CHAPTER 4
The Angry King
...
The throne room was cold and lonely – or at least, it had been right until someone knocked on the door. Uther had been sitting in silence, reminiscing about his times with Morgana and trying to think of a forest, village, kingdom, any place that he hadn't searched through yet.
The person who had knocked was Kaunos, which Uther discovered as soon as the door opened.
"Kaunos," he smiled at him, his doubts and worries temporarily leaving his mind. Kaunos bowed and Uther invited the man to speak with a curt nod.
"My lord," Kaunos nodded, "I think I have found the first sorcerer in Camelot."
As Uther heard that, his eyes widened – a sorcerer found? So soon? Kaunos really was excellent at what he did. "Who is it?" he asked impatiently. Whoever it was, he wanted to have them burned at the stake.
"I believe it's the prince's servant, my lord. Merlin."
"Merlin?" Uther's eyes filled with hatred.
That boy was a sorcerer? And Uther had made him his son's servant? How could he have lived in Camelot for so long, practicing magic right under their noses? Has Arthur been in danger this entire time? Was the boy secretly plotting against Camelot? How much did he know already?
The rage that Uther felt was indescribable. How many times did strange things happen thanks to that incompetent servant? He even admitted in front of the entire council that he was a sorcerer and Uther chose to ignore it just by looking at him and believing Arthur's attempt at protecting that idiot. An idiot - a perfect disguise.
And now Camelot was in danger.
"Do you have proof?"
"Indeed, my lord," Kaunos smiled as he stepped closer to the king and showed him a strange staff. Uther remembered that staff. He'd seen it with the two guests that Arthur and his servant had saved in the forest. Now it all made even more sense. Merlin had started planning a long time ago, and if it took him this long, then his plan for Camelot's future must have been bigger than Uther could imagine.
"It's a magical staff made by the Sidhe," Kaunos started explaining. "I found it under the boy's bed. It possesses a very strong kind of magic and only powerful sorcerers should be able to use it, which means-"
"Which means that Arthur's manservant is far more powerful than he seems to be."
Kaunos only nodded.
"We need to find him."
"Ah - when I searched through his room today, I found it to be empty. Abandoned except for that staff that he must have left behind accidentally," Kaunos told him.
So Merlin really was an idiot. An idiot with a very strong magic - that was a dangerous combination.
"Then we need to bring him back to Camelot and-"
Another knock on the door interrupted Uther. "Let them in," he called, but it was obvious that he was annoyed and angry. As the doors opened to reveal the guards holding back a poorly dressed man, he frowned. "Have you not heard that if you want to speak to a king, you need to ask for an audience first?"
"My lord," the man said, his voice pleading as he tried to fight off the guards without success. Judging by his looks, he might have been living in the forest for some time. "This is very important and cannot wait."
"Guards-"
"My lord! There is a sorcerer in the forest around Camelot!"
Uther paused – and then with the slight movement of his hand, the guards let the man go. After Uther nodded, the man cleared his throat and stepped closer, but the guards remained alert.
"Continue," Uther narrowed his eyes.
"I have been traveling with my, uh . . . friends-" A bandit then, Uther thought. "-and we met a young man, leaving Camelot. He used magic on us and knocked us all out, my lord."
Uther shared a look with Kaunos, who slightly nodded at him. "Describe him," Uther ordered the bandit.
"Um, he was tall but very thin," the bandit started, frowning as he was trying to remember. "His hair was dark, I think. And he had a backpack."
"That's him," Uther mumbled so that only Kaunos would hear him.
"It must be," Kaunos agreed. He had never seen Merlin before.
"Where did you meet him?"
"On the way to the Forest of Ascetir."
"Very well," Uther put his hands on his hips and pursed his lips. He paused for a moment before turning to the bandit with a nod. "You're free to go," said Uther dismissively, then looking to the knights.
"Guards, tell Sir Leon to prepare a search party. We need to hunt this sorcerer down so that he can get what he deserves. And - don't tell Arthur anything about this." Returning his attention to Kaunos, Uther continued. "My son seems to have a . . . close relationship with the boy, against my better judgment. He cares about him, despite him being a mere servant."
Kaunos nodded. "Prince Arthur seems to be a man who cares about others more than himself."
"That's not always for the best," Uther sighed.
"Indeed," Kaunos nodded, pursing his lips for a second. Then he sighed and looked at Uther again. "My lord, I believe the prince might be one step ahead of us."
"What are you saying?
"I saw the prince this morning from my window. He was leaving Camelot, alone."
Uther closed his eyes in anger and nodded. "You're thinking he followed that servant?"
"You yourself said he cares about him. I think it's possible."
"He never learns." Uther formed a fist of his hand and looked at the door to the throne room. The bandit had already left and one of the guards had run off to find Sir Leon.
"Guard," Uther called the last remaining guard at the door. "Organize a search party for my son as well." He didn't wait for the guard to nod and turned to Kaunos in explanation.
"He's left the castle like this a few times already. Once only to save the servant's life, another time to save a different servant." He paused for a moment. "He's young and foolish. Or even enchanted by that Merlin."
"I apologize, my lord. I should have informed you of this earlier."
