Disclaimer: Only the original characters and the cheap plot beginnings belong to me. If it sounds similar to something written by Mercedes Lackey, that's because it's hers and I'm just too lazy to come up with something completely original and get it published.
A/N: Hello everyone! Here's a new and rather quick update for ya'll. The reason this one's up so quick is because I may not be getting Ch. 4 up for a couple weeks so hopefully this will tie you guys over. I must also apologize in advance if the answers to questions seem rather pathetic. This is all I could come up with. But also, if you remember from "Not What I Had Planned", I tried to take some of what I thought were the common cliches and poke fun at them. That's kinda what I'm trying to do here. If it works, sweet, but if not, then you'll just have to deal with it because I said so. :P Anyhoo, I hope this all makes sense and you don't laugh at me too much or stop reading. I like it when people read my story. (shuffles feet in sheepish manner)
Ch. 3: Q & A
Trine raised his eyebrows at me and shrugged as if saying 'Well what do you know' and left my room. I leaped out of bed and rushed to my closet to dig out my small suitcase and start packing. While I had a one-track mind about what I needed to do at that moment, Shannon, understandably, didn't share my enthusiasm.
"Jennifer, what the hell do you think you're doing? You can't just up and leave! What about your class, the shelter…," she cried indignantly.
"They don't matter anymore," I cut her off as I threw the suitcase on the bed and started throwing in clothes. "I've got more important things to worry right now. Cat, move," I told Punky as he'd woken up when I threw back my blankets and had curled up inside the case. I scooped him up with one hand and threw in my clothes with the other.
Shannon climbed off the bed and whipped me around to face her. "They don't matter? Jennifer, listen to yourself! You've wanted to go back to school for ages and now you're going to throw that dream away? Do you realize how crazy this sounds?"
"Shannon, you have no idea how crazy this is and this is the exact reason I never told you in the first place," I told her flatly as I put another load of clothes in. "Why I never told anyone because it all sounds so impossibly insane. I knew I wouldn't be believed so why waste my breath?"
"Well, can't you wait a couple days or something? If …Shayna's waited for you this long then can't she wait another day or two?" my friend asked.
I slammed down the top of my suitcase in anger and leveled Shannon with a glare that could peel paint. "No, she, CAN'T! Didn't you hear Trine? Shayna's starving herself to death over me and I can NOT let her die! I don't care if I die but I can't do that to her! I CAN'T loose her a second time!" I placed my hands on my hips and sighed and Shannon fell back onto the bed. "Did Trine explain to you what the Herald-Companion Bond is?" I tried to ask calmly.
"Yeah, but I don't quite understand. He said it's what makes a Herald a Herald and that when one dies, usually so does the other," Shannon said quietly.
Leave it to Trine to not give the explanation justice. I nodded. "That's the easiest and quickest way to explain it. But a better way is this. When Shayna Choose me, it was like she filled a gaping hole in my soul that I didn't even know existed. I was so scared and alone when she came to me that I knew, with her, I'd never be alone again. Shay is my partner, my missing half and I can't just wait to get to her. I need to be there last week." I left the room to gather my things from the bathroom while Shannon thought about what I said.
When I came back five minutes later she posed another question I obviously hadn't thought about. "When will you be back? Are you going to stay long?"
I tucked my toiletries into the front pockets of the suitcase while I thought. "I don't know. I honestly don't know." Because my mind was starting to think like a Herald again I told her what I thought based on that reasoning. "If I had to guess, it may be a while. I don't know how sick Shay is and I'm not leaving her until she's well. Hell, I'm not leaving Valdemar unless she comes too. Plus, I don't know anything about how or why the government is involved in this so I have to take the political atmosphere into consideration. For all I know I could be back in a week or never."
Shannon was stunned. "You might never come back?"
"It's a guess, that's all. You know as much as I do right now." I went back to my closet and reached up to the top shelf to retrieve a long and thick box I hardly thought about when Trine re-entered the room.
He took one look at my packed case and me and whistled. "That was quick. Are you ready?"
"Almost." I put the box on the bed and lifted the lid. The smell of slightly musty leather and cloth wafted up, revealing a golden-brown outfit that looked like something you'd see at a Renaissance Faire. I re-opened the suitcase lid and carefully laid my uniform on top.
"You kept that, hmm?" I could hear the smile and approval in Trine's voice.
I just nodded and picked up my half asleep cat. "Do you think it'll be okay if I bring him?" I asked Trine.
He shook his head grimly. "Not right now. From what I understand some people will be coming back over here in a few weeks so maybe they can bring him then. But right now I'm just supposed to bring you."
"Meanie." I placed him back on the bed and started throwing miscellaneous items into another traveling bag. My iPod and traveling speakers, a few books, some pictures and my teddy bear. "Okay, I think that's everything. If I'm missing something then I'll just have to go without."
