He freezes, staring. I steady my breath trying to shrug it off and act normal. I feel like I just got caught cheating. Who knows…maybe I did. I walk stiffly down the aisle towards him. It's just before he motions me to sit that I remember to smile. Not the kind of heart warming I missed you so much kind but more like the sixth grade yearbook smile with a hint of a glare because the photographer comments on your lack of enthusiasm. He pushes the rose towards me with his index finger, piercing sky blue eyes locked on mine. I stare down at my folded hands resting gently on my lap.

"Sam". I look up hesitantly at the sweet face staring back at me. I silently chide myself for not getting swept away with the sea colored irises. Something inside me has died. I am the only one who can resurrect it. "What's going on?" He motions with nod towards the pilot's cabin. I turn taking note of Riley whose head has disappeared behind the curtain dividing the cockpit. I sigh taking the rose in my hand thumbing the thorns.

"I wish someone would tell me," I begin boring my pupils into his own. He doesn't flinch. I think he's grateful for the acknowledgement of his presence.

"I know, I know. Sorry. God you've been through a lot," He says smacking his forehead with an open palm, "getting cozy with that dirty cop from California must have just put you through hell".

My jaw drops to my feet along with my heart, expectation, and notion that Austin was perfect. "Excuse me?!" I sputter ready to impale him with my jagged unkempt nails.

He leans back thoroughly satisfied crossing his arms over his broad chest. "If it wasn't for your father I wouldn't even be in this mess!" My voice wavers balancing on the fraying tightrope between the vastness of anger and the pit of emotion. I was vouching for the sky.

"Yeah but I thought you of all people would have the decency," His voice breaks but he keeps going strong, "to at least have one iota of loyalty."

"Austin you don't even know what has happened over…"

"Shut up".

"What?"

"You heard me," He says cocking a sand colored eyebrow. He leans in close pressing his lips onto mine before I can even react.

It feels…

Good. Needed. Wanted. Missed.

But it wasn't right. Something was out of step, out of tune. Not quite all there. Yeah, it was a movie drama way to go about things but it didn't work that way either. I linger in the kiss for awhile even after he pulls away. I stare out of the jet window watching the water beads collect mindlessly on the glass.

I'm screwed up. I know that. Austin knows that. Riley knows that, I think. But it's like none of this really matters. I need to go somewhere be away from Princeton and… love. I need quiet. I need a couple of filing cabinets so I can sort all of this shit out and a shredder to annihilate every waking memory of this nightmare.

000 000 000

I can't believe they can put someone in a hospital for exhaustion. I can't believe I'm still in this white gown and I definitely can't believe they're talking about a therapist. I can't help but think of Girl, Interrupted. A nurse steps into my secluded room looking a bit frightened and uncertain, the bearer of bad news it seems. I sigh audibly provoking the ceiling into another staring contest.

"Anchor Hospital in Atlanta, Georgia...a mental institute that will help you...," She begins. I turn off my hearing ability and step inside myself once more. I know what she's going to say. I'm a lunatic according to Nukpana's connections with the hospital staff in San Fernando. Funny how I was admitted a day after Mr. Ames was free to go.

"Samantha are you listening?"

No.

"Samantha?"

Leave me alone.

"Glenda get Dr. Bourne she's going into shock!"

No, I'm…not.