The Elephant-Koi In The Room

A random question leads to a journey of self-reflection. Katara tries to re-assess herself, and her relationship with Aang. A short series of moments in-between. Slight AU.

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Chapter One

"The Tanglemine"

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"Is Aang cute?"

The question caught Katara completely off-guard. Toph was laying back resting while Katara applied healing waters to her feet, a consequence of letting a certain banished, spoiled prince into their group. A decision Katara did not agree with in the slightest, but that was neither here nor there. Aang made a call and Katara would simply have to make do.

After Katara and Zuko's "talk", at least their unwanted new visitor knew the stakes. One step out of line, and he was done.

"What brought that question on?" Katara asked.

"I just got to thinking about it, is all." Toph leaned back against her sleeping bag, trying to be nonchalant. "I mean, I don't really know what any of you look like. Not really, beyond like your general body shapes."

"Girls his own age seem to like him. Those girls at the Fire Nation academy blushed practically every time he spoke to them. And there were a few more before we met you, when we were traveling to the North Pole."

"You're just going to tiptoe around the question, aren't you?"

Katara shook her head and sighed. "Yes, he's generally attractive. To people. In general."

"Well, at least you're not lying." A wicked smile crossed Toph's lips. "What about Zuko?"

"What? No."

"Now you're lying."

"I guess you want your feet to remain burnt, don't you?"

"Okay, okay." Toph crossed her arms. "I don't know why you're so evasive about Aang. It's okay if you think he's cute."

"I know that. Look, it's just a weird topic for me."

"You wanna talk about it?"

"Not really, but I get a feeling you're going to keep asking anyway."

"Aw, you really do know me."

"Look, I just…" Katara blew air out of her nose. She didn't really even know how to put what she was feeling into words, but she would have to try. "…I feel guilty whenever I think about Aang that way. And I think about him in that way a lot. I don't know why I do, but I do."

"Guilty? Why?"

"I don't know. Aang is just so many different things to me, that it's hard to untangle them sometimes." In a weird, messed-up way, Katara was glad in this moment that Toph was blind. Talking about this particular subject was easier without having to explain the bright red on her cheeks. "Like, I've been there with him from the very beginning. Since Sokka and I freed him from the ice. I was the first person he saw."

"Is it an age thing? Because technically he's like a hundred years older than you."

"No, it's not even our age. Not really." The soft blue glow of the healing water dimmed as Katara bended the liquid back into her waterskin. "I just keep thinking about us traveling together. From the very first moment. Like, did I…you know,make this inevitable or something? Sokka's been…interested in multiple girls, but I've only ever seen Aang show interest in me. And I've seen Aang as a symbol of hope for so long…I don't know."

"Do you know he likes you?"

"He kissed me. On the lips. Right before the invasion on the Day of Black Sun."

"Oh, wow. I must have missed that one." And then Toph hit Katara in the forearm. Not hard, thankfully. "I think you're worrying too much, sweetness. You know, getting too far inside your own head. Aang's perfectly capable of making his own decisions."

"But that's not even the only thing. Feeling guilty is just one aspect. That's my point." Katara cut her eyes to the side. A useless gesture considering her present company, but she did so anyway. "I'm actually a little angry at him, to be honest."

"Why?"

"For letting Zuko join us. It's unwarranted and I know Aang needs a firebending teacher. But Aang almost died because of Zuko. I…I mean, we almost lost him."

Toph put her finger to her chin, humming to herself. "Random thought. You know how you were untangling Aang's spirit energy or whatever, to try and help him heal after Ba Sing Se? Maybe you need to do that."

"What? Use the healing water on my feelings?"

"I mean, yeah, pretty much. Katara, as far as I can tell, you just feel emotions more intensely than the rest of us do. Or you're the most willing to show them out of us, at the very least. With how long you've been traveling with Aang and everything you've both been through, it's no surprise that your emotions are a mess."

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For the first time in her life, Katara meditated.

Mind you, Katara didn't know the first step of meditating. Whenever she watched Aang, he seemed to slip into a state of calm as easily as he shrugged into his clothes. So, Katara picked a spot in the temple that appeared to be quiet and…spiritually pure, or something. And crossed her legs and closed her eyes, pushed the knuckles on both hands together, and opened herself to her thoughts and the musings of the universe.