Shannon had remained silent for a good while and when I looked at her, she appeared to be ready to cry. She looked at me and shook her head. "I don't understand any of this. What am I supposed to tell people about where you went?"
Trine spoke for me. "You're to tell them she's working closely with the…FBI, I think it is, about her disappearance case and had to leave town for a few weeks. If they have any questions they're to call this number," he said and handed her a business card. "You're not to say anything else as this is a highly sensitive government matter now."
Shannon nodded numbly and took the card. "This is happening all so fast."
"Tell me about it," I said as I gave her a goodbye hug. "You should have been there the first time 'round."
"I'm gonna miss you," she whispered in my ear.
"Me too. I need to answer quite a few questions first and then hopefully I'll be back soon. You know my bank account number and there's plenty of money there to cover rent or anything else. Take care of yourself, okay?" I responded, letting her go.
"So long as you do," Shannon said with a slight skeptical overtone. That earned a snort from Trine.
I turned and glared at him. "Shut up. No one asked you."
It was Shannon's turn to laugh. "You gave them trouble in the well-being department too, hmm?"
"Oh, the stories I could tell if we had time…" Trine trailed off. "Jenn, we should be going." With that he grabbed the handle of my suitcase and headed out the door, leaving me to carry my other bag. Shannon closed my door as we left and walked us out of the building. It was a crystal clear afternoon, the kind that seemed to only hold possibilities as we walked to a dark, nondescript car a little ways down the block.
Agent Glazer put my bags in the trunk as I gave Shannon one last hug. I hated leaving her without much of an explanation to everything but then I knew hardly anything myself. When I got into the car next to Trine in the backseat, I found myself starting to shake. I was thrilled to be going back, but scared of the political situation waiting for me.
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Shannon and I lived in one of the many suburbs to the west of Chicago so it really came as no surprise when we started to drive into the city itself. The agents kept the conversation to idle chatter as we drove downtown. Apparently we'd get down to business when we got to wherever we were headed, presumably to the branch office.
An hour or so later we pulled into the underground parking garage to one of the many skyscrapers in downtown Chicago and made our way to an office on one of the upper floors. It looked like a regular office, and I had no idea if it belonged to the CIA or what. The four of us entered a conference room in the back and sat around a medium sized table. It was time to get down to business.
"So, Miss Keller, I suppose you have quite a few questions for us," Glazer said conversationally.
"I've got a question or two." He nodded and I continued. "I'd also like to get one thing straight right now. I realize I'm smack in the middle of a rather complicated tango between the two sides. I may be a civilian over here, but over there I…was one of the ranking Herald-Mages and thus deserve answers. So don't even think about giving me any of the 'that's classified information' crap. Yes, because of my position I have to play the role of Switzerland, but because I'm so deeply involved I need to be in the loop. Are we perfectly clear on this?" I asked sternly. There was no way in hell I was gonna let someone screw me out of info just because I didn't have a security clearance.
Hill chuckled and Trine looked confused. "You have to play what?" my friend asked.
"I have to be neutral and can't take sides," I explained hurriedly. I took a deep breath to try and calm my nerves before asking my questions. "Okay, question one. What the hell is going on? How do you people know about Valdemar and how is Trine here?"
Hill answered. "We know about Valdemar due to many years' scientific research through a joint military and intelligence operation program. People have speculated for years that the military has been working on projects the public would classify as 'science fiction', and they're correct."
I held up my hand to stop him and stared. Oh Jesus Tap-dancing Christ. He's not gonna say what I think he's gonna say, right? "Hold up. Are you tellin' me the truth is actually the crappy sci-fi B-movie explanation?" I asked. He nodded and I rolled my eyes. Oh, you've got to be fucking kidding me. "So are we talkin' legit science or adapted alien technology here?"
Hill laughed as Glazer continued explaining. "It all does sound like something out of a bad movie, I'll give you that, but this is legitimate science. No alien technology is involved as far as I'm aware. What's been happening is since the 1940's, just after World War II, the government has been running a joint military and intelligence agency project to examine the possibility of inter-dimensional travel, using the best minds in science from around the world. It's only been within the last couple years that the project has seen success."
"So public theory has always been right, that you guys have been up to your eyeballs in making science fiction stuff reality," I said. He nodded. I looked down at my hands and attempted to make sense of what I was being told. I don't know why I'm surprised, but I am. I don't know what kind of answer I was looking for, but anything other than this would be more believable. The military and government messing with inter-dimensional travel? Oy. "Okay, so then what?" I asked after a few moments had passed.
"A couple years ago the project made the first of many breakthroughs allowing us to understand the divide and how to transverse it," Hill said. "Once we figured out how and made sure travel was safe, the military started planning trips. We've been to quite a few interesting places, but about a month ago we received a real shock when one team found themselves in Valdemar."
