Whumptober Day 3!
Hello! I hope you enjoy this one, it's a Harry Potter AU!
Warnings: insomnia, minor self harm, depression, dissociation
Let me know if I need to tag anything else!
Whumptober list is by la-vie-en-whump so go check them out! 😄✨
Virgil shuffled numbly down the hall from transfiguration class, an invisible, heavy weight seeming to cover his whole body as he walked. He didn't remember much from his class, too distracted by his thoughts to really focus much on anything else.
He was sure Professor McGonagall has noticed something but escaped the classroom before he could be confronted.
He was fine.
Now… now he didn't really know where he was off to. He wasn't expected to be anywhere until supper time, having the next two periods off but he wasn't really sure what time it was anymore.
He thought about checking, he could look into any empty classroom and find a clock but he didn't. He just kept walking, mind wandering to unimportant topics that he forgot about almost instantly.
It was raining outside and Virgil took a moment to watch the drops race down a dark window.
Drip. Drop.
Drip. Drop.
Where was he going again?
Virgil turned away from the window, the anxious feeling in his stomach making his arms go numb. He wished it would stop, it felt like beetles were crawling under his skin. He idly itched at his wrist, hoping the sensation would go away.
Was there a reason he was anxious? Should he be anxious? Was something happening?
Virgil stopped and looked around, doing a full 180 and then forgetting which way he had been heading.
Where was he going?
He looked down both ends of the hallway but nothing stood out to him so he just started walking the way he was facing.
His legs felt like 10 pound weights were attached to them and it was a tremendous effort to move. He stopped in front of a window to give his legs a rest and looked out over the school grounds.
Hmm… it was raining? The shadows of the evening drowned the grounds in darkness and Virgil could barely make out the quidditch pitch.
Roman liked playing quidditch, he was really good at it too. Virgil loved watching him. Was Roman playing quidditch right now? Virgil squinted into the night but couldn't make out anybody outside at all. They would've cancelled the game with such a storm raging outside.
His focus on the pitch was lost to two large drops of rain racing down the glass and he found himself rooting for the slightly larger one to make it to the bottom first. They collided with the frame roughly at the same time and Virgil called it a tie.
What time was it?
Tick. Tock.
Drip. Drop.
Virgil turned away from the window and continued on his way.
He felt like one of the ghosts in the castle, drifting down the halls. He wondered if the ghosts felt dead, or just nothingness. He certainly felt something in between those. Was he dead? He froze again at the thought, his hand scratching once again at his wrist.
The pain of his skin breaking beneath his nails confirmed that he was alive but even then he didn't really feel anything. It was like he was covered in a thick blanket and he couldn't escape. It felt like he was suffocating and couldn't find a way out.
Was something wrong?
He couldn't tell and he didn't have the motivation to do anything about it. Maybe it would just go away.
Should he talk to someone?
NO!
What would he say?
How could he explain this feeling that wasn't really a feeling at all.
How could he explain his numbness?
What could they do to help?
His attention went back to his arms, tingling with numbness all the way from his shoulders to his fingertips.
He felt so tired.
He wanted…
He wanted….
Someone?
He looked up and found himself in the entrance hall. He didn't recall moving from his spot by the window, or how he got back here really. Hadn't he been going the opposite way?
He could hear voices from the great hall, it must be supper time but Virgil wasn't hungry. When had he last eaten….? Two- no, three days ago? He remembered eating an apple yesterday but his memory wasn't too good lately so the day before he might've had something more. Had he eaten anything today?
Virgil thought hard about breakfast that morning. He remembered vaguely going to the great hall with Patton but after that felt like a blur. It didn't feel like he'd eaten so he just assumed he drank a coffee and that was that.
"Are you okay?" A voice asked from his left and Virgil looked up to see who must be a first year girl, wearing a casual orange shirt under her unbuttoned cloak. He opened his mouth to answer that he was fine but found the words caught in his throat.
Was he fine?
No. Yes.
He snapped his mouth shut and nodded, realizing how odd he must look. He'd been "staring" at the house point containers. More like staring past them really since he hadn't even noticed they were there, though, he found the constant filling and disappearing of the sand inside very interesting to watch.
"Do you want me to get someone? You don't look fine." The girl offered and Virgil tried to suppress the urge to flinch. He'd forgotten she was there. He looked back at her and gave her a thumbs up before moving to head towards the dungeons so he could try to sleep. He was so tired.
What time was it?
Someone grabbed his arm and his mind went blank as he twisted violently away. In his hazy state, he wasn't the most coordinated person in the world and so he fell, slamming his shoulder into the Ravenclaw house points container. He froze there, pain shooting through his right arm while a distant voice tried to get his attention.
He was so tired, maybe he could finally sleep. When was the last time he slept? It felt like years at that moment, laying on the floor.
What happened?
He fell, right. Right?
The girl was gone and Virgil figured it wouldn't hurt to close his eyes and go to sleep now. Hopefully he could sleep and then maybe when he wakes up this feeling would be gone. He hoped so. He really hoped so.