Uther waved his hand at him. "It isn't your fault, Kaunos. You're doing well your job in Camelot so far."
Kaunos bowed. "I'm grateful to be here, my lord."
Uther only nodded.
"Now, if you'll excuse me," Kaunos raised his hand with the staff, "I'd like to make a little research and find out if there is anything more to know about this."
"Of course," Uther nodded. "But after that, that thing goes to the vaults."
"Of course, my lord," Kaunos agreed, bowing again.
And then he left – and just like before, the throne room returned to the way it always was: cold and silent, and now filled with nothing other than Uther's anger and saddness.
xoXÖXox
As soon as Kaunos left the Gaius' quarters, Gwen turned back to the old physician. And Gaius knew that she saw the emotion in his face - guilt, sorrow . . . and he was sure there was far more that his expression was giving away. Gwen had a gift like that - she didn't always know what to say, but she always knew how to make everyone feel better.
So when he saw the obvious question in her eyes, he nodded. "Yes," he told her, "and now . . . they know about him, too."
Gwen was silent for a moment. She seemed to be thinking hard about what she'd just found out – and Gaius was sure that she was wondering whether she still knew Merlin at all, or if she never had. "But . . . How long has he been a sorcerer?"
"That question has a very complicated answer," Gaius sighed. He glanced at the door, just to be sure no one was eavesdropping on them, and lowered his voice. "Merlin . . . is special. He's different."
"What do you mean?" Gwen frowned at him.
"He was born with magic," he explained. Gwen raised her eyebrows at that, looking like she'd never heard this could be possible. "His magic is very strong, and for most of his life, it was more of a special instinct than anything he thought he could train and get better at. But . . . his magic got even stronger and his mother sent him to me so that he could learn how to control it."
"He's been doing a good job, then," Gwen frowned again, her eyes still unbelieving. "I never noticed, although I knew there was something different about him." A proud smile flashed across her face, but then it disappeared. "But what is he doing in Camelot at all?" she asked, worried. "I mean, I know he left, I saw him leaving this morning, but . . . why didn't he run earlier? As soon as he learned how to control his . . . magic? He must know he's in danger here, every single day."
"To answer that question, I need just one word." Gaius smiled softly.
Gwen was silent for a moment, and then she understood. "Arthur."
Gaius nodded.
"He's protecting him, he's been doing that ever since he set foot in Camelot."
The proud smile from earlier flashed across Gwen's face again. And then it disappeared yet again. "What do you think they'll do to him if they find him?"
Gaius couldn't help but frown sadly at that. "Let's hope that never happens."
xoXÖXox
Leon grabbed his sword, tied his belt around his waist and tossed the traditional red cloak of a knight over his shoulders. The fabric flowed behind him as he walked to the stables to retrieve his horse, and then back to the courtyard, where he'd told his search party of knights to gather and wait for him.
To be honest, he couldn't quite believe it. Merlin? A powerful sorcerer? He didn't know Arthur's servant that much, but he was always with Arthur, always by his side, on every trip or quest, everywhere. He followed his every step and looked at him with such devotion that it was hard to believe that the boy would want to hurt him, or Camelot.
But that was what he'd been told. When the guard Uther had sent for him told him to go after Merlin, at first he wanted to say something, intervene - but he couldn't disobey.
It was Leon, after all, who'd found the magical staff under Merlin's bed. And this proof was something that couldn't be taken back. It couldn't have been a coincidence or a mistake, or anything like that – a magical item had been found in Merlin's room, and that was undeniable. So Merlin had to have magic, otherwise he wouldn't have kept the staff and he wouldn't even be able to use it. Besides, just keeping the staff was already illegal.
Leon almost felt guilty that he'd found it. But he didn't really have a choice. After he'd seen it hidden under the bed . . . If he'd pretended he hadn't seen anything, another knight would have noticed his mistake and found the staff instead of him.
He still felt horrible, though. From what he's witnessed so far . . . Arthur cared about Merlin a lot. And he was sure that Merlin cared about Arthur just as much, which was why believing that Merlin was evil seemed like nonsense to Leon.
But that didn't change anything – he still couldn't disobey.
He finally walked to the knights that were already standing beside their horses, prepared in front of the stairs that led to the castle.
Leon led his horse by reins as he approached the group, finally stopping alongside his fellow knights.
"Is everyone here?" Leon asked, looking around and counting the men.
"Yes, Sir Leon," a knight in the back of the group called.
Leon nodded and patted his horse's neck. "Then we're ready to go."
"Not quite yet, no," someone called from the entrance of the castle. When Leon turned around, he recognised the man as Kaunos. He was holding a book in his hand and something else behind his back. "You're not prepared for the apprehension of a sorcerer, Sir Leon."
"What do we need?"
"This," Kaunos smiled at him and revealed what he'd been holding behind his back - handcuffs. Strange metal handcuffs with unusual symbols engraved everywhere.
"What are they?" Leon asked as he accepted them, the other knights looking over his shoulder.
Kaunos handed him the key. "Magic-binding handcuffs," he explained. "I can't prepare you enough for a sorcerer this strong, but this should definitely help. Don't release him until he's here in Camelot and do not lose the key."