"It was the strangest thing," Trine finally piped up. "I was back at the Collegium teaching a geography class when it suddenly felt like the whole world was being torn apart. I couldn't breath or think and the foundation of the Palace shook. After the sensation passed, one of the Bard trainees looked out the window and saw a team of six men standing in one of the gardens.
"To make a long story short, when the introductions had been made and the Queen and Council had the opportunity to speak with them, they were told about you and things started getting really interesting," Trine said with a dry chuckle. "Anyone who had had even a passing acquaintance with you was brought in for questioning."
"What did they want to know?" I inquired.
Trine shrugged. "I can't really speak for anyone else, but they wanted me to tell them everything I knew. What your personality was like, the kind of person I thought you were, where exactly you came from over here, what you'd told other about the States, things like that. Then, after about a week of talking with everyone and discussing the next move, it was decided to try and bring you back."
Needless to say I was floored and feeling rather out of my element. My mind was reeling from what I'd just been told and I knew it was going to take a few days to get used to the information. I rested my elbows on the table and rested my chin on my hands, attempting to take it all in. So my life's gone from being the main character in a whacked-out fairytale to being a science fiction plotline. I just can't do anything by halves. Or is this still simply some weird-ass dream I'm having? Ya know what, I don't know anymore so I'm just gonna go with it. Fuck it all.
I sat up and sighed again. "How do you two fit into all this? Are you just part of the intell team since you're CIA or what? How are you involved?" I asked Hill and Glazer.
Glazer answered. "We're two of the raking officials for the intelligence side of the project. What that means is, because our primary goal right now is to forge an alliance with the worlds we visit, hopefully somewhere down the line we can learn something about the magic and Gifts Valdemar uses and incorporate them into the military and intelligence sectors. We take what's being learned and figure out how the government can benefit from it."
I crossed my arms and thought it over. Because of my training as a Herald I've come to have a new appreciation for politics and I understand the need for secrecy on certain matters. This was definitely one of those times. If a rumor of this got out it would, at best, be delegated to the conspiracy pages right next to the incident at Roswell and the JFK assassination. At worst, it could spell political suicide and possibly lead to animosity between nations, thus risking war. Tricky, tricky.
"Miss Keller," Hill interrupted, "you've had a long day. Because we're leaving the city tomorrow to send you and Mr. Whitecroft back, let's get you two back to his hotel so you can rest."
About two hours later, Trine and I were alone in a rather luxurious hotel room on the Magnificent Mile. I had just ordered room service for us (no surprise the Feds were fitting the bill) and was sitting by the window looking at the glorious view of Lake Michigan, going over the day's events in my mind. It's not often when your world gets completely turned upside down by something, and deaths of a loved one don't really count. But to have an event of epic proportions happen once, and then almost a decade later happen again? Not many people could handle the strain.
But are you, I couldn't help but think. Are you really handling the strain? How do you know you haven't lost it? Maybe you have finally given in to your fantasies and this isn't real. It's entirely possible. But as I watched Trine re-pack the few items he'd brought with him from Haven, I told that thought to go to hell. I don't know if this is really happening or not. And if I am crazy then there's no way I'm ever gonna know for sure. I have at least two people who seem to be indulging my hallucinations and I'd like to think one of my friends here, so I'm gonna to indulge myself as well. Maybe it's high time I did that anyway.
"So, what philosophical grievances are you pondering now?" Trine asked as he finished throwing things into his saddlebags.
I looked at him sideways and smirked. "What makes you think I'm pondering anything? I could be thinking about absolutely nothing."
"You? Not bloody likely," he snorted. "The six years I've known you you've always been thinking about something. I'd wager the only time you don't think is when you're sleeping, but I'm not placing any bets." He walked over to me and sat down in the opposite chair, leveling me with a measuring look. "I'm only going to ask you this once and I expect an honest and truthful answer. How are you? When I tried Mindspeaking with you the other night you seemed as scared as a high-strung horse. How are you holding up?"
I released a shuddering sigh as my hands began to shake and my chest began to tighten; danger signs of an oncoming panic attack. I focused on a calming picture in my mind to soothe myself and after a minute or two felt ready to spill the beans.
"Honestly, I'm a fucking mess. I've been under so much stress trying to keep my Gifts in check and not use them that I feel like my sanity is hanging on by a thread. Since I've been back, I've been developed migraines and panic attacks, diagnosed with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder where I'm easily startled and usually over react, I have problems sleeping, am on six different medications for all of this, have been to numerous shrinks to help me get over this and yet I don't feel any better." My voice was beginning to shake, I was so on edge. Trine took my hands and squeezed them reassuringly, not saying anything. He used to surprise me sometimes by showing more tact and compassion then I gave him credit for. This was no different.
