Chapter 4- What am I?
Despite the storm outside, the silence that suddenly swept through the entire house was deafening. But it didn't last long. It was broken by the sound of shattering glass from Edward's bedroom. Edward who had already walked half way there ran the rest of the way, closely followed by Alice and Carlisle. The rest of the family was soon to follow. At the doorway Edward paused for the slightest moment taking in the broken window. He ran towards it looking out into the stormy night, over the back yard. There he saw Bella on her knee's mouth open to the sky, trying to quench the unbearable thirst. "Bella!" she looked towards him stunned. 'Edward?' even from her thoughts her voice was still mildly shaky and confused, overcome with thirst.
"Edward you need to go to her. Now" on hearing Carlisle's words, Edward jumped out the window towards Bella. "I didn't mean you couldn't use the door" he said behind him from the window. Alice just laughed 'thats Edward for you', she wiped the smirk from her face quickly as Carlisle faced her with one of those parent-not-quite-an-eye-role eye role looks on his face.
I hit the ground half way between her and the house, and ran the rest of the way. "Bella, my angel, your OK" I said taking the final step towards her with my arms out, she pulled away at first so I paused. "It's OK" I assured her remembering she must be confused.
"Where am I?" her voice was no longer shaking but it was low and scared. "What happened?"
"Well..., come inside Bella please, lets get out of the rain"
The rain was coming down everywhere around us. I could smell it. I could hear it all falling. I could see every individual raindrop as if it was in slow motion. But I couldn't feel it. I mean I felt the droplets hitting me, I was so aware of them they could have been bullets, but with out the feeling of pain. Without any feeling for that matter, the temperature was usually cold the rain near frozen, but I couldn't feel it. We moved inside and I was hoping to feel the comforting warmth from within, but on entering I still felt nothing. No cold. No hot. No warm. Something was wrong.
"I'm a what now?" Bella asked standing up and looking around the living room full of family, questions on her face, racing through her mind, radiating off of her in feelings of confusion. Before she could ask the questions Alice stepped in to help, "Whats the last thing you remember?" this stopped her dead in her mild pacing. There was a long moment of wondering how to answer, wondering what to answer. Finally she said one simple word.
"Pain." there was another long silence as everyone waited for someone else to respond. They all knew what she meant, they have all been through it themselves. But nobody had a response. Knowing nothing was to come Bella moved onto another question. "Who... I mean..." she looked around the room hoping for a response this time, but again silence. Carlisle broke it this time "You don't remember?"
"Honestly no. All I remember is getting home from the shops, Charlie wasn't home yet, he had a long week of early mornings and late nights so we hadn't spoken in a while. I got inside and put the shopping on the bench..." she paused thinking, it felt like an eternity ago to her at the moment and there was a feeling deep inside her, a need that went deeper than any normal hunger or thirst. "just as I had finished putting away the shopping I heard a noise outside and thought it might be Charlie home early so I went to check it out, then... I don't know, everything goes black. Then there was burning and pain and the next thing I knew I was in the room up stairs, then outside in the rain."
'I'm so thirsty' she looks at Edward desperately. "I know Bella its OK" he stands up and puts his arm around her comfortingly. It felt goods to be in his arms again. "We're going out for a while" everyone understood the tone in his voice. Esme nodded and Carlisle sent his thoughts of approval and well wishes across. 'Do you need any help?' were to two responses he received from Alice and Rosalie. He smiled at each of them but shook his head, leading Bella out the door and into the car.
Parking at a secluded place I didn't recognize, Edward opened the door for me once again, like old times, but this time it was all different. "Follow me" Edward said shutting the door behind me, he was off, a blur through the tree's. 'how the hell am I supposed to follow him? Oh what the hell' and I was off following after him through the tree's matching his movements, able to watch out for him and keep up the speed at the same time. Then I spotted him, I speed up even more so and caught up to him. When I was close enough behind him I pounced, copying what I had seen him do to me once before. We were on the ground tumbling before I realized what I had done. I was worried I had hurt him, gone to far. I went to get up quickly the second the movement stopped, but I couldn't, my thoughts raced to discover the source. It was Edward, he had taken to the challenge and tackled me back, winning the tumble. "Sorry. I just..."
"No thats good, letting your instincts guide you. You need it to hunt." he says, getting up and giving her a hand up. 'but I could have hurt you' he chuckles in a smooth way, "Please, even now your a vampire you couldn't take me on" a cheeky smile sliding onto his perfect features. I don't know how long I was lost just happy to stare into his eye's, take in his perfection, feel the love I felt for him. But I was broken out of it by the sound of rustling and very tempting scent. A small growling came from with in me, from first human thought I assumed it was my stomach. Then memories came forth from before and I realized it was me. Suddenly everything around me was gone, it was just me and the animal, 'But what do I do? I cant kill and animal'. Edward must have noticed "It's OK just follow me and I will guide you. It's not as bad as you would think". He gestured for me to follow him, as we moved swiftly through the tree's we kept silent. I followed the delicious scent more than Edward. My mind on one thing and one thing only. We stopped moving and I saw it, eating the fresh grass, sitting there peacefully. It smelt so good but my mind was racing 'I cant kill an innocent animal'. Gesturing for me to stay put, Edward moved as fast as ever, pouncing onto the deer. It struggled against him but he held it in a vice grip. "Bella come on, its OK" I moved forward slowly, uneasy, I looked at the helpless creature shaking my head, mouthing the words I cant. Edward used his talon like finger nail to put a small cut in the side of its neck, that was all it took. The sweet aroma filling the air, I was there at its side on my knee's holding onto the animal. I sank my teeth into it feeling the sweet, life-giving, warm liquid flow though me. The animal struggles so I hold on tighter, taking it all in. As I heard the deers heart slowing, its blood flow ceasing and then finally it stopped moving all together. I pulled back gasping, lowered the deer to the ground gently and stood back. I took in the site of the lifeless creature, 'What had I done?'. Edward stepped forward to put an arm around me but a pulled back growling. "What have you turned me into?" I said icily, backing away.
"Bella..."
"No, this isn't me. I cant kill animals forever. I cant live with being a monster" My voice was high pitched now. He moved forward and put his hand on my shoulder. "I said don't touch me." I hissed. I was angry suddenly. Someone had attacked me, taken away my rights. And then the man who loved me, had let me turn into this monster. No not a monster, even worse, a hollow shell, a person who was. I was a thing. Trying to release my anger I took it out at the only person near by, I lunged at Edward with all of my strength, sending us both to the ground, only this time I was in control, and I lashed out. I was yelling at this point, tears steaming down my face. And I was punching him. "What am I? What did you turn me into? What have you let me become?" At the first site of blood I pulled back shocked. Edward just pushed himself up onto his elbow, rubbing the side of his face, looking at me. I stumble backwards. 'oh my god' I shook my head at myself, trying to clear my thoughts. "You should have let me die". With that I ran. I ran as far and as fast as a could ignoring the Edwards calls after me, he was the fastest runner till I came along. I lost him, but I didn't stop then, I kept going. Not knowing where I was going and not caring. All I knew was that I had to end it. Now.