A Love of Snow

Chapter 6

A Fruits Basket fanfic by Haneoka

Hatori was disoriented. He couldn't think. Why was Kana shocked?

And then he remembered, Kana and I, we couldn't embrace because of the curse.

So Kana must be shocked because she didn't know the curse had been broken.

'But she can't possibly know about the curse, or that it had been broken, because I definitely erased her memories of the curse…and of when we fell in love…'

But quite obviously she did remember the curse. It was written on her face, the way she had reacted. And if she remembered the curse, then that meant…

She held her hands to her face. "Yes, I remember everything."

"The curse has been broken," Hatori blurted out, trying to reassure her.

"I don't care!" Kana cried out.

Hatori was bewildered. "What do you mean?"

"It's not about the curse…it never was. It's about us, Hatori. I remember us." She took in a deep breath. "I didn't know the curse had been broken, but that wasn't what was most important. I didn't know how to tell you that I had remembered…everything."

"Everything?" Hatori repeated incredulously, feeling incapable of an original thought.

"Hatori… I remember. Us falling in love. The curse. Your eye." She touched the scar on his face gently. "My sadness." She looked at him. "I remember you erasing my memories, trying to save me. I remember you saying goodbye, as if we were strangers."

"How long have you known?" Hatori asked, feeling numb.

"A few months after my husband died, I remembered everything."

He couldn't bear to look at her, a familiar feeling. But after one long, drawn-out moment, he finally did.

What he saw amazed him.

No hate. No anger. Maybe a hint of sadness, yes. But not a tragic sadness. Her eyes were brimming with tears and a powerful emotion.

"Do you remember…that I told you…after the death of my husband, I was able to live life again when I saw the snow falling…and realized that I had to let myself love what I love…that was true." Kana took a deep breath. "But it was also in the moment that I saw the snow falling, and I smiled, and all of a sudden I remembered. That's when I knew."

"I remembered the snow falling. And I remembered turning to you, and you turning to look at me, and you…your handsome face. Smiling back at me."

"That was the beginning. Of when we met. That was the beginning of when we fell in love." Kana's voice cracked, and before Hatori knew what he was doing, he was holding her tightly.

But what he feared most – Kana breaking down, Kana dissolving into an unending torrent of tears – didn't happen.

Tears slid quietly down Kana's face as she embraced the comfort of Hatori's arms.

"Hatori…You don't have to pretend anymore. You don't have to carry everything all by yourself."

Hatori closed his eyes, wondering how it was that Kana had ended up in his arms again, after so many years. So much had changed, and yet so little. Once again, she was crying, thinking only of him.

"I remembered you…wishing for my happiness. Not once, but twice. The first time was when you had to erase my memories. I remember you saying that you hoped I would someday meet someone who could make me happy. The second time was at my husband's funeral. You wished that one day I would be happy again.

"Those words felt so familiar. They felt so true. But how could a stranger's words mean so much? It was because you were no stranger. That's what eventually made my memories return. Hatori, you were always wishing for my happiness, even if that left you all alone to bear your pain by yourself.

"That day, when I looked out at the snow, I thought of you…my husband…my child. And the overwhelming sadness that I carried since the death of my loved ones…it didn't feel quite as overwhelming anymore. Because worse than losing them would be to never remember their presence in my life. Because they were real. My love for them was real. And to forget them, to forget them, my love for them because I could not bear the sadness of losing them…I could not do that. What I said to you before was true…I did not want to disappoint you, by giving in to my despair…again." Kana shook her head slightly at the remembrance of her past self.

"I knew then that I wanted to be strong enough to remember them." Kana's tears of regret fell. "Because I remembered that once I had not been strong enough to remember you." Kana took a deep breath. "After you took our memories of our time together away, I carried an emptiness inside of me for all these years. That absence was worse than the grief that I had felt over your accident, Hatori. Because I never could quite understand why I felt it. I felt I had lost something precious. That something precious was our memories of us together."

Kana paused, and said very quietly. "It is so strange that I had to lose those so precious to me to get those precious memories back."

Hatori said quietly, "Can you ever forgive me?"

Kana shook her head violently. "Forgiveness?" Kana showed more anger than Hatori had ever seen her express. "There's nothing for me to forgive. You didn't know how else to help me."

Kana quietly said, her musical voice calm, "I don't want to weep tears for all the reasons why you and I spent these past years apart. You know, I…I cannot regret that I have had years of happiness with my husband. And, I was truly happy that you and Mayu found happiness together."

Hatori said, "I know. I know," he said again, holding her close, breathing in her closeness, her presence.

There was nothing more that needed to be said. There were no more promises that had to be made. No discussion of their future had to take place.

There were just a few things that they knew already. They no longer had to remember the past with regret or sadness. They could hold the memories of their loved ones in their hearts forever. And that they could go forward, hand in hand, to live their lives together, as they had once dreamed of years ago.

Kana smiled, shaking her head at him. "Hatori, you erased my memories of our falling in love. But, you could not truly erase the feelings in my heart."

Hatori said, "I thought I knew everything about you. As it turns out, I am happy that I was wrong."

"I'll have to get used to being in your arms," Kana said with a laugh, as Hatori hugged her close, held onto her tighter. "I'm so happy that the curse has been broken. But, you know, I would have been happy with you anyway, curse or no."

Hatori did know.

Kana looked to the sky, eyes bright, and she shone with happiness, just as Hatori had first seen her, really seen her. "Look! It's snowing!"

Kana looked at Hatori, who smiled back. Hatori said, maybe with a bit of a superior air, "I know what you're thinking. I remember. You don't have to tell me. Snow will always become the spring."

Kana giggled, a girlish laugh that suited her, woman that she was. "Wrong!" she shouted. "I was thinking, how much I love the sight of the first snowfall. It's the sight I love more than anything else in the world."

Hatori, surprised, said, "Really? I thought you loved spring the best."

"I loved spring the best when I was a girl. But when I grew up, there was nothing I loved more than to be surprised by the falling snow."

She took a deep breath. "Because we met on the day when snow first began to fall…and ever since that day, I looked up at the snow, and loved it for being what it was. I always wished that I could have that feeling forever, of being surprised when the snow begins to fall. I always wished that we could have that day forever."

Hatori shook his head slowly. Kana would never cease to surprise him, he thought. And he was grateful for it. "We'll have many more days like that, Kana, for the rest of our lives."

Papa? Mama! Look! It's snowing!

Do you know why your mother loves snow?

Because it's cold?

Because it was snowing on the day that we first met…and from the snow always comes the spring.

From our first sadness came our final happiness.

Author's Notes:

I hope everyone liked my little fanfic.

Nothing against Mayu, but I just love Hatori and Kana together. And, seeing as Fruits Basket is at times just a string of tragedies (look at Tohru's parents both dying), I can totally see Kana's husband getting killed and then Mayu dying in some unspecified accident.

This fic is partially consistent with the manga storyline. Kana did admit in the manga, after she left Hatori with her memories erased, that she would have to bury her secret love for him forever (she had always been in love with him, which Hatori didn't know, so he couldn't erase those memories).

I used to write a lot more fan fiction back in the day, but I stopped for many years (college, work, life, and all that). However, I really do appreciate your reviews and comments. They really encouraged me. Thanks for reading and I hope to continue writing (what I'm not exactly sure), so see you next time!