Chapter Five

March 16, 1840

Henry awoke awash with guilt. He rolled over and pulled Daniel gently into his arms again. Daniel murmured and frowned in his sleep, burrowing his face into Henry's burly chest. His backside was livid with scarlet and purple lines, from the small of his back to his lower thighs. Some of the lashes had reopened during the night, leaving smudges of blood on the back of Daniel's long shirt. Henry could see nothing of a man in him, he saw only a pitiful little boy. How could he have been so cruel? Certainly Daniel had deserved a sound spanking, but not this.

Henry could not bear the sight. He kissed Daniel's forehead and then climbed out of bed. Daniel continued sleeping, and Henry expected he would not wake for some time yet. The beating had exhausted him.

Henry attended to his toilet and then dressed. Outside the guestroom door he found two trunks and a note. It was addressed to Henry and read,

'I suspect you shall be staying for a day or two more, given Daniel's condition. I had my servants fetch some things for you from your apartments.'

The note was signed by Paternoster. Henry sighed and crumbled it in his hand. He dragged the trunks into the guestroom and set them where Daniel would see them. He was too depressed to bother changing into fresh clothing himself, but Daniel was particular about such things. He took one last look at his sleeping lover and left, shutting the door softly.

Henry and Daniel were not the only guests that had spent the night. There was breakfast set out for any who might want it in the dining room, and several people were bustling about. Rosalind was eating voluptuously while flirting with her sometimes-lover Beechworth. Her luminous dark eyes followed Henry as he made his way to the table, but she did not address him. Paternoster sat at the head of the table, eating sparsely and drinking wine. He watched over them all in the fashion of one of the languid, dreaming gods of the Orient. Henry was too tired to even hate him. In fact, he sat at his right, to avoid the company of the others farther down the table.

"You win," Henry told Paternoster.

"I was not aware of having been in competition."

"Please do not be so condescending, you have my obedience," Henry said. "You were my mentor before all of this business with Daniel. I admired and respected you—I still do. The very qualities I envied you for were what drove you to orchestrate all you put Daniel through, and I cannot blame you for inducting him into the group. You are who and what you are. I should have kept that in mind, but I was blinded by my ardor for the boy. I can only think that your forgiveness of my trespasses against you is due to the fact that you understand this."

"I do."

Henry took a moment to chew his food. The whipping he had given Daniel had drained his dark impulses and left him rational again. He wished that he had seen reason sooner. At least his mind was his own again.

"I thank you for your understanding," Henry said. "And I owe you an apology for my behavior. I am sorry."

"I accept your apology," Paternoster said. "It is good to have you back in the fold again, Mr. Bedloe. You are one of our most talented. I know that you did not wish for Daniel to be a member of our group, but I believe that the two of you shall do great work together for us. Great work indeed."

"I don't see how," Henry said. "Daniel is an archaeologist and a historian. I am a psychiatrist. Our fields do not intersect often."

"You would be surprised at how the one may affect the other," Paternoster said. "After all, do archaeologists not already study psychiatry? They delve into the behaviors of the ancients whose artifacts they dig up, study their languages and their arts. Is there no psychiatry in that?"

"I never thought about it that way."

"Even if you do not work together professionally, you are good for one another," Paternoster said. "Once you find a way to support his career, he will draw the courage it requires from you. And you finally have an outlet for your urges, one that you not only enjoy but cherish. Now that everything is settled between you and you have both taken your places in the world, I expect great things to come from you both."

"I hope so," Henry said. "I wished to keep Daniel close at hand, protected and safe, but he isn't meant for it. I should have listened to him before he felt the need to go behind my back. I should have realized that I couldn't simply beat those impulses out of him. I've studied the mind long enough to know which behaviors can be changed and which are too deeply ingrained in a person's character. But love blinded me, and infuriated me as well. I've never loved anyone so much. It frightened me, so I reacted the way I had in childhood. I tried to beat away everything that frightened me. I took my own insecurities out on Daniel. It's disappointing. I am dreadfully disappointed in myself."

"All the more reason to return to your work," Paternoster's reedy voice whistled.

"I suppose you're right," Henry said. "Yes, I have obviously not mastered my mind as thoroughly as I believed I had. There will need to be new studies, new treatments. I must delve more deeply into these things."

"That's the spirit."

"No, it's science."

Paternoster and Henry glanced up. Rosalind had come over, finished eating and with a fresh glass of wine. She took the seat on Paternoster's left. Henry sighed and resumed eating with a fervor.

"I don't know what either one of you expect to accomplish, trying to read the mind as if it were a book," Rosalind said. "The mind, the heart, the body, all are merely tools used by the spirit, and the spirit is an elemental thing. It is a thing of passion, gentlemen. What chemicals or dissections could ever cure the passions of the spirit?"

