Two days have gone by since Austin's trip back home. He hasn't called. My heart is a mosaic of feelings. Some pieces are suspicious, some are numb and some are just too sharp to contemplate. I don't want to put them back together all by myself. I need him, my mind repeats like a mantra. My body feels too heavy. I haven't left the apartment. Tomorrow is school. I cringe biting my lower lip as tears fill my eyes for the millionth time.
A loud knock on the door sends waves of pain racketing through my brain, but as soon as the pain appears it is replaced by a breath of excitement. Austin! I leap off the couch nearly tripping over the scattered textbooks as I land and bolt for the door. My fingers furiously scramble at the five locks that hold the door captive, separating me from my first love. "Wait a second!" I cry frantically as if he would vanish again.
I rip open the door completely forgetting that I was only wearing my lacy white bra and lavender silk pajama pants. "Austin, I…" My lips clamp shut.
"Hey, hey, hey, look who has finally warmed up to me," grins Kyle Marino, Austin's former roommate. I cross my left forearm protectively over my chest gripping the edge of the door with my right hand ready to slam it in his face. He continues to stare at my covered chest. I back away behind the door leaving only a slit which features his prominent Italian nose and full dark pink lips.
"What do you want," I say icily. Kyle has been lusting after me since Austin introduced us the first day of freshmen year at Princeton. He knows full well Austin and I are in love, but he doesn't seem to take that known fact to heart. Austin finally got sick of Kyle's one sided flirt attempts and decided to move into the apartment with me and Lynn last year.
"You know exactly what I want," His tongue flicks inside the crack of the door catching the tip of my nose.
"EW," I screech slamming the door on his lewd little friend.
"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!" Kyle screams, his tongue turning eggplant purple on my side of the barricade.
"Oh, shit!" I scream wrenching the door back open. "Kyle! I'm sorry!"
He holds his bleeding member between his index finger and thumb. It looks limp, but at least the purple has faded back to normal color unless you count the oozing crimson substance that's gathering at the corner of his mouth.
"What's going on?" asks Lynn, appearing behind the whimpering boy, calm and collected as ever. Her long wavy black hair is tied in a knot resting at the base of her neck. Her magenta streaks stand out against the bland colors of fall. I can hear a trace of OTEP from her headphones. She even looks calm with her ripped jeans, lime green Chuck Taylor's and gray Princeton hoodie. Her Cranberry Shine lipstick and brown eyeliner make her look devastatingly pretty. But, she's a natural beauty anyway. She takes one look at Kyle and rolls her aquamarine eyes. "What's wrong now, Spaz?"
Kyle points a threatening finger at me still cradling his tongue. "Awask hurgh!" He says trying to speak while holding the limp organ.
Lynn swivels her head towards me. Her eyes zero in on mine reading me like a coveted novel. I hate it when she does that. Lynn is my first and only best friend that's a chick. I love her to death. She's just so undeterred by chaos. Sometimes I wonder if she's human. I shrug helplessly heaving a great sigh.
"Well let's go inside and I'll make some blueberry muffins and my trademark cocoa. Unless of course you want to stay out here where the whole cheerleading squad can hear you," Lynn says looking pointedly at Kyle.
His eyes widen in horrified shock. He blows past me through the door bounding into the kitchen. The pots and pans rattle from his size 13 feet pounding on the tile. "Come on Sammy," She says wrapping her arm around my bony shoulders. Her fluffy hoodie rubs against my bare arms making me feel better. But then she lets go, closes the door behind us, and threads the chain through the main bolt. I walk quickly to my room pulling on a long sleeved white turtle neck. It does little to warm me. I shrug to myself. Nothing can warm me like he could.
Wetness springs to my eyes. I fiercely curse myself refusing to give into the quake of sorrow. I walk quickly to the bathroom to dig out the first-aid trying to banish him from all thought. My eyes take a gander at my reflection. A breathless gasp forces its way into the air. My cheek bones are starting to protrude slightly. My eyes look a tad sunken in. I free my wild fair hair from the clip letting it fall to my shoulders in an attempt to look normal.
It'll do. I take a deep breath and release returning to the kitchen with the kit. Lynn is at the oven tossing in a tray full of muffins. Kyle studies his tongue in the toaster reflection scowling with his furry caterpillar eyebrows. This is my life now, I think wanly my heart breaking and miraculously beating at the same time.