Jude's POV
Tommy has been gone for a week and a day and I cannot stop thinking about him. He called me last night, but he sounded so sad that it made me almost wish he didn't call because then I wouldn't feel so hurt. I loved hearing his voice but I could also hear the pain in his voice. He was trying to hide it by joking but I can tell he is hurting badly. It hurt me to know he is hurting.
He did make me laugh a few times. And when I did he said he missed the sound of my life. He is being so honest and open with his feelings now. I don't know if it's because of what happened to Maria or if it's because he is tired of hiding them. I'm not complaining though. I'm happy. I'm actually starting to believe that he might have more than just friendship feelings for me. I just hope he doesn't mess up or hurt me again.
He said that he was coming back soon. I wish it was tonight. Kyle just told me that it this was the concert that was so sold out that even the bootlegged tickets were sold out. This concert is huge and I'm already nervous. I hope I don't mess up. I miss hearing Tommy's voice before I go onstage. It really did calm me down and it made the butterflies in my stomach go away.
Lately Speed has been trying to calm me down but he's not as good as Tommy. I let him know that I appreciate the fact that he is trying to calm me down but it just doesn't work. I hope he doesn't like me again. Honestly, right now, there is only room for one person in my heart and that person is Tommy Quincy.
Last night we didn't talk about THAT night. It didn't really come up and that's okay. I know he doesn't deny or regret what happened and as long as he stays with that attitude I am fine. I still haven't written him back yet, telling him what I thought about that night. But he should know what I think and how I feel. I'm not the one who hides my emotions every chance I get.
I have two full hours before I have to perform and I no longer have butterflies in my stomach. No these are more like dragonflies. I am so nervous my hands are shaking and the fact that Tommy isn't picking up his phone is making matters worse. I really need to hear his voice right now. It's the only thing that's going to calm me down. Maybe if I sent him a text message he will call me back. No, I think he has his phone turned off.
That makes me worried. He usually never turns his phone off. I hope he is doing okay. The last thing I need is for something to happen to him. Then I really would cancel my tour. I think I really should have gone to Montana with him. I think he needs my moral support right now. But he had to give me those cute eyes and speech about me needing to stay and have fun. So of course I listened to him. I always listen to him.
I walk out of my room and go to the front of the bus and see Speed and Wally playing cards. "Hey dude." Speed says to me. "Hey, Speed." I reply, taking a seat on the couch. "You nervous?" Wally asks. I nod my head. Lately I haven't really felt like talking either. I normally don't even come out of my room. I'm not sulking I just don't feel very talkative. And I don't think it's right for me to be having fun while Tommy is in another country grieving over the loss of his daughter.
"It's gonna be a fun concert." Speed tries to reassure me. I know it's going to be a fun concert, I just hope I don't mess up. And I wish Tommy would call me or text me back…preferably call. As if on cue I hear my phone ring in room. I quickly jump up and make it to my room in less than three seconds. I look at my smile widely when I see Tommy's face.
"Hey!" I say happily into the phone. "Hey, girl." Comes the voice through the phone. He sounds happier than last night, but he still doesn't sound the same. "Why was your phone turned off?" I ask. "I was um…it just was. Are you at your next concert yet?" He asks. Okay, so he just changed the subject. What is he trying to hide?
"No we're going to be there in a bout a hour and a half and I'm so nervous." I say. I can almost see him smile. "Just breathe, girl. You are going to be great. Every single person that is going to be at that stadium is there because they love your music. If they didn't your concert wouldn't be completely sold out. All you have to do is sing and do what you do best and they'll love you even more than what they already do." He says.
This is why I love him. He knows exactly what to say at the perfect time. Just by those few sentences my dragonflies went away. Now I have a few butterflies but it's not as bad as before. How does he do that? I'm supposed to be the one calming him down and helping him out and here he is helping me out. He isn't as selfish as everyone makes him out to be.
