The Nurse, Tanya
Looking around this church today, in some ways, I feel like I shouldn't be here. I haven't known them that long; weddings are usually meant for guests who have been friends with the bride or groom, who work with them, or who are family. I'm none of that. I see people at their worst. It's part of the job, and I can definitely say I've seen Andy and Sharon at their worst, both of them. Knowing what I know about each of them, I know they are strong and independent. I know they don't fall apart when challenges arise, but I've seen both cry. I've been with them in some of their darkest moments. All of that seems to have earned me a spot here today, a spot as a friend, a confidant, I suppose. My name is Tanya, and I was initially one of Andy's nurses when he had his blood clot. Normally, that would have been the end of it, but these two have been frequenting the hospital lately, which isn't something that I've been glad to see. I've seen them through all of it, and it's nice, for once, to see people in their happiest moments, not their most upsetting.
I first met Andy and Sharon when he was brought up to my floor and placed under my care after he fell and hit his head during his blood clot ordeal. Normally, I don't assume relationship roles with people. I've worked too long to assume anything, but even sometimes my mind can play tricks on me. I wrongly assumed the two were married. I don't know what it was, but maybe it was the way they interacted with each other. Maybe it was the fact that Rusty was there too, equally worried, but I made the mistake I try not to make; I assumed, and that was my first interaction with them.
"I'm Tanya. I will be your nurse up here on the floor, Mr. Flynn. I'm here to get you healthy again and back on your feet," I told him. "I know we are watching your blood clot, and I need you to let me know if you are having any pain or problems." I turned toward his wife and son, and both faces were worried. I could see that, and I smiled at them, "Look, you've scared your wife and son with your falling. Things are going to be okay, everyone." I offered another smile to his family, trying to reassure them.
"Okay, first," he said, as he grimaced and raised his hand, "please call me Andy. This whole thing is a mess. I was doing what the doc said, but I'm doing what I'm supposed to do at home, I'm minding my own business, and then I'm eating the floor. My head is still killing me, and it almost hurts to open my eyes," he grimaced again. He closed his eyes and gestured toward the door, "This is Sharon and Rusty, my girlfriend and her son. Rusty was home with me when I fell, which is another thing, I wasn't even at home. I was at Sharon's place because I can't even be left alone. My power of attorney, my friend, will be here soon. He's still at work."
"I'm sorry," I blushed and looked toward them. "I didn't mean to assume. I try not to do that. I apologize," I sighed. "As for paperwork and all, we will get it sorted out. Don't worry about that. I'm sorry again," I looked toward the woman.
"No problem," Sharon shook her head and looked to Andy. "We just want him healthy. Do you know when the doctor will be in to see him?"
"It should be soon," I told her. "I'm going to check vitals and do my basics, and then the doctor should be around within the next hour or so. That's standard. She knows you are here."
I spent the next few minutes doing my job, checking the things I needed to check, and then I told the family I would be out at my station should they have any questions. Sharon found me not long after that.
"Excuse me, Tanya, is it?" Sharon asked me, and I looked up from my charts.
"Oh, yes, does Mr. Flynn need something?" I asked.
"He's okay at the moment. He is getting hungry, and we didn't know if he could eat normally right now? I'm sorry," she sighed. "That sounds like it should be the least of his worries, but his eating has been off the last few days, so now that he's hungry, I'd be relieved if he could eat."
"I'll double check, but I don't think that is a problem," I told her. I could still see the worry in her eyes. I gave her a small smile, and I reached to pat her hand that was on the counter, "He's going to be okay. He's in good hands here."
"I know," she said and shook her head. "This has been a mess. It started with a stupid decision at work, and that landed him in the ER. He developed this blood clot, and we've all been watching him, and now, here, even when we had eyes on him, he fell and could be in grave danger," she teased up and looked away. I heard her take a deep breath, "I just can't lose him, not now."
"We are doing everything here so you don't lose him," I told her again in a sympathetic tone. "I'll check with the doctor and see when she is going to be up to see him."
"Thank you," she said, holding back the tears. I watched her walk down the hall again, and it looked like she was carrying the weight of the world. She was stressed, extremely stressed, but what surprised me is a few minutes later when I went back to the room, she almost looked like a different person. It was as if she could check her emotions at the door and look relaxed and carefree around him, Andy, but when alone, she let herself feel. I'd not seen many turn on and off the emotions as she could do, and it was interesting to see. She was concerned around him, but her tone tried to almost convince him that he would be okay, that this wasn't a major concern.
