Chapter 12

CPOV:

"No Ana, stop." It takes all my self-control to utter those words. After the kiss we shared, I want nothing more than simply burying myself in her…..but if she kisses me again, I won't be able to stop myself from going further. And I don't know if Ana wants to go so far right away. Also, I can't simply use sex to bridge our gap. We need to talk.

Yes, I, Christian Grey, am choosing talking over sex. Never thought this day would come.

I look into Ana's eye, to see that she's hurt…does she feel upset? Oh! She wants me too! My resolution starts to waver and I almost give in, but Ana turns to leave.

"Ana, don't go!" no I can't let her leave me! It's been too long since I held her, looked at her like that.

She turns around, surprise written all over her face. Did she think I asked her to stop because I didn't want her? "But, Christian….." she starts to say, and I cut her off with another chaste kiss. That's all I can manage without losing my self-control.

"Ana, I didn't ask you to stop because I don't want you. I asked because I don't want to do it here, like this… I want us to talk before we go any further..." she looks amused by what I just said.

"I never thought I'll get to hear that from you…you are picking talking over sex? Have you lost your edge, Mr. Grey?" she taunts me, smiling a little. I missed that smile so much.

"Oh Ana, you have no idea what I want to do with you." I taunt back. I press my erection into her body. She has to know the effect she has on me, and I smile as I see her cheeks turn beet red. Oh I "But Ana, it's been 3 months…we"

Ana cuts me off, "you are right... we need to talk. I just got caught up in the moment when you kissed me. Why don't you finish showering and I'll go dry up and fix us some dinner."

With that she walks out and

I'm left wondering about what I am going to say to her when I see her next.

Once I'm dried up and dressed, I walk out to find her setting the table for dinner. This looks so normal. Like the last 3 months never happened. She looks at me and smiles "I gave Gail the evening off. I wanted to cook for you myself. I made Mac n Cheese."

I smile as I sit down and help myself. She sits down opposite me. We sit in silence for a while, I don't think either of us knows what to say, where to start.

She finally breaks the silence, "I met Kate and Elliot today. I went with them to their doctor's appointment."

"Yes Taylor informed me about that."

"They were so happy….." she trails off.

"Ana, I… I wanted our baby too" I can't stop myself from saying it.

There's a long silence between us and Ana doesn't look me in the eyes…I find it really frustrating that I don't know what's going on in her head..

"I know, Christian." She finally whispers. I notice tears running down her face. Oh Ana!

I rush to her side at once and hold her tightly. I never want to let her go again. It pains me to see her hurting like this.

I hold stand there holding her for a while till she says, "I'm sorry Christian. I'm sorry for shutting you out like this, but I didn't know what to do. I was so lost. I hated being alive, being able to breathe when I couldn't save our baby. I didn't want to live for a while."

I'm stunned. Stunned and speechless. She didn't want to live?

"Ana, the miscarriage wasn't your fault. The person responsible is paying for it. That night, in the hospital, I died a thousand deaths…the thought of losing you and the baby…I don't think I'll be able to deal with that." And now the tears run freely. We both cry for a while till Ana gets up and hugs me. She rests her head on my chest and says; "I don't think our little Blip would have wanted to see his parents like this..."

"Blip?" I ask with a small smile

"Blip" she replies mirroring my smile. "I fucked up Christian" she says after a beat.

"Oh, Ana No! Don't ever think like that! You were hurt. I hurt you. I'm the one that fucked up, as usual." I say with more tears in my eyes.

And then her lips come crashing down on mine. I hold her tight and kiss her back and I can feel all her emotions in the kiss... her anguish, her love, and I know I can't stop with a kiss this time.

She breaks apart for a while and whispers, "we both did, but it's time to get past that. It's time to be strong. It's time to heal." I can't help but admire this strong, forgiving woman in front of me.

I pull her closer to me and kiss her again with all the passion I can manage.

I lift her in my arms and carry her into the bedroom. I gently lay her on our bed. All this while Ana doesn't let me break the kiss.

I feel myself growing harder and harder. I just want to feel Ana, feel her against me. I want to lose myself inside her for the night. And I can see she wants the same, but I ask her all the same, "Ana, are you sure you want this?"

"Yes! I have denied myself, denied us our love for each other long enough. I don't want to be apart from you a single minute! Make love to me Christian, please!"

Author's Note: I'm extremely sorry guys for such a delayed update. I promise to be a little more regular… so you'll know what to expect in the next chapter :P but bear with me because this will be the first time for me, writing anything like this.