Title: "Regrets"
Author: ducainefan
Rating: PG-13 (mostly for language)
Subject: H/C relationship
Summary: What if Horatio Caine was faced with an impossible choice …
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters on CSI:MIAMI, nor am I making any money off this - as a matter of fact I don't make much, so please don't sue!
NOTE: This is a one-shot – it's been running in my mind for a while now, and I just had to get it written out before I moved on with my "Mixed Feelings" series. This is Part III of four. Hope you guys enjoy it. Thanks for all the feedback – it's inspiring. Now, on with the story.
Part III
Horatio sat on the beach, holding Calleigh's badge, lamenting about the apparent loss of his best CSI — and his best friend.
"I can't accept this," Horatio whispered, refusing to give up on Calleigh. But deep down he knew he would have to find a way to live with the choice he made. "I wish I'd told you … I hope you knew … how much you meant to this lab … to me…"
"Of course I know," drawled a southern voice Horatio thought he'd never hear again. He looked up in disbelief to see Calleigh Duquesne, crutches in hand, smiling down at him. Aside from some minor cuts and burns, she looked alive and well.
"Calleigh," he said in disbelief.
"Hello, handsome," she smiled. "You missed all the action."
"Excuse me?" he asked, arching an eyebrow. He literally pinched himself, subtly on his left forearm. 'My God, this is real,' he thought. 'She's alive.' His eyes were wide as he held back tears – but this time they were tears of joy. "How …" he started, but his voice cracked.
"Why don't you get up here so I can tell you?" she said gently, holding back tears of her own.
"Oh," he replied, quickly rising from his spot on the sand, trying to get himself together. "I … I thought I lost you …"
Calleigh looked down shyly. "I know, me too, actually," she said, laughing nervously.
"But I don't understand —"
"It's … a long story. I'll tell you on the way."
"The way to where?"
"The hospital," she said begrudgingly, gesturing to the Hummer parked about 10 feet away. Standing beside it was Alexx, who had her arms crossed and a slight grin on her face. "Frank tried to reach you, but you didn't answer your cell phone…"
Horatio looked down at his phone, realizing he had missed four calls. "I … I put it on silent …"
"Yea," Calleigh said quickly. "Well, I wouldn't let them take me anywhere until I found you … Wanted to make sure my LT was aware of my condition, you know?"
"I appreciate the gesture, detective," Horatio smiled.
"Whatcha got there?" she asked, gesturing toward his right hand.
"This," he rasped, "belongs to you." He handed her the badge, their hands touching for a brief moment during the exchange. Horatio took the opportunity to hold her hand for a moment, looking into her eyes. "Calleigh …"
"Thank you," she said quickly, ducking her head and accepting the badge. She squeezed his hand, looking back up to give him a big smile. "Thank you." Balancing on the crutches, Calleigh took the badge and clipped it back onto her belt.
"You two about ready to get along?" Alexx shouted from the Hummer.
"Coming!" Calleigh called. "Horatio," she started, turning back to him, "I —"
"C'mon," Horatio interjected. "We'll talk on the way." She smiled as he helped her back to the Hummer.
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5 HOURS EALIER
Calleigh Duquesne sat up, semi-conscious, smoke spilling all around her. A trickle of blood found its way down her temple, and she reached up, realizing she'd hit her head. She groaned, attempting to get up, but couldn't move her left leg.
"Calleigh! Are you alright?"
She heard Horatio call to her, and could hear … was it a tinge of fear? … in his voice.
"Fine," she replied, trying to stay calm. "But my leg ... I can't move it."
"OK, hang in there, I'm gonna get you."
But then Calleigh heard the scream — she had heard Horatio call for Yelina as she was regaining consciousness and knew that Fernandez must have her upstairs. Knowing how much Yelina meant to Horatio, she realized the position he was being placed in, even in her foggy state. She decided to try and make the choice for him.
"Don't worry about me, Horatio – the door's not too far!" Calleigh shouted, hoping she could convince him that she was well enough to get up and out of there. "Go get that bastard!"
She heard him hesitate, and held her breath. If Yelina died because Horatio chose to help her out of the house, she didn't know how she would live with it – or how he would.
Suddenly, she heard him darting up the stairs, and breathed a sigh of relief, choking on the smoke in the process. Sitting up, she reached down, and located the problem — her leg was caught under a pile of wooden planks that she must've knocked over on her way down.