Awhile later after the doctor had come and gone and he'd been told he needed surgery, Sharon stopped by the desk again.
"I hate to bother you," she said and frowned.
"You aren't a bother at all. Does he need something?" I asked.
"Maybe, possibly," she tried to smile slightly. "I have to go back to work. I'm a police captain. We all work together, and right now, we have an active case. With Andy out of commission, my detectives are stretched thin. His best friend, also one of my lieutenants, is here with him now. My son is also staying here, but I wanted to ask if you could just keep an eye on them. Andy has not been telling us when he's in pain, and I'm not sure he would tell his friend or my son. I'll be back in a few hours."
"Of course," I told her. "I'm here through the evening, and it's part of my job to monitor him. I will check on his pain levels, and as the doctor said, we are keeping a very close eye on him before he has surgery. Go back to work. We've got him," I nodded to her with a small smile.
"Thank you," she said, almost breathless. "I hate to leave him here, but I have a lot on my plate too. Before I go, could you point me to the chapel?"
Over the next few hours, I checked on him, and he continued to do okay. I didn't see Sharon the rest of that evening between her schedule and mine, but then, I did see her the next day. I wasn't on shift when he went to surgery, but as I was on my way in for work, I ran into Sharon on the elevator. I could tell she worried even more than she had been the day before.
"Hi, um, Sharon, right?" I asked as I stepped onto the elevator. She was looking at the floor, unaware of anything going on around her. She looked up at me.
"Yes, that's right. I'm Sharon," she closed her eyes and nodded. "Tanya, right?"
"I'm just coming on shift soon," I told her. "I'm on my way up now. How is he doing?"
"He's in surgery," she sighed. "I've been in the chapel again, and I have faith all will be okay, but that doesn't stop my worry. Our friends are upstairs waiting. It's Thanksgiving, and I can't even be thankful right now. I'm just so worried."
"I am sorry things are so stressful now," I told her and tried to meet her gaze.
"I should have told him," she said, tears in her eyes. "I'm sorry. I don't mean to dump on you. I am a mess."
"You can tell me anything. I like you. There's something about you that is just real. I believe he'll be okay too, I do," I told her. She just nodded and looked to the floor. I never asked, and she never explained the comment about telling him. I had an idea, but it wasn't my place to ask.
The surgery went well, and over the next several days, I was one of his nurses, trying to get him back on his feet and ready to go home. I spent more and more time with him and with Sharon. He was funny and charming. The two were cute together, and Rusty, he was just so worried all the time. He was always with Andy, that is if Sharon wasn't there. She would stop by his room every day, morning and night. I had the later shift, so I would see her in the evenings. She would walk the halls with him, trying to help him regain his stability and strength. She always brought him food, and she even brought me dessert the one evening. We just clicked. I don't click with all my patients, but I clicked with them, and yes, it felt like a "them."
When Andy was discharged, it was sad to see him go, which is odd because the goal is to discharge patients when they are healthy again. They both hugged me and thanked me for everything. Rusty was sweet, carrying all of the bags, and I watched Sharon hold Andy's hand as he rode downstairs in the wheelchair. I said goodbye to them that day, and I really didn't expect to see them again.
I did, though, almost a full year later, when I was working one evening, and I saw Sharon walking up to me at the desk. She looked the same, and I could almost see the relief in her spotting me.
"Sharon," I smiled at her. "Oh, what's wrong?" I could see the panic in her face again, and she just shook her head.
"I've been walking around the hospital. I've been to the chapel, and somehow, I got on the elevator, and I found myself up here again on this floor. I don't know what I'm doing here or what I expected," she sighed. "I wasn't even necessarily looking for you, but when I spotted you, it just felt right to come and see you."
I walked around from the desk toward her and gestured to one of the chairs there off to the waiting area, "Why don't we sit and talk. Are you here seeing someone?"
"Andy," she nodded again. "Andy had a heart attack," she said, having trouble getting out the words. "They admitted him to check on things and run tests. He's in the cardiac wing. I just needed to catch my breath."
