So, two chapters in two days because I felt bad for making you wait this long. Three more to go. We're almost at the finish line! :)

ACT III.

Philosopher

Part III.

Leap of faith.

It had seemed like a good idea at the time. Get rid of Jasper, drive to her house, take her out.

He should be courting Poppy, should be sneaking around with her, have dates in secret and get to know her better.

Do exactly what his sister had suggested. He could still hear Eleanor's voice in his head. And despite his recent actions, he was not an insecure piece of shit and he did not cower before his mother.

Not really.

But sitting here, in his black SUV, the lights out, he did feel like a piece of shit and he wondered yet again what the hell he was doing. Because there was no way this course of action, coming here, would not end in catastrophic failure.

But he had been miserable. He could at least admit that to himself. He'd been a fool to deny that, couldn't even deny that after he had caught himself, barely in time, stopped himself, from taking out Poppy's knickers from where he had hidden them in the farthest reaches of his underwear cabinet to smell them – and the thought alone brought a self-deprecating smile to his face. He'd known then that yes, without a fucking doubt, he was absolutely miserable without her. She had changed him. For better and worse. Had turned him into a man he hardly recognized. A fucking pervert. But also, a better man, he'd like to think. A better man when she was around. It hadn't stopped him, though, from picking up the phone. From sending Kent a message to meet and have dinner. Hadn't stopped him from being brusque with Poppy, whenever they were forced to work together. And it hadn't stopped him from giving his mother - and therefore both Rachel and Poppy - the order to start planning his wedding.

Duty over desire.

And yet here he was. Not in front of Kent's house. But Poppy's.

Dawdling.

His phone lighted up; a text from Jasper. Where the fuck r you? Etiquette still wasn't the bodyguard's strongest suit. Robert made a mental note to discipline him. Might be good for the both of them. Perhaps Robert would be able to lose some of his frustration by whipping Jasper back into shape. And even if he didn't, he considered punishing Jasper to be beneficial one way or the other. He chuckled out loud, softly at first, but then louder, until he was laughing, an unrestrained and boisterous sound, resounding in the darkness of his car.

Mental, he thought. I'm going mad.

But it was good. Laughing like this. Laughing out loud about the absurdity of what his life had become. Bloody better than crying.

The knock on his window shut him up abruptly. Had him clearing his throat and drawing a hand over his eyes. Breathe in, breathe out, Robbie.

Fucking Jasper.

But it wasn't him. Two steaming mugs greeted him as he rolled down the window and his heart almost skipped a beat - the way it did in those romance novels that he absolutely did not read - when he made out Poppy's face behind them.

'Hey stranger,' she said as a matter of greeting. 'Saw you standing here a while ago. Figured if you weren't coming to me, I should come to you.'

He stared at her. Mouth slightly agape.

'Can I come in?'

He wordlessly unlocked the doors, painfully aware he was looking like an idiot, but completely powerless to do anything about it.

Just roll with it.

She walked around the car, the mugs still in her hands, and he had the presence of mind to push open the passenger door so she could easily slide in.

'Hey,' he said. Suave.

'Hey,' she repeated.

He took the mug she offered. It contained a brown substance, coffee, but the slight tang of whiskey was unmistakable. He couldn't stop one corner of his mouth from curling up. Thank the gods she smiled back. Albeit forced.

'So,' she started. 'What brings you here, stranger.' Her emphasis on the last word made him feel guilty, fleetingly, as the feeling was followed by a rush of anger which he quickly suppressed. He wasn't here to fight. Not again. Not anymore.

Make love, not war, or something equally as cheesy.

'I just wanted to see you,' he answered, taking a page from Jasper's book. Eleanor had recounted that story so many times he could dream it. Apparently so could Poppy, as she let out a snort. 'Where's Jasper, then?'

