A/N: Thank you to everyone who left me feedback! Glad you approved of how I had Sturgis' character giving Harm a bit of a blunt push in the last chapter. -- Teacup

I See – Chapter 3

As Harm showered, he couldn't help but think about the things Sturgis had said. And in no time at all, Harm found himself concluding, 'God, I am in love with Mac, aren't I?' He knew she was the most important person in the world to him. He knew she made him feel like no one else ever had. He knew he wanted her in his life … always. He'd do anything for her.

He had been two seconds away from pummeling his old Academy buddy for implying that Mac could be just a meaningless one-night stand. A wham-bam, thank you ma'am. As if Mac should be treated like an otherwise worthless piece of flesh.

Mac deserved to be loved and cherished. If Harm ever got the opportunity to take Mac to bed, it would be with her knowing how much he cared about her. It would be long term. It would be because they were in love and wanted a future together.

But were they ready for more than friendship? They had danced around the issue, but never seemed to get anywhere. They were both finally free from other people, but he wasn't sure she was ready for more with him. She had pushed him away the last time he tried to talk to her about it, when she was TAD on the Guadalcanal.

Sure, before the Jag-a-thon she had said they should talk … when it happens. When it happens? What does that mean anyhow? Had they already had that talk? Was it their brief exchange after the Jag-a-thon when they agreed to start at the beginning?

Or was there a talk that still needed to be had? He thought there should be, because he had no idea where they stood. What did 'at the beginning' mean anyhow? Of their friendship or of something more?

Did she really want something more with him? She had at one time – in Sydney. Harm knew at that moment on the ferry that Mac wanted more from him. And she confirmed it the night of her engagement party, saying that she had been willing to risk a deeper relationship with Harm back when they'd been in Australia. But was she still interested?

He suddenly remembered part of their conversation that night out on the Admiral's porch. She had told him that he was afraid to lose control, but she wasn't talking about court cases then. He was pretty sure she was referring to relationships at the time. She had told him to let go of that lifeline – of control. Let go.

Those words took him back to Sydney once again, to the time when Mac had figured out that Harm was unable to 'let go' with her. He regretted that moment. Seeing her face. He knew she was hurt. She had felt rejected, he was sure. But that was the last thing that he wanted.

Maybe that's why she went straight to Brumby. Brumby would not reject her. Brumby was showering her with attention. He had certainly 'let go' with her. For her. As much as Harm hated Brumby, he did realize just how much Mic was willing to let go of for Mac. Mic let go of his career. He let go of his country. He let go of control so much that he moved halfway across the world without any career plans or any kind of guarantee that Mac would even marry him.

On the other hand, Harm always thought Brumby was a true control freak. In Harm's opinion, Mic had always seemed to force things on Mac. Maybe Brumby didn't really let go of all those things for Mac at all, but was really impulsively taking risks for his own grand ideas and pressuring her to go along with his plans.

But it didn't matter anymore, because Brumby was finally out of the picture. It was just Harm and Mac now. … Harm and Mac.

And Harm wanted Mac. God, how he wanted her!! But was he willing to let go and to lose control? Because that's what it would mean for him. It would be going into unchartered territory, and he would have to let her co-pilot. What if they crashed? What if she rejected him? What if it ruined their friendship? Their working relationship?

He never had to worry about losing control in his relationships with other women, because they were all safe. Safe, because he didn't really care what happened. It hadn't mattered. But Mac did matter. More than anything. He couldn't stand to lose her. He wouldn't survive her walking away from him.

So, yes, he had control issues when it came to a relationship with Mac. But if he wanted more, he knew that he would have to 'let go,' as she had said, and risk handing over some of that control to her. … He'd have to simply risk losing control to one emotion that he had never let drive him before.

Had Sturgis been right that, when Mac called him a control-freak, she wasn't just talking about the case? Was she still waiting for him to be ready to 'let go' with her?

And if that was true, when Harm had implied he hadn't needed her on the case, had Mac somehow taken that to mean that Harm felt he didn't need her at all? That he would not want her in his life? That was so far from the truth! He did need her and want her. And love her.

As Harm dried himself off and dressed, he resolved to have a talk with Mac. He wasn't sure what he was going to say, but he needed to feel out if she had been thinking about these things. If she had, … no wonder she was so upset with him. And if she hadn't, … then he would need to continue to bury his feelings for her.

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TBC …

A/N: Next chapter … Harm talks to Mac