A/N: I'm amused with how the comments to the last chapter varied so much in terms of which of the two was more at fault or which to sympathize with over the last disaster. But, that, I think is good if I've written it so that it can be interpreted either way (or of course equal blame, equal sympathy over the lack of effective communication). Thanks so much for the feedback! -- Teacup

I See – Chapter 5

Sturgis caught glimpse of the Marine hurrying away with a mixture of fury and disappointment about her, and he shook his head. He walked over to Harm.

"What did you do now?"

"I don't know, Sturgis," came the bewildered response. "I honestly don't know." Harm returned to his office, and Sturgis followed, closing the door behind him.

"You wanna talk about it?" Commander Turner asked.

"Not really," replied Harm. "But was there some other reason you followed me in here?"

"Just wanted to make sure you're okay."

"I'm fine," Harm insisted.

"Okay." Sturgis was about to open the door when Harm's voice interrupted him.

"I told you it wasn't a good idea."

"What?"

"Me and Mac. I try to reach out to her, even a little, and she storms away from me. I don't even know why."

"Did you tell her how you feel?"

"No. I told you, my feelings don't matter."

Knowing what he did about Mac, Sturgis got upset and stated sarcastically, "Well, that's very noble of you, Harm. But what about how she feels? Did you ever consider that?" His tone was now very accusatory. "Do her feelings matter?"

"What the hell would you know about her feelings?" Harm shot back. He didn't believe for a second that Sturgis had anything but assumptions about how Mac felt about anything or anyone.

"More than you realize," Sturgis confidently answered. "The question is - what do you know about them?"

"Nothing!" said Harm in exasperation. "That's why I'm in this mess to start with."

"Then maybe you should ask her." Sturgis used a harsh tone. "Or better yet, maybe you should just open your eyes and see how she feels about you."

"And just how are you so sure you know anything about how she feels?"

Calming down, Commander Turner answered, "I'm sworn to secrecy on that one."

"Well, you want to clue me in?" snapped Harm petulantly.

Sturgis shook his head and snorted. "Open your eyes, Harm." He opened the door and left.

-------

In her distracted state, Mac ran right into Sturgis just as he was about to enter his office.

"Sorry," he apologized, even though she had been the one to run into him.

Suddenly realizing who she had bumped into, Mac exclaimed, "You!"

She pushed him into his office and shut the door. "What do you think you're doing, talking to Harm?"

"Harm's my friend and my colleague. We talk all the time."

"Not about me, you don't. Not about Harm and me. That topic is off limits, and you know it!"

"I didn't tell him that you're in love with him."

"And you'd better keep it that way! Because I swear, Turner, if you go blabbing to him, I will personally send your six to the bottom of the ocean, and you'd better hope some of your old submarine buddies are there to save you!"

"Colonel." He addressed her seriously. After having just dealt with Rabb, he wasn't in the mood to play their game.

"What?"

"Would it be so bad for him to know?"

"Yes." Her answer was desperate.

"Why?"

Mac's mind couldn't even process all the reasons. God, if Harm knew how she felt and didn't feel the same, … she'd be mortified for starters. How could she ever work with him again? How could they remain friends without things being awkward? Or what if knowing, he just felt pressured to pretend he felt something more for her, when he didn't? She didn't want his pity, damn it!

But even if he did have feelings for her, and there were days when she was able to convince herself that he did, he would have to be the one to say he was ready, because she wasn't going to put herself out there again. Not after what happened in Sydney.

"It's complicated, and … I can't deal with this right now. Just please, stay out of it," she begged.

"Fine." Sturgis had done all he was going to do. These two were on their own.

---------

The following day, Bud stopped at Harm's office.

"Sir, have you seen the Hudson file? I wanted to go over the girlfriend's statement again."

Harm had been immersed in sorting through the paper work accumulating on his desk. "Uh no, Bud, I haven't," he replied distractedly.

Just as Bud was about to leave, Harm called, "… Oh, wait! That's the case where the major's girlfriend stole a car? And the major decided to protect her by saying that he took the car himself, right?"

"Yes, sir. That, and he is now accused of receiving stolen property."

"Actually, I think it might be in this pile here. Let me check." As Harm sifted through the pile of folders on his desk, he asked, "… Why did she do it, anyway? - Steal the car."

"The major apparently admired it," Bud answered. "She wanted to get it for him, but couldn't afford it."

"Yeah, but why risk the consequences?"

"She said it was because she loves him. She wanted him to know that and wanted to make him happy."

Out of curiosity, Harm asked, "Do you believe that?"