"I'm sorry," I patted her arm. "Do you know anything about the heart attack?"
"He was at work; we were at work," she tried to hold back the tears. "I don't mean to dump on you right now. He's not even your patient. I just found myself in the elevator coming up here. It seems so strange we were at this same hospital not that long ago for his blood clot. This is equally scary, and it's hitting me even worse because he collapsed right there standing next to me. I can't lose him."
"You won't. You two are great together, still together," I smiled at her. "I have always liked you two because I can tell your relationship is real."
"It is," she gave me a small smile. "I love him. I think it really hit me last time he was in the hospital, and over this year, we've grown even closer. We're living together, and he's my world. He has to be okay. We've had a lot of stress at work. I need him. I have never needed anyone, and I need him,"she rolled her eyes. I guess I don't even need him, but I want him around in my life. I can't even put it into words."
"It's okay to need someone, to want someone," I squeezed her hand. "Why don't you go back to his room? I'll stop by and check on you later, even though he's not my patient. Sharon, he needs you too," I gave her hand a squeeze and offered a small smile.
I did just that. I checked on them later, and I could see the love. I could feel it. It's a rare thing they have, something I don't see much. So many people revolve in and out of the hospital. You can feel the family tension with people. You can see the awkwardness. I see the love with them, and it's warm and refreshing. You want them to be okay together because that's all they want-to be together.
It broke my heart when I ran into Andy again another year later, now just a couple weeks ago. He was just getting onto the elevator when I spotted him. I ran to catch up to it, and my smile quickly turned to concern when I called to him.
"Andy!" I said happily as they got onto the elevator. It had been another year, over a year since I'd seen them. It was good to see him walking around, and I was hoping he was there just visiting someone. He looked better, healthy, but he looked worn out and sad. He looked up as I stepped onto the elevator. "Oh, something is wrong, isn't it?"
He to me, "Tanya, it's nice to see you. I wish I was here under better circumstances. I can't keep running into you here," he sighed. "It's not me, though. It's Sharon."
"Oh my," I clutched my chest. "What happened to Sharon? I saw him push the cardiac floor, and I eyed him."
"Doc is still figuring it all out. She collapsed at work. She's been sick the last couple months. It started as the flu, but she isn't getting better. She's under so much stress. We're getting married in a couple weeks, and I just don't know," he dropped his head. "I can't lose her."
I nodded. I'd heard that similar phrasing too much from this couple over the last couple years. I squeezed his shoulder, "I'm still on break from my shift the next few minutes. Why don't I walk you to her room, and I can say hi to her. I'll stop in and check on her while she's here. You won't lose her. You two keep beating anything life throws at you. You're getting married? Congratulations. You two deserve it, to be happy. I'm so sorry she's sick, but I'll be here for you. You two are my favorite patients, and I'm not going to let anything happen to you." He just nodded, and nothing more was said on the elevator. I followed him to her room, and we all reconnected.
I've spoken to Sharon a lot these last couple weeks. She was in the hospital for several days. I was never her nurse, but I made a point to stop in several times a day, before and after my shifts, to check on her. We laughed. We talked. We even cried a little. I'd done some fo the same with Andy that week as the stress of everything hit him hard. He hated seeing Sharon in pain and sick. I did too. It just didn't seem fair, that this couple couldn't catch a break. I'm glad I was there for Sharon in the hospital. I felt very touched when in the middle of her hospital stay, she looked over to me one evening when the room was quiet. She'd sent Andy and Rusty home, and I'd stopped by on my break.
"I would love for you to come to our wedding," she said. "I can't even promise we will still have it with all this," she gestured, "but you've been there for both of us when we've really needed someone. I'm going to have Andy bring an invitation here, and I hope you will come."
"I'd be honored," I said. I gripped her hand in mine, and we sat there together for another few minutes before I had to go back to work. I can't remember the last time I got so attached to patients. They really are special, and I can say I hope I don't have to see them again in the hospital. They've been through so much. They deserve this wonderful day. It's nice to be here on a happy occasion after I've been by their sides at some of their darkest moments.
Being a nurse is challenging and rewarding. It's frustrating and enjoyable, sometimes at the same time. Today, I'm so happy to be here, to be surrounded by this amazing family as they all celebrate their love for each other.