"I should've seen this," she whispered to herself, frustrated. The house was hardly lived in – this had been a set-up from the start. 'When I get my hands on that Michael Lipton,' she thought, but as the smoke started stinging her eyes, she realized she may not get the chance to give it to Lipton if she didn't start moving.
Bracing herself, she sat up, and tried to lift the planks off her, one by one. Her legs ached from the bruising the bat had inflicted on her; her head was pounding, and the smoke was making it hard to breath.
"Damn it," she whispered, coughing and pushing one of the planks off of her leg.
"Ma'am?" called a male voice that sounded like it was coming from the back door.
"I'm with the Miami Dade PD!" Calleigh shouted. "There's a dangerous suspect in here — stand clear!"
"You're trapped!" the voice said, coming closer. Calleigh kept her hand on her weapon as he approached her. "Here, let me help," he said.
The young man — looking to be only about 19 or 20 with light brown hair, fair skin and a two-inch scar that ran across his right cheek — began to push the planks off of Calleigh's leg. She moved to stand, but was slowly becoming dizzy from the smoke.
"I've got you," the young man said, and she reluctantly let him help her up, placing her arm around his shoulder. As the young man assisted her toward the back door, Calleigh heard a gunshot, and reached for her own weapon, her concern for Horatio growing.
"Horatio," she called weakly, but she knew she was losing consciousness, from the smoke or the head wound she wasn't sure. When they finally made it out of the house, she noticed that she was being brought to a vehicle parked on the side of the house.
"Wait, stop here," Calleigh said, somewhat in a daze, wanting to go back into the house.
"No, it's fine," the man replied, opening the passenger side door. She suddenly got a sick feeling in her gut, and attempted to break free from his grasp, but her ankle gave out and she fell to the ground, going into a coughing spasm from all the smoke she inhaled. Looking to her right, she saw a man running toward them.
"Johnny!" the younger man said to the figure that was fast approaching. Calleigh noticed that the man had a knife in one hand and an oxygen mask in the other. It was Johnny Fernandez.
"Paulie! What the hell did you do!?" he shouted, looking down at Calleigh. She reached for her weapon, but he beat her to it, moving down and pulling it from its holster. He aimed it at her.
"No Johnny!" Paulie called.
"Shut up, little brother," he hissed, cocking the weapon. Calleigh closed her eyes calmly, bracing herself for the inevitable. She heard sirens in the background.
"Damn it!" Johnny cursed, and Calleigh opened her eyes just in time to see the butt of her gun making contact with her temple. Her last thought before she lost consciousness was of Horatio — trapped inside the inferno.
------------------------------------------
Calleigh couldn't remember having a worse headache in her life. She rarely drank — for obvious reasons — but this was as close to a hangover headache as she could remember. Slowly, she opened her eyes, resting her gaze on the young man … Paulie … the one who had saved her from the fire.
"Oh, thank God," he said, shaking his head. "I thought you were a goner."
"I need to get out of here," she said, trying to sit up on the bed she was lying on, but he had handcuffed her to the bedpost. Looking around the room, she noticed the dirt floors and the lack of windows. "Let me go," she said firmly, glaring at him.
"Afraid I can't do that — brother's orders," he responded, pressing a damp cloth to her head. He had bandaged her up — including her ankle, which was slightly sprained.
Gritting her teeth, she tried to get a handle on the situation. "How long have I been here Paulie? It is Paulie, right?"
"Yea, yea that's me," he said with a slight grin. "And you – you've been out for a good three hours."
"Three hours?" she whispered in disbelief, still groggy. "Where … where am I?"
"You're safe," he said.
"If I'm so safe, why am I handcuffed?"
"That's Johnny," he replied, shaking his head. "He was gonna do ya in – I thought for sure. But he knows how much I like you…"
"I don't … even know you …" Calleigh said, confused and agitated, her head still pounding.
"It's OK, I know. You have no idea how hard it's been … watchin' you …"
"What are you talking about?"
"My brother's so mad I saved you, but I couldn't let you die … we're supposed to be together …"
"What —" Calleigh sat up, and stopped mid-sentence as she took in her surroundings a second time. On the walls were pictures — of her. Much like the ones Fernandez had paid Lipton to get of Horatio. "What is this?" she whispered.
