Thanks to MrDrP, creativetoo, Pharaoh Rutin Tutin, kpfan72491, CajunBear73, Magnatron, SxStrngSamurai13, Kimron Posstoppable, Molloy, Stand Alone Battle A.I, Meca Vegeta, Randy C, leadfoot352, Akinyi, RonHeartbreaker, and Danny-171984 for reading and reviewing. All reviews get personalized responses!
Kim, Ron, and all other characters within are owned by the Walt Disney Corporation.
Episode 5: Amateur Hour
by Ultimate Naco Topping
"Fearless Ferret fans, you just watched four hours of your favorite Fearless Ferret episodes in a row! What could be better than that…? Watching them all again! The Fearless Ferret Fan Favorite Double Marathon starts over now! Only on TV Trash Heap!"
"Okay, time for a channel change," Kim said out of the side of her mouth.
The redhead was lying on her side across the couch in her living room staring at the flat screen. Ron was seated on the floor using her midriff like a headrest -equally vegetative – with her hand resting on his head occasionally playing with his bangs. The blonde made a rather pathetic attempt to reach the remote that was resting on the coffee table. His hand came within a foot, but no closer. Soon after he gave up, Kim, though much farther away, also made an attempt. But without moving out of the mold she had embedded into the couch, she had less of a chance at finding a different program than he did. The two resigned themselves to another four hours of a man fighting crime dressed as a rodent.
Dr. Angela Possible sighed as she turned from the bottom of the stairs into the living room to see her eldest child and the boy who was practically her third son still glued to the television. Given their rather adventurous extra-curricula's and the fact that it was summer vacation, the brain surgeon was all for them getting a little rest and relaxation. But enough was enough. The Possible matriarch proved that the remote was indeed an object that could be obtained as she used it to switch off the television.
"All right, you two," she said against their grunted objections. "James and I are going to the theater tonight so we'd like you to keep an eye on the twins."
"I'll go get the mind control chips…," Ron started as he stood and stretched. A sharp glance from Kim clued him into his mistake. "…and salsa for the, um, fiesta!"
It was Kim who was on the receiving end of a sharp glance as her mother placed her hands on her hips.
"Kim, what did agree on about…"
"I know. I know," Kim cut her mother off at the mention of Possible Family Safety Rule Number Five. "Only use mind control if the safety of the neighborhood is threatened."
Before her mother could doll out any more admonishments or instructions, a terrifying rumble filled the living room as a small jet fighter with a pink blob at the controls ripped into the room with two similar craft right on its tail. With virtually no time to analyze the situation, Kim, Ron, and Mrs. Dr. Possible invoked Possible Family Safety Rule Number One (when in doubt: Duck!) as they dove under the coffee table.
Rufus checked his six to find Boogey 1 and Boogey 2 still locked on his tail. Alarms flooded his cockpit with warnings of looming missile locks. The naked mole rat made a split second decision and made a sharp turn for the floor lamp. Waiting until the last possible second, he pulled another sharp turn away. Boogey 1 slammed into the lamp shade and was hurled into the kitchen in a spin. Boogey 2 pulled it in just in time to avoid the same fate. The good news for Rufus was he had evened the odds. The bad news was Boogey 2 had a missile lock. Wasting no time, the craft fired. The naked mole rat pushed the yoke into the instrument panel as he made for the deck.
About the same time, Ron lifted timidly out of his duck and cover position and turned to Kim as she did the same.
"What's going on?" Ron shouted over the noise just before his pet flew under the table past his face. Kim giggled as strands of freshly singed blonde hair floated to the floor.
"Nice hair cut," she prodded as the missile flew past her face and singed red hairs dropped to the floor as well.
"Back at you, K.P.," Ron quipped to his less than pleased BFGF.
Rufus knew there was less than two seconds before impact. He had one last desperate ploy as he pulled the stick back and brought his fighter into a huge loop – the missile and Boogey 2 following all the way. As his plane nearly scraped the ceiling, the pink rodent deployed a burst of counter-measures and tightened his loop. Confused, the missile lost tracking at just the right moment and slammed into the ceiling raining down a storm of dust and sheetrock. Unfortunately for Rufus, the explosion forced Boogey 2 to tighten its loop as well placing the foe back on his tail. Leveling off, he spotted Boogey 1 reemerging from the kitchen ready to rejoin the battle with a head-on run for Rufus's jet. In the blink of an eye, the naked mole rat decided on a course of action. Jamming the throttle to the max, he reached back for his ejector seat handle.
The rush of acceleration from Rufus's fighter made it impossible for Boogey 1 to take evasive maneuvers as the two planes slammed into each other in a ball of flame. Boogey 2 tried its best to dodge the debris cloud, but its wing was torn off as it grazed the fireball. The hapless plane impacted with the wall just between a picture of Mr. Dr. Possible and Uncle Slim and a picture of Nana and Kim in combat gi's in another burst of flames and smoke.
Three, more annoyed than terrified, figures climbed out from under their shelter to survey the damage.
"Rufus?" Ron shouted in a concerned tone before spotting his pet floating down in a parachute. The boy extended his hands to form a makeshift landing pad. The naked mole rat made a textbook landing and shed his helmet and chute Kim-style.
"Wicked sick jet fighting skills, little buddy," Ron praised giving the rodent a high five as two identical figures with matching remote controls appeared amidst the smoke and debris.
"Ah, man! Rufus!" Tim shouted as he realized what had happened.
"It took us two weeks to build those things!" his brother Jim finished crouching over the smoking wreckage. Before their shell-shocked mother could completely get a hold of her bearings, her daughter turned to her with a smug teenaged smile.
"So, when exactly is the neighborhood not in danger?"
"Jim, Tim, how many times have I told you no dogfights in the house?" Mrs. Dr. Possible asked of her twin sons. Cradling the ruined remains of their model air force, the two boys just shrugged.