The Western Air Temple was one of the most serene places Katara had ever visited. To be so close to a veritable factory of war and violence was a testament to the Air Temple's location and latent spiritual energy. Even if the assassin that their new "friend" had hired nearly blew the place to bits.

Aang, what were you thinking? Katara only wanted to protect him, and Aang and his trusting nature were making that difficult.

Appa roared far in the distance. And Katara thought she heard her brother's complaining tone. They were all pretty despondent after the Day of Black Sun, but somehow, they were moving on and building back into a routine. The world wasn't going to save itself, after all. Not without a push from their ragtag gang.

'Aang is just so many different things to me'. Katara tried to list them. A friend, a symbol of hope, a person to protect, a student, a…lover? Admittedly, Katara did feel jealous when Aang seemed to show interest in other girls, even though Aang was just being friendly. There was the one girl at the Fire Nation academy. There were a lot of girls at the academy, in fact.

When was the very first time Katara felt this way? Kyoshi Island, and those little village girls? But Katara definitely didn't have any romantic musings about Aang back then.

A thought crossed Katara's mind. Maybe Katara just wanted to be special. Like, maybe she wanted to be Aang's confidant and his closest friend, the person he really trusted. Katara wanted to be the Avatar's friend. And when someone moved in on that territory, Katara felt threatened. She hoped this wasn't the reason, as she thought it was horribly selfish.

Katara never thought of herself as a possessive person. Aang was free to do as he liked. Anyone in their group was free to do whatever they wanted, including Zuko. No, especially Zuko. Because Katara hoped he felt free enough to find another group to eventually betray.

Maybe Toph was right. Outside of the people from her village, Katara didn't know if she had ever spent a longer consecutive amount of time with anyone other than Aang. And they were both around the same age, in a mental sense, and Katara liked boys and Aang liked girls. Or maybe Aang liked both boys and girls, which was fine.

Katara heard soft breathing beside her. She cracked one eye open. Aang was sitting beside her in a similar stance, though certainly with better posture.

"Aang?"

Aang didn't say anything. She waved a hand in front of his face, and when that proved fruitless, she snapped her fingers in front his face. A master waterbender Katara might have been, but she was mere tadpole compared to Aang in the meditative arts.

After a few moments, Aang cracked one eye open. "Oh, I thought we were meditating."

"We were. I was."

"Sorry, I can meditate somewhere else."

"No, no. I just didn't expect you here."

"I'm glad you took some time out to do this, though. You've seemed tense lately."

"Mmhmm."

"You want to talk about it?"

"Not really. There's nothing I can do about it, anyway."

It took a moment for Aang to catch on. "Oh. Listen, I understand, but – "

"Aang, just…" Katara took a deep breath. "Let's just not, okay. You made a decision, I'll live with it."

"Okay."

Katara tried closing her eyes and regaining her focus, but all she could see was Zuko. Scenes of the banished prince shooting fireballs at her friend, the world's last hope for peace and balance. The conversation Katara and Zuko had beneath the palace in Ba Sing Se, just before he watched his sister kill Aang. Katara had never wanted to kill anyone more in that moment, not even the man who murdered Mom.

And now this person was living among them. Like nothing had ever happened, in the prestigious position of being the Avatar's personal firebending teacher. The words rose to Katara's throat and she couldn't hold them back.

"Aang, why do you want him as your firebending teacher? Why?"

"Oh, we're talking about it now?"

"Yes."

"I don't know, Zuko seemed pretty genuine. And Toph even said he was telling the truth. I know it's a risk, but everything is at this point."

"I know, but…you almost died because of him, Aang. I just don't understand how you're so nonchalant about it. I mean, if I…I mean, if we had lost you, I don't know what we would have done. He betrayed you, he betrayed me."

"Katara, if someone wants to redeem themselves, we should try to give them room to do so." Aang's eyes were closed again, but Katara could practically see the wheels turning in his head. "It's not like we're all best friends with him all of a sudden, but it's a start. I'm not saying you have to forgive him, but just try to understand why I might want to try."

"I gave him room to redeem himself in Ba Sing Se, and look what he did."

"Maybe he needed more time. Self-improvement isn't usually a straight line."

Aang's "Avatar Wisdom" could be so annoying at times. Especially when he was right. "Listen, I'm just worried. And I want you to be more careful around him. I know Zuko's not exactly a master manipulator or anything, but he's faltered before. I don't want you to get hurt again."

