Hello fellow FanFiction fanatics and innocent bystanders!
I am Hikaru The Black Kitsune and this is my first ever one-shot!
I wrote because my friends bugged me to and as an example of what I would do if I was in Kagome's position and my sanity slipped another 1/100 inch!
Read on… AND REVIEW FOR GODS SAKE!!!!
(ok, calm blue ocean calm blue ocean KILLING MILLIONS OF PEOPLE! calm blue ocean calm blue ocean… I'm ok now…)
KAGOME'S GOT A GUN!
By; Hikaru The Black Kitsune
Inuyasha sighed, "Feh, stupid wench,"
He'd been waiting by the well for an hour already!
He gave another 'Feh' just to remind the world of his contempt.
"I could be off looking for Kikyo, if I didn't have to wait for her!"
He knew that his comment was unfair and he didn't want to hurt Kagome, he really did care for her, but he also cared for Kikyo.
His mood hadn't improved any in the last five minutes that he had been muttering to himself.
'Dammit!' he thought to himself, 'one soul, two women and a very confused Hanyou!'
A flash of blue light lit up the well,
Inuyasha stood up and went to help Kagome out of the well.
"I'm fine! I'm fine! I'll get out myself!" she told him from halfway up the well,
"Feh, suit yourself." Said Inuyasha, faking indifference.
"What took you so long anyway?"
"Oh, I just had to smuggle out these!" said Kagome triumphantly and waved a heavy-duty machine gun and a large pistol under his nose.
Inuyasha looked confused, "what is that thing and what the heck are those?!!"
Kagome looked down and realized he meant the two belts of ammunition tied across her chest.
"Um, never mind, it's just something… Um, very useful from my era" she smiled and Inuyasha thought he saw a hint of malice in her eyes.
"Oh! And I also brought these!" Kagome dragged a large sack from out of the well,
In it was a rifle, lots more ammunition and a large pistol.
She loaded the pistol and tied it to her belt, then slung the machine gun over her shoulder.
"Feh, just looks like a lot of junk to me" he said tapping the machine gun.
Kagome flinched a bit, but then plastered on a huge fake smile.
"C'mon Inuyasha, lets go find Kikyo!" she said brightly
Inuyasha wasn't sure if he had heard her right, though his cute doggy ears had never failed him before!
"You wanna do what now!!?"
"Find Kikyo! Show her this!" Kagome hoisted the machine gun higher up on her shoulder,
"Hang on a minute! Is that a good thing?" Inuyasha raised an eyebrow at her skeptically.
"Sure it is, it'll help her! I just can't bear to see her suffer any longer sniff, sniff tear this will help her find happiness, and if she's happy I know you'll be happy Inuyasha! sniff"
She looked up at him mournfully, well-rehearsed tears welling in her eyes.
Inuyasha hugged her close, "Kagome? I always thought you'd hate Kikyo after all she's done to you."
She smiled at him sadly, "I guess it must be that we share the same soul, I just can't help but like her."
Inuyasha smiled and hugged her again, "Ok, let's go find her"
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Kikyo sat in the middle of 'Inuyasha's forest' and stared of, creeply, into the distance as her soul collectors fed the spirits of the dead into her corpse.
Inuyasha and Kagome approached from the trees,
"Inuyasha!" she called happily "Oh, and my reincarnation…" she said I little less enthusiastically.
She saw the firearm Kagome carried,
"What is that?"
Before Kagome could answer Inuyasha blurted out with much enthusiasm;
"It's something from the future, Kagome says it will help to restore to your former self!"
Kikyo raised an eyebrow, "is that so?"
Kagome walked over to her incarnation and aimed the gun squarely at her chest,
"Now hold still Priestess, I would hate for me to miss" she said sweetly
Kagome's eyes narrowed, "He's mine bitch!"
rattattattattattatattattatattattatattattatattattatattattat
"Ah, it feels good to have my soul complete once more!" Kagome kicked Kikyo's still corpse then turned to Inuyasha,
"She looks no different! Can you tell if she's dead yet?"
Inuyasha just stood there stunned as Kagome proceeded to jab the dead Miko with a stick,
"We'll she's not breathing, but that doesn't tell us anything…" Kagome said cheerfully
Inuyasha regained his voice, "WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?!!"
Kagome flourished her pistol,
"the modern equivalent of sacred arrows; sacred bullets! Yeah!"
"WHAT DID YOU DO TO HER?!!"
Kagome looked at him sweetly, "I helped her find happiness,"
She continued with a starry, far-away look in her eyes,
"She's gone on to a better place… or she's taken the one way express to Satan's ville, most likely the latter, Oh well, shall we go?"
"DAMMIT KAGOME! YOU KILLED HER!!!"
"I think that's already become apparent Inuyasha you dumb-ass"
"B-But WHY?!!"
Kagome turned on the fake innocence big time,
"Well, Inuyashie, now you won't go running off after that clay-pot every five seconds"
Inuyasha was speechless… again.
"C'mon, lets go back to Kaede's village and find the others."
Kagome started to walk back the way they had come, but realized Inuyasha wasn't behind her, he was sitting next to Kikyo's very-dead corpse, his face in shadow.
"Oh come on Inuyasha you big cry baby! She couldn't go around stealing dead people's souls forever! Sooner or later someone was gonna have to shoot the dumb whore!"