"Actually," their mother said with reflection. "That's the first time. Okay, new rule: No dogfights in the house…"
The carbon copy geniuses wasted no time exiting the room as their older sister and her best friend began to clean up. They were almost in the clear before their father blocked their path to the stairs.
"Boys," Dr. James Possible said in a tone that made his sons stop cold. But rather than punishing them for another expensive project gone badly, he motioned them to observe Kim and Ron. "While your mother and I are out, I want you to keep on eye on those two…"
With the tables turned, the two boys gave their father the 'what's in it for us' stare. This is the problem with having super-genius offspring, the rocket scientist thought with a groan.
"…and there might be a batch of experimental rocket fuel on the top shelf of the garage," he conceded.
Jim and Tim dropped their busted jets and sprinted to the garage leaving a "Hicka-bicka-boo? Hoo-sha!" in their wake. James chuckled as his wife joined him in the entry hall. Angela turned to give a last set of instructions to her daughter.
"Kim, there's a twenty on the counter for dinner; make sure the Jim and Tim do their summer reading; and we'll be out late but Ron still has to go home at ten…,"
"But mom," Kim instantly objected to the last item.
"No 'buts', Kimmie," the elder redhead retorted with a motherly smile. "New relationship. New rules."
Kim wrinkled her nose in protest fulfilling her role in the ancient teen/parent battle over boyfriends and curfews. She knew she had no chance of winning. As soon as her parents had sauntered out the front door for a night on the town, Ron walked back in with the twenty dollar bill and the phone book and plopped on the couch. Kim grabbed the phone and joined him fairly snuggly.
"Let's see," the blonde said as he opened up to the restaurants section. "Abe' Ribs…? Too messy. Berta's Norwegian…? Can't put my finger on why, but Eewww! Chinese Lantern Takeout…?"
The slight pause was all Kim needed to confirm the decision as she nimbly dialed the number without even consulting the menu. Ron was suggesting something that wasn't Bueno Nacho and she wasn't going to miss the opportunity for a change.
--
Kim pushed her plate away a bit disappointed that she had eaten more than she wanted. Could be worse…, she consoled herself as she watched three gorging boys and a naked mole rat make short work of the takeout in the formal dining room. If any of them had been less careful, they would have ended up eating part of their chopsticks or a finger or two.
Jim and Tim finished first (or at the same time) just as the family's grandfather clock struck seven. The twins bolted from their chairs in a mad dash to the living room only to be blocked by their equally quick older sister.
"Kim! Move!" Tim exclaimed.
"We're going to miss the start of our new favorite show!" Jim finished. Despite the objections, Kim held her ground.
"Not until you clear your spots like normal human beings," Kim stated authoritatively.
Had she been any other babysitter, she would have been toast. However, a full confrontation with their older sister, who just happened to be Kim Possible, without proper planning and preparation would only mean missing more of their show than they had to. The boys begrudgingly turned around and quickly took their plates into the kitchen. Kim reseated herself to the sound of plate ware hitting the sink with a near shattering clang.
Ron was finished with his main course and began tearing open a fortune cookie. Rufus was busy climbing into the cartons making certain that no morsel went uneaten.
"You are blessed with many special friends," Ron read from the tiny strip of paper that was in his cookie. "These things are so generic," he added flatly as he tossed the fortune back on the table. The blonde quickly found himself the recipient of a pair of insulted looks from his girlfriend and pet.
"I mean…, generically accurate," he tried to correct.
Kim dismissed his little faux pas with a smile as he began cleaning the table. Watching him, she couldn't help think about just how far they'd come. Had anyone told her a couple months ago she'd be head-over-heels for her best friend she would have laughed in their face. Two months after the fact and she couldn't even remember how things were before they started dating. Sure, Kim had to admit that the whole 'dating sitch' was very much a spur of the moment idea, but it took no time at all to find there really was something deeper between them.
At first, it was scary – especially with regards to Ron. Nothing seemed different about him, but it wasn't fair to say he hadn't changed. His new status as the Kim Possible's boyfriend hadn't gone to his head despite the army of Ron wannabe's that flooded Middleton High. His pants were still prone to gravity's whim on missions. And he was still as weird as ever (which Kim was increasingly finding her favorite thing about him). Ron was still Ron. But when she looked hard enough, should spot the changes. He didn't slouch as much – he carried himself with more confidence. He was stepping up on missions going so far as to have pre-planned distractions. And he just seemed more focused – something that was obvious in his grades in the last month of school. It didn't take Kim long to realize that the changes weren't really changes. Ron was just finally living up to the potential she had always seen in him.
Getting back up from the table, Kim leaned in and gave him a peck on the cheek and watched as he blushed before joining in the clean up. Carrying the load to the kitchen, Kim set about washing the dishes as Ron took up the drying station. Though they had done this routine many times before, for the blonde, it was one of many things they did that now felt different. They would stand a little closer; 'bump into' each other a little more; splashing seemed more flirtatious than accidental. It was enough to set Ron into a nervous flutter.
Two months had passed since the prom and Ron still hadn't quite been able to label Kim as his 'girlfriend'. The sidekick found it strange especially since he was the one who had made the first move. Bringing up the list in his mind of exactly what Kim meant to him, words like hero, confidant, ace in the hole, believer, go to gal, and best friend all appeared. But up until this moment, girlfriend wasn't there. However, as they finished up the chore, Kim, for no particular reason, nuzzled up against him as they still stood in the kitchen and it finally became a reality to him. 'Girlfriend' was penciled into the list.
"Ron," Kim said softly. "I was thinking tomorrow, we could get out of here, head up to the lake and have a picnic."
The blonde gulped nervously as he realized these were the situations that black hole expeditions were made of.
"Sure, K.P.," he replied with a small crack in his voice. "Sounds like a great idea."
Kim looked up at him with a smirk realizing she must have gotten him a little riled. Monique had been right on – playing with Ron's hot buttons was too much fun.
