Note: You guys and gals are so amazing and wonderful. I was so touched with all of your reviews! Each of you are so generous. 11 reviews for one chapter was a new record :) You have really kept me writing. So here's chapter 2 and I'm sorry about the cliff hanger but I promise this week I'll have chapter 3 up within the next few days. Sp enjoy and please tell me what you all think.
Part 2
Melanie was in front of him but Rhett couldn't bring himself to look at her. He couldn't take his eyes off of his Bonnie lying before him. Her face was shadowed from the darkness shrouding his room. Only a couple of lanterns were lit as they always were when she was sleeping.
Only now she wasn't sleeping. Her small face, once so vibrant and rosy was pale. He touched her cheek lightly and let out a ragged breath. Her cheeks were cool to the touch. All life was gone from her. Even her rosebud mouth that had once smiled so sweetly was blue. His darling Bonnie was dead and it was all his fault. He would never forgive himself.
Sanity was slowly returning. He had been filled with rage these past two days since her death. When Dr. Meade had said her neck broke he had burst. Sobbing next to her still form, burying his face in her neck. He couldn't remember the last time he had cried before then. But the moment he knew she was dead he had cried for the loss of his Bonnie.
He had staid with her, the door locked for the whole day. He couldn't eat, sleep or leave her. He wanted a drink but he couldn't even bring himself to leave her side and rummage through his cupboards. Then the rage had come and yesterday he had stormed out like a mad man with his gun in hand. Wade and Ella had been terrified but he was driven to punish that pony for throwing his Bonnie.
The pony had been standing out on the lawn, the poor creature just standing there, next to the jump which had been broken when Bonnie had fallen. The rain was coming down heavy and the pony was soaked. Raising the gun he had shot the pony in the side. The animal had easily died. And falling to his knees he thought of Bonnie. This had been his last link to her. How she had loved that pony. But she was no longer here and if that animal hadn't thrown her, she would still be alive.
He had been huddled there, still holding the gun. How easy it would have been to pull the trigger and end the pain. He wasn't mindful of the cold wind and the rain. The thought that crossed his mind is he would be out of this torment. He wasn't sure if he believed in hell but anything was better then this. Life without Bonnie, the light of his life, was a living hell.
"Captain Butler," Melanie softly pleaded. "Please, you must eat."
His eyes left Bonnie and he looked over at Melanie. She was sitting in his large chair, her small form shivering. Her face was pale but her brown eyes kind and full of compassion. She looked so much like a young child, only wanting to help and please. So innocent like Bonnie. His throat caught.
"I'm not hungry," he roughly said. Seeing the pained look in her eyes he felt like a cad. He knew he shouldn't be rude to Melanie. She had never done a thing to harm him from the day he had known her but helped Scarlett and him.
"But Bonnie would want you to eat," she soothed. "Do you think she'd want to see you starve yourself to death? Please, Captain Butler for Bonnie, Scarlett and me."
He rose from his seat and grabbed the tray of soup. He didn't want to eat this damned soup. Bonnie would never eat again so why should he enjoy it? He forced the spoon in his mouth and nearly gagged on the soup. But he forced himself to slowly take sips. If only Melanie wasn't so kind hearted he would have threw her bodily out and to hell with her pleas. But he couldn't do it, not to her. Scarlett on the other hand was a different matter.
"I wish I were dead," he mumbled. He didn't know why but he wanted to confess everything to this small child-like woman. The words burned to be said that had been in his soul for days. "I would have killed myself... I shot Bonnie's pony," he admitted gruffly.
No look of reproach was on her face. "I know, Captain Butler. And I understand. Do you think I would condemn you for it? No." She rose to her feet and kneeled in front of him, taking his hand in hers.
Rhett felt like a child. Not a man that had seen the whole world and had faced hell on earth. Melanie was watching him with a kind expression, her eyes encouraging him to continue and he sighed wearily, leaning his head against the back of the chair and closing his eyes.
"I wanted to kill myself, and I would have," he admitted, "If Scarlett hadn't stopped me."
When Scarlett had stood before him he had been shocked. The way she had trembled and cried, fighting against him with all of her strength. She had been pale and thin but still fought, begging and pleading. Scarlett didn't grovel and had never thought about anyone but herself. He then wondered why she had seemed genuinely scared and compassionate towards him. He knew it wasn't so and his mind had been playing tricks on him. But if she hadn't had diverted his attention he might as well be dead. He wondered if he should thank or curse her.