Inuyasha stayed where he was and sulked,
"C'mon Inuyasha!"
"…"
"So… this is your choice is it?" Kagome said somewhat downheartedly
Inuyasha nodded
"OK!" Kagome said brightly, pulling out her revolver and shooting the dumb fuck in the chest… repeatedly, till he stopped twitching
Sesshomaru appeared out of the shadows and approached the bloodstained Inuyasha, he turned to Kagome;
(A/N; I know this isn't very Sesshomaru-like but I had to put it in!)
"Can I have his head for my wall?"
Kagome shook her head
"Please?"
"Oh, all right!" she sighed
Sesshomaru nodded at her and proceeded to drag his brother's corpse away
"Inuyasha was such a dumb-ass, I wasted a whole round on that idiot! Humph!" and she stormed off in the direction of the village, more upset about the loss of good ammo than anything.
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When Kagome got to the village she was greeted by Sango and Miroku.
They chatted for a bit, then Kagome noticed a familiar hand heading towards her best friend's rear,
Before Sango could react Kagome's hand went to her pocket, she whipped out a small can of pepper-spray.
"Hentai!" she screamed and sprayed him in the face.
Miroku was not expecting an attack from that angle so had no time to react,
Within a few seconds he was writhing around on the floor clawing at his eyes
"Gyaa!"
Sango looked stunned for a minute then turned to her friend,
"Kagome what is that stuff? Poison?" she looked a little worried, Ok, a lot worried.
"Na, he'll be fine in about an hour. it's called 'pepper-spray' and it's for self defense."
"How so?"
"Well, if someone's attacking you or trying to grab you where you don't wanna be grabbed, then you spray them in the face with this and they'll back off"
Kagome thought for a second then added; "I don't think It'd work on a demon, but for mere mortals like everyone's favorite monk here, it's great"
Sango looked over her shoulder to make sure Miroku wasn't listening (He was still blinded by the spray and wasn't going anywhere)
"Kagome would it be all right if I held on to it for a while?"
Kagome grinned and handed the spray over, "that's the whole reason I brought it here"
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a large, and all too familiar, whirlwind came tearing down the hill towards them
"Uh oh," said Sango, "Here comes trouble"
Koga ran up to Kagome taking her hands in his, as usual.
"Hi, Kagome"
"Uh, hi Koga"
"I smelt that mutt's blood and came too see if you're all right, where is that idiot anyway?"
Kagome looked down and muttered under her breath, "Probably somewhere between here and the western lands by now"
Koga was still looking at her, expecting an answer.
Kagome took a deep breath, "Inuyasha is dead, Koga"
Sango gasped
Koga hugged her, "So Naraku finally got him. I'm sure it was very traumatic for you Kagome, but I'm here now to protect you."
"Um, Koga it's not that simple…"
Koga ignored her, "with that mutt out of the way there's no one to steal you away from me, you my woman Kagome and nothing's ever going to change that."
Kagome had had enough, she shoved Koga away from her,
"Look Koga! I am not your 'woman' I have never been your 'woman' and I'm never going to be your 'woman! Just run off to the mountains, go marry Ayame and leave me alone!"
Koga smiled at her "Ah, Kagome I know you don't really mean that, you're just upset about the dog kicking the bucket"
He tried to put his arm around her again but she pushed him away.
"Listen Koga, Inuyasha is dead because I killed HIM! I am not upset, scared or angry anymore!"
Sango gasped again and took a step back, Koga on the other hand did not take the hint,
"Who cares how the Mutt died, the main thing is that he's dead! and that means we…"
Kagome loaded her machine gun
"KOGA, I AM NOT INTERESTED!!!"
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Koga, to confused to get out of the way, was mown down like grass in Kagome's backyard,
Kagome walked over to the very dead wolf and pulled the shards out of his legs,
She turned to Sango, "Heh!" she said cheerfully " 's not all bad! We just gained some more jewel shards!"
And she casually walked back to the village,
Sango cringed, looking at Koga's bullet riddled corpse, then followed
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Naraku, having one of the best information networks at the time,
(I don't think they had the internet back then)
had already clued on to the fact that Kagome was a mad bitch on a rampage and 'Ran the Fuck Away'
Kagura, had her own beating heart thrown at her as he ran of
"You're on your own!" he called over his shoulder and sprinted off into the distance.
Kagura just stared at the gory mess in her hand,
"That's just gross!"
it started to morph into her flesh
"Eww! Its on me!!!" she baulked "Gods this feels weird"
She started to walk off in the direction of Kagome and Sango
(That happened to be the opposite direction that Naraku was going)
She figured, 'if you can't beat 'em, join 'em!'
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And so Kagome, Sango, Kagura and Kirara walked off into the sunset,
having started the first violent feminist group in history
they traveled the country mowing down all the male chauvinists they saw and anyone else they didn't like the look of,
Shippo, who had turned his furry little tail and fled at the first mention of Kagome on a rampage was never seen again,
Back in Kagome's time, the police were still searching for the murderer who gunned down local nice-guy Hojo no-one-cares-what-his-last-name-was.
What did you guys think?
Too Violent?
Too Manic?
Too much of my inner INSANITY revealed to the ignorant masses?!
Review and tell me!
…or DIE!!! …Kidding!
(calm blue ocean calm blue ocean calm blu…)