Disclaimer: JE owns the characters.

I'm not really all that proud of the things that I've done in the last fifteen years. Especially that one night seven years ago. The one night that haunts me still.

I had graduated at the head of my class in high school. Recruiters swarmed me through my senior year. I was prepared to go to Cal State on a football scholarship. That was until I met with an Army recruiter. I had never really thought about serving for my country. Football was my ticket out of Odessa, Texas. It had been the only thing that I had thought about since I was nine years old.

My parents hadn't been very impressed when I told them that I had signed up for the Army. My mother didn't speak to me for two weeks and my father yelled at me every time that we were in the same room. It had broken my heart that they couldn't understand why I had wanted to do it. They didn't hear what the recruiter had said to me. I still remember every word that he had said.

"There comes a time in a man's life when he has to think about the future. He has to think about the rest of the world and how it will effect his children. What we do now, will change the face of the planet. If you want to be a man that will help make that change, then you belong with us."

That forty year old man, in his dress uniform, had changed my life. He was right. I had thought that one day, I would like to get married and have children of my own. Not a horde like my parents; I have six brothers and two sisters. But maybe, if I ever found the right girl, one or two might not be too bad. Let's face it. The world isn't a perfect place. But, the way that I saw it, there were a lot of ways that we could improve it. And just maybe, we could help other people along the way.

I took the placement test and then left two days after I graduated. I wrote my parents all through basic training. My mom was the only one that ever responded. My father still couldn't understand why I wasn't running around on a football field. I felt bad that I was disappointing my father, especially since he had rooted me on at every game my senior year.

The disappointment forced me to strive even harder through basic. I graduated, once again, at the top of my class. My mother had flown out to watch me graduate out of basic. She had sat there and cried, a sure sign that she had been proud of me. I got a week of leave before I headed into my occupational training. I went back to Odessa to spend that time with my family. I wasn't sure when I would have been able to come back.

That week had been a nightmare of sorts. My mother had gone around and talked like I was the best thing that had ever come out of Odessa and my father didn't speak to me. At all. Not one single word. It was with a heavy heart that I went into my next phase of training.

I showed a high aptitude for mechanics and chemistry. That led me down the road to being one of the top explosives experts in the Army. Being placed in such a prestigious group of much older people, sent me down a path that I would have never considered. Though, I should have expected it.

At the naïve age of twenty-two, just three weeks before I was due to be released from my contract with the Army, I was approached by my commanding officer with an opportunity to join the Rangers. I thought about it for five seconds and then nodded my head affirmatively. I think that moment was the turning point in my life.

I have never regretted anything in my life. Every God for saken mission that I did in the Rangers was for my country. I did as I was told when I was told to do it. I don't think that I could have handled everything that we went through if it hadn't been for the second team leader that I had. Ricardo Carlos Manoso. He had taught me how to block out the emotions that tried to influence my thoughts. He showed me how to shut everything else out and focus on the mission at hand. It was up to me to teach myself how to deal with it after the mission was over.

I stuck it out with Carlos for three years. Our whole team's contracts expired around the same time. Carlos had announced that he wasn't renewing his contract and we all agreed to follow him where ever he took us. That's how I ended up here. In Trenton, New Jersey. Carlos, better known as Ranger to most of the world, started his own security company. RangeMan. After seven years, he had four offices along the east coast. All of them are thriving.

But, here I sit, soaking wet, after being jolted awake by another nightmare. They seem to be getting worse and more frequent. I use to get them when I was in the Rangers. Back then, Bobby prescribed a medication for them. That almost got me kicked out of the elite team that I was apart of. I had to bite the bullet and see a shrink about them. That was the only way that Ranger would let me continue to be on his team.

I reached up to run my fingers through my hair and noticed that my hands were shaking. Shit! This is not a good sign. If I go to Bobby again, I know that he'll tell Ranger. Ranger will then pull me off the street and put me behind the desk. I can't do desk duty. I'll go crazy if I have to spend the next three months sitting in front of a computer.

I was so deep in thought that I didn't hear my apartment door open. I didn't even sense her until she touched my hair. It was a knee jerk reaction, but I grabbed her wrist and had her pinned to the wall next to my bed in two seconds. My left hand was wrapped around her throat and my Glock was pressed to her left temple. I could see her blue eyes staring up at me. With the light from the kitchen falling on her face, I could see that there wasn't a hint of fear, just concern.