Bud shrugged. "Women in love do strange things, sir."

"Yeah, I guess." Harm found the file Bud was looking for, but held onto it, suddenly wanting to ask Bud a question. "… Hey Bud, … what about when Harriet was first in love with you?"

"Sir?"

"Did she do strange things? Or anything really … that made you … think she loved you? I mean, … how did you know … how she felt about you?"

Bud got that classic confused look on his face, wondering why Harm was asking him the obvious. "She told me, sir."

"Right." Harm mentally reproached himself for not having seen that answer coming. He clarified, "Did, uh, … did you know before she told you?"

"I had a pretty good idea," said Bud innocently. "I mean, … I hoped."

"Right," Harm agreed. Then, overdoing the sense of assurance, he added, "… You had good reason to hope." Harm smiled, trying to hide the fact that he was still searching for some insight.

There was an awkward moment when both men were trying to figure out if that was the end of that topic. Finally, in an effort to relate things back to the case and cover up his reason for asking the question, Harm said, "Well, it's a good thing she didn't steal any cars for you."

"Yes, sir. Harriet wouldn't have done anything that extreme." Hearing what he had just said and not wanting to give a misimpression, Bud modified, "… Not that she wouldn't do anything for me. … I mean, I don't doubt how much she loves me. Just like I love her. It's just that she didn't have to do anything that outrageous for me to know she loves me."

Seriously, Harm responded, "No, and she shouldn't have to. I imagine there are probably more subtle signs of a woman being in love."

"Oh, yes, sir, there are," Bud agreed, relieved that he was not getting himself into hot water by conveying the untrue notion that he didn't think his wife loved him enough.

That was the opening Harm was looking for. "Like what?"

"What?"

"What kind of subtle signs do women give that they are in love? How would you know one was in love with you if she didn't tell you?"

"Umm, … well, I suppose women differ in how they react," said Bud.

"Well, how did you know with Harriet?" Harm preempted Bud from repeating his earlier answer, "Other than her telling you." Then, hoping to get as much out of Bud as possible, he suggested, " … Even, say, after she told you she loved you – how did you know for sure?"

"Uh, … you know …" Bud fumbled, "things like, she, … well, she'd go out of her way to do nice things for me, … umm, … and she'd sort of get irrationally jealous when she thought I was paying too much attention to some other woman."

Remembering a particular instance, Bud said, "… Even if it was just asking a woman at the store to move her grocery cart." Becoming defensive, Bud explained, "… I mean, I didn't choose that the person blocking the aisle was … a somewhat good looking female …" Bud had to stop himself from rambling with details of that story.

He refocused and continued, " … But mostly, …" Bud took on a dreamy sort of expression and with confidence declared, "… the way she looked at me." He paused for a moment, but then, when his head suddenly cleared, he added, "… And, of course, the way she forgave me for screwing up so much. I mean, after she thought I stood her up at that restaurant … I thought I lost my chance, … and then the thing with the stripper and jail before our wedding, … and I don't ever want to relive that time after the comment I made from Australia …"

Harm nodded, and cut Bud off. "I … understand, Bud. … Well, … as much as I think I will ever understand anything related to women. Thanks." Harm smiled at his own dig at the opposite sex. He had to cover up any serious thoughts he had been having.

"Umm, sure, sir."

"Oh, … here's that file." Harm handed the Hudson folder over to Bud.

"Sir …" Bud wanted to inquire why Harm was suddenly interested in the behavior of women in love.

"Yeah?"

On second thought, Bud decided against asking. Some things were better left alone. "… Thanks for the file."

------

Harm hadn't seen Mac at all since she had walked away from him after the Admiral's announcement about Friday night. Shortly after that, she left to work on an investigation in Norfolk. She would probably still be working there late tomorrow, so she might not even make it to the Admiral's party.

He had been giving a lot of thought to what Sturgis had said about Mac's emotions. Harm didn't know why he had been so self-absorbed as to not consider how Mac was feeling. Maybe Mac did want something more with him, and all of his procrastinating was just hurting her? The last thing he wanted was to cause her any pain.

Had she had enough time after her aborted wedding that she was ready to move on? Was it possible that she could actually feel for him something similar to what he felt for her? She was obviously aware of 'this thing' between them as much as he was. Might she actually be in love with him too?

His thoughts drifted to what Bud had said about things Harriet had done that clued Bud in that she loved him. Okay, … so it was probably different when you were actually dating someone, but some of the principles might be the same.

