Part 6

Scarlett couldn't sleep. As soon as she had entered the house she sat in her room, the house oddly still. She had drank a few glasses of brandy but she had finally set the bottle away in disgust. She wanted to forget but she was no better then those women who drank like a fish. She knew she was drinking too much.

She had fallen into a restless sleep and had a nightmare that Rhett had died with Bonnie. She had seen them lowered in the ground side by side. Then the mist had over taken her. She had awoken with a cry. By the time the clock read 3:00 am, Scarlett was frantic. She should be furious that Rhett had run to that Watling after Bonnie's fueral! But the only feeling she could conjure up was fear. What if he had broke his neck? For it was once again raining heavily outside and she had even heard lightning strike in the distance. She counted the hours as she sat in the darkness of her room.

Her ears strained for the sound of the latch of the door. She had waited up for Rhett as of late and when she knew he was home she would fall to sleep. Sighing, she got up and began to pace. Maybe Rhett had returned home and she hadn't heard. She would go take another peek in his room.

She once again made her way to his room across the hall. Looking in she didn't see him, only Bonnie's small bed. She numbly stared at it and a sense of strong loss over took her. Her Bonnie was truly dead and buried now. So this was what it felt like to loose a child. Loosing the baby had hurt but not the crushing feeling like this. She had held Bonnie, kissed her and watched her ride fearlessly, her dark hair tumbling. This was what it felt like to loose a child she had loved, as Ellen had lost her three sons.

Rhett had adored Bonnie to distraction. And she felt his loss too almost as if it were hers. How he had loved Bonnie! She couldn't comprehend how he had loved that little girl when he hated her. But he had. And she didn't know how he had controlled himself so at the funeral, when a few days before he had been a mad man and crying. But at the funeral his face was oddly blank.

"What are you doing?"

Scarlett jumped at the sound of Rhett's voice. It was cold and shaky but she could have wept with relief. He was home! He was soaked to the skin and his hair slightly disheveled but she sighed with releif. He wasn't drunk for he looked controlled and his body didn't sway but he was ever alert and eyes roaming over her in question.

"I was looking for you. I-I was worried something had happen to you," she added breathlessly.

"Really?" he mockingly asked. "You haven't worried about me before. Why this sudden change of heart?"

Her eyes met his and she saw them searching, an odd flame in them.

"I just was." She shrugged.

The flame disappeared and he sighed, raking a hand through his wet hair. "Well if you'll excuse me I'm going to change and then I'm going downstairs."

His voice was polite and indifferent. He looked into the room and she saw his eyes become downcast. Her eyes met his and she saw a brief flicker of pain. He had seen the bed. She knew he was avoiding the room.

"Downstairs?" she asked, frowning.

"I can't sleep in there... where Bonnie," he abruptly stopped. His voice broke and he swallowed. "God," he hoarsely whispered. "When I think of her..." He trailed off and turned away from her. "Just go to bed, Scarlett," he tiredly said. "I won't intrude on your time any longer. Your sanctuary awaits you." His lips had a bitter twist on them as he went into his room and opened his dresser dware, pulling out a few items of clothing.

Scarlett watched him then looked towards her room longingly. She could so easily run in there and go to sleep. But there was something in Rhett's voice she couldn't ignore. Like a moth drawn to a flame she wordlessly trailed after him and stood there in the middle of the room. His shirt was off and she watched with widened eyes as he turned to face her, his strong, muscular chest she hadn't seen in a long time chest with the dark hair and familair scar on his abdomen. The chest she had so many times laid her head on. He looked so very strong yet vulnerable as his eyes searched hers.

"What are you playing at Scarlett?"

"N-nothing." She was speechless but met Rhett's eyes. There was a flash of something in his eyes then his eyes were masked once again. Had she imagined it? But no she couldn't have for last night came back to her when he had returned her kiss.

"I want you to stay with me tonight," she blurted out. There she had said it. She realized she really wanted Rhett with her. She was tired of being alone. She didn't know why she wanted him so desperately but she did.

"Oh?" his brow quirked and his eyes were a little weary. "And why is that my pet?"