"Did that help?" He asks. I hadn't said a word since he had said that to me. "Yeah, it helped a lot. Thank you." I say. "Anytime. Look I have to go…I need to concentrate on something right now. I'll see you later." He says. Later? Later as in next week…or tomorrow? What does he mean by later?
"What do you mean by later?" I ask. "Nothing. I'll just see you soon. Oh, by the way…which color do you like better…red or yellow?" He asks. Okay now he is just being weird and he is confusing me. Why does he care about which color I like more? I honestly don't like either color that much, but maybe there's a catch or something.
"I guess red." I say. "Okay. Thanks for telling me that." He says. "Thanks for calming down." I respond. "Like I said, anytime. I have to go. Bye, girl." He says before hanging up. I close my phone slowly and think about the conversation I just had with him. Yes, he had calmed me down but he had also just confused me. I guess he will always be a mystery.
Narrator's POV
An hour later Jude and SME arrive at the stadium. Jude nervously steps off the bus and goes inside the stadium. After forty-five minutes of getting dressed she exits her dressing room. She walks back and forth trying to calm down. Her dragonflies had returned and Tommy's phone was off again. She looks at her watch and sees that she was going to be going on in a few minutes.
One of the rowdies from her opening acts walks over to her and gives her a bottle water. She smiles and thanks him. Just as she breaks the seal and opens it she feels two big hands cover her eyes. She pauses a minute at the familiar feeling of the mystery person's hands.
"I thought you were only going to accept water from me." The person whispers in her ear. She smiles widely and turns around and sees Tommy standing in front of her. He opens his arms and Jude jumps onto him and hugs him tightly. Tommy chuckles and stumbles back a little.
"You jerk; you could have told me you were coming!" Jude says when she finally gets off of him. He laughs. "Would a jerk get you this?" He asks as he hands her a single red rose. Jude smiles and she realizes why he had asked her which color she like better. She is glad she said red.
"Thank you." She says, still excited from seeing him. She looks up him up and down. He looks as if he has lost some weight and even though he is smiling Jude could tell there was something missing. She could tell he was hurting really bad. She smiles at him as she grabs his head and leads him towards her dressing room.
When they enter the dressing room she crashes her lips onto his. Tommy quickly responds. They break away after a short few seconds. "Sorry I just really wanted to do that." Jude says. Tommy smiles. "I wanted to do the same thing." He says quietly, still smiling. Jude is about to say something but she hears a knock on the dressing room door. She sighs and walks over to open it.
"Dude, we are on in like 10 seconds!" Speed says the second she opens the door. She turns to look at Tommy. "Go, girl." He says with a smile. Speed looks at Tommy. "Dude, when did you get back?" he asks. "No time. Go out there and perform." Tommy says. Jude laughs and runs towards the stage with SME right in behind her.
Tommy watched bits and pieces of her performances. He was busy making sure they had set up the equipment properly and getting his stuff back onto the bus. He makes sure he watches most of it before going to do all the other stuff he had to do. It was the biggest concert of her career; of course he was going to watch as much as he could.
At the end of the concert Jude runs backstage in search of Tommy. When she sees him she runs up to him and gives him a hug. "You did great." Tommy says. He smiles widely at her as they break away from the hug. "Did you see a lot of it?" She asks. "I saw most of it." Tommy says, still smiling. Jude smiles widely at him and hugs him again.
"Get a room." Wally says. Tommy gives him a look that told him it wasn't the time. "Just joking." Wally says. Speed and Kyle laugh as they head off towards their dressing rooms. "Go get dressed, girl." Tommy says. "Okay, but when we get on the bus we are going to have a long talk, okay?" Jude says. "Joy." Tommy says sarcastically. Jude's jaw drops and she hits him lightly. Tommy laughs.
"I was just joking. I can't wait." He says with a little enthusiasm. Jude smiles and kisses his cheek and jogs off towards her dressing room. Tommy smiles at how happy Jude seems to be since he is back. He walks off to unplug all of the equipment. When everything is loaded back on to the bus he walks back into the stadium and walks over to Jude's dressing room. He is about to knock when the door opens. He smiles when he sees Jude dressed in the clothes she had on before he concert.