"I got up to get a drink and I heard you scream," she whispered. "I wanted to make sure that you were okay."

I was looking into my partner's eyes and I was so ashamed of myself that I had done this to her. What if I had hurt her? What if I had pulled the trigger? I was still amped up from the intensity of the dream. I watched as she slowly reached up and gently pushed my hair off of my forehead. She didn't move to remove my hand from her throat and lower the gun from her head like I thought that she would. She had heard me and her first concern had been to make sure that I was okay. Of course, I had never told her about the nightmares. Or, the danger that I posed when I first woke up from them. I was still trying to pull myself out of 'military' mode.

I felt all of the anger and frustration diffuse in my body as she ran her fingers through my hair. I felt her other hand come up and lightly stroke the side of my face. This woman was so amazing to me. She had no fear of me, or of what I had become. She was reaching out and trying to comfort me.

I slowly replaced the safety on my gun as I lowered it and placed it on the table next to us. I slid my hand from the front of her throat to the back as I pulled her into my arms. I felt the after effects of my adrenaline rush set in and my arms started to shake. She wrapped her arms around my waist and pulled me closer as she laid her head on my chest. I tried to keep a tight grip on my control, but it was quickly slipping out of my grasp. I felt my legs start to shake and I slid us both down to the floor before I collapsed.

She climbed into my lap and silently held me. I felt her fingers slid across my neck and shoulders as she whispered in my ear. I'm not sure what she was saying, but I felt myself start to dissolve in her arms. I focused on her soothing voice as she used a foreign language and her soft fingers running in slow circles. Would she ever know just how much I needed her?

"Are you okay?" she finally asked in a whisper once the shaking subsided.

"I think so," I whispered back.

She leaned back slightly and cupped my face in her hands. She stared straight into my eyes and I chose not to hide my pain from her. No matter how much I hated myself for what happened that night, I was tired of hating myself by myself. I wanted to open up and share my pain with someone. I knew that I could tell her anything and she wouldn't judge me by my past.

I saw something flash through her eyes. Understanding? I'm not sure because as quickly as it was there, it was gone. She released my face and crawled out of my lap. I was certain that she was going to leave when she walked out of my bedroom. I had come so close to killing her just minutes ago. I was a little surprised when I heard her soft voice as she moved through my kitchen. She came back to me a few moments later with two bottles of water.

"I never got my water," she said with a sheepish smile as she handed me a bottle.

I smiled back up at her as I took the offered water. I didn't realize how thirsty I was until the water hit my tongue. I watched her move into the bathroom over the bottom of the bottle as I drank. She grabbed a wash cloth from under the sink and ran it under some water. She jumped when she looked up at her reflection in the mirror. I'm sure that she thought that she was a frightening sight. She probably wouldn't understand that I thought that she was the most beautiful woman when she was fresh out of bed. I guess that's why I loved waking her up in the morning to go work out. Her mass of curls in disarray. Her blue eyes always seemed to be bluer when they first opened.

"Who were you talking to?" I asked when she walked out of the bathroom and headed towards me.

"I called the control room," she said as she knelt down in front of me with a wash cloth in her hand. "I told Bobby that we were going to be off the grid until our next shift starts in two days. No one is to contact us unless World War Three erupts."

"What's the wash cloth for?" I asked as I eyed her hand.

"Lean your head back and close your eyes," she said. After I didn't move for a moment, she added, "Trust me."

That's a breaker for me. I leaned my head back against the bed and closed my eyes. I had learned to trust her with my life over the past six months. She had proven herself over and over again. I know that she's saved my ass on two different occasions. How could I not trust her?

I couldn't help but jump when the cold wash cloth touched my neck. I heard her chuckle at my reaction as she started wiping me down with the wash cloth. It felt good to have the cool cloth wipe away the sweat. She started at my neck and worked her way down my chest. I heard her wave the cloth in the air to cool it down and then she wiped down both of my arms. Thoughts of showering with her floated into my mind. Her hands lightly running across my skin. Her voice broke my dangerous train of thought.

"Do you want to talk about it?" she asked quietly once she finished wiping me down.

"The past can be frightening," I said as I opened my eyes and lifted my head up to look at her. "You know that all of us have done and seen terrible things."