They both laughed, awkwardly, but after a moment silence settled between them. He was acutely aware of his surroundings. In a car, with her, on a darkened street. It made the hairs on his arms stand up straight, but not in a bad way. Not a good way, either, but certainly not bad.

He took a sip from his coffee.

Not bad at all.

'I haven't seen you around lately,' he said, trying to break the ice, but she wouldn't let him.

'Because you've been actively avoiding me,' she shot back, one eyebrow raised.

His first instinct was to deny it, but he wasn't here to spin more lies.

'I was,' he admitted. 'It was... Awkward.'

He cleared his throat again, took another sip to buy himself time.

'Awkward being around you,' he continued. 'With the impending engagement and everything.'

'Yeah,' she agreed. 'Especially how you told me you loved me and then ordered me to set up your wedding. When, exactly, will the public announcement be? Remind me, I forgot.'

And there it was. The entire reason of him being here at this precise moment. Not a day sooner, not a moment later.

He sighed.

'The day after tomorrow.'

This time when silence fell, it was heavy and painful, a void between them they would never be able to cross. Yet that was exactly what he intended to do.

Cross the void.

'I meant it,' he said. 'I wanted to see you. The way we left things. The way I left things. It wasn't right. I needed to see you.'

'I owe you an apology,' he said. 'But no apology I can offer you, will make right the way I treated you. These past couple of days. Weeks. But I am sorry. Truly.'

'You're always sorry, Robert,' she said. 'You're always sorry until you fuck up again.'

She had her face turned away, but he could feel her gaze on him through the reflection of the window.

'My mother -'

'Fuck your mother,' she hissed and her outburst surprised her as much as it did him. She took a deep breath, steeled her shoulders and turned towards him.

'I'm sorry,' she said. 'It's just - Your mother is not on my list of favorite people right now. And that's putting it mildly.'

He couldn't help but smirk. 'She isn't on mine either.' They locked eyes for a moment, but then she resumed her earlier position, the mug held tightly between her hands.

'My mother,' he continued, 'forbade me to marry you.'

She opened her mouth but did not interrupt.

'And while it was not her place,' he said, 'it made me realize that I don't want to marry you. Not right now, anyway.'

Another sip.

'What I want is to get to know you better. Discover who you really are. This amazing woman who I've known for the past two, three years, who I've only now discovered is so much more than meets the eye. This woman who makes me feels things until recently I didn't even know I could or wanted to feel. I want to take you out on a date, bring you flowers when I pick you up - not roses, because that's cliché - and experience that blundering moment of dropping you off back home and not knowing whether it's appropriate to kiss you good night or not. I want to know whether you prefer ketchup or mayo. Your steak rare or medium. Pie or cake? Pudding or mousse? Pineapple on pizza or not.'

Cross the void.

'I want to know you and I want to fall even further in love with you than I already have.'

She was looking at him now and he smiled. His most charming smile. The one that made panties drop. The one no one could resist. The one his father had said would get him in trouble with the ladies. In a good way. He smiled at her and he tried to convey in that smile everything he felt for her.

'Too bad you're getting married then,' she said coldly, ignoring his smile and the hope in his eyes. She caught herself, toned down the venom in her voice. 'I know you're not a regular guy, Robert. You're not like anyone I know. Not that I know many kings. But you, even without that burden, you're different. I knew that from the beginning. And I didn't plan on -'

She was looking for the right word. He could see her purposely avoiding the word love, could read it in her face.

'I didn't plan on liking you,' she decided upon. They both knew what she meant.

'I didn't. But I did. And I promised you I would always be there for you. No matter what. I promised and I meant it. I want the best for you and I know I'm not it, but I would've have never left you. Never. But I never expected you to behave so cowardly.'

'You haven't even looked at me these past few weeks, Robert,' she said and her voice was rising, emotion threatening to rise to the surface. 'You told me you loved me and then you completely shut me out. And now, two days before you're getting engaged, you're here. Claiming to want to get to know me better. To want to fall in love with me.'