"It's you," he said simply. "Johnny asked me to take some shots of ya, get your routine … said you were one of old red's favorites."
"You mean Horatio," she said matter-of-factly. As she spoke his name she flashed back to the house, to the sound gunfire. "Horatio," she rasped.
"Don't worry, he's fine," Paulie said, putting his hand on her shoulder. "He's actually pretty broken up about the whole thing."
"Excuse me?"
"You know — he thinks you died in that house. And you woulda too, if it wasn't for me." His grin widened as he moved in close. "I parked a few feet away, got you in my truck, and here we are."
"Where exactly is here?" she asked in an even tone. If he liked her, there was no use in making him angry at her. She'd used her charm on criminals before, and she was prepared to do it again. She just wasn't sure how she was going to do it handcuffed and without her weapon. Glancing down, she also noticed that she was missing her badge.
"It's not important," he said. "What's important is that we can have a life together now."
"Paulie … I think the first thing we need to do, if we're going to … have a life … is start trusting each other. You trust me, don't you?"
"Of course," he said intensely. "But Johnny'd be really mad if he found out I told you where we was." Paulie looked around nervously, and glanced at the clock, turning. It was then that Calleigh noticed Paulie had her gun in his pocket. "Where the heck are you," he whispered, his eyes darting around the windowless room.
"Paulie?"
"Oh, sorry, it's just … Johnny was supposed to meet us here. It's not like him not to show. I'd better go look for him."
"No, Paulie wait! I'll come with you, help you look," Calleigh said quickly.
"Can't – he'd be mad … and you wouldn't like him when he's mad," Paulie replied, his fingers absently running along his scar. "I'll be back."
"No, Paulie, wait —" her sentence was cut off by what sounded like the slamming of two wooden doors. "Damn … Well," she sighed, reaching into her hair, "time to improvise."
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"C'mon, eat up, Duke," Tripp encouraged. "You gotta eat sometime."
"Sorry, but I've had all I can stomach right now, detective," replied Kenwall "Duke" Duquesne.
"Alright," Tripp sighed, looking up from his coffee. 'It's gonna be a long night,' he thought to himself.
"Sorry, but I already told you, I can't help you," a waitress said to a young, disheveled man who had just entered the diner. Tripp's ears perked up, his cop instinct taking over.
"Listen, my brother said that if he wasn't at my place he was gonna be here," the man started, growing angry. Tripp got up from his place.
"Excuse me a sec, Duke," Tripp said, walking toward the conversation.
"I already told ya, I haven't seen him today, Paulie," the waitress said, a hint of fear in her tone.
"Listen to me, Debbie, and listen good," Paulie growled angrily, grabbing her arm. "Where's Johnny?!"
"Hey," Tripp called, putting a hand on the man. "You got a problem?"
"No, no," Paulie said nervously, backing away. "It's fine."
"Oh really? Well that cut on your forearm doesn't look fine … as a matter of fact, it looks like a burn." Tripp was beginning to get suspicious – alarms were going off in his head.
"Yea, I … I burned myself with an iron …"
"Funny, don't look to me like you been ironin' much lately, kid," Tripp said, leaning into him. "And you don't smell like you've bathed in awhile either."
"I — I gotta go," he said quickly.
"Hold on a second," Tripp said, grabbing his arm, and revealing his badge in the process. "That burn … it looks pretty fresh. And you stink to high heaven of smoke."
"So, what are you gonna do? Arrest me for not bathing?"
Tripp looked down at his young man's pockets, and noticed something sticking out. "No," Tripp said angrily, "I'm gonna arrest you for this, dumbass." Carefully placing his fingers around the object, he pulled out a gun from Paulie's pocket.
"Hey, you can't do that," Paulie yelled as Tripp used his free hand to restrain him.
"Plain sight, jackass," Tripp replied, putting the gun on the counter and handcuffing Paulie. "So let's see what you're packing." Examining the make and model, Tripp paused, and it took all his strength not to pounce on the guy right there. "What the hell is this, boy?" he said angrily.
"It's mine."
"Oh yea? Looks like police issue to me," Tripp growled. He leaned in close, whispered, "If I find out that you had anything to do with our officer's death today, I'll make sure every one of her colleagues gets five minutes alone with you."