"I'll understand if you don't want to tell me," she said as she stood up. She nodded at the bed and said, "Climb in."

I watched her walk back to the bathroom and warred with myself over how much I could tell her. I slowly got up and laid back down in my bed. I was no closer to the answer when she came back over to my bed after she turned the lights off in the kitchen and climbed in next to me. I was a little confused as to why she was in my bed until she pulled me into her arms and placed my head on her shoulder. She wanted to comfort me and offer anything that her partner might need. I threw my left arm and leg over her and snuggled as close as I felt she would let me. I slowly started to relax as she started running her fingers through my hair with her left hand in the darkness of my room. It was different with her in the dark. Her right hand started lightly massaging my left forearm and everything started slipping out of my mouth. I told her everything that had happened.

"I had been with my first unit for almost a year," I said quietly as I started my story. "We'd been called up for a mission. When we got to the base camp, Ranger and his unit were already there. When my buddies and I saw them there we were stoked. Ranger didn't get called in unless it was something big. There wasn't a guy in the Forces that didn't want to serve under him. He had one badass reputation, and only the best of the best made his team."

"I wasn't an officer, so I didn't know any more about what was going on than any of the other guys in my unit. We spent three days hanging out, training, joking around, basically waiting for our assignment. We could see Ranger and his men out training every day, and we'd pass them coming and going in the camp. Most of the guys in my unit were pretty young, and they were too intimidated to start up a conversation with any of them."

I heard her lightly chuckle. She knew how intimidating Ranger could be. Especially to those that didn't know him. I cleared my throat before I continued down that path that I had chosen to take.

"On the third day, we got word that we had forty-eight hours to get our gear together and ourselves ready. According to my commanding officer, we were going to be the lead team in an offensive strike on an enemy camp. It was our mission to draw attention away from the camp so that Ranger and his men could go in and do an extraction. Apparently they were holding a prisoner there, and they were to get in and bring him out alive."

"A distraction," I heard her murmur.

"Yes, of the most deadly kind," I said with a slight shake of my head. "Later that night, I heard Ranger telling my C.O. that he had a bad feeling about the mission, that something felt off. They talked about if for a little bit and then the two of them headed off toward the officer's tent to talk to the general in charge. A few hours later I was just dozing off when they returned. It was pretty easy to tell they were both pissed. My commanding officer was bitching about puffed up bureaucratic paper pushers who'd been out of the field too long."

"When I finally fell asleep they were still talking," I continued as I reached up and started playing with one of her curls. "The next morning my unit was gathered together. The Commander told us to keep our eyes open, that something didn't feel right about the mission, and he wanted us to know how he felt. Then, he told us that Ranger was looking for a new man for his unit and that he'd been watching us on the training field. When Ranger stepped forward and called my name, I couldn't believe it. I had mixed emotions. This was a huge honor, but I was leaving behind men that I'd lived and worked with for a year. I knew about their wives and kids and girlfriends."

"The plan was for my old unit to approach the camp from the south about six hours ahead of us. Ranger's unit, my unit, would then approach from the northeast about two hours before sunrise. I was new to the group, but it didn't take long to realize that the men weren't happy. If Ranger had a bad feeling about the mission, they all had a bad feeling about the mission," I said. "Ranger kept telling us to keep our eyes and ears open and report anything to him that seemed suspicious immediately."

"We heard gunfire and explosions as we got closer to the camp where the prisoner was supposedly being held. Suddenly Ranger stopped. After about 5 minutes of waiting Ranger told us to change course," I recounted. I stopped speaking for a moment to get myself calmed down. I felt the anger start pool in my gut and I didn't want to explode with her being so close to me. I took a few deep breaths and then continued.

"He had us double back and head south to where we knew my old unit was," I finally said. "The move saved our lives. We were walking into a trap. By the time we got over to where the fighting had taken place, every man in my unit had been butchered. Most were lucky and had been shot. Several had been captured and tortured. There were bodies and limbs everywhere, and the ground ran red with blood. My commanding officers head had been severed and hung from a branch of a tree. I walked to each body one by one. Greg, whose wife had just had a baby that he'd never even seen. Mark, with the cute little twin girls. Brad who had his high school sweetheart waiting at home for him."