Bud had mentioned Harriet going out of her way to do nice things. Of course Mac had done nice things for Harm. Big things – like risking her life following him on his insane quest to Russia. That, in and of itself, would qualify as quite extreme, the type of behavior he had said earlier should be unnecessary. That should count for a lot. But it was also a long time ago.

Then there were the little things she did. There were some recent examples of that. Like when she brought coffee into his office for him last week so that he could avoid the break room and the Singer jokes.

Sure, Mac ribbed him about his loss to Singer too, but when she realized how bad he was getting it from everyone else in the office, she seemed to become protective of him. When he thanked her, she had shrugged and said that's what friends were for. But none of his other friends had brought him coffee so that he could avoid the stinging comments.

The way she looked at him? Bud said that was the big one. But you had to be able to interpret those looks. Harm was very good at interpreting some of Mac's expressions. Like when she was hiding something. When things were not going well for her. When she was being mischievous, worried, angry, frustrated. He knew those looks well.

But sometimes, when she looked at him … he just wasn't sure what was behind it. He liked the way he felt when she gazed at him with one of those unidentified looks. For instance, how she had eyed him for just a moment in her office the day before. The same way she looked at him when she had brought him coffee last week. It could be love, but how was he to know?

Bud had also mentioned irrational jealousy. Well, if Mac wanted to know that Harm loved her, there were plenty of examples on this front. But, wait, … they hadn't really been irrational, had they? Dalton, Mic. They had both eventually taken her. Taken her away from him, even if it hadn't ended up being permanent.

Alright, so there were probably a few other men Harm had been jealous of over the years too. Pretty much whenever some other guy was the lucky recipient of one her smiles. But that wasn't nearly as bad as when another guy got to be touched by her, no matter how innocently. Yeah, … her touching another man was definitely the worst.

But had Mac ever been jealous over Harm? She hadn't really liked his past girlfriends, but she seemed supportive enough. She made fun of him sometimes for the way he attracted women or when she thought he was flirting with one of them. But sometimes, just for a moment, he would find traces of hurt on her face too.

That was another expression of hers that he was familiar with. Hurt. He had seen it yesterday … after he asked her to join him and his neighbor on Friday. But he didn't understand why that would have hurt her. It was a simple activity with the lady downstairs. All he even told Mac was that his neighbor was new in town and that she liked shopping.

Wait, … that was all he told her, wasn't it? Could she have assumed that he was interested in his neighbor? Was that what she meant by her comment about bringing his neighbor as a date to the Admiral's party?

Even if the circumstances had been different, and his neighbor was available and attractive, why should Mac have been jealous? … Since he was inviting her along with them? It didn't make sense. It was … irrational.

But then again, to be honest with himself, if Mac invited him out to join her and another man, he'd be damned jealous. But that was because he loved her!

… Maybe, just maybe, … she loved him too? Maybe that's why she had gotten so upset the day before.

Well, that left one thing on Bud's list. Willingness to forgive all the stupid ways he'd screwed up. And Harm knew he had screwed up big time over the years. Mostly, because he couldn't say the words he needed to say. He didn't make himself clear.

He should have been better about telling her how he felt before he left JAG to fly and, of course, on the ferry in Sydney. There were a million times when he wished he could have stepped up and admitted things when she was open to hearing them.

Then there were the words he did say that just came out wrong. Like that stupid comment about the men she had been involved with. What was he thinking with that one? It didn't matter that he didn't think she would have heard him – it was stupid to have said at all. And it hurt her.

And, … what if she believed what he had said?! What if she didn't think that he wanted anything to do with her because of some illogical fear of death or disaster? That could certainly explain why she wasn't initiating any kind of talk between them on this subject. How idiotic could he be?!

Maybe Mac was better off staying away from him. He had hurt her so much. Sure, she had forgiven him as a friend for all sorts of things. But maybe it was best for her not to get involved with a guy as stupid as he is about relationships.

But then Harm remembered what Sturgis said about Mac's feelings. Of course her feelings mattered. If she felt about him, anywhere near how he felt about her, then she wouldn't care about him being stupid every now and then. He knew he'd forgive her for just about anything if she'd just give him a chance to be with her … to love her.

What if she felt the same way about him? After all, Harriet had forgiven Bud. And Bud was no expert on relationships when they started going out. But Harriet loved Bud and knew that Bud loved her, so it didn't matter in the long run.

Harm needed to talk to Mac again. The next time he saw her, he had to make things right. He was really starting to convince himself that she might be in love with him. And he knew he was in love with her. And if they were both in love with each other … they should be together.

----

TBC …

A/N: Next up … the party starts.