"No one means to cure them," Henry retorted. "You are well aware of how I favor my passions. However, we must curb them, for the sake of retaining our humanity. Otherwise what is there to separate us from the beasts?"

"Oh you men, always believing yourselves to be so above the beasts," Rosalind laughed. "All your work will never make you less of a beast, Henry Bedloe."

"You are rather beastly yourself, woman."

"I shall take that as a compliment," Rosalind said. "You misunderstand me, Bedloe. I never said that our passions should be curbed or cured. We must all accept the animals residing within. My point was that you overreach yourself, and your meddling in the laws of nature will only cause harm."

"No more harm than I caused last night," Henry said. "Miss Barlow, please. I am in no mood to bandy words with you this morning. Mr. Paternoster, I thank you for your hospitality and your understanding. Excuse me."

Henry pushed his chair back and stood. He nodded at the two and then left the dining room in a hurry. Rosalind and Paternoster watched him go, then shared a smile. His eyes watched her full lips as she sipped her wine, lips left stained purple by it.

"You know that I am right," Rosalind said.

"Of course, my dear," Paternoster chuckled. "But Henry has uncovered much useful information during his efforts to tame the mind. Without the hope he carries of taming his own nature, he would not be half so driven. So it is best to leave him to his ambitions."

"And what of this Daniel?" Rosalind asked. "Will he really be safe with Henry and all his untameable passions?"

"Are you worried about the boy?"

"It would be a shame for him to die before I get a chance to play with him," Rosalind said. "Such a timid little mouse."

"Only on the surface," Paternoster said. "Do not let his charade fool you, there are dark depths in that young man's soul."

"Is that why you brought him into the group?"

Paternoster nodded.

"Then why does he act in such a manner?" Rosalind wondered. "So very vulnerable. So very afraid."

"He believes his own charade, that is why it is so convincing," Paternoster explained. "Some people simply enjoy being the victim. Besides, so long as he is blaming everyone else for his sins, he need not fully blame himself."

Rosalind laughed.

"The boy is delightful," she said, clapping her hands. "I do hope Henry tires of him soon. I should love to get to know him better."

"I do not think Henry will tire of him," Paternoster said. "I warn you, my dear, it is unwise to separate entwined snakes. You may see a guileless boy, but believe me, Henry and Daniel are perfectly compatible beasts."

Rosalind was surprised at the warning. Paternoster rarely intervened in the relationships between members of the group, preferring to watch their antics apathetically. She clucked her tongue in annoyance. She would have to take Paternoster's warning seriously, since he had been generous enough to caution her. She huffed a sigh and returned to the worshipful but boring Jameson Beechworth.

Daniel woke grudgingly. Before he even knew why, he was reluctant to give up the bliss of sleep. As consciousness encroached upon him so did soreness. As he tried to position himself comfortably, the aches gave way to deep pain. Daniel whimpered as he came to, a few sleepy tears falling down his cheeks.

Eventually Daniel's bladder forced him out of bed. His backside gave him hell, but he managed to get out of bed and stagger to the chamber pot. He was too disgruntled to return to sleep, so he then washed and went to find his clothing. He was surprised to find two trunks in the room, and pleased that one held some of his clothing. He chose the loosest-fitting trousers that he could find and dressed for the day. He did not dare look in the mirror at his injuries, lest he start crying again. He was even more tired of crying than tired of pain.

Daniel left the guestroom and wandered down the hall. He heard voices coming from downstairs and shrank away from the staircase. He could not bear the thought of company as yet. He was still dazed from the events of yesterday and groggy from having expended so much energy hysterically. He headed for the second-floor entrance to the library, thinking to read one of the rare books stored there. He would like to settle down on a sofa with a book about a great explorer. The thought brought a faint smile to his lips.

Da … niel …

Daniel stopped, cocking his head. Had someone called him? He turned and opened a small door next to the library's double doors. There was a spindly spiral staircase leading up to the third floor.

Dan … iel …

Daniel was too befuddled to be afraid. He followed the vague whisper up the iron staircase, going round and round in circles. At the top he opened another small door and was let into the third floor's East Wing hallway.

Daniel …

Daniel could not tell if he was hearing the voice with his ears or his mind. He followed it down the hall, and the call grew stronger as he went. He came to a great set of double doors and blinked at them. The wood was deep burnished red, streaks in the grain almost the color of dried blood. Each door had a lion's head carved into its center, and the doorknobs had suns engraved in their centers. Daniel lingered staring at the impressive doors.

Daniel!

Daniel opened the doors and blinked against the gloom. All the drapes in the room were drawn and it seemed to take a long time for the hallway's light to filter in. Daniel's mental fog was beginning to clear and a sense of foreboding overcame him. Who was calling him? He was certain that he had not heard anything audible, which meant the voice had come into his mind. Only one person had ever called him that way.

