EPISODE TWO
With Mouse and Moth having set forth on their mission, Squawk requested she take the rest of the day off, having supplied the agents with their equipment.
She could barely concentrate, not with Penfold out of the picture. Or whatever he was calling himself nowadays.
As she walked through the street, she found a teeming mass of girls all lined up to buy copies of Poldeu's seventh record selling album. It'd only been a couple of hours since his sixth one, which came out minutes after his fifth.
He was pumping these things out like he was a machine.
And people were taking notice, many thinking of him like royalty and desiring to be his pop princess.
As a matter of fact, the rival networks have already put together a reality show to determine who gets to perform with him as well as date the poor guy; they dubbed the title "Pop Princess-The Rivals"
Ok, that title isn't all that imaginative, and is admittedly just the teeniest bit out of 2003, but the little babies coming into their own think at this stage everything's original.
She entered her apartment, kicked her shoes off, and settled down to watch some television.
She flicked through the channel, and for the most part it was almost all entirely devoted to rolling news coverage of Danger Mouse and Danger Moth's struggles against the Baron and his frogs head flier at the reservoir.
Danger Moth had ejected herself from DM's car and had taken flight, aiming for the cockpit of the mechanical toad, but the machine produced a lean tall tennis racket from its chest compartment and smacked Danger Moth square in the face with it, sending her flying into the back of DM's car and almost sliding off of the vehicle to her doom, only for Danger Mouse to grab her by the arm and pull her back inside.
The car flew over the frogs head flyer, with the mouse now taking his turn, descending from the Mark IV with a rope ladder, DM climbed down to the top of the ship and tried to pry open the roof with a can opener.
A small hatch opened to the right of him and a mechanical arm carrying a spray can appeared, spraying DM in the face with it, the chemicals had an adverse effect on the world's greatest secret agent as he began giggling and started croaking like a frog.
He hopped to the left and right, in a rather flamboyant manner, and almost jumped off the top of the ship to the treacherous waters below, only for a recovering Danger Moth to fly down and grab him, returning him to the safety of the car, though DM would attempt to jump out of the car as he continued to mimic the movements of a frog.
Squawk realised to her horror this latest setback would mean she would soon be called back into work almost ASAP, she decided to try one last crack at low quality entertainment on the more niche channels to distract her from the ongoing malarkey.
Just five or three more minutes of it she thought.
Then something caught her eye.
Something familiar.
Someone close.
Someone that she could always rely on to capture her complete attention, for better or for worse.
"What are you up to Penfold?" she said.
Yes, on the television was Penfold, or rather Poldeu, acting out things in a K-Pop soap opera novella called "Poldeu and the Pendulum"
And starring alongside him was Pink Dawn, Danger Mouse and Penfold's pampered child nemesis, dressed to mimic Squawnkencluck in appearance.
Poldeu was speaking fluent Korean, but Dawn was attempting to mimic a Scottish accent.
"See here laddie, ya cannay expect me to conjure up inventions for you and yer mad mouse if ya canny work together. Teamwork's the key"
"That accent is thicker than her brain functions" Squawk revealed.
The phone rang and Squawkencluck picked it up.
The voice of Col. K screamed down the line.
"I trust you've been keeping tabs on Poldeu?" he said.
"You mean you find yourself engrossed in this maddening melodrama too? I only just turned it on" she said.
"I'm afraid it's being simulcast across every television station. A good thing to, I've been binging it during my tea breaks. Haven't missed a single episode"
"How many tea breaks would you have had to be on to catch every episode?" Squawkencluck asked.
"Indefinite ones, but that's not the point Professor, the agency needs you, get back to work"
"On my way Chief" she said, realising she couldn't hold off the call of duty any longer.
However, no matter how far she went, she could not escape the star of Poldeu as it continued to rise.
A constant stream of music videos on mobile devices, his face on every cereal box, cinemas packed to the rafters watching feature length versions of his drama's episodes, and with the teeming mass of fangirls lined up outside the television studios, the city was proving a nightmare to navigate through by foot or by car.
Squawk got so frustrated waiting for the traffic lights to turn green that she emerged from her car and started clearing a path for the backed-up and frustrated motorists with her patented handheld road sweeper, which chucked the fans onto the roof of a nearby building.
Some of the fans took issue with what Squawk was doing.
"Why'd you turn my dream into a nightmare?" they said, their faces raining down with tears, and they soon rallied their swarm into an angry mob to chase after Squawk.
A large limo pulled up beside Squawk, the door opened and Poldeu appeared before her, urging her to get in. Squawk obliged.
As the car sped off, the fans hijacked a bus and headed off in pursuit, stalled only by every bus stop it had to slow down for in order to pick up passengers.
Poldeu had always taught the masses through his chosen medium to respect the rights and privileges of people in the free world, and to be kind to others, so his fans did their best to honour him by indulging in a responsible act.
