What can I say? Sorry just isn't enough. The truth is, I lost a lot of the notes I had for this and went completely blank without them. I found them yesterday and it was the best feeling imaginable. I hope you enjoy.

Disclaimer: All characters owned and created by Stephenie Meyer.

This chapter is unbeta'ed – any errors are mine and I apologise in advance.

~o.O.o~

All I Want to Hear

Chapter 13

Carlisle's sleep is choppy, interspersed with dreams that push hard at the edges of his consciousness, yet dissipate upon waking. He stirs many times throughout the long night, his mind too active, too busy to permit quality sleep. He tries not to focus on his idea, on the possibility of what could be, not wanting to raise false hope when, in reality, he accepts that none may be forthcoming.

Burrowing deeper under the covers, he tugs Edward's pillow closer and hugs it, burying his face in the fresh traces of fragrance and the headier underlying scent of Edward's warm skin. He derives simple comfort from this and is able to drift back to sleep, nuzzling into the pillow, imagining his love sleeping sound alongside him, the warmth of his skin mingling with his own.

~o.O.o~

Edward finishes up for the night and hands over to the day shift. Wrapping his scarf around his neck, his mind is already on Carlisle, a usual occurrence for his walk home. Thinking about going home to his lover warms his blood in a way he has yet to become accustomed to. He hopes he never loses that feeling of excitement, that desperate urgency to return home to someone he loves with all his heart.

The sun's weak effort to shine is negated by the heavy clouds overhead, the temperature only a degree or so higher than the evening before. His swift steps carry him homeward, not stopping at the store, eager to be in the warm. With some surprise he finds the door locked, the drapes still closed. He fishes his own keys from the depths of his pockets, his gloved hands clumsy, fumbling at the lock before the key turns, the door opening into silence. He smiles to himself, wrestling his hands free of his gloves before removing the rest of his outerwear and boots. He locks the door and, in socked feet, he climbs the stairs to their bedroom door, pushing the door open just enough to slip inside.

His heart warms with pleasure at the sight that greets him. Carlisle is curled up beneath the covers, his upper body enveloping the pillow he has adopted as his Edward substitute. His breathing is muffled, but even, his hair mussed suggesting another restless night. Edward sighs, knowing how hard he himself now finds it to sleep alone after growing accustomed to Carlisle's reassuring presence, whereas Carlisle, despite their new circumstances, is still alone at night, accompanied only by the demons that haunt his tired mind.

Trying not to make a sound, he removes his clothing, folding it ready for the following evening. Pulling off his socks, he drops them to the floor and kneels on the mattress, crawling up the bed until he can manoeuvre himself under the covers. Carlisle stirs, but does not wake. Edward slides Carlisle's hand away from the pillow and onto his ribs, wriggling closer until he can slide an arm over Carlisle's sleeping form, adopting their familiar and comforting sleeping position. He smiles when he feels the hand on his ribs slide around to pull him into a warm embrace, knowing even in sleep that Edward is near, craving the sanctity of his body. Edward has no desire to wake him; he is relieved to find Carlisle in a peaceful sleep, his face relaxed, his jaw unclenched. He rests his head on the shared pillow between them and, to the soft serenade of Carlisle's breathing, allows himself to float away in a light slumber, lost in the sensory intimacy of his lover's presence.

~o.O.o~

An hour or so later, Carlisle wakes from his dream of Edward, so vivid he can feel his warm arms around him, his soft breaths on his shoulder. The scent of his soft hair fills his nose and he commits it to memory until Edward returns from work to refresh it. Yawning, his eyes crack open, his body unfurling to stretch out the kinks. It is then that he realises his love is sleeping in his arms, and his face breaks into a smile of pure joy. He presses delicate kisses to his forehead and temple, nudging him awake gradually, easing him back into the world, back to him.

Edward stirs, feeling gentle shudders ripple down his body from the fingers stroking through his hair, the gesture tender.

Carlisle's voice is sleep-heavy and roughened.

"This is a wonderful surprise. Are you home early or have I slept really late?"

Edward nuzzles into his neck, pulling him closer, tilting his head back for a kiss.