Daniel's eyes adjusted and the room came into focus. Daniel gasped. A scream rose in his throat but stayed locked there. He could not breathe. His heart throbbed painfully. Reality split itself into pieces and then shattered. He was in Brennenburg suddenly, staring down a hideous demon. The demon wore skin like an ill-fitting suit and its mouth was a gaping, uneven hole between the flaps of flesh.

Daniel staggered backwards and fell directly on his buttocks. The shock of pain brought him back to his senses. He loosed the scream and fell back on the floor, clutching his head in his hands.

Hush, Daniel, hush, a voice whispered in Daniel's mind. Don't you see? It's dead! No, no, stop that screaming, Daniel, we have little time. Hush you fool!

Daniel recognized the voice: it belonged to Alexander von Brennenburg. He knew Alexander was not dead, only trapped in a Memory Capsule, but hearing him now only added to his horror. Terror rippled through Daniel like a wraith and he writhed in its grasp as if held tight by a snake. All the memories of Brennenburg assaulted him afresh.

Damn you, Daniel, if you won't stop screaming, at least HEAR ME.

Alexander's command cut Daniel's screams off briefly. He banged his head against the floor, trying to clear it of Alexander's voice. He heard voices coming from downstairs but all he could do was lie gibbering.

Hear me, Alexander said more gently. The monster is dead, it is merely a preserved specimen from Brennenburg. There is nothing here that can hurt you. I won't let anything hurt you anymore, boy.

"You … hurt … me," Daniel huffed.

I forgave you and I let you live, Daniel. I do not hate you. You must know this by now. You saw my mind as I saw yours when we shared your body.

Daniel shut his eyes tightly.

I am sealed away in any case. I am locked away in the dark. I can only speak to you. I can do no more than that. I cannot hurt you, and I would not anyway. I have misused and unappreciated you, Daniel. I can see that now.

Daniel opened one eye. He glanced into the room and saw that the monster was indeed motionless. He saw a white glow deep in the room. It must be the Memory Capsule from which Alexander was speaking. He heard footsteps thumping up the grand staircase.

Forgive me, Daniel. I regret having hurt you. I find myself missing your company, in fact. In all my years in this world, you are one of the very few that I have grown fond of. I have taken my friends for granted in this world. I have used both you and Agrippa shamelessly. In my time trapped here in this darkness, I have begun to reflect upon my ways. I have been too cruel, too callous. In trying to find my way back to my love, I have sacrificed all the qualities that brought me that love so long ago. They are coming now, but I only wanted to say that I am sorry, Daniel. I am sorry for everything.

"Alex … ander … "

"Daniel!"

Daniel rolled over and looked up wearily. Henry rushed to kneel beside him. He helped Daniel sit up slowly and supported him. Paternoster was behind him. He stood nearby calmly, hands clasped behind his back.

"Why are you roaming the halls alone, Daniel?" Henry asked. "What happened?"

Daniel pointed a shaky finger into the room. He buried his face in Henry's shirt. Henry stroked his hair tenderly as he stared into the room. He frowned in confusion.

"It must be the specimen on display," Paternoster said. "We recovered that Gatherer from Brennenburg."

Henry recalled Daniel telling him of the monsters Alexander had sent after him in the castle. He could imagine Daniel's terror at being confronted by one in the hideous flesh. He scowled up at Paternoster.

"Why did you leave this room unlocked?" he asked. "You should have known this might happen!"

"You know that my most trusted have keys to this room," Paternoster said. "One of them may have been studying things in there and simply forgot to lock the doors. I am very open with my home, as you well know."

Henry blew out a sigh and nodded. Paternoster was right, the room often got left unlocked. Even if a mundane wandered in, Paternoster merely explained the contents of the room off as curios. He did not want to ruin the peace he had just made with Paternoster. I have to stop letting my love for Daniel rouse my temper irrationally, Henry thought. It was my fault, I shouldn't have left Daniel alone for so long. He must be hurting today. I should have been there for him.

"There, there, the thing is dead, Daniel," Henry comforted him. "It's dead. Come, let's go back to the guestroom. You should lie down. Have you eaten?"

Daniel shook his head. Henry lifted him to his feet and steadied him. He kept an arm around Daniel to hold him up. Daniel looked ready to faint and he was as white as a sheet. He turned sharply to the room and cocked his head.

"What is it?" Henry asked. "Did something else happen? Was it that Alexander monster? Did he speak to you again?"

He would come in here and smash this vessel, Alexander told Daniel. And then that would be an end to me.

"No," Daniel said distantly. He shook his head. "No. No, I was only frightened by that thing in there. It reminded me of Brennenburg. I am sorry. I should not have made such a fuss. I am not myself this morning."

"Of course, darling," Henry said. "Come along now. All is well now. I'm here."