"Then it's a date," Kim said before leaning up and giving him another little kiss. Taking his hand, she led him from the kitchen to the living room to join the twins.
"Incoming!" Jim yelled upon seeing the young couple enter. Both boys grabbed tin foil shields and hid behind them.
"What are those?" their sister asked annoyed.
"Kootie shields," Tim responded without showing himself.
"Cool! Do they work?" Ron asked before Kim could give a snarky reply. Rolling her eyes, Kim led her boyfriend to the couch just in time for Jim and Tim's program to come back from commercial.
"Welcome back to Lairs," announced a typical hip-hop style reality host in front of a very familiar white marbled building. "The show where we take a look into the wicked cribs of the top super villains! We're here with Professor D to the Mentor in his South Pacific compound. Word up D.?"
"Thank-en you having me," Dementor replied courteously as they entered the front gates. Kim and Ron both shot up straight with jaws open in disbelief for a full minute as Dementor gave them an all too familiar tour through the TV screen.
"…and this iz my private lounge. All in all I think it'z a very chozy spot to relax when I'm not taking over zhe world. Maybe read a book or play some pool…"
"This is not good," Kim said finally breaking her and Ron out of the trance.
"I know," Ron agreed emphatically before continuing. "What is he thinking with those curtains? They totally clash with his 'Roman Paradise' motif…"
Kim shot him a sideways glance before pulling out the Kimunicator.
"Wade, tell me you're watching this Lairs show," Kim said as her tech guru popped on the screen.
"All over it, Kim. And did you guys see those curtains Dementor had? Just awful!" said Wade shaking his head.
"You're telling me!" Ron added to Kim's further annoyance.
"Hello? Boys…, either of you see a problem with glorifying the villain lifestyle? This could be a really bad influence on people," Kim said bringing levity to the situation.
"Like TV ever influenced anybody," Ron scoffed just before Jim and Tim jumped up from the floor.
"Let's go build our own lair!" Tim declared.
"And take over the world just like Dementor!" Jim added. A sharp cough from Kim grabbed their attention.
"Tweebs!" the redhead scolded. "Don't even think about it."
"Kim Possible!?" both boys shouted in unison before making a hasty exit. Their older sister was left to place her head in her hand and rub her temple.
"I'll set up an extra search net to look for copycats and let you know if there are any hits," Wade said getting back to business.
"Please and thank you," Kim said with a groan before shutting down the Kimunicator.
Lake Middleton State Park, despite being close to town and very much public, was fairly empty for a perfect summer afternoon. A handful of families were gathered at the swimming beach having a barbeque. A couple boaters towed water-skiers around the nearly smooth water. On a secluded bluff at the end of one of the many trails, a scooter was parked next to two teens on a picnic blanket feeling very contented as a naked mole rat scraped every Bueno Nacho wrapper for rogue pieces of cheese.
"So," Kim said nervously.
"Yeah," came Ron's equal jittery response. Though neither one would look the other in the eye, they both knew what they were thinking – and hoping. It wasn't as if they hadn't kissed before; it was just that they hadn't been so alone…
The redhead leaned her shoulder into his causing Ron to tense a bit. For a brief second she caught his eye but she quickly looked away. In the inner workings of Kim's mind, a very prudish looking Kim in a business suit, glasses, and hair pulled back took center stage. Okay, Kimberly. I know what you're thinking and it's only natural. He is your boyfriend after all. But that's no excuse to go after him like Bonnie would. I trust you'll keep things civil… the inner Kim said as outwardly she bit her lip and tried to get a better read on Ron.
Meanwhile, Ron was equally befuddled about he sitch. His inner stage was occupied by a much less prudent figure. Okay, Stoppable, his bad boy self said with a grin. This is it. If you think Kim brought you out here to look at the grass and hold hands, you've got another thing coming. She's begging for you to kiss her. So just go for it! You conquered your fear of monkeys; you can conquer your fear of kissing Kim. Did I just compare kissing your girlfriend to monkeys…? Well, she did turn into a monkey one time… Okay, that was several levels past sick and wrong… Oh! Will you just stop listening to me and KISS HER!
Not allowing himself to think about it any longer, Ron took a deep breath and, probably moving a bit too quickly, went for it. Kim was not just surprised at the speed at which he locked his lips to hers but that he had finally initiated a kiss on his own. She instantly overlooked those facts as she threw his arms around his neck. Inwardly, prudish Kim gave the young couple a few seconds before speaking up. All right, that's enough. Don't want to get too carried away. Hello? Are you listening to me?
Before that particular voice could continue, the stage in Kim's mind morphed into the Middleton High gym as a roaring crowd full of Kim's filled the stands. Sprinting onto the floor, an entire cheer squad led them all in the standard Mad Dog chant with noticeable twist. Go! Go! Ron! Go! Go! Go! Ron! Go! Go! Ron! Go! Go! Go! Ron! they shouted as the more conservative Kim admonished them. Ignoring her, the cheerleaders began to form the show stopping pyramid – each level being built with spectacular jumps and stunts. But just as the final cheer Kim was about to take her place at the top with a dazzling triple flip kick split, she was knocked out of the way as a larger than life Kimunicator landed on the top of the formation and sent the entire pyramid to the ground in a groaning pile.
Kim and Ron each rubbed their foreheads where their skulls had collided. Each had been startled by the chiming of Kim's all purpose handheld, and paid the price for turning towards it at the same time in such close quarters.
Wade was a bona fide twelve-year-old super genius. And he was finally getting out of his room. That did not mean he was any closer to understanding teen dating relationships. A fact he was sorely reminded of as two very irate teen heroes appeared on his computer's screen.
"Well…," Kim almost growled at him before he realized that he called them.
"Sorry guys," Wade said as apologetically as he could without climbing under his desk. "But it looks like the copycats are starting up."
