FORGOTTEN MEMORIES!—16

The day had been a long one for the nurses looking after Joe Mannix. Several times they thought they were going to lose him as whatever nightmares he was having caused his body to arch as convulsions raced through him. Andrew Lewis ordered medications to counteract the new problem and the detective seemed to be resting easier now.

Paula Wilson stood next to the bed, changing the IV bag over her patient's head, she knew Lewis would be there soon, and they would remove the tube from Mannix' throat. It wasn't a pleasant procedure, but the discomfort was more than made up for when the patient was extubated and able to breathe on his own. She looked down to see pain filled eyes staring up at her and smiled sympathetically.

"Hello, Joe. My name is Paula. I know you're uncomfortable right now, but Dr. Lewis is on his way. Are you in any pain?"

Joe heard her question and shook his head once. He knew she could see right through his lie, but he hated not being in control. Lately his life seemed to belong to anyone, but himself, now he was ready to take it back and keep it. He closed his eyes and felt his mind beginning to drift toward sleep again, but a soft voice next to his ears brought them open. He looked into the soft, moisture laden eyes, wishing he could take some of the pain out of them and put the sparkle back where it belonged. She smiled then, and it made the pain easier for him to handle. When she spoke, he felt his heart skip a beat and knew everything would be alright as long as she stayed with him.

'Peggy,' he thought, and tried to reach for her hand.

"Joe," Fair whispered softly. Seeing his fingers moving she reached for them and felt them curl around her own. She smiled again as she saw the look of relief in his eyes. "I'm so glad you're awake. I missed you...Toby misses you. He wanted to come visit, but I told him he'd have to wait until you're out of ICU."

Joe continued to stare at her, drinking in the warmth she always managed to exude. He wished he could speak to her, tell her what he was feeling, but words were impossible for now. The only thing he could do was use his eyes and hand to tell her how grateful he was that she was there with him. A voice from the door caught his attention, but his gaze remained locked on the woman standing beside him.

Andrew Lewis stepped up to the bed, and picked up Mannix's chart. He smiled at his patient as he noted the latest test results.

"Hello, Joe, how do you feel about getting rid of the ventilator?" Lewis asked.

Joe nodded quickly, wincing as pain erupted in his skull. He closed his eyes and waited for the drums to stop, before opening them once more. His head dipped once to let them know he was more than ready to get rid of one accessory.

"All right," Lewis explained. "Peggy, if you could wait outside..."

Joe gripped her hand and refused to let them go as Paula began removing the tape from around the tube.

"Is it okay if I stay, Dr. Lewis?" the woman asked.

"It looks like it might make things a little easier if you do, Peggy," the doctor answered, seeing the two hands locked tightly together.

"I'm staying right here, Joe," Peggy assured him, smiling at the injured man as his hand clung to her.

"Okay, Joe, I just need you to breathe out or cough if you can," Lewis explained as he gripped the tube. "Breathe out now!"

Joe knew what to expect, but it didn't make it any easier when he complied with the doctor's orders. He breathed out, coughing as the tube was quickly pulled from his throat. He retched again and again, and felt someone suctioning his throat, clearing his airways, and allowing him to breathe on his own.

"Easy, Joe," Lewis soothed, seeing the pain written so plainly on the detective's face.

Mannix kept his eyes closed as a cloth was washed over his face. He felt Peggy squeeze his hand and forced his eyes open once more.

"...hi..."

Peggy laughed as she watched the stubborn detective fight to force the single word past his abused throat. She heard Lewis berating him, telling him not to try to talk, but the words didn't quite register as she looked into the injured man's eyes.

"H...hi..." her own voice caught on the word and she felt the tears she'd been holding back slip from her eyes.

"...it's okay, P...Peggy..." he rasped, smiling weakly as he shifted slightly on the bed.

"No, Joe, it's not! I thought...thought..." she couldn't speak past the lump in her throat or the pain in her heart. She loved this man, loved him more than she'd ever thought possible, yet she wasn't sure she could continue like this. Seeing him battered and beaten, tubes leading into and out of his body, pain evident in his eyes, was a constant reminder of the dangerous life he led. She looked down at his hand in hers and knew she could not handle this right now. Her shoulder slumped as the first quaking sob left her body and she pulled away from the pain this caused her. Not understanding why she was doing it she turned away from Joe Mannix and raced out the door, oblivious to everything but the ache in her chest.

Joe watched her leave, his hand and heart empty as he watched someone he treasured escape into the hallway. He wanted to call her back, but didn't feel he had the right. He'd caused her so much pain over the last few months and he understood why she was running from him. She'd already lost one man she loved and he didn't want to put her through it again.

"Joe, she'll be okay," Lewis explained, surprised by the pain in the dark eyes.

"She will...if..."

"If what?"

"If I le...leave her a...alone and..."

"Joe, that's not what either of you want. Peggy just needs some time to deal with what's happened. She'll be back as soon as she..."

"Maybe it's better i...if s...she do...doesn't..." Joe tried to get comfortable in the bed, moaning as he realized his mistake.

"I'm going to have Paula give you something for pain, Joe. It should help you sleep, and maybe things will look better when you wake up. I also want you on an oxygen mask for now, later we'll switch that to the canulas you love so much," Lewis said in an effort to ease the tension.

Joe simply nodded and closed his eyes. The pain didn't matter anymore, at least not the physical pain. He felt the medication enter his blood stream and let the warmth wash over him. He felt someone at his wrists and realized he could move his hands as he drifted toward sleep.