"Hey." Tommy says. "Hey, good timing, huh?" She asks. "I guess, girl." Tommy replies with a smile. "Are you two just going to stand there smiling at each other and looking all lovey dovey or are you going to get back on the bus? By the way, welcome back, dude." Kyle says. Tommy and Jude roll their eyes at him before walking out of the stadium, back to the bus.
Speed, Wally and Kyle immediately sit on the couch once they get on the bus, but Jude grabs Tommy's hand and quickly drags him to the back to her room. She pushes him into the room and closes the door behind her. Tommy smiles and is about to say something when he feels Jude's lips on his. He responds to the kiss, then breaks away from it a few moments later. They are about to speak when they hear Speed's voice.
"Jude, get out here!" He says, half laughing. Jude rolls her eyes and sighs. "Sorry. I'll be right back." She says. Tommy nods his head and opens the door so that she could leave. Tommy sits on Jude's bed as he waits for her to return. He begins to lay down but stops when he hears paper wrinkle underneath him. He sits up and looks at the paper and sees that it is the letter he wrote to her a couple days ago. As he re-reads it he begins to think about everything he had wrote in it. He can't believe how open he was with his emotions. He was trying to figure out if it was a good thing that he had told her how he felt.
He folds the letter back up and puts it back in the envelope as he continues to think about everything. It was finally setting in what had happened the night he had left. He had always known what had happened, and he still had no regrets, he just wasn't sure where it left Jude and him. He didn't want things to get weird between them. Obviously, they weren't at the moment, but since he had just re-read that letter he didn't know how to act around her now.
Jude enters the room and sees Tommy laying on her bed, lost in thought. She smiles as she walks over to Tommy and climbs on top of him, straddling his lap. Tommy glances up at her and acknowledges her presence but doesn't say anything. He continues to look up at the ceiling and continues his thinking. Jude gives him a weird look.
"I never thought I'd see the day where Tommy Quincy resists a girl sitting on top of him." She says with a smile. Tommy doesn't even hear her comment; he was too lost in thought. Jude begins to pick up on his change of mood and she gets off of him and sits down on the floor next to the bed. It takes Tommy a few more minutes to notice that Jude is no longer on top of him. He looks down and sees Jude sitting on the floor still, not facing him.
"Why'd you get off and sit down there?" He asks. Jude shrugs silently. If he was going to be quiet and distant, then so was she. He wasn't the only one that could hide his emotions and change her actions quickly. She was tired of always showing her emotions just to get hurt. Now it was Tommy's turn to actually tell her what he felt. She just hoped she wouldn't get hurt if he did.
"What's wrong?" Tommy asks. "Nothing." Jude answers shortly. Tommy could sense her change and could see that she was hiding something. What had he done now? "Jude, tell me what's wrong." He says, getting off the bed and getting on the floor, sitting next to her. Jude turns her head and looks at him. She just shakes her head and looks back at the floor. Tommy could tell she wanted to say something.
"Say whatever is on your mind, girl." He says. "Why don't you try that for once?" She says coldly. Tommy looks at her for a moment, then realizes why she had a sudden change in mood. He doesn't say anything. He just turns around so that his back is against the bed. They sit in silence for a few moments. Jude turns her head and looks at the letter Tommy had written her. She notices that it was on floor but she distinctively remembers putting it on the bed. Now she realizes why he had a mood swing.
"It's funny. I thought that after reading that letter you had finally opened up a part of yourself to me; a part that I had always wanted open; a part of you I have never been able to figure out. But I guess I was wrong. I know you just read the letter you wrote to me. And I know you are probably asking yourself why you were that open with your feelings. Actually you are probably asking yourself why you said you didn't regret THAT night. You are probably about to tell me that it wasn't as special to you as you made it out to be. And you know it's my fault for letting you in. It's my fault for showing you my emotions again. It's my fault." She says the last sentence in a quiet tone. She feels tears coming to her eyes.
