Teyla and Ronon nodded to each other, and saluted with the sticks in Athosian fashion, then quietly began putting their equipment away. Teyla wiped her face with her towel, then stuffed it into her bag, eager to check on John and see how he felt today. She paused impatiently at the door, then struck out quickly for the infirmary onceRonon joined her.
"Think I'll be able to stand him today?" Ronon asked, only half-jokingly. Teyla swatted him playfully.
"He has been in pain, Ronon. He's allowed to feel a bit...grumpy if he wants to."
"Grumpy is one thing. Grumpy is cute, or so I overheard one of the nurses say. Every time I've visited him he's been a royal pain in the - "
"He has not been that bad, Ronon."
"Not to you, maybe. You're the only one he can stand to be around. I don't know how you do it, but you're pretty good around people in pain."
Teyla smiled at the backhanded compliment, certain that she heard a bit of jealousy in Ronon's voice. They had brought John home from the Dolsan's planet three days ago - well, three days plus last night - and while the systemic effects of the insect's venom had faded quickly enough, the pain of the bite and inflamed sensitivity of the skin over a large area of John's back had remained.
"Maybe if you tried some sympathy instead of insults, John would feel more...welcoming?"
Ronon seemed to think it over. "Nah. I understand. If the guy feels like stangfodder, he doesn't want us sitting around looking at him feeling like stangfodder. I wouldn't."
"Then let us hope you never end up feeling that way, because I now know a sure way to annoy you."
"Except you don't annoy Sheppard."
Teyla gave Ronon a sly sidelong look and raised her eyebrow. "Perhaps that is because I choose not to annoy him."
Ronon guffawed heartily and they turned the last corner before the doors of the infirmary opened up before them. Just inside, well away from the quiet corner where John lay, Rodney was standing on bouncing toes and kept ducking his head for furtive looks deeper into the wing. Teyla andRonon stopped, exchanged a puzzled look, then turned to McKay, the question clear in their expressions.
"Oh good, Teyla you're here. You can go first," he said ignoring their amusement.
"Go where first?"
"Go see Sheppard first. Come back and tell us if he's human yet."
Teyla threw up her hands in exasperation, "He has NOT been that bad, Rodney. Go to him yourself. He will be pleased to see you."
Rodney shook his head, "Hardly. Yesterday he told me he'd hold me down and force feed me his lemon Jell-O if I didn't go away."
Teyla frowned. The threat hardly seemed in character. But then again... "What were you bugging him about, Rodney?"
"What! Who says I was bugging him. The man's a menace when he's in pain. I ask him a simple question and he goes all action-figure Rambo on me." Teyla andRonon just stared. Ronon cocked his hip. Rodney began to fidget, then he broke under the calm scrutiny. "Ok, I asked him to sign a requisition for a jumper so I could fly to the mainland and surprise Katie."
Teyla rolled her eyes and Rodney was immediately defensive, "Lorne said no! How else was I going to get permission?"
"You tried to go around the acting chain of command by pestering a sick man, Rodney," Teyla chided.
"I would've threatened real lemons," Ronon said, then promptly turned his back and strode towards John's bed.
Rodney followed him, muttering indignantly, but Teyla held back, looking around for Dr. Keller. She finally spotted the woman working at her laptop on her favorite infirmary station. Teyla smiled and walked over.
"Hi, Teyla!" Dr. Keller smiled, pushing back her chair with a long stretch. "You here to cheer up our favorite Oscar the Grouch?"
Teyla started to answer, then cocked her head at the bizarre question and Keller suddenly laughed. "Sorry! Sorry. It's a character from a children's program. My nephew watches it all the time. Just... never mind." Keller gave up with embarrassed amusement, then folded her hands in her lap. "You're here to see Colonel Sheppard."
Teyla grinned. "Yes, how is he feeling today?" Despite her admonitions to her teammates, Teyla had discovered that she was unlikely to get any true information out of John, and had taken to checking in with Dr. Keller before her visits to get a second opinion each day.