Leon nodded. "Thank you," he said, but his words were halting. He almost said, is this really necessary? - but he stopped himself before he could even open his mouth. He didn't want Kaunos or anyone to know that he still valued Merlin as a friend. Even though they talked only a few times.
"Oh, and one more thing," said Kaunos, still smiling as he reached into his pocket. "Just like the handcuffs, I only have one of these. It was handmade for me, and I need to get it back as soon as that sorcerer is in a cell."
"Of course," Leon nodded.
Kaunos looked him in the eyes and then nodded as well. Out of his pocket, he pulled a little necklace made of a chain and a wooden triangle. Leon closed it in his palm and bowed to Kaunos.
"There's no need for that," assured Kaunos, his expression pleasant. "Just get it back to me. It's a necklace that you should wear once you find yourself close to the sorcerer. It will prevent him from using magic on you. It's very useful." He went quiet for a moment and pursed his lips, eyeing the palm in which Leon held the necklace. "Just don't lose anything I've given you and find the sorcerer. And be careful," he added. "He seems to be very powerful."
"We will be," Leon pursed his lips and finally turned away from the witchfinder. He put the handcuffs into his saddlebag, still unsure whether he'd even use them, especially on Merlin. Then he nodded at his knights who were listening to the conversation and all trying to take a peek at the objects Kaunos gave him. "All ready?"
"We can go," one of the knights nodded. That was Leon's cue to finally mount his horse and leave the courtyard.
When he looked back, Kaunos was already gone.
After they rode through the gate and left the castle, Leon took the necklace out of his pocket and took a closer look at it.
It was made of a narrow metal chain that ran through a little hole in one of the corners of the wooden triangle. From one corner to the other along all three sides of the triangle were strange druid marks. He didn't know what they meant at all, but one symbol he recognized. It was in the middle of the triangle, bigger than everything else - a little triangle whose corners continued into a spiral. It was called a triskelion, Leon believed.
After a moment of frowning at it and thinking about everything that's happened in the last two days, he finally put it around his neck and with a sigh, he urged his horse to go faster.
The knights followed him, and together they set off to hunt the sorcerer down.
To hunt Merlin down.
xoXÖXox
Arthur woke up cold and tense. His neck hurt from lying on the hard stone ground and he really missed his pillows and blanket. For a moment, he thought he heard someone move. It was probably Merlin, but Arthur still didn't open his eyes. He smiled though. Was Merlin still asleep? He hoped he was. It wasn't often that he had a chance to watch his servant sleep. And he didn't want to be creepy, but Merlin was always the one who woke Arthur up and had the chance to see Arthur sleeping every single day. So why shouldn't Arthur get the same chance now?
He could almost see him - his soft face, calm and without a frown. His dark hair and long dark eyelashes . . . a ghost of a smile on his lips. Although, he probably wouldn't find that once he opened his eyes to really look at Merlin. If Hunith was ill, there was no reason for Merlin to smile. Arthur knew how much he cared about his mother, and he only wished he could have his own mother to care about this much.
When Arthur yawned and finally opened his eyes, he realized he was facing the wall. So he turned around to the little pile of dark dust and burned twigs and . . .
Merlin wasn't there.
He heard someone move again though. He quickly stood up, blinked a few times to get rid of the sleepy drowsiness and looked outside.
But it turned out that it was only his horse.
And Merlin wasn't there with him.
Was it possible that Merlin only went out to . . . look around? Search for more wood or food? Pee? . . . Do something secret that he didn't want Arthur to know about?
Arthur closed his eyes and sighed. It didn't make sense. Merlin knew that Arthur had food with him for both of them and . . . Now Merlin was gone. He left him alone. Again. The thought stung, reopening the wound that already stabbed at his heart.
What could have been such a secret to make Merlin leave him in the middle of the night? What could Merlin possibly be hiding from him? Why didn't he want to talk to him? And was Hunith ill at all? Was that all just a lie? Deep down, Arthur had an inkling of what such secret could be. Of what the reason for leaving Camelot exactly when the witc- when Kaunos arrived was. But it was something that Arthur was so scared of, that he didn't even dare think about it. Because either Merlin was telling the truth . . . Or he had been lying to him not only now, but ever since they met.
The sadness that had so suddenly welled up inside him was replaced by anger. Merlin was gone, along with all of his belongings. When Arthur checked his saddlebag, he realized that Merlin had taken half the food he'd packed for them and disappeared without a trace.
But as Arthur already told him, he was great at following people, especially in the forest. Hell, he was trained to do just that since childhood. And so he packed his things, found a nearby stream to let his horse drink, and then mounted and started following Merlin's footprints. That idiot had never learned how to hide them properly.
In fact, there was nothing Merlin could hide from him. Not where he was going, not how he managed to overpower ten bandits, ten! That would be too many even for Arthur. And yet Merlin refused to tell him. Arthur knew he was lying when he said he didn't know what had happened to those men. Arthur knew Merlin didn't want to tell him the truth. But now, Arthur was more determined than ever to find out.
He urged his horse to move faster as he followed the trail. It was quite easy to follow Merlin. That idiot must have broken every little branch on his way away from Arthur and stepped into every mud puddle he found. Arthur almost regretted he didn't teach him better because one day, this carelessness was going to cost Merlin his life.