"The next few hours were like walking through a dream. Tank came over to me and told me to move my ass. I don't remember much after that. I followed along in a daze. The whole thing had been a set up. The camp was full of soldiers waiting to kill us. The prisoner wasn't even being held there. Apparently Ranger already knew where the Intel had come from, and without waiting for orders we started tracking the bastard."

I fell silent for a while. She had stopped moving and I was afraid that I might have frightened her, even though I was just glossing over everything that had happened. She hadn't seen the things that I had. She was still soft. She hadn't been hardened by the ugly things of the world like I had. I hated myself for putting this on her, but I knew that she might be the only one that could understand.

"It took us two days to find him and catch up to him," I said once she started running her hands through my hair once again. It was like she was telling me that she was ready for me to continue. "When we finally did, he was holed up in a falling down shack. Ranger and Tank went in first. Once they determined he was alone and the place wasn't booby-trapped, Ranger came out and motioned me inside. When I walked in, every ounce of fury and shock I'd felt for two days, came bubbling up through my body. As I approached the traitor, I was dimly aware of Ranger and Tank leaving and closing the door behind them. I did things to that man that I never would have believed myself capable of."

I gave her a few moments to digest everything that I had just told her. I had dumped everything that I could and I was disgusted with myself for doing it. I slightly tightened my grip on her because I was afraid that she was going to bolt before I got to tell her the rest.

"I found out later that Ranger's official report stated that the man was already dead when we got there," I said quietly as I tilted my face up towards hers. "Both Ranger and Tank covered for me."

I could see the silhouette of her face. She looked over at me and I could see that her eyes were filled with tears. Her right hand came up and cupped the side of my face as she gave me a watery smile. She sniffed a little and then kissed my forehead in a comforting gesture. She pulled my head back under her chin and started stroking my hair again.

We stayed there for the rest of the night and into the next morning. Neither one of us speaking or making a move to leave the bed. She had been there for me through the night and held me. I was in awe of this magnificent woman who I was lucky enough to have as my partner. I had no clue what I had ever done to deserve her. I almost jumped out of my skin when she finally spoke.

"Jump in the shower and pack an overnight bag," she said as she slowly slid out from underneath me. "Meet me in my room in an hour."

I did as I was told through a haze of confusion. What did she have up her sleeve? I threw a bag together and walked into her apartment. She was just finishing up putting her bag together and I guess the sight of me caught her off guard because she froze in the middle of putting her clothes in her bag. A big smile slowly spread across her beautiful lips when her eyes trailed their way up my body. I was just wearing a Pink Floyd t-shirt, jean shorts, and Vans. But, I guess she was used to seeing me in my RangeMan uniform. The look in her eyes reminded me of the way that she looks at chocolate cake.

"If you keep staring at me, then we won't get out of here," I said as I leaned against the door frame to her bedroom with a lopsided grin.

I watched her cheeks turn a soft pink as she turned back to her bag and stuffed her clothes in. We left the RangeMan building in her Jeep and headed out of town. I knew where we were going before we got to the outskirts of town. We ended up spending the day on the beach in Point Pleasant. We hadn't spent a day together out of RangeMan work related stuff. She was so full of life. I felt myself slowly falling in love with her.

She told me funny stories about growing up with her crazy family. I couldn't remember a time when I had laughed so hard for so long in my life. I found myself opening up to her about my family. She had seemed rather disappointed that I hadn't been back to see my family since the week before I went into the Rangers. She could relate to family driving people crazy, but she couldn't understand why I didn't want to go back. She felt that phone calls and letters didn't come close to a hug from a mother.

We got rooms next to each other at a hotel that sat on the beach after we had dinner at a little sea food restaurant. I gave a huge sigh when I unlocked and opened the door that adjoined the two rooms. I was faced with another door that was locked on her side. I thought about picking the lock and decided against it. I flung myself on the king size bed and stared at the ceiling. I was silently cursing my raging hormones when I heard the lock to the adjoining door tumble. I lifted myself up on my elbows and watched her door slowly swing open.

She didn't come in. I saw all of the lights slowly go out in her room. Then there was nothing. She didn't come in! How was I suppose to sleep knowing that she was this close, yet so far away. I stared at the door for a few moments. Nothing was happening. I let out a deflated sigh as I dropped my head back down on the bed. My fingers had been aching to touch her all day, but I kept myself just out of reach. I didn't want to ruin our partnership. I guess, more then anything, I wouldn't be able to stand it if she rejected me.

