This will hopefully be part one of a seriously emotionally charged two or three part chapter arc. I really want to know what you think about where I have put these characters. Do you think I am portraying them realistically... within reason?
[TWO MONTHS LATER...]
PJ smiles as the Arizona sun hits his features. He closes his eyes and lets the warm breeze fill him with a feeling of content. The evening air creates an atmosphere of a beginning. It smells sweet but something feels off, like this moment had happened before but he experienced it with someone…
"Heads up, playboy!" A younger teammate named Trevor calls out. He quickly turns around and heads the fast paced soccer ball into the goal, past the goalie. A whistle blows and his teammates rush over to him. They all pat him on the back and give him high fives. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees a line of colleges coaches looking at him. Some of them are shaking their heads, probably because of his nature moment, while others are smiling. He can't stop the giddiness of impressing college coaches.
"Take your head out of the clouds, playboy. They all look at us like that." Trevor says as he makes his over. PJ laughs and shakes his head.
"Oh please, you wish you had that shot." He shoves Trevor so it makes him stumble. Trevor glares at him before getting serious.
"You may get away with that zoning out shit at practice but you have to give it all you have out here. Those colleges the coaches are here from are high end and they give a lot of money to kids who have talent. I'm sure you understand how important the scholarships are with your deal."
PJ rolls his eyes at his best friend. Sometimes Trevor becomes too serious. "I was adopted then taken away, Trevor. Not abandoned with no money. And I know I have to be serious out here. I was just thinking…" His voice trails off as he thinks about what he was thinking about. He really wants to remember the déjà vu moment and whom he shared it with.
"You do that too much. Are you thinking about that girl again?" Their coach drowns out Trevor's teasing.
"Boys! Come here now. All of you, this is important." The coach, Marty, shouts out and immediately Trevor and him start jogging over to the huddle. Once they reach him, they pay attention to his words.
"I don't want to see anymore giving the ball away. You boys see those coaches with their clipboards and pens? They are writing down numbers they are interested in talking to and watching more but they wont want to see any of you if you keep screwing off. Now go out there and beat that team!" They all put their hands together and shout a 'go Tigers' before running out onto the field again. But right as PJ turns around to head to the field, Marty holds him back. "Not you PJ."
"But Marty, I need to be out there and show the coaches how awesome I am." PJ whines only because he has a more personal bond with the coach. Marty was one of the first teachers who made him feel more comfortable at school. He also helped him improve his soccer skills with private lessons.
"You've already shown them you are a day dream who can't keep his head in the game." Marty growls before looking up at the field as the whistle blows again. He kicks the field and is sprays turf at him. "Calm down, you will have another chance. This is only the first scrimmage of the camp."
"We have been here two days and they haven't seen us practice yet though. I thought they were going to."
"They are. All of the coaches have to go to all the other teams camps too. Some teams had to be here a week before us just to get watched. Now take a seat."
PJ lets out a huff as he sits heavily on the bench. He got a goal for the team! He should be out there. He can't help it if he got caught up with his past life. It has been something he has been noticing a lot too. Ever since he left the Duncan's whenever something reminds him of something in that life, he has to stop and think about it. But it is slowly occurring less and less. Hopefully they will stop all together in a month or so. That thought registers in his mind and suddenly his heart hurts more than it has in a while. He wishes that he won't think about the good things from his old life. Somewhere deep inside of him, PJ knows he doesn't want to let go of that life because of the relationships he had. But he has to move on. Two months ago, he promised himself that he let go of the one person tying him to that life.
Once again, PJ zones out. This time it is at the end dinner. All of his teammates are chatting about how incredible their win was but all he can think about is how his life has changed. Right as he feels a self-realization moment coming on, Trevor decides to pick on him.
"Stop thinking too much, playboy. Eat something. You are too skinny." Trevor smiles at him and then starts talking to someone else. PJ doesn't think he is skinny; in fact this is the fittest shape he's been in his whole life. It feels amazing to be able to run ten miles and be able to play a soccer match right after. It took all the two months to be able to say that but it was worth it. He looks down at his plate and frowns when he realizes it is empty. One thing bad about working out all the time is the incessant hunger. He feels like he hasn't eaten anything but he knows he just ate two pulled pork sandwiches and a huge side of fruit. Now he gets up from his spot and goes to the buffet table to get more. His eyes sparkle as all the possibilities lay before him. Another big side of fruit and a burger later, PJ actually feels like he is full. It probably won't last the night but whatever.
Time goes on and slowly people leave to go to bed. PJ and Trevor finally go to their bunks around 10pm. It might be early for not a school night but after a day of non-stop soccer, they eagerly hit the hay. PJ groans as his body adjusts to being comfortable in bed. His feet feel like they are swollen, his back hurts from standing, and his legs are stiff with sore muscles.
"Goodnight Trev." He calls out in the dark. Luckily Marty was able to get a good camp hotel because it is two to a room instead of four. Sharing a bed would be weird and awkward.
