I must have fallen asleep at one point during the night. I woke up still curled into a ball. My limbs throbbing in pain. "Dear god." I moaned as I slowly stretched out. "Tweek honey! You up?" my mom yelled from the kitchen. "Yeah." l yelled back. "Well, I am going to the store. Be good." she yelled. I listened as the door downstairs closed and locked. I looked over at the clock. It was almost nine thirty. I guess mom didn't care that I wasn't going to school.

I sat up. The memory of last night still fresh in my head. "Ugh!" I moaned as I put my head in my hands. "What the fuck was that?" I whispered to myself. I had never seen Craig like that. He was so vulnerable at that moment and what did I do. Shut my window. I was just as shitty as him. "Why did I do that?" I said to nothing. My anxiety began to rise. I looked over at my drawer. The image of the meth came in my mind. My brain whispered, If you take some it will help you calm down. I shook my head no. I wasn't going to take that. I would do something else.

I got up. "I needed to get my mind off this." I said to myself. And I knew just the thing to do.

I walked to my closet and pulled out an old t-shirt and some jeans. I grabbed a headband and pulled back my mop of blonde hair. As I walked out of my room, I grabbed my phone and Bluetooth speaker. I went down the stairs two at a time. With each step, I took my mind went back to Craig saying he loved me. How could he still love me? I am literally a fucking mess. An ex-drug addict who keeps meth in his drawer. I walked out of the kitchen and into our backyard. I was going to the shed that we had. In middle school, my dad told me if I made good grades he would turn it into an artist shed for me.

I had never studied so hard in my life. That summer after I gave dad my final report card, showing off my straight A's, he remodeled the whole thing. I think that is one of the few times I have ever felt anything close to love toward my dad.

I unlocked the shed door and turned on the lights. The room was covered in paint splatters with tarps hanging here and there. I walked to the back and set my Bluetooth speaker down on my supply table. Scrolling through my Spotify, I walked over to the tarp that was leaning against the wall. Underneath it was my latest art project that I was going to be entering the state competition. I pulled over my stool and removed the tarp.

I am probably crazy or maybe obsessed with space. That was the only thing I could think about after Craig and I broke up. I was always interested in for different reasons than Craig. I loved the color of the galaxies. How something could look so beautiful, yet be so chaotic.

This piece I was working on was one of an exploding star.

I hit play on my Spotify and grabbed my supplies. I loved listening to Florence and the Machines whenever I painted. There was something so raw and magical about her. I felt like I could relate to her because there was something raw about me. But I wasn't magical.

A falling star fell from your heart and landed in my eyes

I screamed aloud, as it tore through them, and now it's left me blind.

I mixed the colors. It was calming to watch the swirls of the brush as I painted. I lost myself in the music, my mind forgetting about Craig. Forgetting that my parents might be arrested. Forgetting that I even exist.

And in the dark, I can hear your heartbeat

I tried to find the sound

But then it stopped, and I was in the darkness,

So darkness I became

I don't know how long I was sitting there painting when my mom came in. "That is looking amazing Tweek." she said kissing the top of my head. "Thank you mom." I said putting down my brush. "How much longer do you have until the competition?" she asked. I looked at the calendar by the door. "About three more months."

I threw the tarp over it and began to clean up. "I have no doubt you'll win!" she said clapping her hands together. "You've said that for the last two years mom and every year I come in second." I said cleaning my brushes.

I felt her rest her hand on my shoulder. "I just know this year will be the year." she whispered into my hair.

Suddenly my heart ached. When I closed my eyes, I saw Craig holding that paper and reading me the letter. "Mom..." I said. "What sweetie?" she asked sitting on the stool. "Craig was over here last night. He read me this love letter. He told me how he still loved me." I didn't realize how hard I was grabbing my brushes until my mom took them from my hand. "How does that make you feel?" she asked. "That's it. I don't know! I get so overwhelmed." My mom tilted her head to the side. "What is the first thing you feel when you think about it?"

I put my hand over my heart. "My heart gets really excited and flutters like crazy." She smiled. "Well, there you go! You get excited." she said. "But I don't want to be!" I nearly shouted. My mom jumped. "Sorry. I didn't mean to yell." I sighed. "It's fine Tweek. Why don't you want to feel that?" she asked. "Because he hurt me, mom. He broke my heart. Didn't speak to me for how many years? Then thinks that I will forgive him. Take him back." I shouted grabbing my hair.

"Tweek, sweetie." she cooed pulling my hands out of my hair. "Who says you have to forgive him?" "Society." I stated. She laughed at me. "Well, fuck society. You can feel excited, but still not forgive him Tweek." she said patting my head. "Craig did something bad to you. You have the right to hurt. You have the right to heal. It is up to you what you do with Craig." she said pointing at my chest. "Don't let anyone make you feel like you have to be in a relationship with him again. Do you Tweek." she said kissing my forehead.

I smiled. I don't know where I would be without my mom. "Thank you." I whispered. "You're welcome." she said.

I finished cleaning up. The talk with my mom helped, but my anxiety was still high. I felt like I was going to collapse on myself. Not if you take some of that meth. It'll help my inner thoughts whispered to me. I shook my head. I was stronger than that. Wasn't I? I kept glancing toward the tarp with my painting. Wondering if I was just a star about to explode.

Author's Note:

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