"Oh Captain Butler no!" Melanie cried. "You mustn't consider such a thing again. Scarlett would be so heartbroken. She loves you so."
He laughed grimly.
"Miss Melly, Scarlett hates me. She has never loved me a day in her life. She blames me about Bonnie's death as much as I blame myself. God," he breathed, looking over at Bonnie. "What will I do without her?"
"Go on Captain Butler," she gently said. "That's all any of us can do. And remember her sweetly and all the good times. Remember the light she brought into your and Scarlett's life. But you must move on."
His eyes met her fierce ones that shun with determination. What a selfless woman she was. She had nothing but heart. A feeling of gratitude washed over him. Taking her hand in his he gently kissed it. God, he knew what he had to do even though the thought of parting with his daughter was unfathomable.
"Thank you, Miss Melly for all you have done for Scarlett and me," he said. "Tell Mammy to send for the undertaker... But will you leave me alone with her for a minute?"
"Of course."
Rising to her feet her eyes went to Bonnie's and she smiled a little sadly. She had loved Bonnie as much as if this child had been her own daughter. With heavy eyes he watched Melanie open the door and slip out, shutting it quietly behind her.
He rose to his feet and took Bonnie's small hand in his. He remembered when she was a little baby how she would reach up with her tiny hands and hold onto his finger. If only he could relive those days and see those blue eyes again. Kneeling down, he gently kissed her tiny hand and smoothed her hair away from her face.
"Bonnie, I'll miss you sweetheart but I have to let you go," he whispered raggedly. "Daddy will always love you though and you'll always be my little girl. My brave little Bonnie..."
He stared at her for the last time with swimming eyes. It hurt so damned much to let her go. It's as if he was being stabbed in the heart and it was torn into shreds. Never had he known such pain, even the pain he felt over Scarlett loving Ashley was nothing compared to this. He had lost the best part of himself and it could never be replaced.
"Give your sweetheart a kiss," he softly murmured giving her one last kiss to her forehead. He remembered how her lips would pucker and she'd give him a snacking kiss with a giggle. He touched her cheek one last time and forced his feet to move towards the door. His mind was numb and he was suddenly tired, very tired. He hadn't slept for three days he realized. Opening the door he stumbled out and saw Melanie speaking with Mammy.
Mammy nodded and with one look at him she quickly went down the stairs. Melanie smiled and walked over to him, putting a comforting hand on his arm. "You need sleep Captain Butler," she said gently.
He shook his head. "I can't Miss Melly. Not until Bonnie..." He sighed and raked a hand through his hair. "Well, you know what I mean."
She nodded, a weak smile on her face. He then noticed how pale and tired she also looked. He knew she must have been awake days trying to comfort Scarlett and himself. He berated his own selfishness. She needed to go home.
"Miss Melly you must go home. Indeed I order you to. You're wearing yourself out."
"Oh, don't worry about me Captain Butler," she whispered. "I need to be here for Wade and Ella..."
He cringed at the name of his step-children. He remembered their horrified looks and how rough he had been when he had ordered them to go to their rooms. They had been stricken. He closed his eyes, God, what a mess he had made of things. Because of him Bonnie was dead, his step-children were deathly afraid of him and Scarlett hadn't come out of her room for a day now.
"How are the children?" he asked with a weary sigh. "I know I scared them when I shot the pony..."
"I explained everything to them," Melanie softly said, leaning against the wall for support. "But they are in there room and I think it best if you speak with them." His eyes met Melanie's and he knew with resignation he must go speak with the children.
"Yes, I'll speak with them. Scarlett told me she wanted to send them to Tara so I'll see about that too."
"And Captain Butler," she added. "I hope I'm not being too forward but I beg you to speak with Scarlett. She thinks you hate her and she is beside herself with grief. Of course she doesn't let it on. She is so strong you know."
Maybe she was too strong for her own good, he thought. He knew Melanie was trying to keep him busy for when the undertaker came. But she was also genuinely worried about the children and Scarlett. Yes, he'd speak to the children first.
"Miss Melly I'll go speak with the children and could you please tell Scarlett I'll come to speak with her soon. I don't want her surprised and I frankly don't know how she'll react."
Melanie smiled. "She'll be relieved but I will tell her. Good-by Captain Butler."
Rhett took her hand gently in his and kissed it. "Thank you for everything Miss Melly. From the bottom of my heart I'll always be indebted to you. And if there's anything you ever need please don't hesitate to tell me."