And Arthur would never, ever forgive himself for that.
Because after everything that Merlin had put him through, after all the trouble he had to go through because of his lousy servant, after everything, he still cared about Merlin more than he should. He wasn't just a friend. He wasn't just his best friend or brother, he was . . . He was just more.
And Arthur had realized that a long time ago.
Knowing that, he couldn't stop himself from wondering – did Merlin even care about him at all? Did he think that their friendship, or their master-servant relationship, was nothing? Why did he keep so many secrets? Why did he keep leaving him?
Every once and then, usually in the mornings or when Arthur found himself alone with Merlin in his chambers, he thought- he was almost sure that Merlin felt the same way. Sometimes, in the looks Merlin gave him, there was something in his eyes that screamed of how much he cared about Arthur. But then it was gone and Arthur was left to wonder if it was real at all.
And then, just this morning, he was sure there was something again. He could see it in Merlin's eyes, in his smile, in the way his cheeks turned just a tiny bit pink . . . But then Merlin ran away, leaving behind only a letter without any explanation whatsoever and when Arthur finally found him, Merlin lied to him, didn't want to tell him the truth and ran away again.
Had he done something to break the law? If so, he must have known that Arthur didn't care about that. As long as . . . As long as Merlin stayed with him, even only as a friend, Arthur would defend Merlin even if he had murdered someone. Because honestly, if something like that ever happened, it would surely be some stupid accident anyway.
Merlin had the gentlest soul that Arthur had ever seen. He was kind to everyone and everything, especially animals, which was why he hated hunting trips.
The only person Merlin kept insulting was Arthur. But Arthur was fine with that - he played along. Because that was exactly what it was - just a game. No matter how many times they called each other idiot or dollophead, no matter how many times they fought and argued, they still knew they cared about each other. They were best friends.
And was it wrong when Arthur wished they could be something more?
Sometimes when Merlin was talking to him or dressing him, Arthur's eyes would briefly wander to his lips and-
Arthur shook his head and closed his eyes briefly. Judging by how Merlin had been acting recently, it was clear that he didn't care about Arthur in that way. It still hurt a lot though. And it made Arthur angry. Why did Merlin keep leaving him?
He continued in the direction he believed Merlin had gone in, and was grateful that the wind wasn't as strong as the day before. At least it allowed him to hear better. He brought the reins closer to himself to stop the horse.
Then he listened.
"It's you again," he heard a man call. But it was far away, distant. "Don't think we don't know what you are, you bastard!"
"I have no idea what you're talking about."
That was Merlin! As soon as Arthur heard Merlin's voice, he couldn't help but be furious with whoever dared call his friend a bastard. He frowned and listened some more.
"One of my people went to tell the king about you," the man said. Merlin was strangely silent.
When Arthur couldn't hear him at all, he decided to get closer. He followed the noise, and when he heard everything without a problem, he decided to dismount from his horse, tying the reins to a tree. Then he ran up a nearby hill, following the sound of Merlin and the men that were harassing him. As soon as he was up there, he saw them.
There was nine of them, the same men he'd met on his way to find Merlin the previous day. They had weapons in their hands — mostly daggers, two (probably stolen) swords, a mace and a giant hammer. Merlin didn't stand a chance.
Right now he was trapped in the middle of their group - they must have circled him. Arthur had found them lying in a circle earlier as well, so it must have been right now that Merlin had done something to them - something that he didn't want to share with Arthur. Something that made him not trust Arthur like Arthur thought he did.
But Arthur didn't want to wait and see what happened, even for the sake of finding out what Merlin had done last time. This time, Arthur was there and he would help.
Just as Merlin reached out his hand - for whatever purpose, Arthur didn't dare to think of the reason - Arthur called out his name. "Merlin!" Merlin's head snapped towards him and for a second, Arthur could swear he saw fear in his eyes.
Why would Merlin be afraid of him? What was wrong? Why did he run away? So many questions and no answers. It was driving Arthur insane. But now there was no time for endless wondering and dead-end conversations.
He unsheathed his sword just as the bandits noticed him and he smirked. "You know, you made a grave mistake when you decided to attack my friend," he told them.
And then the true fight began.
Arthur ran down the hill, swinging his sword and piercing the first bandit before he could even make a move. The rest of them then started running towards him as well, but he was used to these kinds of fights. He was the best swordsman in Camelot, after all. So when they got closer, he used his sword to parry their blows, kicking out with his leg and causing the bandit nearest him to lose his footing and fall.
One of the other men, further away and running towards him, suddenly fell to the ground with a cry – out of the corner of his eye, Arthur saw a tree branch pin him to the ground. The wind must have been strong enough to tear it off.
He continued to fight, cleverly using his sword to block one blow after another. He didn't have a shield with him, but they weren't trained and that was their disadvantage. One of the bandits unexpectedly tripped over a large root on the ground, and another let go of his sword for no apparent reason. When Arthur glanced at Merlin, he found him lying behind a tree, hiding.
At least he was safe.