With a couple of taps to his keyboard, a slightly fuzzy transmission came onto the Kimunicator's screen. Looming largely in the frame was a man dressed in armor and a cape. The man seemed fairly muscular with a chiseled jaw line.
"I am the Duke of Wrath!" he began rather thunderously. "And I am prepared to choke off the world's supply of oil if you don't surrender…"
"After that it's just a pretty standard list of demands," Wade said cutting off the transmission. Kim sighed heavily at the proposition of fighting a new foe.
"Are you sure this guy's a copycat and not the real deal?" she asked. Wade punched up a freeze frame of the video and zoomed in on the background of one of the lair's windows. In a spot shadow was a set of very hideous and familiar looking curtains.
"Pretty sure," the tech guru said as he returned to the screen.
"ETA on a ride?" asked a disappointed Kim.
"Bernice will be by to pick you up in a couple hours."
"Thanks Wade," Kim replied before shutting off the device. Sulking at the ground, she felt bad not because she had to go chase down another crazed super villain, but because Ron had finally made a move! And not just a move, but a world class knock-your-socks off kind of move. It just wasn't fair that his moment was cut short and they had to get ready for their ride in a… Couple hours? Kim suddenly realized. Wade was obviously making up for his intrusion. Maybe she could steal some of Ron's thunder back for him…
"Now, where were…," Kim began coyly intending to pull him back into a kiss, but it was Ron who struck before she could finish. The redhead had no choice but to go along as Ron was showing off his newfound boldness around her. In the gym, half the cheer Kim's led one side of the crowd in a chant of "Boo!" while the other half responded with "Yah!"
"You're all a bunch of heathens!" a frazzled conservative Kim announced before storming out of the gym.
--
A mustached painter in coveralls hung a "Wet Paint" sign on the wall as he finished up his job. Looking over at the large man in a cape pacing back and forth who insisted he paint the walls beige, he decided he would invoice him for the job later and left with his gear.
The Duke of Wrath was wearing out a spot on the control level of his new lair occasionally grumbling and causing his henchmen to swing wide of him. As he looked up at the clock for the umpteenth time, a hapless employee walked too close to him and was grabbed by the front of his light blue uniform into the face of his angry boss.
"Why hasn't the world surrendered to me yet?!" the super villain wannabe demanded. The unfortunate henchman could only stutter in terror before being saved by a rather unlikely source.
"Ooh! Ooh! I know!" Ron said with his hand in the air like a student in school. The Duke and his henchman turned to see a young man neither of them could remember working there before. "Because no self-respecting world leader is going to surrender to a rookie. You gotta start out small. Earn their fear and respect. You know, conquer a street corner and then work your way up. You can't just grande size the naco platter the first time out…"
After a stunned moment, the villain dropped his henchman and took a menacing step towards the sidekick.
"How dare you call me a rookie, boy!" he grizzled.
"Oh, please. Everything about you screams 'rookie'," Ron countered unfazed. "Duke of Wrath? That doesn't exactly roll off the tongue. You painted your lair beige. Total evil 'no'. You put your henchmen in a non-threatening light blue and…," Ron continued as he held out a finger for each item before leaning in quietly and adding: "…those curtains didn't work for Dementor. Why'd you think they'd work for you?"
The Duke was almost completely blinded by his rage. His metal gloves scraped as his fists tightened. His jaw jutted and his teeth were bared.
"You...! You...!" was all he could growl as he continued to stare down the smug faced teenager in front of him.
"Um, sir," piped a timid looking henchmen from behind. "I have to agree with him."
The evil owner of the lair slowly turned to face his boldly cowering employee.
"What did you say?"
"Um, I think he's right."
Ron leaned around and spoke, "About the uniforms or the curtains?"
"Well, both..."
"Silence! You're going to pay for your insults," the Duke growled as he began to move towards the blonde. "You will rue the day you mocked me. I am going to destroy you!"
"Yeah, totally your first day," Ron scoffed. "You're not supposed to threaten me…"
Ron's brashness again made the villain pause as he found his statement almost humorous.
"And why not?"
"Because 'A': that's going to get you into a lot of trouble. And 'B': I'm just the distraction."
"Distraction?" the Duke asked in confused anger. "For what?"
Ron motioned the Duke to look over his shoulder just in time for a size seven boot to plant itself just below his chest armor knocking the villain over the railing to the second level below. Kim made a graceful landing next to her boyfriend and retracted her grappling gun. As henchmen swarmed in from every entrance ready to fight, Kim gave a small peck on Ron's cheek before jumping into the middle of a pack of bad guys ready to fight.
"So, who here's new to the whole 'take over the world' thing?" she asked with sass as a less experienced bad guy paid the price for charging out of formation.
Ron blushed as usual but only because Kim had never done that on a mission before. Rufus had to grab his attention as two hulking henches closed in on him from either side. With only a minor shriek, Ron hit the deck just in time for one of the bad guys to swing over him and punch out the other attacker. Confused at this turn of events, the first henchmen never saw the jump kick Ron delivered that sent him sprawling into the wall. The sidekick looked over his handiwork and allowed himself a little celebratory dance only to be confronted by another big baddie ready to crush him into oblivion. But before he could run away or be pummeled into mush, the new attacker was knocked off his feat by a forth henchmen who had been ejected from the ruckus surrounding Kim.
Looking over to where his best friend was currently dispatching the Duke's men with ease, Ron decided it was time to head for his next objective. Sliding down the handrail to the lower level, he ran up to a large bank of controls, one of which he was supposed to use to turn off the lair's power core. Neither he nor Rufus could figure out which one to switch and after a moment of contemplation just shrugged at each other. With no real plan in mind, Ron took a couple steps back before launching a spinning kick into the middle panel. The panel exploded in a shower of sparks causing Ron to have to shield himself. A loud hum filled the lair before all the lights and equipment shut down leaving only the light from the windows.