"Katara, do you truly want him gone? I know we took a vote, but if you feel that strongly about it…"

Katara rolled her eyes. "I hate you sometimes."

"What?"

"You know I'm not going to say no."

"I don't know that."

"I don't want him here, but I acknowledge we need him here." Katara crossed her arms. "I can't help how I feel, Aang. I don't think he's trustworthy."

"Well, we're about to find out, I guess."

The conversation lulled, neither one of them going back to their meditations but still preferring to sit in silence. In the silence, Katara couldn't help but think back to how Aang kissed her before the invasion, and how they had both steadily tip-toed around the subject ever since. Katara was glad Aang had gotten his feelings out; after all, there was more than a fair chance he might have died on that day.

She needed to be responsible about this. In the beginning, Katara had seen herself as a mother or an older sister-figure to Aang, but Aang had grown up so fast over their journey that her mind was constantly re-assessing her relationship with him.

She blurted her next words out, surprising herself. "Aang, I need time."

"I said I could go somewhere else if you wanted."

"No, I need time to…determine what we are." Katara turned and met his eyes. "We never talked about…you know. Right before the invasion. I just didn't want you to think I was trying to avoid it."

Aang's whole face practically turned red. "I thought we would be together."

"It doesn't always work that way, unfortunately. Besides, there is kind of a war going on."

"I just thought…I figured you felt the same way. And maybe you were just waiting for me to make a move."

Katara didn't know what she wanted Aang to do. She thought back to their dance when Aang was attending that Fire Nation academy. She wanted Aang to ask her to dance, or to not dance with that other girl, at least. Onji. Katara was sure Onji was a nice girl, and a good fit for Aang, but Onji wasn't her.

And Aang seemed to know all the right things to say in that moment. It was a side of Aang that Katara had only seen brief flickers. If Katara's emotions were a messy table with half-filled teacups and overturned rice bowls, then Aang had walked in and flipped the entire table over.

"That wasn't really even the first time we kissed on the lips."

"Oh, yeah. When we were on the way to Omashu, right? The cave?"

"At least you didn't have to choose between kissing me or dying this time," Katara said in a teasing tone. "I bet that took a lot of the pressure off."

"You're never going to let me off the hook for that one, are you?"

"Nope." And then Katara reached out and placed her hand over Aang's. "I need to untangle my thoughts about you, Aang. Like how I untangle the knotted spirit energy around your scar. I'm not saying I don't reciprocate, and I'm not trying to blow you off, but it's complicated for me. Tell me you understand."

Aang took a long, deep breath. "I guess you're right. And it probably wasn't fair for me to kiss you."

"No, no. Don't be ashamed of your emotions." Katara moved her hand to his shoulder, trying to get him to see the situation from her perspective. "The truth is, Aang, you were onto something and you just expressed it in the only way you knew how. At this point, after everything we've been through, we are something more than friends. It's not like a brother, like Sokka, but it's something…different. I just don't know if it's a boyfriend yet."

A strange light passed through Aang's eyes, and again Katara could hear gears clicking into place. "I get it. That's why you're so mad at Zuko."

"I wouldn't say mad…but – "

"Katara."

"Okay, I'm furious at him."

"But it wasn't just that Zuko betrayed you, or that I almost died. If I died, a big piece of you would have died. Right?"

"I never thought about it like that, but yeah. You're right." To be honest, Katara didn't like thinking back on that night, and she often saw Aang's lifeless body in her nightmares. "Even in the short moment where you were dead, that was the closest I felt to complete despair. It was like this giant, black pit swallowing me up."

"You would have moved on without me, Katara. I know you would have."

"I'm not so sure."

"You have the strongest spirit out of anyone I've ever met. You would have."

A warm, bubbly sensation rose up in Katara's chest, and her face flushed red. Katara sorely wished she could push the feeling back down, but then again, she couldn't tell Aang not to be ashamed of his emotions and then suppress her own.

"I can't say I'm not disappointed, but you're right, Katara. Sometimes you need to look at things with a clear head."

"I knew you would understand."

"Besides," Aang said with a smirk. "at least you have solid confirmation that I'd rather kiss you than die now."

An orb of water from a completely unknown source splashed Aang in the face, certainly not from Katara's waterskin sitting right next from her and Aang certainly did not get splashed because he was being a jerk. Aang laughed. And despite herself, Katara began to laugh as well.

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