Melanie blushed but smiled. With another good-by she was down the hall headed for Scarlett's sanctuary. He watched Melanie knock and then she slip in. Now, the children. Rhett tiredly made his way to the children's room. The door was ajar and peeking inside he saw Wade sitting on his bed with Ella seated on the floor talking with him. For a moment he remembered when Bonnie had sat on that very floor playing dolls with Ella. For a second it hurt him to breathe but he forced his mind from memories of Bonnie. Clearing his throat gently, both children looked up.
"Hello," he gently said, seeing their fear. "May I come in?"
"Y-yes," the children said in unison and Rhett cautiously made his way in. He knew he had to be gentle and saw the fragile barrier between them. He sighed and sat on the edge of Wade's bed.
"I wanted to tell you two that I'm sorry," he said, dropping his eyes. "You both didn't deserve my harsh treatment."
"It's okay Uncle Rhett," Wade said with a small smile. "We understand that you miss Bonnie." the last word was said in a whisper.
Rhett's throat caught. "Yes, yes I do miss her. But that's no excuse to treat you two that way. I know I don't always show it but I do love you both. We might not be the same blood but we are family."
"Will anything ever be the same again?" Ella whispered, tears coming to her eyes. "I miss when mother and you used to laugh and we'd all have fun."
"Come here, Ella," Rhett said, opening his arms. Without hesitation she launched herself into Rhett's arms and he gently held her as he had held Bonnie and Scarlett. He pondered what Ella had said. He couldn't remember the last time he and Scarlett had laughed. He focused his attention back to his step-daughter. She cried and he gently wiped her eyes. Looking over at Wade he said, "I have room for another hug son."
Wade went into Rhett's arms and the three held each other. It felt good to know that he was needed and that Wade and Ella didn't hate him. They still loved him, unlike Scarlett who had never comforted him a day in her life. He briefly remembered her hand reaching out to him in the yard yesterday. He shook his head, no not Scarlett. He must have imagined it.
"Will you and mother get a divorce?" Wade suddenly asked completely throwing Rhett off guard.
"Why would you say that son?" Rhett asked looking at Wade. Ella looked confused and a little fearful at the prospect.
Wade's eyes dropped. "I know you and mother aren't happy," he mumbled. "And one of my friend's parents divorced."
He had thought of divorcing Scarlett over the years. She loved Ashley and Bonnie was gone, the only thing that had kept them together. Now that she was gone he could so easily leave her. But he couldn't do that to Wade and Ella. To see their world shattered again by his departure. If he did divorce Scarlett it wouldn't be for awhile.
"No Wade, your mother and I aren't divorcing," he said. But the thought of being free from her once and for all was welcoming. He wondered if he loved her anymore. He would have gladly ran to her side when she was sick and it all his fault. But she never called for him. Now he felt aloof around her and like a stranger. He was numb.
Visible relief mirrored the children's eyes. He would have to deal with Scarlett and the funeral. God, how he wanted to run and never come back. A drink at Belle's would be welcomed but he had to talk to Scarlett and deal with Bonnie's funeral. Tears filled his eyes but he looked away lest the children see him struggle. Pasting a smile on his face he said, "How would you two like to go to Tara?"
A smile came to Ella's face and she nodded eagerly.
But Wade looked hesitant. "What about you and mother?"
He ruffled the boy's hair with an assuring smile on his face. "Your mother and I will be fine, Wade. You and Ella wouldn't want to be here and Tara would be so much better. It would just be for a week then you two could come home."
"Just a week?" the boy asked, wavering.
Rhett nodded. "One week then we'll send for you and Ella. Unless you wanted to stay longer."Giving the children one last lingering hug he rose to his feet. "I'll send Mammy in to help you both pack. I'll be back after I tell your mother."
Rhett left their room slowly, each step taking any energy he had left. He didn't dare look towards his room lest he see the undertaker. He easily found Mammy standing in the hall and told her the children would be leaving.
"Dats good Mistha Rhett, very good," she agreed.
He nodded. "I'm going to speak with Scarlett. Please make sure we aren't disturbed Mammy. Not by anyone."
Mammy solemnly nodded and was off waddling towards the children's room. Clenching his fists he slowly made his way to Scarlett's room. He didn't want to face her. He knew he would see the accusation in her eyes. But he knew he had to get it over with. Pausing, he raised his hand and knocked on the door.