Trevor clearly has other plans than a good night. "Come on man, tell me about that thing you were thinking about on the field. It must have been good in order for you to stop."
He sighs and stretches while thinking it over. Should he tell Trevor? It might help him work out whatever he was thinking about in his past life…
"I don't know. I guess I just thought about this time when I felt the sun on my face and I was happy. It felt like something I experienced when I was still with the Duncan's but I can't remember with who or the details."
"Is that a good thing or a bad thing?" The question is clearly asked about PJ not remembering his old life.
"I don't know. I want it to be good but something is making it bad. I want to remember this moment for some reason." His voice cuts through the dark and the silence. Another long minute of silence fills the air before Trevor answers.
"It must be about her then." PJ rolls his eyes even though his friend can't see him. For some reason, Trevor is stuck on the idea that he is always thinking about Teddy. He tells Trevor once that he misses her and Trevor just sticks with it. But Trevor's answer echoes in his head and it starts to make sense. Just as his mind is about to grasp that fleeting memory, Trevor interrupts AGAIN!
"Tell me about her. What does she look like?" His mind wanders as he tries to think about where to start. There are so many things about Teddy that his mind can't grasp but it makes her that much more wonderful. His eyes search the darkened room as he begins.
"She is kind of short with curly blond hair with small natural streaks of brown. She is smart, kind, and funny. Her eyes light up whenever she gets something right even if it is the nerdiest thing on the planet…"
"Sounds like someone I know." He knows Trevor is smirking because that is who he has become today; a kind of nerd. He just wanted to make this a new life and get his grades up. Teddy inspired him to so.
"Shut up. The difference between Teddy and I is that she is brave… I'm not." His heart hurts when he finally admits that.
"What do you mean playboy? You are one of the bravest people I know."
He sighs out loud. "I ran from my old life. I was scared that I would miss them that I would be miserable here but I wanted to love it here. I got a new chance to reinvent myself. Teddy has texted me so many times that I have lost count but I never text her back because I know as soon as I do, I will miss her and that life more than I ever have. I'm a coward."
PJ chokes as he feels the harsh air hit his tears. He's being such a baby and crying in front of Trevor but now it wont stop. He has to explain himself now.
"I even asked my new foster parents for a new number… They don't know the real reason why. I still have my access to all my old contacts and I can see when I get a text for that number on my computer but I never check. It would be so damn hard to see Teddy's messages. I just can't." His shame feels overwhelming when he hears his own reasons. They sound so stupid. He covers his face with his hands and wishes life weren't so hard. Why did everything have to change?
"Whoa. Umm that is intense." Trevor's voice is hesitant as he no doubt tries to process everything PJ has told him. PJ groans and rolls onto his back. His phone reads 10:30pm and he knows he will not sleep well tonight. There are too many awful thoughts circling in his head.
"I guess you really do like her." Trevor pipes in once again. He can't help the groan of annoyance that slips out. His best friend is really stuck on it.
"No! At least I don't think so. It's just that every time I think of her, I think of the great times followed by all the guilt."
"So what was the moment you thought of on the field?" The question asked comes out of nowhere for PJ and it takes him a minute to think. It is like Trevor is completely off topic. Or is he? Suddenly the memory comes rushing back to him and it catches him completely off guard.
"I- I was siting on the soccer field after my first loss. It was about two years ago I think…" PJ's mind grasps at any detail he can remember. "I was so upset because it was first time Charlie came to watch me and I couldn't make a penalty shot to win. My parents had left and I thought my whole family was gone. I think I was on the verge of crying when Teddy came and sat by me. I didn't know she was there until she put an arm around my shoulder. I remember asking her if Charlie would think I'm a failure. She said no one would think that because I always worked hard and it showed. She smiled at me after and told me that Charlie wouldn't remember anyway. I think I laughed. I wrapped an arm around her waist. We just sat there for a couple minutes. It was in the summer so the air was warm and the sun was just beginning to set. After the time went by right as were getting up, she hugged me and said that it was just the beginning of everything."
Minutes go by and all PJ can hear is his own ragged breathing. He desperately wants Trevor to say something. Anything to make him not regret sharing that deeply person experience.
"Damn."
"Yeah…"
"Can I tell you my response tomorrow cuz listening to that just wore me out."
"Sure." His eyes start to drift close but he fights to stay awake and not be plagued by nightmares about his cowardice. He had so many great times with Teddy and his old family but as soon as he could he threw them away to escape any pain. He deserves his nightmares because he is sure he has caused more pain than he has faced. With that thought, PJ finally falls asleep.
I realized I stopped doing the good luck Charlie thing at the end so I am trying to incorporate it at the end of this arc chapter series again. Hopefully this isn't too cheesy. I really trying to explore the serious emotional turmoil that PJ is feeling since he has had time to think about how he was adopted. It is an intense event.
FURTHER ON: I will answer the question about why Trevor calls PJ playboy. It isn't for the reason that immediately comes to mind so hold off the immediate criticisms about it.