Disclaimer: Not mine, I'm just having fun with them.
Author's Note: Thank you for your reviews! I realized that I should give you a few more answers, you will find some, together with more questions evil laughter in this chapter. The next chapter will be up sometime during this week.
Cody101: I hope you like the answers to some of your questions.
Sarali1983: Thanks for your review. I will answer all of your questions, but not all in this chapter. Somehow I have to make sure you'll read the next chapters, too ;-)
43n5ic fr3ak: You aren't asking too many questions. And no, your not correct. That would be too easy.
BonesDBchippie: The clown is just for you :-)
---Chapter Six: Secrets---
Washington Memorial, Wednesday morning
Brennan woke up long after the sun had started its way through the cloudless sky. But despite the late hour she wasn't rested. Too many thoughts and worries troubled her soul for restless sleep, too many memories and pains had haunted her through the dark hours. She had been awake long after Booth had left, altering between surfing the Internet for informations, getting lost in thoughts and crying.
Every time she'd thought there were no more tears new ones welled up and filled her eyes. Her protective shell around her heart was shattered, broken with one glimpse at the monitor of the ultra sound during the examination last afternoon. She needed no doctor to explain what she could clearly see, no further confirmation. True, normally she used x-rays, but bone was bone and the bones of the child inside her had been clear, tiny, fragile and beautiful.
She had seen too much to pretend otherwise, too much to sleep. In the end bossy nurse had given her something to make her sleep, but the medicine only added to her cloudy mind this morning.
Brennan took one bite of her breakfast, but the cereals tasted stale and the tea was chamomile. Well, she wasn't hungry anyway. She expected to see her doctor later this morning, if only to tell her what she already knew. Perhaps it was a bad dream? She shouldn't feel cramping, she shouldn't have started bleeding, she shouldn't have hurt her hand, in fact she should be in the lab and explain how the infant... infant. Baby. Everything was wrong! This was not her life.
The woman thought her head would burst any minute. Normally her thought were structured, clear, specific. But now she felt like loosing her mind. New tears rolled down her cheeks, now tears of helplessness.
This was the moment Dr. Franklin had chosen to open the door. "Good morning Dr. Brennan. How do you feel?" The dark eyes looked sympathetically down on her.
Brennan used her left thumb to wipe her tears off, but she couldn't do anything against her red-rimmed eyes. "Not so good. My hand itches and my head is cloudy from all the painkillers."
"Itching is good, it shows that the skin is healing. Do you feel any pain or discomfort?"
Brennan blinked. She'd been so lost in her misery that she hadn't thought about this. Now that Dr. Franklin talked about it... "No, no pain, just the itching."
White teeth showed in the smile. "Very good. I'll reduce the dosage of paracetamol then. Do you still experience cramping or bleeding?"
"No, not really."
"There is still a bit?"
"It's not bleeding, perhaps some spotting, but no fresh blood."
"Very good. Surely you know that bleeding may indicate a miscarriage, but doesn't have to. Based on your blood work and examination, your pregnancy is intact, the cervix firmly closed. But you should keep bed rest as much as possible, leaving only for the bathroom for the next few days."
Brennan had to hold herself hard not to roll her eyes. Most of her body felt fine, it were her emotions that hurt and normally she would work extra hard to stop herself feeling. "Have you any idea why I started bleeding?"
Dr. Franklin shook her head. "No, but it's not uncommon during the first trimester. Your a bit late for that, but it could be stress related or you exhausted yourself and that's you body's way to tell you to calm down. As long as it stopped and you rest, everything looks okay. Just keep in mind that you need your strength and rest."
"How far along am I?" The dreaded question. But she needed to know and now was better than later. No, not better, it was still not her life, but knowledge was inevitable.
"About thirteen weeks." Dr. Franklin smiled again. "Your hCG is up through the roof and the technician made a nice photo with the ultra sound for you."
Suddenly there was a picture in her hand, blurry white and gray dots, but too clear for her trained eye. Large head, the spine a collection of pearls on a string, it was beautiful. If it hadn't been connected with her life, she could have admired it. But it was connected and felt like the deathblow for every hope of unreality she'd still kept. New tears welled up and made their way over her face.
"Dr. Brennan, what is it? What's troubling you that much?" The voice was soft now, alluring her to speak, to reveal her secrets, to unburden her soul. Tempe opened her mouth to speak, but no words came.
Dr. Franklin waited a few moments longer, than she spoke again. "You should speak about it. Perhaps with your friend? Speak about it, it will help you."
Brennan nodded. She would, some day she would.
---
It may have been short minutes or long hours later when Angela came. Her mind had been wandering, plotting an escape route from everything she had to face.
"Hello Sweetie." The artist nearly tip-toed to the bed, not sure if she was sleeping or awake and Brennan herself couldn't have answered that question.
"Hey Ange." Her voice was dull and barely audible, hoarse from too much crying. Back in the world she realized that the photo was still in her hand and she tried to hide it. But too late, Angela had already seen it.
Softly Angela pried her friends finger open and stared at the picture. "Is it what I think it is?" But she needed no confirmation, everything about Brennan screamed the truth to her. "Oh honey."
More tears where no more could be. Brennan couldn't believe that she'd given up her secret without fight and yet it felt good. There definitely was some truth about sharing sorrow and delight.
The artist carefully slid on the bed, settling herself next to her crying friend. Putting her arms around Brennan, she once again lent her a shoulder to cry on.
Stopping the tears got easier and finally she could speak. "It just happened, Angela, it just happened."
Angela paused for a moment. "Is Sully...?"
"What?" A father. Suddenly her head felt like all blood had left her. That was one point she hadn't thought about before. Quietness filled the room, while Brennan tried to remember. "I don't know. We have been really careful, but..." She shrugged, tears standing in her eyes again. "I'll need more information before I can tell something sensible."
"Who else could it be? Do I know the man?"
Brennan shook her head. Angela definitely had learned something with the team of squints: Questioning in a logic kind of way.
"Is he nice? And when have you met him?"
"No idea." Her voice sounded helpless. "I can't remember anyone except Sully. But Ange, the time line just doesn't really fit. I'll need my calendar and the doctor's file. Then I know when I got pr..." Tempe bit her lip. She couldn't speak the word. No loud, not even clearly in her mind. It was not her to get with child without planing or wishing. Not twice.
"Shh, it's okay." The mattress moved a bit when Angela shifted her weight next to Brennan. She put one arm around the other woman to hug her long and good. "We'll find out and everything will be okay. Here, that's for you." She got a clown out of her purse.
Brennan starred at the baby's toy, complete with grinning face and a rattle in the head. Soft fabric in higgledy-piggledy colors coated the surface. She stared at it as if it had shot her. "Why... how...?"
Angela shrugged. "I didn't know, I just thought you need your very own clown."
A laughter sprang from Tempe's lips. "Angela, you're the best." Bringing the toy to her cheek, she appreciated the gift. Then she got serious again. "Don't tell Booth!" She pleaded.
"No, I won't. But you should tell him, he'll understand."
Tempe shook her head. "No, he... I can't tell him. He's too..." She looked a bit frightened.
"He cares too much? Oh girl, you should be grateful that he cares for you. But perhaps you should tell me why this is so horrible for you?"
Brennan made an uncertain face. "I can not." Both fell quite, Angela waiting for Brennan to speak again. Blue eyes starred at the ceiling, Tempe biting her lip. Finally she sighed and said: "But I'll tell you a story to make you understand."
"Okay." Relaxing a bit more but keeping her eyes on her friend Angela waited for her to start talking.
So, what do you think? Please, tell me :-)