A Matter of Pride: Chapter Three; Heal

How long had this darkness surrounded her? Terra didn't know. She didn't want to know - she just didn't care. However, someone else, apparently, did. There was a light tickling the edges of her vision. Terra whimpered and pulled away from it. She could feel herself moving, there was something soft under her that she didn't remember, but it was a detatched feeling - like something in a dream. She could hear strange beeping noises and whirring noises, quiet voices and footsteps. The light persisted, drawing her back into the waking world until it had surrounded her and there was no other choice.

Terra opened her eyes. She blinked, for the unfamiliar eyes of another person were peering back at her. The eyes crinkled in a smile and withdrew. "Ah! You're awake. We were getting rather worried about - don't get up!"

Terra sat up anyway, ignoring the pain that suddenly burned her hands as she did. "Where - " she started to ask. Her voice was rough and scratched at her throat, making her cough. A glass of water was offered to her and she took it gratefully. "Where am I?"

"You're in Denver Hospital, dear," replied the nurse, busily straightening her covers. "You were unconcious when you were brought here and the people that found you didn't know your name - what is it, by the way? And can you tell me anything about what happened?" It all came flooding back to her. Terra pulled her knees to her chest and sobbed into them.

"They're dead!" she said quietly, choking on her tears. "That's what happened. They're dead! I ki - " She cut off. She didn't want to tell that to a stranger. She didn't ever want to say it again.

"You poor dear..." cooed the nurse, rubbing her back gently. Despite herself, Terra was grateful for the comfort. "Would you mind telling me your name, and why you're in such bad shape?"

"My name..." Terra murmured. "My name is Del - Terra. It's Terra. And ..." She scrambled to think up a suitable lie. "There was a landslide. I ... It hit my hands and some of the pebbles hit me. But I'm alright." Terra insisted to herself that she was alright, especially compared to what happened to her family. She pushed the nurse away and swung her feet off the bed, intending to stand. The nurse pushed her back to a laying position.

"You've been through a lot, Terra," said the nurse, gently. "You shouldn't stand up yet. This is the first time you've woken in the week you've been here!"

"I'm okay," Terra repeated, making another attempt to stand up. She was pushed back.

"Don't move too much," the nurse said sternly. "You're badly hurt and there's all sorts of wires attatched to you that help us know how you are." Terra looked at herself and realized that this was true. One tube in her arm led to the IV standing beside her bed, and some wires protruding from the neck of her hospital gown led to a machine that beeped in time with her heartbeat. There were other machines nearby that she couldn't guess the use for. Obediantly, she lay back, but turned her head away and refused to look at her caregiver.

"If you're tired, you should go to sleep again."

"I'm not tired."

"Would you like a book? Or something to listen to? Would you like to watch TV?" Terra rolled her head against the pillow and looked at her for a second before turning sharply away again.

"No. Thanks." She felt lethargic and heavy, now, each limb too weighted for her to lift or move. There was a churning feeling in her stomach, but not like she was hungry or going to throw up. Her throat seemed clogged and her head started to pound in time with the IV's whirring and clicks. The nurse told her about the buttons that she could push if she needed anything and then left her alone. Terra was grateful for that. She sighed miserably and dropped into a reluctant sleep.

---

"Terra? Terra, wake up..." The light was back, intruding on her lovely realm of darkness. Something tapped her on the shoulder. Terra recognized the futility of fighting anymore and sighed as she returned to the waking world. The nurse was back, along with another nurse and a man in a doctor's uniform. "It's time for a check-up. Can we see your hands, please?"

Terra hid her hands behind her back as best she could without invoking the burning pain. "I'm fine. I want to go now." She didn't look at any of them, instead sulkily staring out a nearby window. She heard footsteps. The door opened and then closed and muffled voices came from the hallway. Terra pulled her hands out and slowly unwrapped the bandages that covered them, clumsily. She gasped at what she saw. Both of her hands were swollen and covered with thick scabs, some cracked and bleeding from her movement. Terra hardly recognized her own hands.

She shuddered, hastily re-wrapped them, and hid them again. She struggled to rid her mind of the horrific image. They looked like... like... Terra didn't know what they looked like, but not hands. The door opened again and the doctor entered.

"I don't believe I've told you my name," he said kindly. "I'm Dr. Auburn. We have decided that you will be allowed to leave in a week's time - as long as you let us take care of you and teach you how to care for your hands. I don't want you looking at them for a while. It's not a pretty sight."

Terra decided not to say that she already had. She agreed wholeheartedly with his statement.

"Will you let us check your hands, please?" continued Dr. Auburn. Terra held her hands up to him, clenching her eyes closed and looking away. She gasped at the searing pain that flooded through them again, heightened by her own use of them. Terra bit her lip and refused to make another sound. She felt the bandages being undone and something cool and soothing spread over her hands that at the same time made them burn all the worse. Then they were re-wrapped. Terra opened her eyes and turned her head slowly back. "Your hands look better than they did. They are healing quickly. When you are released, don't baby them, but don't use them too much either. You have scrapes and cuts all over your body that I want you to be careful of, as well. Okay?"

"Okay." Terra forced herself not to think of what her hands had looked like, if they were better now.

"Good girl. Would you like something to eat?"

"No." Her stomach growled loudly, causing Terra to blush. "Maybe."

The doctor chuckled, spoke to the nurses, and turned back to her. "We'll need to check on your hands tomorrow, too, alright?"

"Alright." He ruffled her hair, ignoring the glare he got in return, and left. One of the nurses entered a moment later with a tray. Terra sat up and reached for it, but the nurse shook her head.

"I'll feed you. You're not supposed to use your hands, remember?" Terra did, but she had absolutely no intention of following that order. What was the point? The nurse patiently fed her the tomato soup, which Terra loathed but ate anyway. She had to admit that it was nice to be eating, and fed by such a caring person. Keb and Rhea had loved her, but they had left her to do a lot of things on her own.

The thought of her siblings made her pull away from the nurse, laying against the bed again. The urge to cry was swelling in her chest again. "I'm done," she snapped, immediately feeling guilty for being so mean but dismissing that in favor of surpressing the tears again. The nurse didn't seem to take offense and carried the tray out of the room. Terra was left alone again.

---

A week and a half had passed since that conversation with Dr. Auburn and finally - finally - she was allowed to leave. The moment Terra's feet touched the pavement outside the hospital, she took off running. She ran down the street without stopping until her breath was ragged in her lungs and her hands burned from the fists she had clenched them into. They had burned less and less over the last few days and the horrible scabs were mostly scarred over. Terra had been given a small bag containing lotion to put on them and bandages to cover them with, as well as instructions on what to do to reduce scarring. She had absolutely no intention of following any of these directions, however. The scars would be useful to remind her of her sins... of how she had killed her family. With a small burst of uncontrolled powers, the street beside her crumbled. A piece of asphalt flew toward her and Terra leapt as high as she could, toward it. It swooped and caught her, carrying her away from Denver. She had to get away... away.

Her powers, for once, seemed to sense her need and desire and the asphalt sped up. She was soon far from Denver and barren countryside stretched below her. Terra tore the bag off of her shoulder and threw it as far away as she could. She watched it with disgust until she couldn't see it anymore. The tears she had been holding in for so long erupted again. Terra didn't try to fight them, just sobbed and allowed the rock to carry her where it wanted. She stared at her hands and thought of the scars on them. There were many types of scars, she reflected morbidly. There were scars on her hands and scars on her mind and scars on her heart. Scars that would never, she was sure, heal.