"Booyah!" Ron shouted with a fist pump. His celebration was cut short as the Duke of Wrath stepped forward with a very perturbed look on his face.
"And now to face your doom!" the villain sneered before two loud thuds came from the level above them. Two more henchmen bounced to the floor on either side of them followed by Kim landing between the Duke and Ron.
"What did Ron say about threatening him?" Kim asked as she took a battle stance.
--
Another brilliant sunset filled the sky over Lake Middleton as two figures floated down to the ground. Kim landed with her typical grace a few dozen feet from Ron's abandoned scooter and began getting out of her chute. Ron aimed for a spot near her but a last second gust of wind carried him towards his vehicle. He didn't even bother to scream as the collision loomed. As expected, he hit the scooter at the same time as he landed and was sent into a tumble. His chute fell all around leaving only a couple bumps for Kim to look at.
"Remind me to sign you up for a remedial skydiving class," Kim quipped as she finally worked her way to a tangled Ron underneath the canopy. Ron was not amused as he was trying to work his way out of a mess of knots.
"Be out in just a sec, K.P.," he replied to no avail.
"Here, let me help," Kim replied as she climbed though the maze and stood next to him.
"I've got it..."
"Here, just pull your arm..."
"No, that's my leg."
"I meant your other arm, Ron."
"Wait, I've almost got it."
"No, you don't."
"Okay, well pull that cable..."
"That's not going to help."
"Yes, it is... Ow! Ow! Ow!"
"Told you."
"Hold on, maybe if I..."
"No, don't pull that."
"It's cool, Kim."
"You're gonna...,"
"Ha! I mean uh-oh."
"Wait, Ron...,"
"No, it's okay..."
"Ron, really, wait. Ron!"
A large mass of fabric, rope, and teen hero fell over and rolled down the hill towards the beach coming to a rest in a clump just at the edge of the sand. A second later, the scooter slid to a stop next to them.
Under the chute, Ron was laying flat on his stomach tangled worse than before. Kim was equally knotted lying on her back on top of him.
"Make that intro to skydiving," Kim said with a snort.
Rufus, being awoken by the fracas, popped out of his pocket to see his two humans tied up worse than if they had been captured. Springing into action, the naked mole rat stretched his jaw like a sprinter stretching his legs and began chomping through the ropes. In no time, the blonde and redhead were free from their bounds and Ron set about cleaning up the remains of his parachute.
Taking a look at the sunset, Kim decided there was a better use of his time and pulled him down to the beach.
"Now, where were we?" Kim asked for a second time that day. Ron was really starting to like those words as they joined in an embrace.
"I think we were just about…," he said pulling closer to her when…
Beep-beep. Ba-beep.
The sound made shoulders sag and anticipatory mouths frown. With another groan, Kim answered the call.
--
"You can't stop me! I'm the All Mighty Inventor!" cackled an almost frail middle-aged man in a '60s styled retro costume. Kim and Ron were on the other side of the similarly styled room not entirely focused on his rant.
"Definite style points for the interior decorating," Ron said as he looked around the lair.
"But points off for execution," Kim said as she watched three hulking robots obviously built from designs from when her parents were still in diapers stalk in their direction. She tied her hair back in a pony tail before reaching for the Kimunicator.
"Hey Kim," Wade greeted. "You almost done? Your next rides almost there…"
"No, he just finished ranting. Can you do a quick tech scan for me?"
"Sure," the boy genius said as Kim held up the device towards one of the robots. A green scanning laser quickly probed the threat. After a couple seconds, Wade returned his analysis.
"They've got a hydraulic line popping out the back of their necks. Cut it and they're out of commission."
"Thanks Wade. As always, you rock," said Kim as she pocketed the blue handheld and limbered up.
"Um, you need me for anything, Kim?" Ron asked almost as an afterthought.
"Just make sure 'Mr. All-Mighty' doesn't do anything stupid," the teen hero said before sprinting forward and jumping on the back of one of the robots.
As Ron corralled the poor man, the would be villain could only watch in shock as a cheerleader took out his invincible robot army as easily as if she were planning her squad's next routine.
--
Slits of light slashed across Kim's face as she peered down through the vent to confirm she was in the right spot. Seeing the Portable Seismic Generator on a secured platform below her, she knew she was in the right spot. As right as being in the air duct of yet another upstart copycat villain's lair waiting for her boyfriend and sidekick to launch his distraction could be. Before she could think about other things, the Kimunicator silently buzzed her.
"Wade," Kim started quietly. "Please tell me you have a break in sight."
"Sorry Kim," Wade replied sympathetically. "But how do you feel about going to Madrid, Toronto, and Tulsa?"
"Oh," Kim grumbled. "Can't we give some of the overflow to Global Justice?"
"Actually, this is their overflow…"
The news took a little air out of Kim.
"Fine, just line up the rides," she ordered before ending the transmission.
With a sigh, Kim leaned her head against the side of the duct and closed her eyes. Soon more pleasant images filled her vision. The darkness in the gym was broken up by the light bouncing off the disco ball. Other couples danced around her but she couldn't make out who they were. A blonde haired boy with freckles and a powder blue tux took her hand and twirled her slowly around the dance floor. Then they stopped and looked at each other lovingly. They drew closer to each other each knowing what they were about to do but just before they kissed, the boy spoke softly.
"What do you mean you don't have a snack machine?"
Kim's eyes darted open as that was definitely not how that memory was suppose to go. Her confusion was ended as the voice continued through the vent.
"You mean to tell me," Ron said dramatically as he continued his distraction. "That you guys built this place out in the middle of nowhere and didn't think to put in a snack machine?!"
Shaking herself back into focus, Kim opened the vent cover and hooked the grappler onto the side before lowering herself to the floor below.
--
An abandoned arborarium now served as the latest villain's 'lair'. The darkened interior cast many shadows over the central path as two figures slowly made their way in. Ron followed just behind Kim as he tried to work out a knot in one of her aching shoulders.