"I came home and you were sleeping. You were so peaceful and all I could think of was being with you." His lips brush Carlisle's, warm and soft, lingering. The kiss breaks, their lips remaining a hair's breadth apart. Edward's voice is low. "I miss sleeping with you. The bed is too big now without you." His smile is sad, his gaze locked to his lover's. He swallows hard. "Before I met you… I just wanted to have a good job, make my own mark on the world in some small way. I got used to the loneliness." He sighs, long and deep. "Until I met you, until I fell in love with you…" His hand strokes Carlisle's face, his thumb tracing a cheek bone with the delicacy one would use to touch a priceless sculpture. His eyes are naked, his heart laid bare in those simple words. Carlisle's own heart is too big for his chest, his love threatening to spill over and drown them both where they lay.

His thumb brushes the bow of Edward's lip, tracing its shape before kissing him again, feeling Edward's hum of approval.

Carlisle watches him, alert to every gesture and nuance.

"Are you hungry, love? I should get up and get you some dinner. What would you like this morning? The fridge is stocked."

Edward shakes his head, the movement slow and deliberate on their shared pillow, never leaving Carlisle's gaze.

"After."

Carlisle's body flushes with longing, realising in that moment that his Edward is naked, warm skin burning against his own.

"Then let me satisfy other appetites." The words are no more than a whisper, the air now sultry and heavy. His hand splays across Edward's ribs, thumbing a proud nipple, loving how Edward's mouth drops open, his immediate surrender to pleasure. He holds their eye contact, sharing their warm breath in the intimate space and watching Edward's eyes flutter closed when his fingers deliver a gentle pinch to the nub.

His fingers glide down to Edward's hip, caressing over the curve to where it becomes firm, lean thigh. The backs of his fingers glance over the heated flesh, moving inward to the juncture of his thighs. With a willing groan, Edward's legs fall open, his body rolling onto his back to allow the questing hand to continue its light scratching across the sensitive skin of his inner thigh, the hairs all over his body rising in salutation. Carlisle rolls over atop Edward, his arms on the pillow either side of his head, holding himself up to gaze down at the vision beneath him. He wants to drink him in, to imprint a mental picture so vivid, so detailed, that in 50 years he will be able to recall a moment in time so perfect that it hurts.

Dipping his head, he touches his lips to Edward's, teasing them both with the promise of more. Soft, loving pecks become deeper, meaningful kisses, breath coming in harder gasps until Edward's arms wrap around Carlisle's neck, holding him close, melding their lips together into a cohesive whole, giving and receiving of breath and spirit. Tongues reach out and touch, shivers of cold fire burn through their veins, pained whimpers rent from their souls to be reunited in the ether.

Edward's very bones are aflame, so attuned to Carlisle's touch that they hunger for the next caress before registering the wonder in the moment itself. His hands roam free, sliding up and down Carlisle's form, worshipping the round swell of his buttocks, the muscles of his back and shoulders. His head rolls to the side to allow Carlisle's mouth to explore his neck and jaw, shudders of delight undulating from head to toe. He feels like he is weightless with only the solid weight of Carlisle's body as his anchor. His body is languid, loose, his legs parted and their bodies aligned. Their arousal is strong yet patient, each touch, each caress a slow step down the path to the truest pleasure. Carlisle feels Edward's shivers, the soft, involuntary jerks of his muscles, the raspy breaths he exudes when a sweet spot is teased. He circles a pert nipple with his fingertip, the sensation enough to focus Edward, but not enough to tip the scale.

Feeling Carlisle pull back from his tender throat, Edward turns his head, lips parted in a wordless demand that his lips be crushed to his, to stoke the dancing flames into roaring wildfire. Their moans fill the air, reducing their world to lips, hands and breath. Carlisle's fingers ghost across Edward's eager hardness to where he is needed most. He feels Edward's readiness, the way his breath catches and stills when a finger grazes over his tight entrance, begging to be breached and filled. A hand reaches out blindly, feeling for the bottle and packets in the drawer beside them; Carlisle catches them, popping the bottle open and coating his fingers. He touches his middle finger to the twitching ring of muscle, feeling it give and allowing him to slip into the heat within, Edward's pained groan of impatience more beautiful than any music his ears have witnessed. His mouth explores Edward's straining flesh, paying it full attention whilst a second finger follows, so careful yet sure, and Edward's body opens in welcome, the third and final finger fully opening the gate to paradise. It is the work of a moment to sheath and lube himself before pressing against the loosened opening and slipping inside, pausing to appreciate the wonder of Edward's body, the sacred temple in which he alone can worship.