"The pain seems much better. We seem to have found an analgesic that helps, finally. The venom's effect is resistant to not only morphine, but most everything else we've tried to throw at it. And Colonel Sheppard won't take any of the really good narcotics," she sighed, then looked at Teyla with mischievouscomraderie. "Which is too bad. They'd knock him out, even if it didn't actually help the pain."
Teyla sighed. Apparently John HAD been as bad as everyone seemed to be telling her. Keller chuckled, "He IS much better today. He's been sleeping a lot actually. I think the pain has been keeping him from as much rest as he needs to fully recover. He'll improve much faster now, I suspect, after a full day and night's sleep."
"Thank you, Doctor."
"Thank you for coming around so much. The nurses were casting lots on who had to come in yesterday..."
Teyla sighed again, then headed toward John's bed. She peeked her head around the corner of the privacy screens that the staff had placed between the bed and the rest of the room, curious to see how John behaved around the others when she was not present. He was sitting against a pile of pillows with the bed tilted upright, his arm that wasn't encumbered with IVs and medical tape propped comfortably behind his head. He looked more relaxed than she'd seen him look in three days. This time her sigh was of relief and she stepped around the screen with a warm smile.
John smiled back, looking sleepy but happy.
"Look who's back!" Rodney exclaimed, pointing at John's chest and sounding equally happy. "Evil Sheppard has departed and returned the real Lt. Colonel John 'Not-psycho' Sheppard to his rightful place."
Ronon grinned at her too, missing John's sudden frown of consternation at McKay's teasing statement. "Hey, guys. I don't actually remember very much about the last few days, but...I wasn't that bad. Was I?"
Ronon and Rodney exchanged significant looks, but Teyla hastily jumped in with, "Of course not, John. You have just been very sick, and understandably...grumpy." She finished with a defiant glare atRonon who was suppressing vast amusement.
Instead of being reassured, John just groaned with embarrassment and covered his face with his free hand. "Oh no. Not grumpy. Anything but grumpy." He split his fingers and peeked out at Ronon from between them. "I really do owe you an apology, then. Don't I."
Ronon shrugged it off, "Nah. Just get better. You still owe me that rematch."
John nodded, then sagged into the pillows, looking terrified at the thought.
"Hey, don't you owe me an apology, too?" Rodney beamed.
John rolled his head to study Rodney for a long moment. "No," he said, and closed his eyes.
"Let's go, McKay," Ronon stood up from where he'd propped his hip against John's bed and grabbed Rodney's jacket front, hustling the indignant scientist in front of him. "I'll come by later, Sheppard,"Ronon called, and then he was gone.
Teyla watched them go, claiming Ronon's spot on the edge of the bed. John lay quite still for a long time, then he yawned and looked at Teyla, the smile in his eyes reflecting the one on her face. "Do I owe you an apology too?" he asked softly.
"Not at all. But apparently, I am unique in that category."
John grimaced and flopped his hand onto the bed.
"Can I get you anything?" Teyla asked to distract him.
"Some...sugar?"
"Sugar?" Teyla wondered, confused.
"Yeah. My new medicine, the only painkiller that works on Dolsan scorpion venom, is a bit bitter." He waved his arm at the nearly empty cup resting on the bedside table. Sudden understanding brought a surprised grin to her face.
"Dolsan Tea?"
John also grinned and nodded. "Right in one."
"I will be happy to bring you some sugar, John."
This time when John nodded, he blinked sleepily and closed his eyes again. She watched him for a moment, sudden curiosity overcoming her. He did seem much better, more relaxed, but Teyla still saw the strain of pain around his eyes. It was not gone, just manageable. What she did not see was the irritable distancing, and she wondered at the change; especially after all he'd been through.
"What?" John asked, without opening his eyes. "You're looking at me funny again."
"Can I ask you a question, John?"
He hesitated, then said noncommittally, "You can ask."
"Are you...well? I have been concerned about you since we fought the crystal entity. You have seemed - preoccupied - lately."
