Hello there, I've got a break from having my soul on rental to a musical and so I do believe that entitles you to another chapter of insanity. Plus I do believe I have a lovely batch of showtunes stuck in my head for this chapter, Fiddler on the Roof. Lots of fun.

At the musical theater…

Toph was all dressed up, beautiful really, and though she couldn't tell she knew it. Aang had trouble keeping his eyes off her and struggled to pay the show any mind at all. Toph was transfixed. She loved the music, the songs, the words. She listened intensely as Tevye came onstage and the fiddler began to play its haunting melody. "A fiddler on the roof. One would wonder, why stay up there? It's so dangerous. We are all fiddlers, balancing, trying to squeeze out a beautiful melody whilst avoiding death. But, what keeps us together? I can tell you with one word. TRADITION!"

Toph's pale eyes were closed with delight as the chorus began to sing. "Become a, become a, TRADITION!" She felt Aang squeeze her hand. "I'll have more songs to sing," she whispered.

"I know."

In a random grocery store…

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T HAVE ANY CABBAGES?"

Down the street from the random grocery store…

"Ewww, why the hell would anyone want cabbages?"

Back in the random grocery store…

The cabbage man turned around, his cabbage senses telling him that something was wrong. "I heard that? Who said that? Who doesn't like cabbage?"

Back down the street from the random grocery store…

"Don't you think cabbages are awful, Longshot?" Smellerbee said earnestly.

Longshot stared at her.

"Well, I know they're healthy," she responded. "They just taste terrible."

Back again in the random grocery store…

"I have a new quest!" the cabbage man declared. "I must find all cabbage haters and teach them all the virtues of cabbagry." He stroked his tiny little beard. "But first I need some cabbage." He turned back to the grocery store clerk. "I would like some cabbage."

"We don't have any. It doesn't sell."

"GREAT CABBAGE GODS, WHY THE HELL NOT?"

Back again to somewhere down the street from the random grocery store…

"Did you hear that, or am I crazy?" Smellerbee asked.

Longshot shrugged.

Back at the performance of Fiddler on the Roof…

"If I were a rich man, Li, di, li, di, di, la, di, di, di, di, di, di, di, da, dum. All day long I'd biddy biddy, bam, if I were a wealthy man!"

In an office building…

Azula knocked politely on the door. "Come in."

"Hi, Daddy."

Ozai didn't smile like most fathers. He looked bored, tired, and a bit hungry. "Hello, Azula."

"I just got back from that stupid shrink," Azula continued.

"And?"

"Pff. It was ridiculous. They think I'm the problem and all sorts of crap."

"They clearly don't know who you are," Ozai said.

Azula smiled. "No, they don't, do they? At least I don't have to go back."

Ozai nodded. "Look, cupcake, I've got to make some calls. I'll call you later, ok?"

Azula smiled sweetly. "Yes, Daddy." Something deep inside her knew that Ozai wouldn't call her. Not to talk anyway. If he needed her to stage a hostile takeover of one of their competitors, then she was on speed dial, but never for a "relationship."

Back with the Fiddlers that sit of roofs…

Toph listened quietly. Lazar Wolf was talking to Tevye.

"First you'll want one and then you'll want two!"

"What would I do with two?"

"The same thing you do with one!"

"Well, the truth is I'm lonesome. I need some company."

"Wait, what are we talking about?"

"What are you talking about?"

"You… want my milk cow."

Lazar started to laugh. "A milk cow because I'm lonesome! I was talking about your daughter, your daughter Tzeitel. I want to marry her."

Aang snorted with laughter.

A few hours later…

The sky was clear over the city and though the stars could not be seen with the city lights blazing, it was still a beautiful night, so beautiful that Aang and Toph did not mind walking home. Toph hummed the tune to matchmaker and was surprised when Aang took on a high pitched falsetto to sing. "Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match, find me a find, catch me a catch, Matchmaker, matchmaker, I'll bring the veil, you bring the groom slender and pale."

"You're slender and pale," Toph joked.

"That I am. Need a matchmaker."

"Didn't you pay attention? It was the turn of the century, changing times. Girls can marry whoever they love. It was kind of the whole musical."

"True," Aang conceded. "Does that mean that you have a match in mind for yourself?"

"Maybe," Toph said vaguely.

"Is it someone I know?" Aang implored.

"You know him well."

"Is he tall?"

"Slender and pale."

"Hmmm… I think I know who."

"Do you?"

"The cabbage man!"

Toph hit him. "Way to ruin it."

"What I do best."

In a mysterious telephone booth…

"Hello, you've reached Katara, Zuko, and Toph. None of us are here right now, duh. Leave a message, we might actually return your call."

A mysterious, or perhaps not so mysterious, voice left a haunting, or perhaps not so haunting, message. "Hello, I'm aware that your household contains cabbage-lovers. You do not need to call back, only show up at this Thursday's soon to be annual cabbage fest at the City Park."

Click.

Upon returning home…

Zuko walked into the apartment with Katara following closely behind. He saw the light blinking on their answering machine. "Oy, message," he said, indicating that Katara ought to listen as well. He pressed the button.

"Hello, I'm aware that your household contains cabbage-lovers. You do not need to call back, only show up at this Thursday's soon to be annual cabbage fest at the City Park."

"WHAT THE HELL? WE ALL HATE CABBAGE!"

And we have cabbages because Espiritu del Aire's "Lost in Translation" is having a cabbagey affect on me. Plus everyone loves the cabbage man. Oh and if you haven't already, do go and read Espiritu del Aire's stories, including her most recent, "Lost in Translation" and her oneshots, "Iroh's Lost Love" and "And a Happy Angstgiving to you too." Read them or I may just eat your soul. And I'll do it too. Snap. Oh and I own absolutely nothing that is related to Fiddle on the Roof, whoever wrote the musical owns it. I just think it's a fantastic musical. I like it much better that all the peppy ones that people seem to like. But that's just me. Anyway, hope you enjoyed the (hmmm is it the fourth chapter already?) fourth chapter of Zuko the Magician and that it lived up to your randomosity expectations. And if you have any requests, any characters that you want to have a bizarre incidents/occupations/lives in general, feel free to ask, I don't think very far in advance and it's great to know what you'd like. Oh and I did get a request for Phantom of the Opera showtunes, please don't think I forgot you, I just haven't looked up any lyrics yet. Oh and one more thing. If I've messed up any of the lyrics to the Fiddler on the Roof songs used here, feel free to politely tell me that I've messed up.