Chapter 5

Coming out (FF)

Jack sat in his car in the parking lot of the Motel 8. He surveyed the area for signs of Kate's car. It wasn't there. After some debate, he finally got out of his car and went to the room. Jack unlocked the door and went in. The room was empty, except for a queen size bed, nightstand with an alarm-clock, a TV and a small fridge with a microwave on it. Jack placed the pizza on top of the microwave and sat on the end of the bed. He looked around and thought about the last time he had been in this room. It was four months ago: the day Kate told him that they shouldn't see each other anymore, that it was best for both of them to just move on and forget about what had happened on the island. Jack knew it was more than that. He knew that Kate would never forget about what happened on the island; Knew that she couldn't just forget about everything that they had been through together, and that he still loved her. Jack tried to fight the tears that were forming in his eyes, but he couldn't stop them. He brought his already clenched fist to his forehead and pressed the heel of his palms into his eyes. Just as he did this, he heard the sound of the door closing, and looked up to see Kate. Her eyes locked onto Jack, taking him in, as he looked at her. She looked as though she had rushed to get there. Her hair neatly done up, except for a few stray strands delicately draping her face. She moved from the door and stood in front of him. Jack knew Kate saw the pain in his face and the tears in his eyes and he looked down from her gaze.

Kate slowly reached out a single hand and gently ran her fingers through his hair. Jack grabbed her hips and pulled her close to him, as Kate cradled his head against her stomach; tears filled their eyes. Jack didn't care why she was there, he missed her closeness, her warmth and her sweet smell, all that mattered was that she was there.

A few moments had past when Kate started to break free from his grasp. Jack held onto her hands as if for dear life. He feared that she would suddenly leave him again.

"No, don't go. Please." He said desperately.

"I'm not going anywhere." She softly reassured him. Kate knelt down in front of him holding onto his hands. "Jack, what happened?" She asked studying his right hand. It was wrapped in surgical gauze with his fingers partially exposed.

"Just a little accident, it's fine." He gave her hand a squeeze. "See?" Jack gave her a weak smile as Kate looked at him with concern.

"Jack, I came here to help you."

"Then you'll come with me?" He asked. He searched her eyes and knew her answer before she had said it.

"I can't." She said unconvincingly.

"Right, because of what's his name…Tom?" He said dryly.

"Yes." Kate said; her voice barely audible.

"That's funny Kate, because we both know Tom's dead! So do you wanna tell me what's really going on?"

Kate stood up flustered. "How do you know that?"

"I did my research Kate." Jack stood up and took a step towards her.

"You don't know anything about it!" She yelled with anger and resentment.

"I have the newspaper article and his obituary Kate! He was shot in the chest 3 times by a police officer who was in pursuit of a wanted criminal. It's pretty clear about how he died, unless there's something you'd like to add?" Tears fell from Kate's eyes as she looked at Jack in utter disbelief. Jack paused for a moment noticing her clenched fists, for a split second he thought she was going to hit him. He knew he had hurt her, but he couldn't stop, he was unable to control his need for answers and he continued. "So stop pretending and tell me the truth! Why won't you come with me? Why did you leave?"

"Because they're watching us JACK! All the time…and listening to what we say. I lied about being with Tom, because I thought it would help you move on. Jack I had no choice, I couldn't risk losing y…"

"When are you going to stop doing things by yourself, we could've worked out a plan together!"

"You don't get it do you? They know what your planning Jack and they're going to do everything in their power to stop you. It's not like you've been discreet about it… Jack your silence is worth more to them, than your life. Look at what happened to Michael?"

"I know." He said his tone much lower. He let out a regretful sigh. "He was planning to meet with me the day after he…"

"Committed suicide?! Jack, that was no suicide, they killed him."

Jack remembered reading the obituary on the airplane and the hopelessness he felt at that moment. Without Michael's help there was no chance of finding the island. He felt defeated, like his whole life was pointless. It was that night on the bridge that Jack decided that he wanted it to end. He felt isolated from the world; the loneliness unbearable. Even Kate would not answer or return his calls. He was angry at Michael, angry at Kate, but mostly angry at himself.

"He was so scared and paranoid, and refused to talk to me. But I gave him a guilt trip and told him that he owed it to me for what he did to us, to Ana, and Libby. He was going to give me the coordinates to the island." Jack said, his eyes staring off into the distance at nothing in particular.

"Hey," Kate said softly, and gently touched his arm as if to break him out of his trance, "it wasn't your fault Jack. When are you going to stop blaming yourself for everything?" Jack fixed his eyes on Kate, and they sat there on the bed in silence for a moment.