"Little to the left," Kim said as Ron complied. A rustle in the foliage to their right brought them to full attention as the lights flashed on. "Stay sharp," the redhead ordered as each teen took a fighting stance.
The bushes continued to rumble before producing what, at first, appeared to be a menacing dark red figure. But on a second examination…
The last four and a half days had been nothing but ridiculous upstart villain after ridiculous upstart villain all chasing their chance to be noticed and featured on television. However, the pale, overweight man in a barely adequate spandex costume complete with monkey ears and tail finally caused the teen heroes to lose it. The man was more than thrown off by the waves upon waves of laughter Kim and Ron shared as tears pooled in their eyes and they clutched their guts in pain. Even Rufus was doubled over with the giggles. Slowly getting a measure of control over himself, Ron produced a pen and a clipboard.
"Okay…," he started still with an intermittent laugh. "Give us your name, plan for world domination, and evil catch phrase."
The rotund monkey suited man hesitated before answering not certain what the questions and their hysterical outburst amounted to.
"I am the Crimson Chimpanzee and…," he replied but could not go further as a second wave of laughter erupted from the teens. Kim and Ron had to hold each other up before it was through. Even then, they still didn't have complete control.
"Thanks, I needed that," Kim chuckled as she wiped a tear out of her eye. Tossing the Kimunicator to her surprised partner, she turned to leave. "He's all yours Ron. Show him what Mystical Monkey Power can do. I'll be outside if you need me…"
The teen heroine continued to giggle and laugh all the way out the exit leaving the two men to settle the score. Ron turned back to his new foe enthusiastic about being allowed to call the shots only to find him looking at him with reverence.
"Did she say 'Mystical Monkey Power'?" the Crimson Chimpanzee asked trembling.
"As a matter of fact she did," Ron stated as he felt he had the upper hand.
"Then that means," he said suddenly falling to his knees at Ron's feet – something the sidekick was not expecting. "That means you're Lord Monkey Fist!"
"Well, actually," Ron tried to correct as all his confidence evaporated into to thin air.
"You look different than your photos – less hairy - and younger. All my life I've wanted to be just like you! Oh, please teach me! I'll be your loyal servant! I'll do anything! Anything!" the simian fanatic pleaded. Ron could only look skyward as he grumbled.
"I'm still counting this as a win…" he said to Rufus.
--
James Possible finished putting the lawnmower in the garage before strolling out to look at his handiwork. The lush green lawn was certainly up to his standards but more importantly, the neighborhood association's contest standards. James waved at the other neighbors who also happened to be working in their yards as children laughed and played games. The scene could have been a Norman Rockwell painting had it not been for the Global Justice Jump Jet that came to a hover over the Possible residence.
Kim and Ron stumbled down the exit ramp before giving the pilot a wave. The jet roared away leaving the two teens to collapse onto the soft green grass. Kim's father approached the two taking notice of the heavy bags under each of their eyes and their over all exhausted demeanor.
"Say! I recognize you! Aren't you my daughter?" James joked at Kim's absence during the past week
"Ha! Ha!" Kim flatly said without opening her eyes.
"Bad guys got you two on the run, huh?"
"Actually, I think a few of them were girls," Ron responded.
"They just keep coming and coming," Kim said as she opened her eyes and stared at the sky. "I feel like I'm a soccer goalie trying to fend off an entire team by myself…"
Kim's father rubbed his chin in thought.
"You know," the Possible patriarch said. "This reminds me of when I was coaching your brothers' on their soccer team. They never quite grasped the concept of defense, but that never stopped them from scoring. Possibles play offense…"
Kim sat up as her tired mind attempted to piece together what her father was talking about. Luckily she got the message and got to her feet with a smile and a new plan.
"Thanks, daddy," Kim said with a hug to the old man.
"Glad to help," he replied.
"Come on, Ron," Kim ordered helping her groaning best friend to his feet. "We've got a favor to cash in…"
The office of Stewart Seedy was a large round and opulently appointed room full of pictures of top recording artist, gold and platinum records, and shelves upon shelves of awards. Kim took it in with reserve – her star fever had been alleviated over the last couple of years. Ron's was far from cured as he hurried from picture to picture narrating as he went.
"Kim, look!" the blonde almost yelled settling in front of one particular photo. Kim obliged and walked over to join him in front of the picture. "It's you doing backup vocals for Britina at Orphan Aide last year after her singers got laryngitis!"
"Yeah, I remember, Ron. It was no big," she humbly said.
"But look in the corner," her boyfriend pleaded. "That's me!"
Kim took a second look at the picture and had to squint. After moving closer and tilting her head, she figured out what she was looking at.
"Ron, that's an amplifier with one of Britina's wigs on top of it…"
Ron too was forced to examine the photo closer. As his enthusiasm faded, he was about to object but a different question came to his mind.
"Wait…, Britina wears a wig?!"
Before the redhead could fill him in with that particular story, the office doors burst open as a mass of young business professionals orbited the older, well-styled music and television mogul still wearing his signature dark aviator shades. Each assistant was either on a palm pilot, cell phone, or furiously scribbling notes.
"Mr. Seedy, what about your three o'clock?" one assistant asked.
"Move it to three-o-five," Mr. Seedy replied.
"The marketing department needs you to approve Dexter's concert tour posters by this weekend," harped another.
"Have them send everything to my beach house… No - my mountain retreat. I'll look at them there."
"Mr. Seedy, your wife's on line two," a third assistant said bringing the entire confab to a screeching halt. Each of the other underlings looked at the young man in horror as their boss stared straight ahead with a semi-scowl.
"I'll take a message," the wayward assistant said allowing everyone to let out a sigh of relief. With the situation diffused, Mr. Seedy stepped out his moving conference and turned his attention to Kim.
