read all those ancient scrolls. Before the Great War, written Japanese was very different from what it is today. There were more kanji back then and all of 'em was more complicated to write. They averaged two or three times as many strokes."
Nabiki sighed. "I know that, but how on Earth did you learn all that stuff? You know more characters than I do and I spent practically my whole life falling through the schoolhouse doors every time they opened."
"Well, if nuthin' else, you shudda learned not lean against a door that opens inward, huh?"
Nabiki smacked Ranma on his shoulder and then winced.
"Stop joking around and tell me how you did it, Ranma," Nabiki said as she shook her injured hand in hopes of making the sting go away.
"Hell, who knows?" Ranma asked without looking up from his writing. "There were lots of nights when hunger kept me awake and so I would sit and try to learn how to read. And then a few of the dojos we visited had ancient scrolls and I was always quick with questions. Most of the guys that Shit-daddy took advantage of were generous to a fault with me. They would answer any of my questions they could."
"So you're secretly a genius who only pretends to be a dumb jock."
"If it hasn't anything to do with the Art, I ain't interested in it."
"Ninety-percent of genius is the ability to concentrate," Nabiki said, quoting Einstein. "I guess that makes us both geniuses in a way. You specialize in the Art and I specialize in getting money."
"Sometimes I think you'd die if you couldn't rake a few yen offen some poor sucker," Ranma said. "You do well with your Ice Queen act, ya know."
"And you would've died months ago if hadn't been for all those petty thieves to steal from, wouldn't you?"
"Yeah, well, they did provide a living for us."
"Yes they did. That's why I never said anything to you about you quitting school, but why the sudden interest in agriculture?"
"Oh, that's easy to explain. All the thugs got the hell out of town or reformed themselves. I still gotta keep the money comin' in."
"And I have very expensive tastes, don't I?"
"Kasumi likes to eat too, ya know."
"Yeah, but she hasn't been here for weeks now and I have," Nabiki said as her eyes wondered up the stairs. "You could have paid me a visit or two during these past dark and lonely nights, you know."
Ranma winced at this. Nabiki placed her hand on his shoulder to comfort him. Ranma reached up and covered it with his.
"I'm sorry, Nabiki," Ranma said with obvious pain in his voice. "I know that I promised Akane to do everything I could to keep you and Kasumi happy, but - but I just couldn't..."
Nabiki kissed Ranma lightly on the cheek.
"That's okay, Ranma. Heroes are supposed to be all muscle and no gonads. Haven't you read any romantic literature at all?"
"What's a gonad?" Ranma asked with squinted eyes and a suddenly evil grin of his own.
Nabiki smacked him again, making her still stinging hand even worse. "You bloody well know what a gonad is, Saotome! Don't try to play the innocent dumbass with me."
"Oh, now, Nabiki," Ranma said with a rapidly spreading smile, "you know I wouldn't do anything so stupid."
"La! And Har-har, hardee har-har!" Nabiki said as she placed her fists on her hips and glared at Ranma. "This from the guy who has gone out of his way to make his teachers think that he could just barely read or write!"
"I do have trouble reading modern Japanese!" Ranma exclaimed. "And my hands are so beat up that both ballpoints and pencils are hard for me to write with. I can barely use either of them."
Nabiki was less than impressed with these protestations. "And yet you know more kanji than anyone who ever graduated from high school, save possibly the history buffs. I'll bet you know more obscure characters than even they do."
"The situation is silly, isn't it?"
"Yes, it is and you're feigning bad grammar is equally silly, Ranma," Nabiki said in an exasperated voice. "You may as well give up the dumb jock act with me. I already know better."
"Old habits die hard," Ranma said as he shrugged.
Nabiki gave him an even harder stare. "We have just enough time to clean up before the food gets here. Let's go get a shower."
"You go," Ranma said as he blushed. "I'll use the hose outside."
"And risk having that horny slut Hinako seeing your naked body? Not a chance, Saotome. You're coming with me."
"You're that jealous?" Ranma asked in an amazed voice. "Of my girl side? I thought Hinako was straight!"
"Akane was jealous and I'm her sister," Nabiki said with a knowing smirk. "You were expecting me to be any different?"
"We were engaged for the better part of a month and you rented me out to nearly the whole school as I recall."
"That was just business." Nabiki's reply was just a hair too quick. "It was nothing personal."
"I'm beginning to believe that everything you ever did to me, or about me was very personal."
Nabiki grabbed Ranma by the front of his shirt and started dragging him toward the furoba.
"Come on, Ranma. We're running out of time and I want to be clean and fresh when the food arrives."
"So, we're just going to shower and not soak?"
Nabiki gave him another one of her trademark evil grins. "I'll scrub your back, you scrub mine."
Supper that night was a tedious affair. Onna-Ranma did his best to be cheerful for Soun, but he did not feel particularly cheerful. The very first thing that happened that evening was that Soun went into his old bedroom to worship his late wife. Hinako fidgeted around the chanoma in her child form until Onna-Ranma gently dosed her with a ball of bubblegum pink ki. She was grateful for Onna-Ranma's generosity as she changed into her adult form, but she behaved in the same old snooty way she always did when she was teaching at school, fussing at Onna-Ranma for having dropped out of high school.
Nabiki, being Nabiki, encouraged Hinako to be even more annoying than usual, taking a huge delight in Onna-Ranma's and her father's embarrassment. Onna-Ranma had chosen to stay in his cursed form thinking it might discourage Nabiki from teasing him but, no such luck. She tweaked his nipples and patted his butt until he was just as hot and bothered as he had ever gotten.