"Well, you see, Rhett. I do get awfully lonely and I don't want you sleeping downstairs since it is uncomfortable-"

"Give me the real reason," he demanded.

Oh damn him! He was always able to see past her excuses. She could never trick him. She squirmed under his gaze and sighed. "Very well," she snapped, "I miss you!" Her jaw dropped open at her own admission. And she realized it was true. He looked as equally surprised as she felt. Oh, she'd die if he laughed at her. She had to get out of this room!

"Never mind, Rhett. Forget I said anything, I'm going to bed." She turned towards the door quickly but he easily stood in front of her.

"No you don't, Scarlett. We're going to have a heart to heart if you will. Why did you kiss me last night? And don't blame the brandy."

She sensed her answer was important. But she didn't know why she had kissed him. And he was demanding an answer when she didn't understand it herself!

"I don't know," she muttered. "Oh just leave me alone! I'm tired and going to bed."

"No," was all he said.

"I'm tired," she snapped. "why are you acting like such a child? I swear sometimes you act like Bon-" She froze as a look of horror came on her face.

She suddenly felt his hands on her arms in a tight grip, it didn't hurt but he wasn't releasing her. "Scarlett, look at me," he demanded. Her eyes met his and saw deep anger in them and pain. "Don't say her name," he roughly said, "like that. Dammit she was a beautiful angel and I won't have you insulting her when she is cold in the grave." He gave her a little shake, "You hear me!"

She nodded as he released her.

"Just leave," he said. "Leave me some peace, Scarlett."

She watched him turn away from her and retrieve his clothing. She should return to her bed. But she couldn't, anymore then she could hate Rhett. She realized despite all the hurtful things she had said to him, she didn't hate him. Ellen would have been sweet and comforting,. Here she was the opposite just making Rhett more angry and hurt.

"Rhett, I still want you with me tonight," she said, too tired and beyond caring that she was begging. She felt his eyes on her but her head was bowed, she was so tired of fighting and being strong.

"Why is that?" he bitingly asked, hurt ringing in his voice. "So you can turn me away again, no thank you. You've made a fool out of me, Scarlett, you won't do it again."

She had no idea what he was talking about. She sighed. When she didn't want him, he came to her and when she did want him he was unyielding. Either way he was infuriating. Did he want her to get on her hands and knees and beg? She wouldn't!

"I'm not trying to fool you Rhett. Is it a crime for a wife to want to share a bed with her husband for the night?"

"Last time I checked it was," he muttered. "Dammit, Scarlett, when I'm around you I can't control myself. If I come into your room tonight... You do know what you're asking don't you? I'm not Ashley Wilkes who won't have pleasure with his wife."

He had bit out that he wasn't Ashley Wilkes. Ashley? He came to her mind but somehow she didn't want him. It was so strange for she had always wanted him but she wanted Rhett. She didn't care about Ashley at that moment. Her heart pounded in excitement when she saw Rhett's eyes unmasked with longing.

"I do understand, Rhett," she said, her face flaming.

He was in front of her then, his eyes searching. He seemed to hold himself back for a moment before he lowered his mouth to hers. Without hesitation, Scarlett wrapped her arms around his waist and felt the heat of his skin against her. He was so strong and the feel of his bare back was dizzying. Her fingers roamed along his back and she heard his breath catch.

His mouth continued to kiss her and then moved to her cheek then the back of her neck. He pulled her hair up and sent kisses on her neck that made her shiver. She clutched him more tightly to her, closing her eyes with a sigh of delight. Suddenly he pulled away and he was watching her in silent invitation and uncertainty.

Scarlett slowly smiled and in a rare moment she took his hand in hers and wordlessly led him out of the room. She didn't look back for the memories were too painful. She just wanted to forget and feel Rhett's strong body and the passion he could evoke in her.

"Make me forget," she whispered and Rhett's mouth claimed hers once again. Their arms were around each other as they stumbled into her room and Rhett kicked the door shut behind them. It was only a short time before Rhett's body was over hers and she forgot everything but him. His dark eyes and the way he made her feel. She gave up any sense of restraint or reason as she kissed him back.

TBC