I shucked everything but my boxers and climbed between the sheets. I tossed and turned for about an hour. I was slowly going mad at the thought that her soft, warm body was just on the other side of the wall. I had never allowed myself to really think about her until today. She's not the type of girl that could be another notch in the bed post. I had been with plenty of girls like that . Steph was the type of girl that you wrote home about. She was the girl that my mom kept asking about.

I was jerked out of my thoughts when I heard something coming from her room. I held my breath and listened more closely. A smile spread across my lips when I realized that she was tossing and turning. My chest started to shake with silent laughter when I heard her curse quietly as she beat the crap out of a pillow and then flop back down on the bed. She was silent for a few minutes and then she started tossing and turning again. It looks like I'm not the only one having problems tonight, I thought to myself.

I rolled over and looked at the door. I had left the bathroom light on with the door cracked so that there was just enough light to see the rest of the room. I wanted to run to her room, but at the same time, I wanted her to make the choice to come in here. I was rewarded with my patience when I heard her slip out of her bed and walk through her room towards the door. She peeked her head in and looked over at me. I shot her a grin and patted the bed next to me. She practically ran to my bed as I moved the covers back for her. She jumped into the bed and flopped down, doing a great impression of a log.

She jumped when I reached under the covers and found her hand. She finally let out the breath that she had been holding and laced her fingers with mine. I had to smile at the fact that she was nervous laying here next to me. I didn't think that she would be after laying with me in the early hours this morning. I scooted over to her and draped my left leg over her as I laid my head on her shoulder. She slowly released my hand and wrapped her arm around my neck to scoot me closer. I slid my left hand across her flat stomach and up the side of her ribs as I settled myself down with her.

I felt electricity surge through the air when I nuzzled into her neck and my lips grazed her soft skin. She tilted her head slightly to allow me more access. I took this as an open invitation and started lightly feathering my lips across her neck. I leaned up on my elbow as I started working my way across her jaw. I felt her melt beneath me when my lips captured hers. I slid my tongue across her lips and I was rewarded greatly when she moaned and opened her lips for me.

Our tongues danced together and I could have sworn that the temperature in the room shot up twenty degrees when I slowly slid my left hand under her shirt. I lightly trailed my fingers across her stomach and up to just under her breasts. I chuckled against her lips when I felt her body shift and her beast landed in my hand. I skimmed my thumb across her nipple and felt in stiffen immediately as I repositioned my body between her legs. I never broke the kiss that was slowly sucking the control out of me.

She giggled as I broke the kiss to rip her shirt off and sent it sailing across the room. I slid my hands over her naked skin and marveled over its softness. My eyes traveled from her perfect six pack of abs to her wonderfully perky breasts to her amazingly crystal clear blue eyes. I slowly lowered myself down to her as I kept her eyes trapped my mine. There was a flicker of self doubt that pasted across her face.

"We can stop," I whispered when I stopped just a hair away from her lips.

I waited for her to answer. I didn't want to push her if she was having doubts about being with me. I wanted her more then anything that I had ever wanted in my life. But, I wanted her to want me the same way. I felt her hands start to trail their way up my abs and across my chest. Her hands slowly came up to cup my face. She brought my lips the rest of the way down to hers and they were fused together with a searing kiss that stole my breath.

My hands gained brains of their own and fisted in her silky curls as I lowered my hips down to hers. Her legs wrapped around my hips and she bucked slightly. My body lit on fire when I started grinding against her as I stated kissing my way across her jaw. She moaned when I hit the sweet spot where her neck met her shoulder. Her nails bit into my skin when I sunk my teeth into her as I felt her hand sneak into the front of my boxers. I almost lost it when her little fingers wrapped around my shaft and gently tugged.

I wanted to sink into her, but I knew that I wanted it to be good for her too. Knowing myself as I do, I rolled us over so that she was on top of me. She smiled down at me and I saw excitement flash across her face. Had no one ever let her be in control? Her excitement turned devilish as she moved my arms up and under the pillows.

"Don't move," she whispered against my lips just before she kissed me senseless.