"You noticed, huh?"
"Of course," Teyla answered, waiting.
A long, uncomfortable moment passed, then John sighed, as if trying to muster his courage, but still he hesitated.
Teyla finally decided to prompt him. "John, do you still blame yourself for Kate's death?"
Surprisingly, he answered easily, "Yes and no. I mean I'll always feel responsible, but in the end, it's that thing that really did it."
He seemed sincere, so Teyla was puzzled, "Then, what has been bothering you?"
"I..." He took a deep breath and plunged in, "When that thing was in my own head, I saw malice and hatred, I saw pure violence and...it looked just like me."
"I don't understand."
"I don't either, really. It just really creeped me out. I started to wonder if it actually was me, if the creature had seen something in here that was...real."
Teyla thought she might just be starting to understand. John had seen something in the creature that was all too familiar. She knew that everyone carried a dark spot, a place where violence and cruelty lurked. Most people were good, though - she believed - and lived with the darkness deeply buried. John, however, had seen that darkness face to face - literally with his own face. It surprised her that he was so insecure of his own good that he could be so shaken by that encounter. It suddenly made her wonder what darkness he had in his past that caused such insecurity, what darkness the creature had been able to feed upon.
"The creature was evil, John. It fed on our fears, exploited the worst inside us simply for its pleasure."
"And that's what scared me. I didn't like what it found to exploit."
Teyla was about to argue for reassurance when she caught the implication of his statement. He'd said scared, past tense. "And now?" she asked, suddenly guessing at his answer and realizing the reason that he was finally seeming himself.
John's voice was low and hesitant when he finally replied, treading on emotional territory that was difficult for him to express, "When Iguel said the venom made people go mad and violent, it was like the creature was back but I was it, and this time the nightmare was real. When I had that gun pointed at Iguel and you stepped in front of me - Don't EVER do that again, by the way! Do you hear me?!" John distracted himself with righteous indignation for a moment and Teyla feigned a contrite expression that seemed to satisfy him.
"I promise," she answered insincerely, then prompted with, "When you had the gun pointed at Iguel...?"
John sighed, "I had the gun on him and the pain was so god-awful bad, and I was absolutely certain for some crazy reason that it was his fault, that he could stop it. There was nothing left but pain and rage and I wanted to shoot, to kill him and make it stop. I almost did it, to tell the truth, and then..."
"You didn't," Teyla said, in a soft whisper. She had seen the struggle in his eyes.
"Yeah!" he said and she heard the triumph in his voice that had flickered in his eyes that night. He had fought more than the pain that night, he had fought the demons of his self-doubt, and had realized that the good in him was stronger than the darkness.
"You are a good person, John Sheppard," she said, her voice teasing.
"Yeah, well - good at getting bitten by bugs," he complained sagging completely into the pillows and rubbing his forehead over closed eyes. She saw the tension of the lingering pain settling upon him and she recognized the weariness that could only be conquered by time and rest.
"You should rest," she said simply.
He only nodded, well on his way to sleep without her admonition. Teyla fussed over his blankets for moment, then sat simply watching him drift off and thinking. She too had faced her own demons that night, she admitted. John may trust her unconditionally, but she would have to prove herself to the others, and perhaps even to herself. She would arrange a visit with Colonel Carter immediately, she decided, to discuss some more ways she wished to contribute to Atlantis mission. With a final pat, she slipped off John's bed and quietly headed towards the entrance.
"Don't forget...sugar," John mumbled sleepily before she was out of earshot.
"I will not forget. Sleep well."
As she walked away, she thought again about the people that John had bound to him. She imagined a set of invisible strings that connected each of them to him and began to see the web widen as that solid foundation began to weave them also to each other. But still, at the center was John. As long as they had him...
Atlantis was finally beginning to feel like home, again.
Author's Idle comment: If you're interested, (I'm sure you're not..) the venom John was suffering from was very similar to that of stonefish poison. Nasty, nasty, but without the tissue damage associated with most snake venom. Thanks for reading...