Being randy always made him feel guilty after Akane had ascended. He always felt as though he was some how betraying the Tomboy. His psychological rope had so many hard knots in it that untying them was difficult. His mental condition made him clumsy and hesitant and that only made his lack of social graces worse. He could tell that Soun was put off by his diffidence, but Onna-Ranma could not help himself.
Finally, after a much longer stay than was necessary, he and Soun usually only played two games of shougi but this time they played four, Soun and Hinako left. Nabiki began to gather up the leftovers and Onna-Ranma went upstairs. He sat down on his futon that was still in the guest bedroom where he and his father had bedded down for years. He still had not changed back into his natural form, planning on doing that before he left early in the morning. Onna-Ranma sat in his best lotus position and sternly instructed his subconscious to wake him at the very start of the first crepuscular hour.
It took more than the normal effort to instruct his subconscious to pick up on the sounds of the tiny few insects and frogs that made faint noises at that early in the morning - an hour-and-a-half to two hours prior to sunrise. Those early morning sounds were barely different from the noises that the night creatures made and, if he was not careful to be stern with himself, his subconscious would wake him up too late to eat before he had to set out for Yakkusu's farmstead.
After thirty minutes or so, nearly twice the time it should have taken, Onna-Ranma drifted off to sleep. Later that night he felt something hot, rubbery and soft press up against his back. He started to growl, then realized that there was no fur and that it was not Shit-daddy. It was a lonely Nabiki needing comfort. He smiled as she settled in with her hands cupping his breasts as he returned to his dreams. They slept cuddled together for most of the night, but when Onna-Ranma woke, Nabiki had returned to her room.
Onna-Ranma shrugged. "Love between me and Nabiki won't come easy for either of us, I guess." He thought about Akane and clouded up.
With a shake of his head to rid his eyes of tears, Onna-Ranma ran downstairs showered and dried himself off. He put on fresh guy type clothing and fixed something to munch on for breakfast: sticky rice pressed into balls and a cup of instant miso. Then he set out for Yakkusu's farmstead. The sky had just barely begun to turn grey on the horizon when Ranma arrived.
"Well, I see that you know what a clock is," Yakkusu said in a loud voice. "I guess we'll see how much you value time for what it really is today."
"Time is life," Ranma said in a grim tone. "I don't need instruction on that."
"I suspect that you really don't," Yakkusu, "but my suspicions don't count for shit. What matters is what you do and how you behave."
"Point taken," Ranma said. "What do you want me to do first?"
"See that pile of shit out there?"
Ranma looked over his shoulder. There was a great hill of manure behind him. He could smell all sorts of manure, goat, chicken, cow, horse, pig - even some fish entrails.
"Now that you mentioned it, yes," Ranma said in a dry tone of voice. "I don't know how I missed it."
"We'll need that in several other places by sundown," Yakkusu said. "Think you can manage?"
"That depends on where you want it and how you want it moved," Ranma answered. "Anything special about this chore?"
Yakkusu was impressed by Ranma's response. "Okay, we'll add caution to your list of observed virtues. It will have to be moved in a particular way. It's going to be converted into a special soil called compost. We'll hafta mix both green and brown plant matter with it in specially arranged piles."
Ranma looked around and saw a mat of straw roughly the size of two tatami. "That where you want to start?"
"You guessed it."
"How deep?"
"A little under a shaku deep," Yakkusu replied. "You know what a shaku is?"
"It's a unit of length equal to ten sun or roughly a third of a meter - 33.3 centimeters."
"Well, I be damned!" Yakkusu exclaimed. "I didn't realized that they were still teachin' the old units in schools these days."
"I didn't learn it in regular school," Ranma said. "I learned it while studying martial arts. The metric system is ill suited to measure distances on a human scale."
"So it is, my boy," Yakkusu said. "So it is. I can see how a martial artist would want to avoid the newfangled metric system."
"Don't get me wrong, the metric system is much better for just about anything you can name because it's so simple, but it ain't suitable for measurin' stuff you gotta unnerstand for the Art."
"So, how accurate must a martial artist be then?"
"The martial artist needs to be able to repeat any move he makes to within a quarter of a sun; less than that if he wants to be better than good."
"Well, thank goodness ya don't hafta worry about that level of repeatability when it comes to planting," Yakkusu said. Can you eyeball a depth as accurately as you claim?"
"Yes."
"Then spread a shaku of manure on this little patch of straw while I fetch us some green stuff to go on top of the manure."
Ranma shrugged his shoulders and went to work. He had a layer one shaku deep spread out by the time Yakkusu returned with a cart load of vegetable tops. Yakkusu did a double take at the manure that Ranma had spread, dumped the cart and said, "Spread this over the manure. I'll be back in a jiffy with more."
Four layers later and ten more minutes that compost pile was finished and covered with a cheap plastic tarp. Ranma and Yakkusu started work on the next compost heap, and then another and another. They used up the entire hill of manure by sundown that day and they had taken a lengthy break for lunch.
Ranma was comfortably tired. Yakkusu appeared to be exhausted.
"That's enough for a day, Saotome-san," Yakkusu said. "Go home and get some rest. We'll tackle sumthin' different tomorrow."
Ranma nodded his head in assent, then strutted off toward Tendo-ke.
This is not nearly as hard as training with Shit-daddy was. It feels good to finish a day in with enough energy that my brain can still work, Ranma thought. I wonder how Nabiki did with the shopping. I sure hope she managed to hold back on the spending. It's gonna take a month or two for this farmin' gig to pay anything. Hey, maybe I'll get home in time to catch the Nerima Daikon Brothers on the tube.