Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters, places or anything else in this story.
Chapter 3
Roo)(A/N: That's all well and good and I will continue now, but I just have to say that Frickle has a perfect right just as the rest of us do as to decide what words are suitable for the story, and calling her a "little sensitive baby" was totally out of line and not something we should be calling our friends, so stop squabbling! As to the "starry" word, I thought it was something else, so you might want to specify.)
(I'm glad one of you has some sense)
Okay, now, back to reality………
"Smégol! I might have known! Like Arya would have turned me down, I'm so damn good looking I reckon if Britney Spears knew me-----"
"Sparhawk! Concentrate! OK!...at last, my precious, we are reunited." said Smégol
(He had snuck back in when he heard Britney Spears mentioned).
Then, once again he ran out the ballroom. Two seconds later, Sparhawk heard a scream. He ran outside, but stopped just inside the doorway. The ballroom was floating over a volcano full of boiling lava!!!!!!
"Crackers! What happened?!"
He turned around and ran back inside and bumped into…………….Frodo and Sam!!!!!!
"Come, quick Sparhawk!" began Frodo, "We've got to……….
FricklesGet those rings from Smégol before he does something worse than this."
"Wow, wow, wow. Slow down. I have absolutely nothing to do with those rings apart from the fact that one was hidden in my sword hilt!" said Sparhawk, "And anyway someone needs to stay and help Sephrena set this ballroom right. It's the least I can do."
So off went Frodo and Sam to hunt Smégol. Sparhawk and Sephrena put their heads together (figuratively) and meditated. Through this joined meditation they lifted the ballroom and set it in its proper place in Queen Cynthia's Palace.
That night he had a dream about Arya. He saw her in a high tower lying on her bed crying.
Sparhawk then……
Rusty girl saddled his horse, Starbright, (his other one died in a heroic accident) and rode in to the sunset to save his bonny lass. He found her in a small grey tower on Mount Everest. When he was inside he saw a purple, fire breathing dragon, but he vowed not to leave Arya alone crying in the grimy tower. He took his sword in both hands, ran up to the big purple dragon and sliced it in half! Too bad for the dragon. Then he ran up the grimy stairs to his bonny lass but unfortunately, Smégol was eating, fish blood dripping down his chin©. The keys hung around his neck. The keys to Arya's room (actually it was a dungeon). Anyway, Smégol was eating fish and, uh, Sparhawk wasn't doing much. He then beat Smégol, grabbed the keys and ran down some stairs. His heart beat.
Diddum, diddum, diddum♫♪♫♪♫♫♪♫♪♫♫♪♫♪♫♪
He unlocked the door and walked over to where she lay, picked her up and kissed her for the first time.
Red squirrelBut in walked the giant snail
dum, dum, dum♫♪♫♪♫♫♪♫♪♫♫♪♫♪♫♪♫♪
Sparhawk and Arya looked up wide-eyed with terror at the spectacle. Its awful slobbery tongue shot out sloshing and drooling all over Araya's hair. Arya passed out…………………..
But Sparhawk didn't know this so he wept over his beloved (AS, he hardly knows her‡) Then he turned to the snail and his eyes glittered with anger as he took out his sword and lunged for the snail's throat…….
RooThe snail let out a giant low roar but kept on going so Sparhawk lunged again………this time the snail fell to the floor but he didn't have time to acknowledge his victory. He ran back to Arya, he felt her pulse and realising that she was still alive, carried her to one of the bedrooms in his mansion. He tended to her for three days. On the third day she awoke.
"Whoa! Who are you? Get away from me!"
"Hey, relax. I'm Sparhawk. I'm the one who rescued you from the giant snail who a time ago was a miniature giant snail that was slowly crawling up my leg, and then somehow it miraculously to become a giant snail again and I had to fight it to save your life."
"Huh?" Arya asked.
"I saved your life."
"Oh. Gee, thanks, I owe you one"
"Ah don't worry about it. Hey are you hungry? I make the best medieval pancakes ever!"
"Sure OK."
When they had finished the meal, they went for a walk in the luscious green gardens and they chatted about life, heroes, villains and their own private lives. Arya was beginning to fall for his ridiculous charming ways and hilarious sense of humour. Sparhawk was enchanted by her smile, her petite build and girly laugh.
It began to rain, but they were hours away from the castle, so they ran to get shelter under the trees.
"By the looks of the clouds the rain won't stop till tomorrow morning earliest." said Sparhawk.
"That's OK. I think I saw a cabin a little way back. It looked deserted."
"Well, I suppose it's better than nothing."
When they got to the cabin they found it dusty but cosy. It had a kitchen-come-bedroom-come-dining room, a bathroom and a storage room. they started looking through the stores.
"Ah!" cried Sparhawk,"Would you believe it! Coffee!"
So they had some black coffee and talked all through the night.
By the next morning the rain still hadn't stopped. A little spider came and told them that the acid rain would not stop for five days.
"How are we going to manage for food?" asked Arya worriedly.
"Don't worry," said Sparhawk,"I'll think of something."
That night they ran out of coffee and Sparhawk lay awake thinking of what he could do. There was no way he could go back to the castle with Arya; the acid rain would burn right through their skin. By now he was too much in love with her to leave her while he flew to the castle in his magic underpants. By then it was too grey to tell the difference between night and day now.
Finally, Sparhawk came up with a plan. He would………no that wouldn't work. He could……..no, no, no, they would be blown to bits! Then he got this genius idea……………..