Edward bucks upward, hands clutching at his lover's thighs in encouragement and need. Carlisle rocks inside him, a small movement, before pulling back and driving forward, filling him to the hilt, sending shudders through them both. A desperate keening fills the air, the sounds of their lovemaking slick and rhythmic, the loud slap of skin meeting skin obscene in the quiet room. With a groan, Carlisle captures Edward's lips and loses himself in the feel of Edward's tight body, his warm, willing mouth, his grasping, demanding hands. The act of love between them is both gentle and fierce, heated and loving, each giving themselves fully to the other with perfect love and trust. Carlisle cannot imagine ever wanting to be anywhere else than here, right now, in this moment. Edward's legs are wrapped around his hips now, drawing him deeper, deeper… coiling upward, his arms wrap around Carlisle's shoulders, face buried in his neck, holding on tight and trusting Carlisle to steer him over the precipice. His eyes are squeezed closed, his mouth open, hot breath blasting across Carlisle's skin, mewls of ecstasy escaping his throat.

Carlisle is wrapped in love, his body encased in Edward from every angle. With a roll of his hips he strokes the sensitive inner walls, feeling Edward's body jerk in response, his stomach rippling and twitching. He is hovering, his breath pained, whimpers stifled against his neck at each gentle stroke. His arms tighten around Carlisle's neck, his teeth scrape once against his skin, a sure sign that he needs but one thing more. Carlisle's hand slides around Edward until he can reach a nipple. With his face turned into Edward's sweat-dampened hair, he pinches the nub and rolls his hips one last time. Edward whites out, spilling over between their stomachs, unable to make a sound while his body hitches through his powerful orgasm. Carlisle lowers him to the bed, kissing his flushed face and smoothing the hair from his brow, waiting for him to come back down. He himself is still hard, the contractions of Edward's convulsing body pulling him closer to the edge with every moment, until with one last thrust he too is overcome with pleasure, his cheek resting on Edward's chest, their bodies still joined.

Breathless, panting, skin flushed with exertion and release, they lay together like that, limbs entangled, until their bodies finally slip apart.

It is Edward who breaks the silence, unable to hold back a moment longer.

"I want to make love every night, then wake up with you in the morning. Falling asleep holding you is everything to me. We're finally together, yet still apart."

His face is buried in Carlisle's neck, his heart aching with love for the man in his arms.

Carlisle's voice is low, penitent.

"I could go back to writing at night whilst you're working. That way we eat together and sleep together. I just want to be with you."

Edward turns his head, gazing into blue eyes darkened by stormy emotion.

"No". His fingers play with the nape of Carlisle's neck, sliding up into his blond hair. He swallows hard. "I love that you would do that for me, but I don't want that for you. You're just starting to develop a good sleeping pattern," he looks deep into his eyes, "aren't you? You are sleeping, and not wandering the house?"

He is worried that Carlisle might slip back into his old patterns, of course he is. Without Edward at his side to maintain his progress, he worries that his love may struggle. He hates himself for doubting and for asking at all.

"Yes, my love, I sleep." He smiles, a genuine, open, post-coital smile. "And if I wake, I lie here and think of you; I might steal your pillow too, as you saw."

His smile is returned, their world reduced to this moment, this bed. Edward leans in to capture his mouth with his own, obliterating all thoughts and doubts from his tired brain.

"Shower?" Carlisle fumbles for the word, his mind hazy.

Edward grins and nods, and together they rouse themselves from their sanctuary, heading to the bathroom to freshen up. They enjoy a slow, lazy shower, interspersed with kisses and soft laughter, enjoying their rare time together.

Neither bothers to dress when they're done. Donning soft pyjamas and robes, the house still cold, they prepare a breakfast of eggs and bacon for Carlisle, Edward adding sausage and hash browns to his. When their plates are clean, Edward turns to his lover, reaching for his hand.

