Summary: It's everyone's favorite short alchemist's birthday, and Roy and co. decide to get in on the celebration. Anime-based.
And just so you all know, these first two were actually written about six months ago, but I didn't have an account then, so I could not post them, and thank God, because they needed major editing!
"So, Hughes, what's the pastry box for?" Roy asked slyly.
"Roy, have you forgotten? It's Ed's birthday! Gracia made him a cake, and we're gonna throw him a party! Gracia's even going to bring the other birthday child in!" Maes's eyes started sparkling.
"Other birthday child?" Roy raised an eyebrow.
Hughes almost fainted on the spot. "My darling daughter, Roy! How could you be so stupid? Honestly, the fact that you can't remember my own child's birthday… It makes me sick!"
By this time, Roy was backed up against the wall. Knowing that Hughes was about to go into a full-fledged rant, he thought of excuses that Maes could not refute. He decided on the least likely one of all: "Well, heh, look at the time! I've got to be doing my paperwork now! Later!"
The day just kept getting stranger.
When Roy got back to the office, he found all of his subordinates tacking up streamers and a sign that said 'Happy Birthday Edward and Elysia!', not to mention pushing the desks off to the sides and bringing the chairs to the middle.
"I suppose it would be stupid to ask what you're doing," Roy surmised, surprising the other five.
"Right as usual, chief," Havoc chirped.
Roy surveyed the room. They actually were not doing a bad job of the decorating, but he remembered that it was Elysia's birthday, too, and Hughes would have their heads if anything was out of place. Even so, he was surprised that Riza was condoning this, though she did have a soft spot for the Elrics.
A few minutes after they finished, Gracia and Elysia arrived, escorted by Maes. Ed and Al followed quickly, Ed wondering aloud why the heck he was being called into the office today.
The sight of a party nearly gave him a heart attack. However, his stunning wit was soon in action, and he asked, "So, no baby delivery this year, right?"
Everyone went silent and looked at Gracia. She shook her head. "Not from me."
The silent glances all went instinctively to the only other woman in the room. Riza blushed and stood up. "Do I look pregnant to any of you?" she asked in that deadly tone she generally reserved for paperwork threats.
All at once, people engaged in their previous conversations until it was time for the cake. The candles were all placed, but Havoc was fresh out of matches. Before anyone could suggest anything else, Roy yanked on a spark glove, smirked, and snapped.
When the smoke cleared, it was revealed that little bits of cake were flung around the room. Elysia was crying, Ed was fuming, and Maes looked ready to hurt someone, namely one Flame Alchemist.
Roy stood at the center of it all. Selecting a crumb from his hair, he sampled it. "Um… yummy? Nice cake? Please don't hurt me?"
"Roy Mustang, get back here and apologize!" Maes yelled as Roy scrambled out of the room.
Everyone stared blankly for a few moments. Ed finally managed to question, "Um, Lieutenant Hawkeye, are you going to do something about this?"
Much to everyone's surprise, she smiled. "I am; I'm watching."
Ed choked out a surprised laugh. "I'm guessing this has something to do with paperwork."
"There is that… and this was my only clean uniform besides my dress uniform." She sighed. "One of these days, he's going to learn not to be so impulsive."
Ed snorted. "Yeah. That'll be the day."
Roy screamed like a little girl as one of the knives Maes threw took off a few hairs. He quickly looped around and ran back into the room, hiding and quaking behind a still-cake-covered Riza. "Hide me!" he squeaked. "Don't let the scary man kill me!"
"Well, sir, if you were a bit less… in a hurry to do things, maybe things wouldn't turn out this way." She attempted to step away, but Roy clung to her coat. "Please, sir, be a man."
"Yeah," Ed jeered, "you're acting like a girl!... Not that there's anything wrong with that, of course," he added quickly as Roy and Riza glared at him.
"They do make quite the couple, though," Maes snickered. "Am I right? I mean, come on! Look at them in that embrace and tell me they wouldn't be just perfect for each other!"
Riza and Roy automatically jerked away from each other, blushing and denying any other relationship aside from work and friendship.
As they did so, Breda and Havoc exchanged sly looks. In one smooth move, Havoc was on his knee, dramatically proposing to Breda, who was evidently posing as Riza. In an unnaturally high-pitched squeal, Breda accepted and tried to suffocate Havoc.
A few minutes later, Breda's screaming was natural, as was Havoc's while they ran around the complex, dodging flames and bullets. When they managed to lose the angry pair, they stopped to catch what little breath they could.
As a several bullets and flames whizzed past them, they started off again. They went not even four steps through the next set of double doors when they smashed into a solid wall of muscle and pink sparkles. Both saluted quickly and cowered behind the Major.
"Save us, please!" they whimpered.
The muscled man first looked thoughtful, then smiled. "Go on; shoo," he instructed.
Without a second thought but with a hardy, "Thank you so much, Major!" both men dashed off.
Roy and Riza rounded the corner not a second later, furious and ready to kill. Both advanced on Major Armstrong. They stood inside the door frame, looking right and left down each hall, then down the one in front of them.
"Where'd they go, Major?" Roy demanded.
"I'll tell you, but only if you follow tradition," he offered.
"Tradi… you're joking!" Riza cried as Armstrong indicated the tradition.
Roy gazed around wildly, then spotted the offending greenery. "No way in hell am I-"
Armstrong turned to go. "My offer still stands. Will you or will you no-" He broke into a smile.
Roy's lips were pressed against Riza's for the briefest of seconds. Both pulled away in synch. Armstrong quietly led them down to a closet at the end of the hall, then turned to leave. Roy grabbed his sleeve.
"Ah-ah-ah, Major; You're next."
END!
A/N: Yeah… If I remember correctly, Ed's birthday in the anime was during a snowstorm. Snow gives us winter, which gives us Christmas (though it doesn't exist in the alchemy world, but work with me here), which gives us… MISTLETOE!
And thank you to my five reviewers (as of the last day of April)! You all deserve happiness and joy showered upon you at the most opportune moment!
As an incentive to review (for everyone), if you give me an idea, I might write it! I'm angling for about ten, four of which (including this one and the first) have been and/or are being written. As for the other six, I have NO clue what to use, but I already have The Guide To Having Picnics and The Guide To A Happy Ending (aka: The Guide to Lighting Fireworks).