One of the men took advantage of Arthur being distracted for a second, and he managed to cut Arthur's arm. Arthur screamed in surprise rather than pain.
"Arthur!" he heard Merlin yell, but he couldn't look his way this time. He knew that all of the bandits were focused only on him.
He ignored the wound and fought with his teeth gritted and his grip on the sword as tight as ever. He managed to cut one bandit's leg, pierce another, kick another one and then take care of him once he was on the ground.
There were only two or three bandits left now. Arthur almost felt proud - he'd thought that ten men was too many for him, but look at him now! He was excellent. And he was saving a damsel in distress.
But that damsel wasn't hiding behind a tree anymore and all of Arthur's pride disappeared immediately as he caught sight of Merlin, eyes wide. Even though he only wanted to help, he was a bloody idiot.
"Merlin!" Arthur called, distracted – in his peripheral, he saw the man with the giant hammer pull himself back onto his feet, starting towards him. "What the hell do you think you're doing?!"
Merlin was standing now, walking towards the man with the mace. He didn't have a sword, he didn't have a chainmail, not even a shield. All he was holding was a thick branch. That wouldn't even help him against a squirrel!
"Are you crazy?" Arthur hissed.
"Well, I've been called many things, sire!"
Arthur rolled his eyes and prepared his sword against the man with the hammer. Suddenly, he became aware of the wound on his arm – blood ran down the length of his arm to his elbow, warm against his skin but slowly growing cold in the autumn air. And it hurt.
The man was smiling. His teeth were yellow and gross and his beard was all over his face, growing into his sideburns. Arthur couldn't even distinguish hair from his beard there.
His hammer was shining in the sun that had come out from behind the grey clouds. Arthur gripped his sword tighter, and then - he heard a scream.
"Merlin!" His eyes found the boy, lying on the ground with his eyes wide.
The man with the hammer swung his weapon overhead, but Arthur quickly spun his sword to cut at the brute's leg, rounding on him before the man could fall on top of him. Merlin was the priority now. He ran towards him as fast as he could, eyes latched onto the bandit swinging his mace above his head and smirking at Merlin with an evil look in his eyes.
"Argh!" Arthur yelled as he kicked the man in the back of his knee. The mace fell on the ground, fortunately right between Merlin's legs and not hurting him. Arthur lifted his sword and finished the man off.
"Arthur!"
The prince quickly turned around and jumped away from the hammer that almost connected with his head. He had one advantage - yes, the man was big and heavy, but so was his hammer. And Arthur's sword was much lighter and easier to move. So he used it and pierced his stomach. The man fell to the ground with his eyes wide, letting out his last breath.
For the first time, Arthur realized how heavily he was breathing.
"Arthur?" he heard Merlin's quiet voice. He turned towards him. "Are you alright?"
Arthur laughed. "Seriously? You're concerned about me after . . . After . . ." He took a deep breath and looked down at Merlin. "You're wounded too, you know?"
"Yeah, I noticed," Merlin rolled his eyes. Then he reached out his hand and Arthur took it, helping Merlin up off the ground. When they were both standing, Arthur let out a sigh of relief. Then his worries returned and he looked at Merlin's shoulder. It was bleeding.
"Let me take a look at that," he insisted, and was glad when Merlin didn't protest. He carefully helped him get out of his jacket before tearing at the tunic around Merlin's shoulder.
"Hey!"
"Stay still."
Merlin pursed his lips and looked away, but his cheeks still turned pink as Arthur tore the second tunic as well and inspected his shoulder and collarbone. It was wounded, but it wasn't bleeding that badly. And he was sure that with the cold weather, it would stop bleeding eventually - after he boiled some water and washed the wound.
For now, he ignored Merlin's sighs and he took hold of the hem of Merlin's tunic, tearing at it some more.
"Seriously, Arthur?" Merlin rolled his eyes. "You're lucky I packed two more tunics with me."
"So you packed all your clothes but no food?" Arthur teased.
Merlin just rolled his eyes and let him continue. This really wasn't the way Arthur imagined himself tearing Merlin's clothes off, but at the moment, this was more important. He couldn't think about that. Merlin would see his red cheeks. So he swallowed and avoided Merlin's eyes and his perfect hip bone as he tore off a piece of the tunic. Then he folded it in half and pressed it against Merlin's wound. Merlin hissed.
"Sorry," Arthur mumbled.
Then he wrapped the cloth under Merlin's armpit and made sure it was fixed in place before he helped Merlin back into his jacket.
"Thanks," Merlin cleared his throat.
Arthur stepped away and nodded.
Then, as if it was because he knew Merlin was safe now and not bleeding anymore, his anger returned. His expression turned into a scowl as all of his emotional wounds came back to him.
"How could you have left me in that cave?" asked Arthur, his voice hard. "I thought you wanted me to go with you to Ealdor, but now I know you were lying to me!" As he continued, his voice rose uncontrollably, and suddenly he was shouting – the hurt in Merlin's eyes wasn't enough to calm Arthur's sudden rage. "Why do you always keep leaving me?!"
"I never wanted to leave you," Merlin told him silently.
"But you did," Arthur continued. "And then you did it again. And you still refuse to tell me what's going on."