"I've made a decision. I'm going to speak to Charlotte about changing my shifts. I'll take a step back if I can. If that doesn't work I'm going to look for something elsewhere. This arrangement isn't working for me anymore. I need to work more traditional hours. I need to be with you."

Carlisle hides his immediate joy, knowing that this solution could take some time to reach fruition. There is also the real possibility that Edward may not be happy in another post when he is so suited to his current role.

"If that's what you need to do, I won't stop you, my love. It's your choice. I can't pretend I'm not happy at the thought of sleeping with you every night. I just don't want you to have to give up a job you love without something else to move on to."

Edward thumb caresses the heel of his hand in a soothing gesture.

"I've thought about this for a while now. I want a basic nine-to-five job that gives me time to spend with my boyfriend. As long as I can pay my rent and bills, it will work out. I know it."

Carlisle meets his eyes in a steady gaze.

"So talk to Charlotte and see what she says, but just don't make any rash decisions without at least sleeping on it. Okay?"

Edward nods, his eyes clenching shut for a moment. "I think I may have to resign. My worry is finding another job. I don't mind what I do so long as I get my nights free to be here, right here in our bed, with you. Where I belong."

"If that's what you want, I'm right behind you, love. Just please don't do anything hasty, that's all I ask. It's your, well – our – life together and I know you want us to be equal. You ending up in a dead end job won't help the overall situation. First and foremost, I want you happy. It's so important to me because you're so important to me. Talk to her and then we'll see where you stand. Is that okay?"

It's a long speech for Carlisle, his concern for Edward's future overruling any anxiety he might feel about his next words. Picking up their dishes, he walks to the kitchen and begins the cleaning up. Pausing, he turns to Edward.

"I have a suggestion that you can veto if you wish. It's just a thought, but if, if Charlotte has no other roles available for you, you could hand in your notice and stay home until you find something. I'll support us for a bit and we can be together. Don't say no until you've considered it – please?"

Edward's immediate response is to argue that he has looked after himself for so long and he wants to work. His heart however has a counter-proposal: he could spend all the time he wants with his man. They could enjoy each other, go out for walks, talk and talk, and he wants that for them. He wants to bring their relationship out of the shadows; he wants normality for Carlisle. His life has been so thankless up until now – how can he refuse him something as easy as time together? He doesn't want to – he is unable to form the word 'no'.

"I'll see what she says first. I can't deny the idea has appeal." His raised eyebrow insinuates enough for Carlisle to feel heat rising in his belly. Edward takes two slow steps, his hand finding Carlisle's waist and tugging him close enough for him to clearly see the desire in his hungry gaze before their lips meet. Edward whispers against his open mouth.

"Ready for round two?"

With happy grins, they chase each other up the stairs.

When they make love a second time it is slow and tender, speaking silent promises of forever.

~o.O.o~

They lie together, exhausted and replete, fingers idly stroking wherever they can reach. Both are lost in thought, their thoughts running in the same direction, both wanting to ask similar questions yet struggling to broach them. Now that Edward has made the decision about his own immediate future he is impatient to discuss Carlisle's, to find out if he is ready to take the next step. In his own head, Edward has considered the possibility of contacting the Beneficis, or rather Mrs Benefici, but put the discussion on hold, wanting Carlisle to be happy, to feel settled in his new life first before making potentially major waves in their small pond.

It therefore comes as quite the shock when Carlisle speaks. His words are tentative, yet considered. He has conviction in what he is asking, a newfound confidence that Edward has helped him find deep within himself.

"I've given it some thought. I want to try and make contact with my mother. I don't believe she was behind what happened. I'm not even sure now that she saw my letters." The hand resting on Edward's arm shakes, and Edward reaches for it, lacing their fingers in a loose caress. "I want to hear it straight from her, whether she wants me to stay out of her life for good or whether she still wants a son…"

His voice trembles for a moment until he clears his throat and turns to face Edward, vulnerability emanating in waves from his scratchy voice.

"Will you help me?"

Edward's smile is answer enough.

~o.O.o~

With Edward asleep, Carlisle packs books into a couple of bags and heads out to Monroe's. The day is cold and Carlisle is glad of his gloves when he crosses the street out of the low sun's reach, all pretence of warmth stripped away. Opening the door to the shabby little store, the bell jangles a familiar welcome. The old man looks up, a smile spreading across his face.