"They're not doing half bad" remarked Squawkencluck as she peered out at the bus from the back of the limo.
"They learn from the best Professor" Poldeu replied, annoying Squawk slightly with how smug he was being.
"We need the best Penfold"
"Poldeu" corrected Poldeu
"Oh cut that out, that's a facade, the real Penfold would be more accepting of who he used to be, not someone who borrows from other people to define himself" Squawk added.
Poldeu wasn't about to listen to her, and got on the phone to his agent.
"Count? Yeah, I have her, when do you want to give Dawn the bad news?"
"Bad news? What bad news?" Squawk said.
"Oh haven't you heard? Dawn was just your understudy, we deliberately wrote around any hanky panky with her because she's underage, but with you here, there's no need for her"
"You have got to be kidding me, I'm not indulging in any sort of romantic entanglement with you in the egomaniacal state you're currently in" Squawk said, crossing her arms and turning away from Poldeu in disgust.
"Professor, I'm appalled you would think that way, I didn't mean with me, I value our friendship too much to want to force you into something like that, no, no your job is to be my pal in my drama much like you always have been to me at the agency"
The Professor stared back at him.
"If you value any trace of your friendships, you'll help Danger Mouse and Danger Moth out of the jam they're currently in" she said, showing him footage on her phone of Mouse and Moth's struggles against Baron Greenback.
Danger Mouse had, by now, attempted to fasten a rope across the legs of the frog's head flyer. Danger Moth had taken to the air and had spun circles around the flyer, trying to keep its pilot, Pandamonium dazed and confused and provide the Baron seated within with a bit of motion sickness.
Danger Mouse, acting rather now like a Fearless Frog, soon began hopping all over the place and catching flies with his tongue. Moth noticed that the rope had not been completely fastened and was forced to disengage from her attempts at distraction to try and attach it, circling the lower legs and doing her best to tighten its hold.
However, Danger Mouse's insistent hops meant she had to slow herself down so she wouldn't bump into him, and thus the ropes remained loose enough for the Frog's Head Flyer to free itself and kick Mouse and Moth so ferociously, they caused a minor crack in a nearby dam.
Poledu looked particularly unimpressed by this, not that showing their effectiveness without him was meant in any way to impress of course.
"See? Both are in over their heads" Squawk said, pleading for Poldeu to drop what he was doing and help.
"And I'm afraid the point of this going over mine" Poldeu replied, and snapped his fingers,
The limo pulled up at the recording studio and he was ushered out to record yet another album.
"Don't worry Professor, I'm usually pretty quick at this, expect me back in fifteen minutes"
The Professor scrambled to contact Col. K while he was busy.
"Colonel, I've made contact with Penfold, I'm trying to persuade him to come back to work"
"I wish you luck Professor, I need a break from all of my breaks" K replied.
Squawk waited patiently for what seemed like ages. She checked her watch and found that almost an hour had gone by.
Deciding to check on what was holding Penfold up; she got out of the limo, only to be spotted by the still enraged fan girls, who quickly gave chase to her.
Squawk barely had time to observe her surroundings as she was pursued by the manic mob, but she found that the studio was eerily dark. Several spiders' cobwebs and half-eaten vegetables lay scattered across the floor. Some banana peels were left too.
The mob found itself caught in the webs and slipping on the discarded skins, which helped Squawk, put some distance between her and them.
Finally, she reached the recording booth, only to find it too was dimly lit, she switched the light on and found Poldeu and his agent Duckula tied up and hanging from the ceiling, their legs and hands bound by tight rope.
"Oh my gosh, it's Poldeu" pointed out one fan girl.
"It's like Christmas has come early, he's been literally gift-wrapped" said another.
"No, keep your hands off him" Squawk said, putting herself between Poldeu and herself.
"Professor, you're willing to put your life on the line for my well being?" Poldeu said.
"Of course, I'd do anything for a friend like you, just like how I know the Earnest Penfold of the Danger Agency would do anything to make sure his friends were safe"
Poldeu looked dismayed as the shame of his recent actions overwhelmed him.
"I've been a fool Count, it took the courage of one person to show me who the real chicken was around here. Tell your contacts I shall never sing for them again"
"You can't take the music out of yourself Penfold, you have an obligation to make some sweet songs and supply me with sweet green so I can afford sweet greens" said Duckula.
"Oh I'm sorry to say it's very possible for Penfold's talents to be taken from him" came a sweet and sinister voice from behind them.
"Dawn" said Squawk, recognising the pampered princess as she came into view.
"The one and only winner of Pop Princess, that competition was supposed to give me the ultimate romantic invitation, a chance to date the great Poldeu, and all it got me was a rather sanitised part in his
"I keep telling you Dawn, you're underage. Why else do you think the Chief declined to date you after you last tried re-enacting a musical with him?" Poldeu replied.