"That's because I can't!" Merlin finally yelled at him. "Look, Arthur," Merlin sighed. "I'm grateful that you helped me with the bandits-"
"Not that you couldn't have taken care of them yourself. But oh, wait. You still won't tell me how you did it the first time!"
Merlin looked him in the eyes and frowned. "I said I can't-"
"Yeah, I heard," Arthur nodded. "You can't tell me. But why can't you? Don't you trust me?"
"Of course I trust you Arthur, I trust you with my life, but-"
"But what?" Arthur frowned. "You know, I heard them before I came here to help you. I heard them talking to you. One of them told my father about you, but what he said or why he went to my father in the first place, I supposed I'll never know. And you know why? Because you can't tell me."
Merlin's eyes filled with tears and there was a lot of regret hidden there. Arthur saw it. He saw all of it. But even though he felt guilty for yelling at Merlin like that, he still craved to know why.
"I'm sorry," Merlin whispered.
"Don't be," Arthur waved his hand. Then he picked up the sword off the ground and sheathed it back into his belt. "I'm going with you, whether you want me or not." Without waiting for an answer, he started walking back to his horse. He completely forgot about his own wound.
"But Arthur, you can't!" Merlin ran after him, carefully avoiding the bandits on the ground. "You're the prince, you have to stay in Camelot and become the king and-"
At that moment Arthur turned to Merlin sharply and frowned. What Merlin just said . . . It almost sounded like . . . "Are you saying you wish to leave Camelot . . . forever?"
Merlin only pursed his lips, saying nothing - but it was a clear answer to Arthur. He sniffed and shook his head. "Unbelievable," he breathed out. Then he turned away from Merlin again and continued to where he'd left his horse.
Merlin followed in silence.
xoXÖXox
The guilt Merlin felt was more intense than ever before. He'd never felt so miserable. Leaving a letter to let Arthur know he was leaving now seemed like the worst possible idea. But leaving nothing behind in Camelot at all . . . Merlin wasn't sure if that was better.
But judging by the overwhelming silence and Arthur's firm frown . . . maybe it was. Even though it was breaking Merlin's heart.
They rode on the horse together for a few miles before stopping in a clearing. At first, Arthur wanted to return to Camelot, but Merlin refused. Arthur must have realized that the bandits had told the king about Merlin because of something important, so he didn't protest much and complied, riding them in a random direction away from Camelot.
Even after everything that's happened . . . It warmed Merlin's heart to see that Arthur was willing to never return to Camelot and stay with Merlin. But the other, more rational part of him knew that that was a bad thing. Arthur needed to become the king of the prophecies, just as Merlin had to master his magic. They needed to fulfill their destiny and unite the lands of Albion. And how were they going to do that if they ran away from Camelot?
Once they were in the clearing, Merlin first tended to the horse and then took a seat in front of the campfire that Arthur had made with his tinderbox. He was boiling water so that he could wash his and Merlin's wounds and then cover them with fresh bandages - which probably meant sacrificing another of Merlin's tunics because Arthur was only in his armour.
The silence was almost unbearable, but every time Merlin opened his mouth to say something, he closed it again. Arthur was angry with him and he was hurting inside - Merlin could see that. But all of that was because of Merlin and he didn't know how to fix it.
"Do you even know where you're going?" Arthur asked after a while. His voice sounded . . . resigned.
Merlin took his time to answer. He needed to be honest with Arthur. "I . . . I thought of going back to Ealdor. But I don't think I can go there either."
"And let me guess - you can't tell me why." Arthur smirked, bitterly.
"Arthur-"
"No, it's okay," he nodded. The water was still not boiling and the waiting seemed endless. "You did something so horrible that you had to leave Camelot. You didn't think about Gaius, or Gwen or . . . or me. You're just running away."
Seeing Arthur like this and hearing him say things like this was doing worse than break Merlin's heart - it was breaking Merlin's soul. For a moment, he considered telling Arthur about his magic. Perhaps his reaction wouldn't be that bad. But then he stopped himself. How could he be sure he was ready? That they were ready?
"I left you a letter."
"But you gave Gwen a hug," Arthur mumbled and then cleared his throat, standing up to check the water - it was still not boiling.
Merlin frowned at that and watched Arthur closely. "You're . . . You're jealous that I gave Gwen a hug and not you?"
Arthur rolled his eyes. "That's neither true nor the point. The point is that you left everything and everyone behind and didn't think twice about them."
"I didn't know I wouldn't be able to return at all," Merlin defended himself. He didn't dare raise his voice though. Of all things he needed right now, Arthur yelling at him again was the last of them. "As I explained in the letter, I thought I would only leave for a couple of days or weeks. But . . . then things changed."
Arthur didn't say anything.
Merlin knew how Arthur must have felt, but his expression stayed stone cold. His frown was the only thing Merlin could see. Merlin thought about what he could tell Arthur - something that wasn't too dangerous. He considered showing Arthur the little wooden dragon that his father had made for him, but that would inevitably lead to the entire story about the Dragonlord - Arthur saw the little carved dragon before the attack, Merlin knew that. And being a Dragonlord was surely as bad as having magic because it meant he was the one who released the dragon and that would only make Arthur angrier than he already was now.