MANNIX-MANNIX-MANNIX

Peggy let the tears fall as she raced out of the room. Her heart ached with every step she took, but she needed to put some distance between her and her boss. Her feelings ran deep and painful and she hated seeing him like this. She knew people were looking at her, but it didn't matter, she needed to escape the pain, to hide how much this hurt. She raced outside the hospital and headed toward the garden, but was stopped by a set of strong arms wrapping around her.

"L...let me g...go!" She sobbed, fighting the hands, but to no avail. She felt herself eased down on a bench and pressed her face to the strong chest.

"Peggy...is it...is it Joe?"

She continued to cry, unaware of the signal she was sending to the worried man holding her. All she knew was the pain in her own heart, and the way she'd ran from his room. His next words cut through her despair and she lifted her head to look at him.

"It's okay, Peggy, we'll get through it. Joe wouldn't want you mourning him like this..."

"Mourning? Art, no, Joe's okay...he's..."

"Then what's wrong?" the lieutenant asked, confused by the pain and sorrow he saw in the soulful eyes.

"I...well...it's me, Art. I couldn't stay there and see him in such pain. I don't know if I can face what could happen to him."

"Peggy, Joe understands..."

"Does he?" She asked, accepting the tissue he passed her. "I ran out on him, Art. Joe needed me and I couldn't face him. I don't know if I can keep doing this. He's been hurt so much and I can't seem to stop it!"

"Peggy..."

"What?"

"Do you love him?"

"God, yes, you know I do, Art...more than I ever thought possible."

"Then things will work out for the best. Give yourself time to deal with your own emotions and then you'll be able to better see what he means to you. Go home and get some rest. I'll stay with him and make sure he's okay."

"I..."

"You need to spend some time with Toby and deal with your own emotions before you can help Joe, Peggy. He'll understand, I'll make sure of that!"

"I feel like such a fool, Art. I shouldn't have run out of the room like that."

"He understands, Peg. Now, do you think you can drive home on your own, or would you like me to take you?" The policeman smiled as the woman wiped the tears from her eyes and sat up straight.

"No...you stay with Joe. Tell him...tell him I'll be back..."

"Do you think he'd doubt that? Joe knows how hard this has been on you and that you need time to deal with it. Take Toby to the park, get some rest and come back tomorrow. You'll both feel better," Malcolm said walking her to her car.

Peggy slid in behind the wheel and waited as Malcolm closed the door. She smiled thinly at him, her emotions warring for dominance on her face. Taking a deep breath she turned on the car and slowly eased out of the parking space. She knew she needed this, but she also felt as if she was betraying the man she professed to love.

MANNIX-MANNIX-MANNIX

Joe lay on the bed, his mind a jumble of memories and pain, both physical and mental. He didn't blame Peggy for running out on him. He'd put her threw so much in such a short time, and he couldn't expect her to be strong for him. An oxygen mask now covered his mouth and nose and he felt the cool air entering his lungs. He felt the nurse as she checked the lines and tubes running into his body, but didn't acknowledge her touch or her soothing words. The medication had done its job and most of the physical pain was ignorable, but the feeling of loss was overpowering and he didn't know how to deal with it.

"Joe?" Malcolm said from beside the bed. He'd been there over an hour, and knew the detective was only partially sleeping. His friendship with this man went way back to their time in Nam, and he could easily tell when the other man was sleeping.

"I know you're awake, Joe, so you might as well talk to me."

Resigned to the fact that the other man wouldn't leave, the detective opened his eyes. "...Art..." he whispered, coughing at the dryness in his throat. He cried out as the movement tore at his battered body, sending shockwaves through his chest and back. He felt a hand on his shoulder and tried to focus on the nurse.

"Joe, I've got some ice chips for you," Paula explained, lifting the mask and placing a spoonful of the chips in front of his mouth.

Mannix accepted the offering and let the ice melt on his arid tongue. He felt the liquid slide down his throat, grateful for the relief from the burning sensation there.

"...mo...more..." he mumbled tiredly.

"Just a little," Paula answered as she spooned more into his waiting mouth.

"...tha...nks..."

"You're welcome," Paula said, moving away from the bed and letting the two friends talk alone.

Art watched the injured man, knowing the pain he saw on the detectives face had little to do with what Al Pulverante put him through. He knew there was little he could do to ease that pain, but he would stand by both Joe Mannix and Peggy Fair and show them some things were worth fighting for.

"Joe, I saw Peggy earlier."

"...she okay?"

"'bout the same as you," Malcolm answered.

"...better off with...out m...me..."

"No, she's not and neither are you. She just needs a little time to herself. To deal with what's happened to you, Joe. I told her to go home and get some rest. Take some time and spend it with Toby and come back when she feels up to it."

"T...tell her...under...understand," Mannix whispered groggily. The pain was back, but it didn't matter, he could deal with the physical pain, but not the raw emotional pain that went with the loss he now felt.

"Do you, Joe? I don't think so. Peggy just needs a little time. She'll be back in the morning and you'd better not send her away. You two need each other!"

"...need...to sl...sleep..." the detective told him as the nurse placed the mask back over his mouth and nose.

"Alright, Joe, you do that, but remember what I said. Peggy loves you and she'll be here for you. So will I, Buddy, as long as it takes," the policeman said, watching as the injured man's eyes closed and he slept. 'She just needs a little time, Joe,' he thought before leaving the room.

TBC