"Well hello, young man! Come to keep me company?"

Carlisle smiles, his body relaxing. "I brought some books I don't need any more and you know I won't say no to a coffee and a catch up."

The old man's raspy laugh echoes back behind him in the cosy space and he heads to the tiny kitchen to fill the kettle. Soon he appears with two steaming cups of strong coffee and they sit down on the scuffed wooden chairs at the back of the shop. Monroe eyes him, a twinkle evidence in his gaze.

"Maine life suits you. How're you settling in? I've not seen Edward since he last came in with you. That boy works too hard."

Carlisle nods.

"He does. We don't see each other as much as we'd like. We were discussing that very thing earlier when he came home." He colours before steeling himself for the next comment. "You know that he and I… we're… together? As more than friends?"

The world stops turning for a beat until Monroe chuckles.

"Oh, son, that was obvious to me the first time he brought you here. I've never seen him look so happy. And you – well, you light up when he's around, even when you just say his name. A man'd have to be blind and stupid not to see what's right in front of him."

Carlisle blinks, startled at this casual acceptance, before finding his voice, stumbling over the words.

"And – and you're okay with that? With him and me?"

Monroe's smile is warm and reassuring.

"Of course! Why wouldn't I be?"

Carlisle takes a steadying breath. Monroe sees his struggle and pats his shoulder.

"Did you think I'd be offended? Disgusted?"

Carlisle shakes his head.

"No… no. Just that not everyone is as accepting as you. I've hidden who I am for a long time. Until I met Edward. Then I couldn't anymore. He was like finding a life raft when I thought I'd surely drown. He saved me from myself. I never believed I'd be so lucky."

The old man's gaze is shrewd.

"From what I've observed, he feels exactly the same. Two halves of the same whole, you are. You're both lucky – some people never find that. Or perhaps worse, they find it and lose it."

His face drops, the only sound in that moment the soft swallow of coffee. Carlisle waits for him to finish the thought or change the subject. When he continues, his story is a shock to Carlisle.

"We ran a boarding house, Charlie and me. Not far from here, next town over. We were happy, our business was our shared dream. When he passed I thought I'd never recover, the pain was too great. I sold the business – made a small profit too – and upped sticks to here. I had no idea what I could do, but I'd always loved books and this place had been a bookstore before, but sat empty for a long time. I took the lease over and moved in. I think Charlie would've approved – we were very alike. I've been here now, scraping by, for some 27 years."

Carlisle's voice is husky, his throat almost closed up at this revelation, his heart heavy for his friend.

"You never met anyone new?"

A shake of the head.

"No, I'm just fine as I am. I have friends who make sure I'm not alone too much." His face lights up. "I have my cats too. You've not met them. Do you like cats?"

"I had a dog growing up, but no experience with cats. Anyone or anything that loves you unconditionally though has to be a good thing."

Monroe nods, smiling.

"They are wonderful company and of course I spoil them. You'll have to come up and meet them sometime. Bring young Edward too, if he's not allergic or anything."

It feels like he's giving Carlisle an out, in case he feels too much pressure, but to his own surprise he smiles.

"I'll ask and I'm sure he'll say yes. I'd love to get a pet, but it's a bit soon. We've only just moved in together."

The old man tilts his head, his expression fond.

"Make time for each other first. Appreciate what you have. I know I did."

They finish their coffees before turning to the pile of books on the counter.

~o.O.o~

Edward wakes long before the alarm, having napped earlier with Carlisle. The situation is reversed, the house empty of his presence with only the scent of his cologne lingering in the air of their bedroom.