She slowly nipped and kissed her way down my jaw to my neck. Her sweet tongue darted out and caressed the hallow spot above my collar bone. I groaned softly when she started kissing her way down to my chest. My breath hitched in my throat when her nails scraped across my erection as her tongue drew circles around my nipple. She was doing a great job of driving my delirious with need. I took a deep breath and slowly released it as she slithered her way down my body. I was trying to gain control of myself, it wasn't working out to well.

I'm not quite sure how, but my boxers mysteriously disappeared. I knew that this woman was magic when her soft, warm tongue first touched the tip of my erection. I was suddenly lost to my sensations as her tongue, lips, and hands attacked me. I had a white knuckle grip on the head board and my hips raised up off of the bed as her tongue drove me closer to the edge.

She went into over drive as she felt my muscles start to twitch as I teetered on the edge of reason. I flooded her mouth and moaned her name as the most intense orgasm I have ever had flowed through my body. I was still trying to catch my breath when I felt her slowly start to move up my body. I opened my eyes and was blessed to see a set of blue eyes smiling down at me. I peeled my fingers off of the head board and wrapped my arms around her as she kissed me slowly.

I felt myself start to stir when she deepened the kiss. I wanted to fulfill her every fantasy. With that thought lingering in my mind, I laid perfectly still and let her continue to have her way with me. With a new sense of power, she shifted down my body and I went completely hard when I felt her lightly rub against me. The magician had removed the rest of her clothes without me noticing.

I, once again, found my hands white knuckle gripped on the head board as she slowly took me inside her. She lowered her lips to mine as she allowed herself to get use to the feeling of my naked erection inside of her. The feeling of her wrapped around me was intensely erotic. All tight and wet. I unconsciously raised my hips off of the bed to get further inside of her. I felt her smile against my lips as she jabbed me lightly in the ribs.

I felt my mouth go dry when she leaned back and sat up on me. The little light that came out of the bathroom fell across her body. I watched in admiration as the sex goddess, that I knew was trapped inside, come out. She tilted her head back as she started to slowly ride me. I desperately wanted to reach out and touch her, but to my amazement, her hands started caressing her own body. I gritted my teeth to hold on to my control as I watched her hands roam over her sweat slicked skin. They started on her hips and then her finger tips lightly ran their way across her abs. I was hypnotized as I watched her fingers trail their way up the center of her abs and across the tops of her breasts. She picked up the pace of her bouncing when she skimmed across her nipples.

For a brief moment, I thought that I was dreaming when her left hand ran up her neck and into her hair as her right hand started tweaking her right nipple. I lost my control and spilled into her when she shouted my name as her orgasm ripped through her body. She rode me through our climaxes while her body milked me dry. I pried my fingers from the head board and wrapped them around her when she collapsed on top of me.

I had never felt this complete before. It was like she had opened up a part of me that I had kept locked away from every one. Including myself. I never wanted to leave this bed again. I never wanted to be away from her again. I sent a quick prayer to God that she felt the same way about me. I tightened my grip on her when I felt her try to move.

"Shower," she whispered in my ear.

I felt myself start to grow inside of her at the thought of a wet, naked Stephanie. She chuckled against my throat when I twitched. I slid out of her and carried her into the shower. We spent an hour in the shower torturing each other under the hot water. I couldn't get enough of her. By the look in her eyes, she felt the same way. I carefully dried her off as she dried me off. Both of us laughing and joking along the way.

I carried her back to the bed and fell on top of her as we sunk into a breath taking kiss. I made love to her. I had never done that with anyone before. There were soft caresses and pleasured moans that carried us through the night. We finally fell asleep tangled up in each other.

I awoke to open mouth kisses being trailed down my neck. A moan escaped my lips when I felt her mark the side of my throat. I felt like she was branding me and my heart soared. I ran my hands up her naked back and fisted them in her curls. I lightly tugged and got her to raise her head so that I could look into her beautiful eyes. I didn't mean for the words to slip out, but once they did every thing changed.

"I love you," I whispered.

Shock was written all over her face. I had said it too soon for her. I watched as her eyes showed several emotions before they settled on one. I felt my heart get stuck in my throat as I waited for her to speak. It seemed like time had stopped.

"I love you, too, Brett," she whispered and then crashed her lips down on mine.

I felt my heart soar back up into the air and I vowed to God that I would never let this woman go.