"That Mouse may be willing to wait a couple of more decades, but I've found I'm not as patient. This is my ultimatum, date me and gives me the social status of a superstar, or I'll reverse engineer the Rex Factor technology and take the music straight out of you and pour it into me directly"
To prove she was not bluffing, Dawn snapped her fingers and Mr. Snuggles, her faithful teddy bear, came onto the scene pulling the Rex Factor transference device into the booth via a giant cart.
"Poldeu, listen to reason as well as good music, you can't inflict another egotistical child star on the world. We all know what happened to Beiber" Duckula pleaded.
"Did I happen to mention this recording studio is owned by Northern Soul? How's this for under the Northern lights?" joked Dawn as she climbed a ladder and began attaching wiring to the base of Penfold's spine and neck.
"My gosh, she really is hung up over Danger Mouse rejecting her after their musical number" said Squawk.
Realising she had to act fast, Squawk huddled the fan girls together and put together a strategy.
A strategy so compelling and cunning, elaborate, complex, the likes of which nobody could see coming
"Heave ho" she ordered, and the fan girls all hoisted Dawn off of the ladder, sending her crashing onto Mr. Snuggles.
The fan girls swarmed all over Dawn, cracking their knuckles, but the group all stood on top of the wiring, and the machine had already been activated, the music flowed out of Penfold and into the fan girls.
"Hey, narrator, the little trick of moving the ladder wasn't very elaborate" said Penfold.
Well, excuse me, I've been paid extra to give some buzz to these lazily thought out resolutions.
"We'll get you down Poldeu" said the fan girls in unison, forming a human pyramid so as one of them could climb up and cut open his bonds with a pocket knife.
"Please ladies, Poldeu is no more, just call me Penfold" he said.
"Without you, all is darkness" said the fan girls in dismay.
"Don't cry fans, everything may be like midnight now, but as a good friend tried to show someone lately, it's possible to make it out the other side" Penfold assured them.
"Do you have anything of the old Poldeu still in there?" The Professor asked.
"A little bit of a tune left, why?" said Penfold.
The Professor grabbed him by the hand, dashed with him out of the recording studio, threw him into the limo, and clambered into the driver's seat. They sped back to their Mayfair headquarters at top speed.
Evening had fallen, and Mouse and Moth were still up to their necks in hot water.
Literal hot water that is, as the Frog's Head Flyer had heated up the reservoir and had been dunking the pair head first into it.
Fortunately, Penfold and Squawk had arrived in the Professor's latest flying contraption, the Type 2 Chicken Little Nelly, which used a special harmonic disrupt or attached to the front of the device, with Penfold hooked up to it.
"Alright Penfold, give it all you can" instructed Squawk.
Penfold sang to the best of his ability, causing the fan girls accompanying him as backing singers to almost swoon and break their concentration.
The frequency, however, was enough to shatter the frog's head flyer, causing the Baron much distress.
The flyer dropped Danger Mouse and Danger Moth, Squawk got the Chicken Little Nelly into a position to catch them as they descended.
"That'll give the Baron an ear worm he won't soon forget" said Penfold, before collapsing from near exhaustion.
"It's alright Penfold, you can rest easy. The hard night's work is done" said Squawk, cradling him as Penfold rested gently on her shoulders.
Later, once Penfold had recovered, everyone gathered at DM's quarters for a little victory party.
"Mouse, I know you meant well, the next time you want to show me the other side of midnight, just call it a day" Danger Moth said, giving him a small kiss on the cheek and taking her leave,.
"Say, 'other side of midnight' that's a pretty good name for a K-Pop group Chief" said Penfold.
"Yes, the fan girls absorbed the brunt of what was storied within Penfold, and no other kind of harm came to them, so Penfold can resume his place at work and the girls can carry on where he left off" Squawk added.
"It also fits in perfectly with what I was telling the girls earlier" Penfold said.
"So I guess it's now all up to them...mmm...K?" joked Danger Mouse, hoping everyone would join him in a rapturous burst of laughter fit to end the adventure on.
But they never did.
And as for Duckula and Dawn, both were still in the derelict looking recording studio. Dawn had by now been tied and hoisted up to join the captive Duckula.
"Maybe I should just wait until I can catch up to the Mouse after all" she said to herself.
"You're still a bit too young to face the music" said Duckula.
"Like I'm going to listen to someone as out of tune as you" said Dawn.
And so we leave our bickering beauty and the beast with a beak, and bid everyone adieu until the next time the world faces a threat so heinous we're left with no choice but to call on Danger Mouse, and the world's greatest secret k-gent...Earnest Penfold, aka Poldeu.
K-gent...get It.?
Because...the whole story was about K-Pop...and...and...
Oh never mind.