Henry led Daniel downstairs via the main staircase. Daniel was so weak that Henry had to take most of his weight upon himself. In the guestroom, Daniel removed his shoes and climbed back into bed. His muscles were screaming at him and his mind was reeling.

Henry let Daniel doze until a maid brought a tray of food up. Henry roused Daniel and encouraged him to eat some breakfast. Daniel's appetite overtook his vexation and he was soon devouring the food. Henry sat on the bed beside him, watching with a mixture of pity and love.

Daniel recovered his senses as he ate. His brow furrowed as he began to digest the strange events of the morning. He realized now that he had been too exhausted and hungry to have fully woken until now. That weakened state had led him straight to Alexander, who must have been calling out to him from the Memory Capsule. He recalled that Paternoster had said that Alexander still occasionally spoke about him. Of course, Alexander would be able to communicate from the Memory Capsule clearly: all the remnants of his being were contained within that vessel. He apparently had some power, as well, if he was able to manipulate Daniel. Yet he had only apologized to Daniel. He could have done much to Daniel while Daniel was helpless with terror, but he had only apologized. Did he mean it this time? Even if he did, would it make any difference?

No, Daniel thought. No, every time Alexander comes into my life, I end up hurt. I can never speak to him again. I can never go near that room. However he feels about me, it doesn't matter. I cannot forgive him and I will never allow him into my life again. Brennenburg shall never cast another shadow upon my life.

"May I have my laudanum?"

"No."

Daniel looked at Henry in surprise.

"No more opium, not even laudanum," Henry said. "I'm sorry, Daniel, but I believe it's only furthered your nervous imagination. I know it will not be easy, but you must give it up. I shall bring you some brandy."

"But—"

Henry gave Daniel a look and Daniel flinched. Though Henry merely looked tired and sad, Daniel was afraid of angering him. He buried his face in his arms and heaved a beleaguered sigh.

"Yes, Henry."

"And I shall be disposing of your 'secret' supply, as well."

Daniel raised his head enough to look at Henry with one round eye.

"You knew of it?"

"Of course I did, dear Daniel." Henry kissed his forehead. "I had thought that was your only secret. I suppose I underestimated you."

"Please don't scold me any more."

"I'm not, you've had enough punishment for all your sins," Henry said. "Let this be a new start for us. You are now a part of your precious Sol Invictus Mithras, and I will not stifle your career. Let it all be done, Daniel. Let us move forward."

"Yes, I should like that." Daniel sniffled and was surprised to wipe away a tear. He smiled nonetheless. "I should like that very much."

Henry kissed him deeply. Daniel felt as raw inside as he did outside. He reached his arms out and put them around Henry's neck. Henry climbed fully onto the bed and cuddled the young man in his massive arms. Before long, Daniel was asleep again.

Daniel was whisked away into a land of blue light reflected off strange glass angles. He was weightless in this land and he drifted beneath strange stars. This place had frightened him at times, but now it was a comfort. He felt as a snowflake drifting through the alien world.

Daniel.

Daniel was aware of a strange creature before him. The motion stopped. He gazed up at the being curiously. He could not decide whether it was hideous or majestic.

I should fear you, Daniel thought. Why do I not fear you?

You are beyond fear, my poor broken boy, Alexander replied. Once these wounds are calloused, you will be the stronger for them.

I don't feel like I will ever be strong.

You will be, Daniel, Alexander assured him. You are already set on the path to strength. You have accepted the fact that you are no longer a part of the mundane world, and you are ready to face what you humans consider the arcane. That is the first step.

How can I do this? Daniel wondered. How can I throw myself back into such strange horrors? Am I simply a moth drawn to flame?

Yes, but you are not an insect, you are a man, Daniel, Alexander replied. You are not a moth and you need not be burned by the flames. Be strong, friend.

Am I? Your friend, I mean.

Yes. I suppose you are, despite everything, Alexander thought back. You have strength, far more than I ever imagined. If I had only treated you more equally … But the past is the past. It is done now. To take a page from your Henry, let us begin afresh.

I'm not sure I can …

Try, please, Alexander said. Even if we never speak again, so be it. Only know that you were my friend and I am sorry for what I did to you.

Thank you, Alexander. I … Well, I hope you mean it. It would mean much to me if you did.

I do, Alexander's telepathic response felt genuine. You will not remember this when you awake, but I hope you feel it in your heart.

Is that all you wished to say? You don't want anything from me?

No. I should like to enjoy your company again, but I shall not ask it of you, Alexander thought. You know where to find me. I have no power outside these walls. Even reaching out to you from a floor above took much out of me. I will not speak to you unless you come to me. I hope that you do come to me.

I can't. I just can't.

Well. Take care of yourself, little friend. Farewell.

Goodbye … Alexander.