"Kate, I know you think I'm crazy, but trust me when I say we have to go back. You and I do not belong here, Kate I know you feel it too." Kate looked away from him. "When we first got back, I started to have these dreams. I'm alone in the middle of the jungle and then I hear a voice, and it's telling me to come back. Sometimes it's many voices all at once, telling me that they need my help. The voices started turning into cries and screams. Then I started hearing them while I was awake. One day I was assisting another physician on a routine operation, we're in the middle of it when suddenly standing there in the room right beside me is Locke, and he tells me that that was not what I was supposed to be doing." He stopped as he saw the disturbed look on Kate's face, as if she knew exactly what he was talking about.

"You've seen them too." He stated. Kate nodded, almost unconsciously, and then shook her head.

"No, but they were only dreams. I mean, I saw Boone in one and Boone is dead Jack."

"What did he say?"

"He said…" She hesitated. "Jack it's not important."

"Kate, what did he say?" He said as he gripped Kate's shoulders.

"That you need me, and I'm supposed to help you. But it was a dream." She repeated. Jack ignored her last statement.

"Where were you?" He asked. Kate looked at him confused and slightly annoyed.

"What?"

"In the dream, were you in the jungle? Where were you?" He said looking intently at her. Kate closed her eyes and rubbed her temples.

"It wasn't me, it was you. In the jungle…I was watching you, I tried to talk to you, but you couldn't hear me… you looked lost. Then Boone was standing next to me all of a sudden, and that's when he told me." This put Jack deep into thought, and Kate watched as he subconsciously chewed the inside of his cheek.

Kate reached out and grabbed his face in her hands. "Jack it doesn't mean anything."

"Yes it does, they all do. It's another piece to the puzzle."

Kate rolled her eyes up to the ceiling and stood up. She let out an exhausted sigh, which to Jack sounded like a growl.

"Hey, where are you going?" He said as he watched her walk away from him.

"Just getting some pizza, I'm starving. You should eat too."

Jack hadn't noticed until that moment that he was in fact very hungry, and decided that the growl he heard earlier was just his stomach. Kate sat down across from him on the bed and handed him a slice. He watched as she proceeded to devour her slice, before starting on his own. He couldn't help chuckling to himself.

"Whuh?" She said with her mouth full.

He shook his head "Nothing. Thanks for the pizza." Kate looked at him suspiciously.

"You're welcome." She said after swallowing forcefully.

Jack looked around the room again. "Are they watching us now?" He asked eying the smoke detector.

"I don't think so, I was very careful. They still think I'm at work. I had to take the bus, which I changed several timed. I also moved your car down the street. It's in a parking garage."

"How did you…?"

"Jack I know how to hot-wire a car. Actually without a driver's side window, it was pretty easy."

Jack let out an amused laugh.

Kate stayed silent and glanced at the clock.

"What is it?" He asked.

"I have to go." She got up, reached into her pocket and pulled out a business card.

Jack took it and looked at it carefully. It said Roger's Mechanic Shop.

"Turn it over, there's a number on the back." She added.

Jack flipped over the card and looked at the initials P.W. that were written above the number. He looked at Kate with the question formed on his lips, but Kate had already started to answer.

"Penelope Widmore. She contacted me 4 months ago asking me all kinds of questions. She was the one looking for Desmond. Somehow she knew we had crashed on the same island and asked if I could help her find it. I told her that I had seen him, but had no idea how to find the island. She wanted to speak to you too, but I told her that you didn't know anything either."

"What? Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because that evening when I got out of work, there was a man sitting in my car waiting for me. He had a gun and told me that he knew I had broken my vow of silence, and if they so much as thought that I had broken it again, that they would not only kill me, but they would hurt you as well."

Jack suddenly realized, that it was that same night Kate arranged to meet him there at that very same motel room, the night that she had told him they were better off apart. It was fear that he saw in her eyes that night. It was all becoming clearer, and yet deep down perhaps he had already known. Jack wondered why he hadn't received any threats.Why only Kate?

"Kate I'm sorry." Was all he could manage. He stood in front of her and watched as she tucked a stray hair behind her ear.

"I thought that she might be able to help you somehow." Kate said averting his gaze.

"Don't you mean us?"

"I still haven't decided if I'm going. I don't know if I can go back there Jack." She said with a hint of sadness in her tone. She moved to the door and started to open it, but Jack followed and pressed his right hand firmly against the door preventing her from opening it.

"No Kate. Boone's right. I need you. We… we have to do this together." The desperation was back in his voice.

Kate stood with her back to Jack her right hand still gripping the handle on the door. She struggled trying to contain the tears that were forming.

"Please Kate." Kate closed her eyes as Jack breathed the words into her ear. Jack moved his hand from the door and gently placed it on top of Kate's hand still resting on the door knob. He closed his eyes and willed her to turn around. Jack opened his eyes and found a pair of glistening green eyes staring back at him. His lips didn't have far to go before they found hers. He could taste the tears on her lips. Her fingertips gripped his shirt and ran across the back of his neck and through his hair. It was something Jack had yearned for daily for four months and he knew that Kate had missed him too.

Ok so there is more to this scene, but this chapter was just way too long, so you'll have to keep reading to see what happens next. Reviews are welcome!