Part 12

Note: I guess I have been neglectful since I haven't posted for a week or more. bad me haha. I'm sorry but I have been really busy since school has started up and I have been doing hours of homework (those college classes). And I was on vacation for a few days. But I hope you all enjoy this post even though it is short, because I might not be able to post the next chapter until the end of the week, but I will try. Thanks for the reviews and here is the next part.

The day passed uneventfully and turned to the next day. Scarlett forced herself to leave her room for she would have staid in there if she could. But Mammy wouldn't hear of it and she had to admit she was becoming restless. She thought she would go mad.

For she couldn't go outside because she was in mourning. She could have sat out on the verandah but there were too many memories that ate at her of Bonnie. Everywhere else in the house there was dark memories also. The darkness and silence of the house was maddening.

That was the reason that Scarlett went out of her room, inspecting the house. She didn't care what anyone said but she quickly pulled away the drapes away from the windows and brilliant sunlight filtered in. There were so many windows that she went to each one and did likewise until Mammy interrupted her with a stern grunt.

"Miss Scarlett whut ya doin'? De house is in mournin'. We ain't suppose to have light."

"Oh I don't care!" she cried, pulling another set of drapes away from the window. Mammy's eyes squinted with annoyance and Scarlett blinked against the light. it had been so long since she had seen light. She suddenly knew why Rhett called this place a monastery. Well she wouldn't live another day in the house like this.

"Now Miss Scarlett it ain't fitting to be changin' de house. Ye be a good girl and go rest," Mammy chided as she had when Scarlett was a little girl.

"Fiddle-dee-dee, Mammy! I'm not a little girl anymore. Just because I'm in mourning doesn't mean I'm going to live in this darkness." She pulled back more drapes in a flurry, with a satisfied smile on her face as she surveyed the once dark house alight with color and sunlight.

She looked around the house and memories came back of the children running around and laughing throughout the house. There had been happiness here once, especially with Bonnie's happiness and flashing dimples. She sadly smiled but pushed those memories away. She would be happy today. She wouldn't think about the accident or about Ashley if she could help it.

She knew lunch was approaching and Rhett had told her briefly that he would be home for lunch. She didn't know where he went and suspected it was Belle's. The thought angered her that she was stuck in the house and that he could traipse around as free as he pleased. Well she would speak with him about it today.

She walked to her room as Mammy angrily muttered that she was going to send Prissy in to help her with her hair. She smiled at Mammy's mutterings, for she found them so amusing. Once she was in her room she sat at her vanity and began to brush her hair in the age old ritual of one hundred strokes but after forty she got preoccupied with thoughts of how she would broach the subject of that creature with Rhett.

She opened her vanity drawer to rummage for pins when her hand settled on a familiar object. She gasped and with dread she knew what the object was the moment she stared at it. It was a picture of Ashley that she had for years now. She hadn't expected to see his face so soon and she recoiled, devestated as all the emotions rushed back to her.

Lowering her face in her arms, she allowed herself to cry for a moment. She cried for the loss of something she had thought so beautiful once and when it had been a figment of her imagination. Ashley had never loved her. And she suddenly wondered why she was so unlovable. She looked at Ashley's picture and ripped it up into small pieces, each piece falling on the top surface of the vanity.

True, she hadn't been the perfect lady or kind. She had to fight for what she wanted, regardless of others feelings. Suellen hated her for stealing Frank, most of Atlanta hated her and Rhett didn't love her. She knew her children must but they were afraid of her. She took in a few steadying breaths and quickly wiped her tears away with her hands. Looking in the mirror, her eyes were puffy and one would be able to tell she was crying.

A knock sounded at the door, interrupting her thoughts. It was Prissy to do her hair. The daft girl didn't do well with hair. She pulled her hair so and her hands shook awfully, annoying Scarlett to no end. But the finishing result was usually satisfactory. "Come in Prissy," she called out.

The door opened and the person that met her sight wasn't Prissy at all but Rhett. She averted her gaze but Rhett's brow creased and he could tell something was wrong with her.

"You've been crying," he said, shutting the door and walking towards her.

She thought of denying it but it would be silly to do so. "Yes..."

He stood behind her seated form as he so often had, in fact he had done so the last time she had kicked him out of her room. His nearness was exhilarating and her breath hitched as he placed his warm hands lightly on her shoulders and her eyes met his in the mirror.

"What's wrong, Scarlett?"

His voice was so caring that she sank back and rested her back against his strong body. He smelled no longer of whiskey but the familiar scent of brandy and cigars. With Rhett she always felt comforted somehow. She wondered why it was so but pushed the thought from her mind as she looked up at him.

"Why am I so unlovable? I know I'm not sweet and a lady but still everyone is mean spirited and hates me. And I forgot I- I had Ashley's picture and the things I wanted to desperately to forget came rushing back, Rhett. Oh! I'm so tired of crying. I've cried enough in a lifetime."

She swiped at her tears and before Rhett could hand her his handkerchief she grabbed the one he had handed her yesterday and blew her nose. "You must think I'm a crying jag," she said with a sigh.

"No, anyone that has been through as much as you have, Scarlett, deserves a cry."

She looked up at him and smiled. "We have been through a lot, Rhett. I never imagined when we married that any of this would happen... You still miss her don't you?" She couldn't say Bonnie's name but both Rhett and her were aware of Bonnie's absense now more then in the beginning.

He nodded with a sad smile on his lips. "She made my life complete. She truly loved me for the way I was and only wanted love. She was so trusting and innocent, only wanting to run free... I liked to imagine she was like you, a little girl again before the hardness of life took that away from her."

"I never knew," Scarlett whispered. Rhett had never spoken to her of his feelings as he had these past few days and she never relaized that he had likened Bonnie to her as a little girl. Bonnie had been the best part of their marriage, she suddenly realized. But they could never have her back.

He shrugged as there was a knock on the door. Prissy entered. "Care to join me in the parlor after your hair is done?" he asked lightly. She nodded as she watched him leave and braced herself for Prissy's prattling and hair pulling. She hoped she would be done soon. She was anxious to go to the parlor and join Rhett. Just why that was she didn't question, she was just so glad that he was present.

TBC