So Merlin stayed quiet. And they sat in silence until the water started boiling.
Arthur stood up again and carefully put the pot with water on the ground next to the fire, using his long chainmail sleeves to handle it so he wouldn't get burned. Then another waiting session began - they had to wait until the water was warm or cold enough to use.
So they sat there in silence again. The only thing Merlin could hear was the sound of himself swallowing and the birds in the distance, along with the horse nearer to him.
He'd never experienced Arthur being so angry. Especially not when the anger was directed at him. And he didn't know how to deal with that, so he didn't say anything and didn't move. His shoulder was hurting and he desperately wanted to help Arthur with his own wound, but he had an inkling that Arthur wouldn't let him. Not until he trusted him again, or at least wasn't as hurt as he was now.
Merlin sighed and closed his eyes. He wished he could turn back time. If only they were back in Camelot again and nothing bad happened. If only Kaunos had never been invited to stay in Camelot. If only Merlin didn't have to leave . . .
Merlin thought about using magic to cool the water down, but he couldn't. Arthur would notice, the water would be cold too soon, and even though he really wanted to speed it all up to avoid even more angry silence, the last thing he needed was to deal with Arthur knowing about his magic. So he waited and waited and kept watching Arthur, turning his gaze to the ground whenever Arthur's eyes wandered over to him.
Their eyes never met.
When the water was finally warm and not boiling hot, Arthur stood up again. Merlin took that as a cue to remove his jacket, struggling to pull off his tunnic. He used his healthy arm to try and pull it over his head, but couldn't.
"Um," he let out a little noise as he tried not to move with his injured shoulder. It hurt now more than before.
And then before he knew it, he felt Arthur's strong hands on his arm, helping him out of the first tunic. He didn't know how to feel. He was glad that Arthur still considered Merlin's health more important than the invisible wall that was standing between them since the day before. But at the same time, it meant that yet again, Arthur would witness him blush.
And sure enough, once Arthur helped him out and his cold fingers brushed against Merlin's bare collarbone, Merlin gasped softly and then quickly shut his mouth, trying to get out of the second torn tunic too. Arthur helped him and they found themselves just standing there, Merlin half naked and Arthur still dressed.
It was a little bit unfair. And it was cold, so Merlin couldn't help the goosebumps.
But there was one thing that Merlin had forgotten about. One thing that made Arthur's eyes go as wide as plates in the royal kitchen.
The scars.
There weren't many of them, but Merlin knew exactly which one Arthur's eyes were fixed on. The one from Nimueh and her fireball. It was the biggest one, burned right in the middle of his chest.
Arthur didn't look angry now. He looked sad. "Don't tell me you can't tell me about this either," he swallowed. Merlin could see the tears glistening in Arthur's eyes. He probably thought it was his fault – that he'd somehow failed in protecting Merlin against this, whatever this was.
"I'll tell you," Merlin promised quietly. "Just . . . Not today. I'm sorry."
"I just cannot understand . . . what could have happened so bad to cause this," Arthur said. His voice was weak. "What could you have done that was so terrible that you had to leave Camelot, that you left m-" He cleared his throat and looked away, closing his eyes briefly. "Keep your secrets," he finished.
Merlin felt tears well up in his own eyes. Maybe telling Arthur about his magic would be better than this. But how could he get over the overwhelming fear whenever he thought about it?
Arthur took the pot, now only warm in his hands, and gestured for Merlin to kneel in front of him. Then he took another piece of cloth that he'd torn from Merlin's already ruined tunic. He washed it in the water and then started cleaning Merlin's wound.
Merlin tried his best not to let out any sound, despite the pain. Arthur was gentle with him. He didn't want to hurt him, Merlin knew that. So when it was done, they used another piece of his tunic to make another bandage that Arthur tied under his armpit. Arthur then helped him get into another tunic and finally into his jacket.
Then it was Arthur's turn.
Merlin helped him out of the chainmail like he always did, and then out of everything else he wore underneath that. Arthur didn't seem to protest. Once Arthur was half naked in front of him, Merlin couldn't help but gasp. He'd never been this close, never been allowed to touch him. He felt his cheeks burn hot, but he couldn't be distracted like that, not now. So he focused on the cut on Arthur's arm. He reached out his hand and-
"I can do it alone," said Arthur suddenly, turning away from him.
"Are you sure?" Merlin was concerned. "It looks deep. And Gaius taught me-"
"I'm not a baby, Merlin, I know how to deal with this." Arthur snapped. Then he lowered his voice again, looking hesitant. "I'd say that I've dealt with more wounds than you, but . . . judging by what I just saw," he glanced at Merlin's chest, "I'm not so sure anymore."
"Gaius helped me with them," Merlin nodded. "That's how I learned how to help you now."
"I don't need help," Arthur shook his head.
Without letting Merlin say anything else, he took another cloth and washed it in the rest of the water in the pot. As he started cleaning his wound, he gritted his teeth. Merlin could see that it was painful.
"Are you sure that-"
"Yes, just go feed the horse or something," Arthur hissed.