"Kim Possible! And friend… What a pleasure!" the entertainment mogul said as he reached to shake the heroine's hand.
"Thanks for seeing us on such short notice, Mr. Seedy," Kim reciprocated.
"Nonsense. Anything for the girl who saved last year's broadcast of the Television and Music Awards."
"It was no big," came Kim's standard response.
"But the transmission tower with that bird's nest we had to move was…," Ron said shivering as he recalled the incident.
"What can I do for you, Ms. Possible?" Seedy asked.
"Well, it's about this Lairs show on your network," Kim started.
"Our top rated program!" the older man exclaimed pointing to a computer screen with the current TV ratings. "Would you like a guest spot?"
"Actually, we'd like you to take it off the air," the cheerleader requested shocking Mr. Seedy and his cohorts.
"What?! Why?" the business asked.
"Well, you see, it encourages people to try to be like the other super villains so they can get on the show. I mean, trust me, none of them are taking over the world anytime soon, but they are putting themselves and everyone around them in danger," Kim said stating her case.
"Plus, Kim and I could use the rest," Ron added.
"I…, I," stammered the music executive. "I couldn't even think of it."
"But…,"
"I'm sorry, Kim. But the network board would laugh me out of the room if I tried to cancel it. And they'd keep it going anyway."
Kim was about to continue her protest but the Kimunicator chimed in.
"Go Wade," Kim said expecting him to report on another new villainous upstart.
"I'm getting some strange energy readings from an abandoned factory outside Middleton. I think it may be a new lair springing up," Wade replied confirming the teen hero's suspicions.
"We're on it," Kim groaned pocketing the handheld. "Thanks anyway, Mr. Seedy," she added before heading out the door with Ron.
--
Kim crouched through the side window and deposited herself on the catwalk high above the factory's floor. Ron entered right behind with a much less gracious clang. Kim gave him a look that implied he should be quieter. The duo looked around the sparsely appointed 'lair'. Unlike so many of the others they had been in, there were no bustling henchmen going from one panel of controls to another. No giant screen with the evil logo or map of the world. Nothing much of anything except a few tools, some spare parts, and a rocket letting off steam on a launch pad. Kim and Ron looked at each other with confusion not expecting the situation they had encountered before looking back to the projectile.
"Does that design look familiar to you?" Ron asked.
As Kim was about to respond, a side door to the darkened factory swung open and two identical looking pre-teens walked in one carrying curtain rods; the other carrying an ugly yet very familiar roll of fabric. Ron couldn't believe the turn of events he had just witnessed and looked to Kim for comment but instead saw something more terrifying than a dozen monkey ninjas closing in on him. The last time he saw Kim with that expression on her face, she was throwing an entire hot dog cart at him shouting 'Ron Heartbreaker'. At least the blonde knew she wasn't mad at him this time…
"TWEEBS!" Kim screamed at the top of her lungs. Jim and Tim instantly dropped what they were carrying and froze – neither one wanting to look up at their enraged sister above.
--
"Boys, how could you?!" Mrs. Dr. Possible scolded her two sons. The boys sat at the kitchen table with heads hanging as their parents loomed over them – Kim stood in the doorway still in her mission togs arms folded. "Your sister risks life and limb to stop people like Dr. Drakken from doing what you just tried to do!"
"Not only that," her husband added with a scowl looking over their plans. "But your thrust to weight ratios are way off."
Kim's mother gave a sharp elbow into Jame's side to remind him of the seriousness of the situation. Knowing not push his luck, he refocused on the task at hand.
"Um, right. What you boys did was wrong. And there will be consequences – serious consequences."
Satisfied that things were going to be taken care of, Kim made her way back to the living room where Ron was taking advantage of the break to watch some television. As she joined him on the couch, she did a double-take when she realized what show he was watching.
"…and this brings us to the underground grotto," Señior Senior, Sr. smoothly said as the camera scanned the dark, wet cave. "Perfect for keeping our getaway boats and our giant squid."
"Ron!" growled Kim. "After all we've been through this week, you're watching the show that caused it all?!"
The blonde recoiled a bit not wanting to give an answer but he tried anyway.
"The Seniors are on this week and I wanted to see if they, um, mentioned me…"
Kim rolled her eyes as she picked up the remote to change the channel, but stopped as she listened to the announcer take over.
"That's the show for today, but jump back here tomorrow night for a special live episode from Motor Ed's junkyard for a special tour and live concert from his rock band, Masters of Mayhem. If you're going to be in the Jersey area, get your tickets now! Peace!"
As the shows credits rolled, Kim slowly began to grin as a new plan began to take shape.
"Live concert at Motor Ed's?" she asked rhetorically.
"You know," Ron began thinking the opposite of his girlfriend. "That could be a pretty good concert. Think Wade could score us tickets?"
"I've got a better idea," Kim said as she pulled out the Kimunicator.
--
"Now we're in the main garage," the mullet-headed cousin to Dr. Drakken said as a number of his lackeys and a full film crew followed him. "This is where we seriously trick out our rides and stuff, seriously."
As the tour continued, two young production assistants in 'film crew' hats tried to look as much a part of the show as possible. Noticing the doorway leading to where the concert stage was being setup, the one with a red pony tail coming out of the back of her cap steered the other away from the camera crew and towards the stage.
--
The crowd was getting raucous and loud waiting for Motor Ed's band to take the stage that had been erected amongst stacks of old smashed cars in a New Jersey junk yard. The crowd roared as the host of Lairs grabbed the microphone.
"And now," he shouted into the mic as the crowd reached a fevered pitch. "You've been waiting for them all day. They're ready to shred their guitars like they shred the road, the Masters of May-Hem!"
The surging mass exploded as Motor Ed and his lackeys appeared on stage and grabbed their instruments – Ed in the lead singer position.
"Hello, New Jersey!" Ed yelled with both fist pumped in the air. "Seriously, you guys ready for some serious rocking?"