"Alright, alright!" Paulie said. "Johnny made me do it!"
"Let's get outside," Tripp said through gritted teeth, pushing him out of the diner and back to his patrol car.
Tripp called it in, and Ryan and Eric, along with Natalia Boa Vista, were on the scene in minutes.
"Is this the creep," Natalia said, disgusted, walking alongside Eric. Ryan stayed back, knowing he was still on probation, but wanting to ring the guy's neck all the same. Veins were popping out of Eric's neck as he and his fellow CSIs finally stopped at the patrol car.
"Take a look at this," Tripp said, holding a plastic bag containing the gun.
"That's Calleigh's alright," Ryan said, barely restraining himself.
"What the hell did you do, huh?!" Eric hissed, pushing Paulie against the car.
"Easy Delko," Tripp said, pointing to onlookers. "We don't need to mess this up right here, OK?"
"Alright," Eric said angrily, moving back. "Where's H?"
"Called him, but he's not answering his cell."
Eric shook his head, then focused back on Paulie. "So, Paulie, right? Tripp said you were askin' for a Johnny in the diner … You know Johnny Fernandez?"
"I …"
"Now's not the time to lie, believe me," Natalia warned.
"He's … he's my brother, alright?" Paulie said quickly. "He planned the whole thing to get back at that red … But I never thought he would actually …"
"Actually what? Actually kill somebody," Ryan said, moving closer, his voice raised.
"Hey, Wolfe," Tripp said, touching his shoulder. "Why don't you go over there and interview that waitress. She seems to know these jackasses."
"You got it, Tripp," he said, glaring at Paulie as he began to walk away.
"Hey," Paulie called. "Hey, guys, listen, I didn't kill her."
Ryan bolted back over and Eric and Natalia had to hold him back. "Oh yea?" Ryan said in a half-crazed voice. "Well guess what? You're an accomplice and you're just as guilty, so cut the crap!"
"No, no you don't understand," Paulie said quickly. "She's not dead!"
"What?" Tripp said.
"She's over in a cellar – about 10 yards away from the warehouse on Pine Street. It's got a hidden entrance, covered by some shrubs and stuff."
Tripp shook his head, cursing at himself for not searching the place more thoroughly. All the CSIs had been at the crime scene, and he'd had the officers search the warehouse after they picked up Johnny Fernandez, but he didn't have them pan the area. While he had hoped it wasn't true, he really thought that Calleigh was killed in the house fire – he was looking for the culprit, and no one else. He'd gotten the man responsible, and that's all he cared about.
"You'd better not be lyin'," Tripp warned in a dark tone. "Let's get over there, Eric. Hey Lopez," he shouted to a uniformed officer. "Take our friend over here to lock-up."
"Yes sir," the officer replied.
"I'll tag along," Natalia said. "See if this guy has anything else he wants to confess."
"Good, and get on the horn to Alexx and Horatio, will ya!" Tripp added. "Tell 'em to meet us at the warehouse."
"Detective!" Duke called, running over to Tripp. "Did I just hear that my little girl's alive?"
"Easy now," Tripp said, putting a hand on his shoulder. "We don't know anything yet. Just sit tight … Hey Ryan!"
Running over, Ryan eagerly waited, hoping he could do more than just stand around and work crowd control.
"Ryan, why don't you take Mr. Duquesne down to the lab and keep him company until we know something?"
"Sure thing, Frank," he said.
"Young man, I remember you now," Duke began, turning toward Ryan. "A few years ago, wasn't it? You helped me when I thought I'd run over that dead man, isn't that right?"
"Yes, sir," he said.
"Hey Wolfe!" Eric called, interrupting.
"Yea?"
"Take that waitress with you – she might be helpful in nailing these guys down."
"Sure thing," Ryan said, before walking with Duke to his car.
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Tripp entered the room first, cautiously, Eric covering his back. They both had their guns drawn as they went down the stairs to the cellar.
"Calleigh?" Eric called.
"Lights are on, but nobody's home," Tripp said, agitated.
"Look at this," Eric noted, pointing to the pictures of Calleigh on the wall. "Looks like H wasn't the only one being stalked."
"That son-of-a-bitch lied to us," Frank growled.
"But it doesn't make any sense, Frank. Why lead us to his main hideout?"