Tommy just sits there in silence and thinks about what she had just said. Now any sane person would have immediately tried to disagree with her about her statements before; but not Tommy. He just sat there and continued to process what Jude had just said to him. He knows she wasn't right, but at the time he couldn't find the words to tell her she was wrong. He was confused and stressed.
"Feel free to try and deny what I just said, Quincy!" Jude says in a loud voice. Tommy looks at her and tries to talk but nothing comes out. He attempts a second time but he realizes that what he was about to say was going to sound stupid. He turns his head and looks back at the floor. Jude laughs a little and shakes her head in an unbelievable sort of way. She feels more tears come to her eyes. Tommy can see out of the corner of his eye tears starting to roll down her cheeks.
He turns to her again and tries to speak but Jude cuts him off. "Don't. Just leave." She says, her words almost catching in her throat. Tommy attempts to say something else but Jude shakes her head and turns away. Tommy sighs as he stands and stands up and quietly walks out of Jude's room. Jude climbs into her bed and silently cries and thinks about what had just happened.
After being in his room alone for ten minutes Tommy hears a knock on his door. He sits up quickly and watches as his door opens, anticipation on seeing Jude's face. He is disappointed when he sees it is only Kyle. He watches Kyle closes as he walks into his room and closes the door. He takes a seat on the edge of Tommy's bed and looks at him.
"Did you hear me say come in, man?" Tommy asks. He didn't mean to be cranky but Kyle wasn't the person he wanted to see at the moment. "No, but I thought we should talk." Kyle says. Tommy gives him a weird look. "You're straight, right?" He asks. Kyle laughs a little. "Yeah, I'm straight. I just thought we should talk, man to man." He says.
"Man to man? Don't you mean man to boy?" Tommy replies. Kyle shrugs a little then nods his head. "Dude, I thought I was your favorite out of Wally and Speed." Kyle says. Tommy sighs. He realizes that he had been kind of mean to him. "You are. I'm just…stressed right now." Tommy says as he begins to rub his temples. Kyle nods his head in an understanding way.
"Why did you leave?" Kyle asks. Tommy looks up at him. "Jude didn't tell you?" He asks. Kyle shakes his head no. "My…my daughter died." Tommy says. He can feel a lump coming on in his throat. Kyle's face feels with a shocked expression. "How?" He asks. Tommy swallows hard, trying to get rid of the lump that was getting bigger and bigger.
"She um…she got into a car accident. Portia survived, but Maria…didn't. She wasn't in a car seat. It wasn't Portia's fault. It was a drunk driver…he ran a red light…Portia was turning and…Maria…." Tommy doesn't finish his sentence. He wipes away the tears in his eyes. Kyle sits there and takes in what Tommy just told him. He felt really sorry for Tommy.
"I'm sorry." Kyle says. Tommy nods his head and continues to wipe his eyes. "It must be hard…to loose your kid." Kyle says. Tommy nods his head. "Especially when you just found out she was your kid." He says in a deep husky voice. "My brother died when he was three. I'll never forget my mother staying up for two weeks straight, crying herself to sleep." Kyle says sadly.
"I can relate. At least your mom didn't have any regrets. And at least she didn't mess up things and mess with people's emotions all the time." Tommy says quietly. Kyle turns his head to Tommy. He knows that the conversation had just turned to Jude and his relationship…or friendship.
"Jude?" Kyle asks, even though he knows the answers. "Yeah, Jude. I messed up again." Tommy says. "Dude, I don't think you can mess up any more than what you already did when you left for a month." Kyle says. Tommy shakes his head. "I don't know. I just know that I messed up. And now I don't know what to do…or what to say." He says.
"Well, no offense dude, but you are always messing up. Just do what you always do and talk your way out of it. Either that or…actually show your true feelings for her. I mean it's obvious that you like her…and we all know about her crush on you. I think that you two just need to tell each other your true feelings. It will clear a lot of things up." Kyle says. The fact that a 17 year old drummer was giving Tommy advice was sad. He realizes that he really does need to have a talk with Jude.