She spat in her mug and it was so uncharacteristic for her he almost laughed.

'People who love each other,' she said, 'who truly care, don't treat each other like shit.'

She seemed to have made up her mind and opened up the door, pushed herself out of her seat with one hand, the other wiping furiously at her eyes. Angrily.

'I'm done crying over you, Robert,' she said, standing in the door. 'I love you' - and it was the first time he ever heard her say it, the first time he truly realized he needed to hear her say it - 'and I want to be there for you, but you cannot pull me close and then toss me out again and pull me close and then toss me out once more. It doesn't work like that. Announce your engagement and get married. Please. Fulfill your duty. And after, we'll figure out what's left of our friendship and how to salvage it.'

She didn't slam the door; Robert had expected her to, but then again, he knew her to be nothing but graceful. And it felt like he couldn't breathe. His throat constricted. The pounding of his heart suddenly resounding in the too empty space. The quiet pressing against his ear drums and her walking away was too much. He choked, a hacking sob that took the air away, and then he moved.

He threw open his own door, dropping his mug on the cobblestone streets and it shattered in a thousand pieces. Typical.

He didn't think, just ran after her. And when he grabbed her arm and turned her around, saw the lone tear streaming down her face, knowing he put it there, it hurt him more than he thought it would. Than he thought it could. All he could do was cup her cheeks and close his eyes.

Take a leap of faith.

He kissed her.

He kissed her.

She pulled back her arm and slapped him. With everything she had, she slapped him. He recoiled, but not far enough for her to get away. His fingers were curled around her arm; he pulled her towards him again. Buried his face in her hair, his burning cheek against her hot skin. Pulled her close and in and near and no.

'I'm sorry,' he whispered. 'I'm sorry, I'm sorry.'

The shaking of her shoulders betrayed her emotions and he promised, breathed, vowed, 'I'm not letting you go.'

She struggled against him, but she was tiny, so tiny, and eventually she relaxed in his arms. Relaxed her breathing and ran her fingers over one of his arms.

'Robbie,' she pleaded. 'Please.'

But he shook his head.

'I'm not, Poppy,' he said. 'I promise.'

She sighed and her breath on the side of his face made him shiver.

'I know you think you do,' she said. 'But this is a promise you cannot keep. And I've made my peace with that.'

She pressed a kiss into his hair, then leaned back as she forced him to look at her.

'Your kingdom and your people and your queen and your family. They will always come before me, as they should.'

'I will always be your friend,' she said, 'but this' - she gestured between them - 'cannot continue. This is over. It's nothing. It's you and it's me, but it's not us. You don't have to make promises you can't keep and I don't have to pretend to believe them.'

If he could've have held her tighter, he would have, but he was already holding her so close.

'What if I break it all off?' he said. 'What if I tell Kent this is not happening. Like you said, fuck my mother.'

And she laughed, but at the same time shook her head. 'You won't.'

'But what if I will?'

'You won't,' she repeated. 'Why would you?'

'Why wouldn't I?' he asked stubbornly.

'You can't answer a question with a question,' she said.

He smiled.

'To fall in love with you,' he said. 'To fall in love with you I would.'

'And risk robbing your people of the queen they deserve?' she countered. But he shrugged. 'Who says you can't be that queen?'

'I can't,' she said. 'I won't. I don't want to.'

'Every girl wants to be a queen.'

'I don't,' she said. 'And that's where this fairytale ends.'

She stepped back and out of his arms, placed a hand against his chest to keep him at bay.

'I could never ask you to give up your kingdom for me,' she said. 'And we both know parliament would never approve of me. And that's fine. For a moment in time I had a piece of you. And that was enough. Let's not pretend like it was more than that. I meant what I said. I'm done crying over you.'

She kissed his cheek and he let her. Didn't try to stop her when she turned around. Watched her as she walked back to her house and closed the door on whatever they could've been.