"And if that wasn't bad enough my control over my Gifts feels like it's all but gone. I can't be around open flames because I'm afraid I could loose control of my Firestarting, sometimes my shields collapse and I can Hear the thoughts of everyone around me, and a couple times when Shannon's been away I've lost control of my Fetching." I was starting to cry by just thinking of the damage I was capable of and it scared the shit out of me. "I'm dangerous. The only consolation I have is that I haven't actually hurt anyone. So I still have some control, but it's tentative at best. I need to get sorted out and there's no way that's gonna happen here."
Trine nodded gravely and looked slightly sick. "I thought as much. I may only be a Mindspeaker and a poor one at that, but it's obvious even to me that you're a right mess. That's why I've only use Mindspeech a couple times with you. What do you say to trying to get your shields stabilized?" We worked for the next half hour until our dinner arrived, and by then I felt better than I had in months. Dare I say years. It was amazing just how much of a difference having stable, but weak, shields could make.
I wanted to wait until we were in private to ask the more personal questions I had, and I figured that was a good time as we sat down to eat.
"Trine, what happened that afternoon?" I asked, letting a little bit of desperation seep into my tone. "The day I left? All I remember is walking through Companions' Field after our picnic, then boom, I'm back here. What happened?"
He sat silently for a while, gathering his words. I could tell he was reliving memories he still had a hard time dealing with. "I have never, felt a Companion fall into complete panic before, and if I never have to again it will be too soon. I didn't feel anything happen, but I was on my way to my class when I heard a Mindvoice start screaming, 'She's gone!'. I'd never heard Shay before I didn't know it was her, but when Aryon told me who it was I panicked and rushed outside. There were other Heralds already there when I arrived and Shay was standing in the Field, shaking like a leaf and screaming over and over."
Trine shook his head sadly. "We don't know what happened, just that you were presumably there one second and the next you were gone. And if Shayna knows anything, she's not talking. But then she doesn't talk to anyone much anymore. The only one who can get anything substantial out of her is Tashir."
"To Tashir?" I asked in awe. Every now and then Shayna had included him in conversations, but not often. I found it amazing she was now talking almost exclusively to him.
"Yeah, surprising huh? Many of the Heralds thought she would Choose him after a while, and some tried to force the issue, but Shayna refused to Choose anyone else. As I said earlier she seemed alright for a little while, but then started either spending most of her time alone or with Tashir, claiming it was because he was the only one who understood how much she hurt," Trine explained.
I must have looked pretty dumbfounded because Trine gave one of his roaring laughs and pointed an accusing finger at me. "Jennifer, I don't know what you did to that poor man, but you left him whipped. He tried to go back to chasing skirts around the Court, but those encounters never lasted long and he hasn't been seen with another woman for almost six months."
He laughed again, this time seeming a bit sheepish. "I've already said too much because he said he wants to speak with you himself, but it's obvious to everyone who knew anything about your relationship he's still completely mad about you. Don't be surprised if the first night you're back he topples you into bed."
I smiled and felt rather embarrassed upon hearing that, but part of me was flattered and bursting with joy. He still loves me? Or at least thinks he still does. Well, that's one good thing to possibly look forward to because my feelings certainly haven't changed. Not if my dreams of late are any indication.
"How's everyone else? And please give me some good news. I don't want to hear anything bad," I said.
"Oh, they're all fine," Trine said superficially with a wave of his fork. "Selenay and Daren were thinking about handing over the crown to Kris when your people showed up but that got thrown out the window. So he's still suffering through Council sessions as heir. Nia's eager as hell for you to come back and will probably be waiting for us at the terminus. Jervan and Lytha are constantly off doing whatever it is they do these days. I hardly see them anymore." He laughed again. "Basically, everyone's waiting on you to come home!" he said with his eyes twinkling.
I laughed in return. "I'm surprised you're the only one who came. Hell, I'm surprised you came at all. I remember you told me once you never wanted to see this place."
"Kris, Nia, Tashir, and I talked it over and figured I was the best choice because I'm a friend and would seem less threatening," he said. "Kris was dying to but the Council needs him there. Nia didn't for two reasons. The first you'll see when we get home and the second is she didn't think you'd appreciate seeing a Mind-Healer when we showed up to get you. She assumed your mental issues would be worse than before and didn't want to upset you. And Tashir, well," Trine thought for a moment, "I could tell he wanted to come. But I think he was afraid of getting his heart broken over the possibility of there being someone else."
"And what about you?" I asked him.
"Noffin to repurt," he said around a mouthful of steak.
When Trine ran out of gossip to fill me in on, he started bombarding me with questions about the things he'd seen on the TV over the last couple weeks. I tried my best to explain the allure of soap operas and some movies he'd seen, but he only shook his head and said we Americans were psychotic. I don't know when we finally decided to pack it in for the night, but it was after both our throats had gone dry from talking so much. But I do know I slept more soundly that night than I had in a very long time.