Merlin nodded and walked away. He fed the horse and led it to the stream that they used to get the water from, and then he led him back and tied him to a tree again. When he turned around, Arthur was finished. His arm was bandaged, his tunic was back on and he even managed to get into his chainmail again. How he did all of that on his own, Merlin didn't know.
But it told him one thing - Arthur didn't want Merlin to even touch him. And that hurt Merlin a hundred times more than the wound on his shoulder possibly could.
xoXÖXox
After they rested enough, they mounted the horse together again. Arthur sat in the front, holding the reins and controlling the horse. Merlin sat in the back, his chest pressing into Arthur's back with his arms wrapped around Arthur's waist. After a while, he even laid his head on Arthur's shoulder and only watched the trees around them. Arthur didn't seem to mind this time.
If they were in any other situation, Merlin would feel nervous about how he was practically lying on Arthur's back. He'd be blushing hard. But now? After all that's happened? He only felt two things - sadness and guilt. And he couldn't get over it.
They rode in silence, not sure where they were heading; every once in a while, Arthur would randomly turn to the right or the left, but this was only to make the journey easier for the horse that carried them. Generally, they were heading East though. After a while, they passed a meadow and entered another forest.
The only thing Arthur said as they rode was, "Do you think my father is looking for you? For whatever you did?"
"I don't know," Merlin mumbled into his shoulder. "I don't know."
They were silent again after that.
The next time that Arthur talked to him was when they were preparing for the night. They found a partially hidden place between a large rock and a few bushed and started a fire there, and finally settled down to rest.
Arthur kept his eyes open, though, and after a while, he took a deep breath. That was how Merlin knew he wanted to say something. After another moment, he looked into Merlin's eyes and spoke. "Don't-"
"I won't," promised Merlin quickly. He wouldn't leave him again. Not after what it caused him, what it caused them. "I promise."
Arthur didn't seem to be convinced, but he nodded.
After that, he slowly fell asleep. Merlin didn't have the luxury. He didn't want to sleep. Instead, just like the night before, he waited until he was sure Arthur was asleep. Not because he wanted to leave, but because he'd seen how deep Arthur's wound was.
And no amount of boiled water and bandages would fix that. Merlin didn't have what he needed here, but he had his gift - he had magic. He knew it was a huge risk to do this, but when did he not risk everything to save Arthur's life? And he didn't want his wound to get infected and more dangerous than it had to be. He had to do this. For Arthur, especially after everything the prince had done for him recently.
So when he heard the familiar snoring, he stood up and moved closer to Arthur. He knelt down next to him and was grateful that Arthur had fallen sleep on his back, leaving Merlin with perfect access to his wounded arm.
Merlin couldn't take off his clothes like he did last time. So there was no way of knowing whether his spell worked - he would just have to have faith and hope. Mostly, when a spell didn't work, he could feel it. And although he wasn't very good at healing magic, he had to try - and do so very, very silently. Arthur was a light sleeper when he spent the night in the forest, where danger awaited them around every corner.
Merlin pursed his lips and got to work. He gently touched Arthur's arm, where he knew the wound was located. Then he took a deep breath and checked Arthur's eyes again - still closed. He closed his own eyes to concentrate and started.
"Gestathole. Thurhhaele!" he whispered. But the spell didn't work. He was sure of it. He felt the magic, but . . . on Arthur's wound, it had no effect. "Purhhaele dolgbenn!" Yet again, he felt the magic, but it didn't work. Arthur snored a little bit louder and Merlin quickly let go of his arm, but Arthur was still asleep. Merlin frowned. Maybe he should try to say the spell a tiny bit louder to make it more effective. Not too loud though.
He took a deep breath and tried again then. "Licsar gestapol nu!"
Merlin smiled. He felt the magic pass through him in a wave, spreading outwards through his fingertips and moving into Arthur. It healed the wound, he was sure of it. And he didn't even care that Arthur would notice the wound was gone, at least it wouldn't get infected now.
"Licsar gestapol nu!" he whispered again, just to be sure. He glanced at Arthur with a smile as he said it, but-
His heart skipped a beat and he stopped breathing.
Because Arthur's eyes were wide open.
And Merlin's eyes were still gold.
.
.
.
.
The amulet is included in the cover for this fanfic! I created the spell and translated it into runes, and matchboximpala brought it to life! :) (the art of the amulet is in this chapter on ao3)
- the runes: ᛖᚨᛚᛚ ᚦᛁᚾ ᛞᚱYᚲᚱᛇᚠᛏ ᚨᛁᛞᛚᛁᚨᚾ. (There was no rune for Y so I just used Y, which looks like a rune anyway.)
- the spell: Eall þin drycræft aidlian!
- translation: All your magic to make useless!
SPELLS
- "Gestepe hole! Þurhhæle!" - used in 1x13 Le Morte d'Arthur by Merlin. According to Merlin's Complete Guide it means "Cure. Make well." And the possible translation is "Heal the injury! Heal thoroughly!"
- "Purhhaele dolgbenn" - used in 3x05 The Crystal Cave by Merlin. It means "Heal thoroughly the wound."
- "Licsar gestapol nu!" - used in 3x05 The Crystal Cave again, by Merlin. It means "Behold, you support the mortal wound!"