"Cause he's scared stupid," Frank replied, holstering his gun. "Let's get outta here."
As they walked out of the cellar they saw Alexx rushing to meet them. "We found her!" she yelled. "We found her!"
"What? Where?" Tripp asked as Alexx ran up to the two men, out of breath.
"I came a back way, and I found her walking down the road — well, hobbling would be more accurate."
"You mean she's alive?" Eric rasped.
"And kickin'," Alexx said with a smile. "This part's pretty rural. Lucky we came by, or she may've been walkin' for quite some time."
"Where is she, can we see her?" Eric said, tears stinging his eyes.
"She's by the truck, I was just patching her up, although it looks like someone may've beaten me to the punch."
Eric bolted, running to the vehicle, but stopped short as he took in Calleigh's form. "Hey," he rasped as Calleigh looked up. "You, uh, you look good," he said with a smile.
"Oh yea?" she said, giving him a small smile. "Don't you say the sweetest things …"
"I, um, we thought …" Eric trailed off, his voice catching in his throat.
"I know," she whispered. "I thought I was a goner myself for awhile there." Calleigh scanned the area. "Eric, where's Horatio, is he alright?"
"Yea, yea he's fine," Eric assured her. "We've been tryin' to get in touch with him, but it's been a pretty crazy day, you know?"
"Somewhat," she said, heaving a sigh of relief. "Alexx told me he got out of that house before the ceiling apparently caved in, but that he and Yelina had to go to the hospital."
"Yea, but they're fine," Eric reassured her. "You know H – he's tough."
"As nails," she smiled. "So what brings y'all to my rescue, if I might ask?"
"Well, we caught the guy who abducted you."
Calleigh looked up, eyebrows raised. "You know, Eric, that man saved my life, as crazy at it sounds."
"What are you talkin' about?"
"When I was in that house, I was stuck under a pile of planks, and I just couldn't budge it. From outta nowhere, this young guy comes in and gets me out."
"And then takes you to a cellar to do God knows what …" Eric stopped, realizing that he didn't know what had actually happened in that cellar. "Oh, Cal, hey, I'm sorry … Did he, did he hurt you?"
"No, Eric," she said, shaking her head. "Just handcuffed me and told me how he wanted us to be together."
"The guy's a psycho – did you see the pictures?"
"I did," she said matter-of-factly. "I think he's a bit unstable, but I don't think he's a killer — not like his brother, Johnny. Alexx told me that you caught him."
"Yea, he was hidin' out in the warehouse," Eric said, pointing. "Now I'm curious. How'd you get outta that cellar?"
"By using something you'd never need," she smirked, pulling a bobby pin from her pocket.
"Picked the lock on the handcuffs — nice."
"Thanks," she smiled. "I thought you guys would appreciate that."
Alexx and Tripp both approached the truck, gesturing to Eric.
"C'mon partner," Tripp said. "You got a second crime scene to investigate."
"You got it, Tripp," he said, turning to Calleigh. "Hey, Cal – I'm glad you're alright. Really…"
"I know, Eric," she said softly. "I'll see you later."
"You can count on it," he said, and walked back to the cellar. "Hey, Tripp, I think I could use a hand, you know?"
"Be there in a minute, Delko," he said, turning back to Calleigh. "I'm gonna need to take a statement, Calleigh."
"That's not a problem," she replied, getting up on the crutches Alexx had given her.
"Honey, we gotta get you to the hospital," Alexx interjected, glaring at Tripp. He sighed, shaking his head.
"Alexx, I'm fine," she replied. "Lucky for me you had these crutches in your truck."
"Calleigh, you need to be looked at," Alexx insisted.
"I told you I'm —"
"Hey, hey hold it," Tripp said, cutting them both off. "I can take the statement any time. Go get yourself patched up and I'll meet you at the hospital." Tripp began to walk off. "Now if I could just track down that damned Horatio …" he said, shaking his head as he walked away.
Alexx ran a hand over Calleigh's head wound, examining it again. "You're real lucky," she whispered. "Now let's get you checked out."
"Alexx," Calleigh said, stopping her. "I … Do you think I could let my LT know I'm alive and well first?"
"Oh, I wouldn't worry about Horatio - he'll be along. And he'd definitely want you to be looked at."