The crowd gave an emphatic yes as he signaled his band to start rocking out. The Masters of Mayhem opened with a thundering rock ballad each musician self-absorbed in their own performance. So absorbed, they failed to notice the redheaded blur that swung from the stage rafters and knocked their mullet-haired lead singer off the front of the stage. The fans in the mosh-pit cleared a space letting Motor Ed land flat on his stomach.
Kim landed where Ed had been playing as the band came to a screeching halt. Ed rolled over and got back to his feet as he faced Kim.
"I have to admit, Motor Ed, that kinda' rocked," Kim said with her trademark heroic banter. "But now it's time for you to roll."
"Seriously, what's your harsh, Red?" Motor Ed fired back. "I haven't committed any crimes... recently."
"Against society, maybe not. But against fashion, definitely."
"Oh, that better not have been a knock on the mullet. Boys! Show Red here what we do to gate crashers the don't pay the cover!"
The Masters of Mayhem charged Kim using their instruments as weapons. The crowd, thinking that they were getting a stunt show as well, only cheered louder. The bass guitarist swung hard, but Kim easily ducked grabbing the neck of the guitar. With a quick punch to his jaw, she relieved him of his instrument/weapon and sent him stumbling back into an amplifier. Wielding the bass like a battle ax, Kim smashed it into the gut of the next attacker taking him and the drummer out of the fight. The redhead added a roundhouse kick to the lead guitarist, who was trying to sneak up from behind with his guitar raised over his head, sending him flying into the keyboards.
Forced into action, Motor Ed seized the mic stand and charged. A well-placed kick knocked the weapon out of his hands as he pressed his attack. Kim used his momentum to sling the disgraced engineer face first into the soundboard rendering him out for the count. With the Masters of Mayhem neutralized, Kim launched into part 'B' of her plan.
"Ron, show time!" she called out. Ron jumped onto to stage and grabbed one of the Lairs TV cameras off its operator's shoulder.
"Need to borrow this, dude," he said as he mounted the camera and framed up Kim. "All right, you're on!"
"Hi! In case you didn't know, I'm Kim Possible," the redhead said authoritatively into the camera before Ron stopped her and pointed the camera at the ground.
"Okay, cut! That was good, K.P., but give us a little fire in this next take."
"Ron," Kim groaned back. "We're live. There are no 'takes'."
"Well, then don't let me stop you!"
"I wasn't… Whatever…," Kim stumbled a bit before refocusing on her speech. "Tonight's little demonstration was for all of you who think building your own lair and becoming a super villain is cool. Well, not on my watch. If you want to it give a try, you'll have to take me on, and let me tell you, I've faced far worse than what any of you could come up with. But if being foiled by a teen hero cheerleader is your thing, then we've got plenty of comfy prison cells just waiting for you…"
--
The flickering light of the television provided the only light in the mildew stained walls of Dr. Drakken's lair. The blue-skinned villain sat on the couch alone consuming a TV dinner. He stared at a screen that featured a full headshot of his teenaged foe.
"Now, why didn't any one tell me that before I signed up to take over the world?" a soured face Drakken huffed.
--
"…Then we've got plenty of comfy prison cells just waiting for you…"
Mr. Seedy stopped the tape of the disastrous Lairs live concert and turned to his team of assistants.
"Okay, so all the major sponsors have pulled out and the show is cancelled. We need a replacement pronto. Ideas?" he said looking for someone to come up with something.
"How about a show about people getting revenge on their grade school bullies?" a first assistant tried.
"I like it, but I used to be a bully in school. So, no. Next?"
"What about following struggling garage bands trying to make it big?" another tossed out.
"No good. We already have too much crummy music on our channel. Anything else?"
"Well, I was looking at the focus group numbers for the end of the last episode and found something that got positive eyeball response from the viewers," a last assistant said nervously.
"Really," Mr. Seedy said with curiosity. "What exactly did they like?"
--
Ron parked his scooter at the end of the trail at Lake Middleton on another fantastic summer day. He and Kim got off and began to stroll down towards the lake shore happy and relaxed.
"So, Wade is sure the copycat sitch is over?" Ron asked hand in hand with Kim.
"Yep," Kim said stopping them at a suitable spot. "The site's been clear for a couple days. I think they all got the message. Now, where were we?" she asked coyly.
"Well, for starters, I think I was standing a little closer," Ron said getting the gist of where Kim was going. "And your arms were around my shoulders."
"Like this?" the cheerleader inquired as she draped her arms around him.
"I think so," the blonde replied pleased.
"What else?" Kim prodded.
"And I think I was leaning in like this," Ron replied bringing himself almost nose to nose with his best friend.
"And?" she said daring him to keep going as she closed her eyes in anticipation.
"And…," he continued before a movement in the bushes behind Kim caught his eye. Kim was left breathlessly waiting as Ron tried to figure out what he was looking at. "…and…, why is there a film crew following us recording everything we're doing?"
Kim spun around to see what Ron was talking about. Sure enough, there were two or three cameras with their support crews trying their best to hide in the bushes or behind the trees. With his subjects now aware of their presence, the director stepped forward.
"Sorry about startling you two," the man said extending his hand. "Jerry Goldstein, director."
"O…kay," Kim almost muttered as she weakly shook the man's hand. "Why are you filming us?"
"It's for a new show called Teen Heroes: Real Lives. You guys are going to be the pilot episode. Just go back to doing what you were doing and pretend like we're not even here."
The young couple stared silently at one another for a moment. Kim was making no effort to disguise her annoyance at yet another interruption to their plans, but it was Ron who stepped forward.
"All right, let's get one thing straight," Ron said seriously. Kim had to smile as it appeared her man was taking charge of the situation and defending their privacy. "The name is Stoppable. Ron Stoppable. R-O-N-S-T…"
Kim could only hang her head with a sigh as her boyfriend made the director get a pen and write down his name letter for letter…