"She already has told me her feelings…well showed at least." He says. "And you two still aren't together? Wait, she told you her feelings, but you didn't tell her about yours." Kyle says, catching on. Tommy nods his head. "Well dude, you should do that soon…like now." He says. Tommy nods and stands up.
"Dude." Kyle says. Tommy turns around. "What?" He asks. "I'm real sorry about your daughter." Kyle says as he stands up. "Thanks." Tommy says quietly. Kyle walks over to him and puts his hand on Tommy's shoulder. "Kyle, one thing." Tommy says. "Dude, I told you, I'm straight." He says, removing his hand. Tommy laughs lightly.
"Not that. This conversation…" Tommy says. "Never happened." Kyle finishes for him. Tommy smiles a little and nods his head. Kyle nods his head also as he walks out the door, Tommy right in behind him. Kyle walks into his room and Tommy walks over to Jude's door and knocks a couple times. When he doesn't get an answer he turns the knob slightly and enters the dark room. He can see Jude's figure lying on the bed. He knew she wasn't asleep.
He walks over to the bed and lies down beside her, resting on his side, supporting his head with his hand. "Go. Away, Tommy." She says slowly. "No, let me explain about earlier." He says. "Your actions spoke louder than your words." Jude says, her back still towards him. Tommy sighs. He knew this wasn't going to be easy but he still had to try.
"Earlier I didn't say anything because I didn't know what to say. In my mind I wanted to tell you that you shouldn't be blaming yourself because none of this is your fault. It's all mine. You're right. I never express my feelings. That's because I feel I need to bottle things inside and only let people see the happy smart ass playboy Tom Quincy. I forget that you aren't just some person. You are you…if that makes any sense. You used to be the second to most important person in my life. Now, with recent events, you are the most important person in my life. And I'm sorry for blocking you out all the time. What I said in the letter was true. I just couldn't believe I had been that open with you. I am never open and honest with my feelings. You have every right to be mad at me for blocking out my emotions. But I just want to let you know that I'm sorry. I have a lot going on right now and I might be a little distant towards you, but it's not because you did something. It's because now I sit back and think about things. I take life in because I see how short it can really be. I'm really confused right now about where we stand. All I know is that I lost someone real important to me a week ago, and now I think I'm loosing you and that's the last thing I need. I can't loose you too, Jude." Tommy says quietly.
Midway through his explanation, Jude had turned around and faced Tommy. She now had tears in her eyes. Tommy was praying that they were tears of happiness and not of sadness. He reaches towards her face and wipes away her tears, gently brushing his thumb across her cheeks. She smiles softly and puts her hand on his hand.
"I was thinking, earlier, after you left. It wasn't right for me to get mad. I can't believe how selfish I am being right now. You just lost your daughter. Your only daughter. You have every right to act differently and angry or distant. You have every right to show every emotion in your body. I should be the one apologizing; not you. What you lost was irreplaceable and I know you are hurting so bad. But you will never loose me. Ever." She says. Tommy smiles at her and gives her a hug. Their hug lasts for about five minutes.
When they finally break apart they just lie there in bed staring at each other, wondering what the other was thinking. "Thank you." Tommy says quietly. "For what?" Jude whispers. "For saying that I was never going to loose you. I needed to hear that." Tommy whispers back. "It's the truth. I just hope that I will never loose you. I wouldn't be able to last." Jude says quietly.
"You'll never loose me. I promise." Tommy says quietly, embracing her. Jude smiles and buries herself in Tommy's chest. Tommy smiles and rubs one hand up and down her back and runs the fingers of his other hand through her hair, closing his eyes also. They both stay quiet, listening to the beating of each other's hearts. "You'll never loose me." Tommy whispers again…………………..
Okay so I know I said I would have this out TWO days ago, but yesterday and the day before I was sick. I almost didn't make the cut for tonight because of all the stupid make up work and homework I had to do, but somehow I did. I guess the Jommy Gods were looking at for you all. Lol. anyways, there's the update…please tell me what you think!