Calleigh looked down, tears uncharacteristically welling in her eyes.
"Calleigh? You OK sweetie?" Alexx asked softly.
"I'm fine," she choked out, but the tears running down her face said otherwise.
"It's alright," Alexx said, rubbing her back. "It's alright. You've been through a lot …You know, why don't we go find Horatio after all? I think I just might know where he is."
Calleigh looked up, nodding slightly. "OK," she rasped. "And thanks, Alexx."
"Any time, honey."
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There was a heavy silence as Alexx drove to the beach, using the flashing lights to get onto the sand. Calleigh was staring out the windshield when she finally spotted Horatio — sitting by the edge of the water, legs drawn up to his chest. He looked more vulnerable than she'd ever seen him before.
"Stop the truck, Alexx," she said. "He's over there." Grabbing the crutches, Calleigh began to get out of the car.
"Hang on," Alexx said. "I don't think he even sees us."
Calleigh paused, looking at her boss's form. He looked deep in thought, and was holding something in his hands. She couldn't make out what he was saying, but he was definitely whispering something.
"He really took it hard," Alexx said quietly as Calleigh looked back at her.
"Like when Tim died?" Calleigh rasped.
"Well, yes and no," Alexx said, swallowing at the memory. "I think it's always harder for him when it's a woman. Especially one he cares for so deeply."
Calleigh blushed slightly, looking down. She felt terrible that Horatio had to go through all of this, and she wanted him to know she was alive and well. But a part of her wondered why he'd been so affected by the news of her supposed demise.
"He loves you, honey," Alexx said, giving her the 'I know what you're thinking' look.
"Alexx," she said in a hushed tone.
"I just call 'em like I see 'em," she replied with a slight smile, which faded as she looked back at Horatio. "The man's heartbroken."
"What should I say?" Calleigh asked.
"Whatever's on your heart," Alexx said with a smile. "Most people don't get second chances — believe me, I know."
"I know, it's just … You know how things have been around the lab since … well since Tim died. And Horatio's gotten so distant lately, I guess I'd forgotten how close we used to be."
"I know, Calleigh, believe me, I've tried to get that man to open up to me about what's goin' on in that beautiful mind of his," Alexx lamented. "There's definitely some unhealed wounds that need mending, but he just keeps going further and further into his shell. I think you just may be his last hope — and maybe that's what he's realizing right now."
"Me? His last hope? I don't know about that."
"Honey, I don't think anyone else in the world can ground Horatio Caine like you do," Alexx said. "I've seen you two — things may've cooled a bit lately, but I know he has an easiness and comfortable look when he's with you."
Calleigh smiled, remembering some of the better times between the two of them:
'I don't look good in all black.'
'I beg to differ.'
'What do you get when a six foot man lies down with a three foot rifle?'
'Hot flashes, but that's just me.'
'Everything OK?'
'Sometimes it's hard to have family.'
'Sometimes it's hard not to.'
"Hey, earth to Calleigh," Alexx prompted, bringing her out of her memories.
"Sorry, I…"
"You were somewhere else, I know," Alexx smiled. "Listen, I really want to get you to the hospital, so how about we go see our fearless leader and let him in on the good news?"
"If it's all the same to you, Alexx, I'd like to go alone."
Alexx gave her a concerned look. "Are you sure you're gonna make it on the sand with those crutches?"
" Sand's pretty packed together by the water — I think I can manage, it's not that far. It's not like I have a broken leg or anything."
"Well, if you need me, I'll be right here."
"Thanks, Alexx," Calleigh replied before slowly making her way to Horatio. As she grew closer, she was surprised he didn't look up, sensing someone moving toward him. He was usually so observant and sharp. Her breath caught in her throat when she made out his face — he looked like a wreck. She choked back tears as she noticed the streaks of wetness that were staining Horatio's cheeks.
"I can't accept this," she heard him whispered, now only a few feet away. "I wish I'd told you … I hope you knew … how much you meant to this lab … to me…"
Calleigh looked down, feeling guilty, and swallowed hard, determined to find a way to reach him.
"Of course I know," she drawled, watching as Horatio looked up in disbelief.
"Calleigh," he rasped.
"Hello, handsome," she smiled. His mouth agape, she watched as relief flooded his features, and she knew everything was going to be just fine.
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