Rac-Rac Why he hadn't thought of it before, he thought angrily: His force field. Lifting an astonished Arya into his arms he shouted "Iccantrê!" a pearlescent sheen enveloped them in a bubble. Still holding Arya he ran outside. By now Arya was clutching him so tightly that he let out a squeak of pain. When he looked at her indignantly, her eyes were wide with fear and he looked at what she was staring at and gasped. Right in front of them, oblivious to the rain, was a figure seated on a horse.
The horse had silvery dove wings, neatly folded at its sides. It had a luscious coat and it had cloved hooves and a spiralled ivory horn rose up from its forehead. But it was the rider that caught their attention. The figure almost blended in with the rain because of "it's" grey cloak and hood. The face was cast in shadow by the hood and so they couldn't make out if it was a woman or a man. Suddenly the rider spoke in a melodious voice, emotionless yet with warmth and welcome: "Ah finally, I have found you Sparhawk and," here 'it' bowed "The wise and immortal Arya." Seeing the dumbstruck faces 'it' gently climbed off the brittlehorn (another name for unicorn) patted its head. Sparhawk had noticed that the rain had stopped and Arya was really getting heavy and she was having hiccups (too much coffee) so he simply opened his arms and dropped Arya who fell with a "oof" on to the ground.
Rubbing her back Arya said "I'm speechless, first you sweep me off my feet and then you drop me on to the acid swept muddy ground and . . ." the rider came up behind her and said " I thought you were speechless Miss Arya, elf helper of the Varden." the rider threw off its hood and Arya gasped. The 'it' had a finely boned face which was softened by large bright blue eyes, a nut brown and soft almost feathery golden hair cut below the ears "I am Sam (not Frodo's friend Sam) of the Magic Institute order, also a friend of the world head of magic, Jormê. I have been asked by him to assist your friends, Frodo and Sam, to find Smeágol, who has the ring.
Fortunately Smeágol has been … erm … caught but refuses to loosen his grip upon Frodo's hair until the ring has been brought back to him and …" here Sam was cut off by the arrival of Sam and Frodo. Frodo had a kind heart and a stout yet slight build yet even that couldn't' stop him bursting out how heavy Smeágol was "Yeah fine, just go off you stupid flying Lama and leave 'this'," here he pointed at Smeágol who was busy grooming Frodo's hair but at the same time uttering short bursts of " Where are's yous my preciousss?" Frodo continued " … monstrosity of a burden to carry around while you go and ask the help of a middle aged swordsman-magician who has a crush on a 200 year old mummy … erm pardon me Arya but you are quite old … who has trouble remembering if she's a 16 year old giggling teenager or a wise elf of great wisdom!"
Smeágol sniggered and pointed at Sparhawk and Arya, almost loosing grip on Frodo's curls.
An hour after this outbust everyone was sitting in comfortable armchairs drinking rum (complement of Jack ah, rest his memory) or coffee in RIP, Sparhawk's Zim mansion. Smeágol was rocking on his heels on the floor in glee holding a "MADE IN CHINA" plastic ring until the time came when he found out it was fake. Sparhawk was talking magic with Arya and Sam( not hobbit Sam) while Frodo and Sam were edging further and further away from Smeágol, who was looking at the ring on his finger in confusion and the … anger. jumped an astonishing height into the air and fell on Sparhawk "My presiouss. it's GONE!" …
Fricklesand started punching him.
Sparhawk's brain was working so slowly that he didn't even notice that Smeágol was pummelling him black and blue.
Suddenly the living room's door was kicked open and in jumped Jackie-Chan.
He started beating up Smégol until Smégol dropped to the ground holding his head and moaning (like those gnomes in Harry Potter 1 computer game after you have fipendoed them.)
While this was happening (LOTR) Frodo and Sam had sneaked away through the broken down door. (With the rings)
Jackie-Chan then bowed to Arya and said "I'm at zeez zerrviees!"
"Thank you but that is all I needed from you." she replied.
Sparhawk's head cleared and he looked around at the surroundings, "What's he doing here?" he said gesturing at Jackie-Chan "Aren't you supposed to be fighting crime in China?"
Arya answered, "No, he is my new body guard. He trained with the legendary Butler (from Artemis Fowl)!"
"What are you going to do after you served Arya?" asked Sparhawk.
"I eez goin to …
Rusty girlJump of a cliff in to a crocodile infested river and kick some crocodile butt."
He then went to cook them a gourmet meal of angry duck (it was livered), jasmine rice and coconut ice-cream.
Sparhawk turned to Arya and whispered," Age is nothing. You are still the most beautiful thing to me."
Arya's heart was banging in her chest. He is so sweet, she could not help but like him-a lot. She answered," No nothing matters anymore."
Sparhawk then kissed the real Arya (the previous time it was actually Smégol in disguise)
Arya suddenly felt very light and collapsed in his arms. He called Jackie-Chan but there was no answer.
He would now have to perform a serious operation on his own. Mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. When she came to his lips were on hers. She whispered,"You just saved my life. Again! Thank you." and she kissed him again.
Then Jackie-Chan called out, "There are Black Ninja Turtles outside!"
(A/N: JUST JOKING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You can forget those two paragraphs)
When she awoke, she actually screamed. She screamed so loudly that Sparhawk went deaf. She said that she was sorry but of course he couldn't hear her.
So when Jackie-Chan said, "There are Black Ninja Turtles that are attacking your mansion, please come help, Sparhawk" He didn't hear, again.
Arya looked around the room desperately. The Ninja Turtles were moving in fast and Sparhawk didn't even know.
What would she do?
(A/N: read on to find out more………