That's What "Good" Tastes Like
Hiei hesitated before finally letting his hand fall. The fire in Darkfire's eyes had once more retreated into nothingness. He had never seen anyone with blue eyes before. When she had life behind them, they were brighter than the bluest sky. Now they seemed like deep oceans from which all life had fled.
"Stop staring at me," she said dully.
"Why should I?"
"Because he used to stare at me."
His eyes averted momentarily.
"I have witnessed the softening of the hardest of hearts by a simply smile."
"Smile." He looked to her again as the corners of her mouth lifted.
It had all the semblance of a real smile, but it was missing the most important ingredient: Emotion. She did not mean it at all. Rather, she was merely performing a task that her brain remembered from years of practice.
Did she know it was hollow?
"Can I stop now?"
He sighed and picked up the dust pan. "Yea."
Her mouth fell to a single line just as meaningless as her smile.
"Is my skin soft?" she asked, though it sounded like every other sentence.
Hiei straightened, almost dropping the pan again. "What?"
"People used to say my skin was soft. I was just suddenly curious."
"Oh, yea, I guess so."
She looked at her hands. They trembled, but she knew not why.
"You should go eat a little more."
"I'm not hungry."
"Your body says otherwise."
Her fingers curled into her palms. "How do you know what I do not?"
His brows knitted. "You don't feel anything, remember? You said so yourself. Hunger causes pain, and you ignored pain. I know because I understand the signs."
"Shaking hands is a sign?"
"Plus, you didn't eat well in your captivity."
A low rumble came from her stomach.
"That's the obvious sign."
"I remember that sound. I remember I used to sometimes ignore it."
The demon walked from the bathroom, leaving the broom.
Darkfire followed thoughtfully.
He glanced back at her. She was thinking such strange things that meant very little to him. Apple. Red. Green. Yellow. Heart. Torn. Gone. What connection was there? Any at all? Why could she no longer think in full sentences?
Hiei. Apples?
"What?" he said aloud, turning.
She looked at him. "What?"
"Nothing. Forget it." He shook his head and put the dust pan back in the pantry.
Apples.
"Ok." She stood by a chair, but did not sit.
Apples.
"What do you want to eat?"
Apples.
"Dunno. What's good?"
Apples.
His fist clenched. "Stop thinking about 'apples' for five seconds, will ya!" he snapped. Then he calmed himself.
"Are apples good?"
"Darkfire…yes, apples can taste good. Is that what you want?"
She shrugged.
Hiei opened the fridge and looked around. He grabbed a bright red apple from the door. "Here, an apple. Eat it." Setting it on the table, he returned to the cold machine and looked for something more filling.
Her fingers wrapped around the fruit. "Apple."
The demon cringed.
Darkfire bit into it, chewed, and swallowed. "Hiei, what does 'good' taste like?"
He eyed the steak knives as he closed the door, turning to her. "What?"
"You said apples can taste 'good'. Well, what does 'good' taste like?"
"You can't recall the taste of an apple?"
She shook her head. "Only the taste of dry sand fills my mouth anymore."
How does one describe "good"? Better question: How does one describe "good" to a person with no feeling or emotions?
"Do…do you remember the feeling of the wind on your face?"
Her eyes closed. "No."
Brick wall. He took the apple from her and examined it. Then he took a knife from the counter and cut a wedge. "Hold out your hand." When she did, he squeezed some juice into her palm. "That's what 'good' tastes like."
Darkfire stared at the sticky liquid pooled in her hand.
Hiei hoped it might work.
"Juicy. I remember that word. Juicy equals apple. Apple is juicy."
His gaze brightened.
"Juicy is 'good'. Apple is 'good'." She nodded. "Good."
He returned the red fruit to her, eating the slice he had cut away.
She looked up at him. Her eyes were not as dark and distant as before. A small light had been lit within the vastness of the deeps seas that were her eyes. Behind all the depression and unfelt pain, the doubt and underlying animosity, there was hope, reaching desperately for the surface. A simple child trapped beneath the rumble of a shattered existence. Waiting, wanting to smile again.
"Do you like how 'good' tastes?" she asked him.
The demon reached for a towel and wiped the juice from her hand silently.
"Hiei?" She pulled away.
"Yes, 'good' tastes just fine. Many things taste 'good'. I'm just thinking of what to give you next. Maybe you'll remember."
"Maybe." She took another bite of her treat. Then she stopped.
"What's wrong?"
"I taste it. The apple. I remember the taste of apples."
Break through!
"The sand is gone, Hiei. I can taste the apple."
Despite her remembrance, her voice and face did not reflect happiness.
"That's what 'good' tastes like," Hiei repeated.
"I want…I want…." She hesitated, the words strange to her now.
"What, Darkfire? What do you want?"
Her eyes came up to him. "I want more."