Pulling on his robe, he heads downstairs to make coffee and breakfast, maybe make a start on an evening meal for when Carlisle returns. He sets to work, the routine familiar yet less so since they moved in together, Carlisle taking care of the meals whilst Edward sleeps and works. A frown creases his forehead at the vague feeling of loss, of missed hours and, well, life that he loses every day in his current job. He loves his work, he does, yet now it is no longer the priority it once was, to wait, to bide his time until the promotion he wants materialises. And to be honest, what if it never does? How long should he wait? If it were just down to money he would be fine – the night job is well compensated after all - but now he is restless. He knows it seems insane to throw it away, to treat it like he doesn't care, that he isn't grateful to Charlotte for the opportunity, but the feeling persists. He understands that families are apart all the time, doing what they must to make ends meet and to provide for their loved ones, but Carlisle needs him, and he needs Carlisle. So long spent on their own, no one in their lives to love, to support them, no reason not to chase the almighty dollar to keep life on an even keel.

Until now.

He sees so clearly now that love is greater. Even if Carlisle had no money, if he were a penniless no-one, Edward would love him. Although he finds it hard to accept money from his lover, he can see the logic in Carlisle's idea. Sharing what they have would improve their world, would make the most of the wondrous changes that have occurred and enable them to live their lives in glorious colour after so long in the shadows, both of them hiding from the sun, from life itself. His life was not so different from Carlisle's, the solitude, the unsocial hours, the lack of friends and loved ones. In fact, had it not been for Kate, he wondered where he would be right now. Would he have stayed in this tiny, quiet little backwater or moved to the city to be around people? He had always wanted to see New York; would he have possibly looked for work there, moved there?

The kettle clicks off unnoticed, Edward lost in his train of thought, barrelling down the tracks with no brakes.

Would he and Carlisle still have met?

Were they destined to be?

He shakes his head back to reality and makes a steaming cup of coffee, setting aside an empty cup for when Carlisle gets home.

All he knows is that change is inevitable; his life can only get better now and the time has come to make crucial choices.

~o.O.o~

Monroe bids goodbye to his young friend, feeling a bond of true kinship growing between them. He understands the boy's pain, his fears; to a degree, he has been there. Years of being 'business partners' with Charlie in public, keeping up a charade until times became more accepting of their relationship. He has been alone so long now and knows it is to be a permanent state for him, but to see young Edward moving forward, making a life with his new love, it warms Monroe's old heart, so it does. Carlisle will heal in time, his own private fears clearly still fresh and raw in his heart, but to talk to someone about Edward, to be able to verbalise his relationship to another, no matter how awkwardly, is huge for him and he wants nothing more for his young friends than a long life of happiness. Running a gnarled hand through his wispy, grey hair, he turns the lock and clicks the bolt, a contented smile dimpling his wrinkled cheeks.

Times are different now. Love is love, and anyone who couldn't agree with that needed to see those two together to be shown the error of their ways.

~o.O.o~

Carlisle walks home, darkness falling beneath heavy storm clouds that hold the stars hostage in their smothering embrace. His brisk pace keeps him warm while he decides what to fix for dinner, perhaps a hearty casserole that Edward could have warmed up later? He mulls over the conversation of that afternoon, not making eye contact with anyone now, head down, prepared for rain any moment. When he finds himself at the door and still dry, he feels a flash of joyful triumph and smiles up at the sky.

"Not today!"

Still beaming, he lets himself in and is greeted by the aroma of fresh coffee. He heads to the kitchen, unbuttoning his coat, and sees his love brandishing the kettle over an almost full mug, fragrant steam coiling upward.

"You're up! I was at Monroe's. We lost track of time." He leans in for a kiss, nuzzling his hair before reaching for his coffee. "He asked about you. We should go round when you're next off work. He invited us both to meet his cats. You're not allergic, are you?"

Edward smiles to himself, basking in the positivity of his simple comment, the new found confidence he has acquired from spending time with a good friend.

"We can go when I finish work. I'm speaking to Charlotte in the morning. If it doesn't work out, I'd like to take you up on your offer to support us until I find another job."

Carlisle's eyes widen. "You're really okay with it? You never know, she might surprise you."

Edward nods. "She might. But I want us to be clear – if there's nothing for me there I want to leave and look for something else. Maybe a change of direction. I don't know. I guess I'll worry about it when it happens. New start, yeah?"

Carlisle sets down his coffee and pulls him into a comforting hug. After a long moment Edward pulls back just enough to meet his gaze.

"And the other thing we talked about – you're sure? There's no going back."

Carlisle breathes deep, summoning strength from deep inside to damp down his fear.

"I'm sure."

~o.O.o~