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Satisfaction
Chapter 17
By Miki
Friday mornings were usually uneventful.
Friday mornings usually found Akazawa hitting balls around a court with Kisarazu or Yanagisawa – or both – while Mizuki and Yuuta kept to the other side of the courts doing… whatever it was that Mizuki did with Yuuta. Lately though, things at St Rudolph's Tennis Club had been… odd… to say the least.
Akazawa looked across the courts at Yuuta doing pushups on the ground, and wondered if he should have given him a more severe punishment. Simply doing pushups wasn't exactly strenuous – not when Yuuta was used to doing them so often anyway – but Akazawa almost thought that the bruise on Yuuta's face was punishment enough.
At any rate, it looked like it really hurt.
Besides, punishments seemed to fall mostly under Mizuki's jurisdiction, and since he didn't seem to want to dish out any more punishments for the day – he was busy rubbing at the avocado facial cleansing scrub on his face anyway – Akazawa let it slide, though he made a note that Yuuta was going to be picking up a lot of balls for the next week.
Still, he had to do something.
Yuuta was one of his players, and an important one at that.
St Rudolph didn't have hundreds of club members like Hyoutei. Players here weren't disposable objects to be replaced when their use-by dates came up. Seeing Yuuta in such a robotic state was making everyone feel on edge, and when the only time he didn't look in a daze was when he was chasing Yanagisawa, it didn't exactly make Akazawa feel any better.
He glanced across at their manager, but Mizuki was still working on his face rather than on Yuuta and it didn't look like he was intending to do anything anytime soon. No, Akazawa decided, he really didn't want to wait for Mizuki to do something first. Mizuki may have been their manager, but he was their captain and Yuuta was his player.
But the thing was, he wasn't exactly sure what Yuuta's problem was. He knew it had something to do with Atobe, and he knew that they'd been spending a lot of time together lately. He knew because the only perk of having to file forms in the dormitory's front office was knowing exactly what everyone else was up to while he was stuck in the office being helpful.
What Yuuta was thinking, he'd given up on trying to guess.
Why he was hanging out so much with Atobe was beyond Akazawa's imagination. What did they do together? Did they even have anything in common? Akazawa could just imagine Yuuta punching Atobe's pretty face into the ground, and that was about as far as his imagination went.
Was it really even any fun hanging out with someone like Atobe for someone like Yuuta?
Akazawa idly twisted the handle of his racquet in his hand and frowned, watching Mizuki.
Yuuta and Mizuki and Atobe...
It struck him as weird that Mizuki would even tolerate Yuuta hanging out so much with Hyoutei's captain.
He tended to like to control Yuuta, so the fact that he'd let him spend so much time with Atobe seemed to suggest… he probably wanted something out of him, or perhaps he had another plan up his sleeve.
Mizuki almost never went into anything blind and not wanting something in return.
Akazawa kept watching as Mizuki finished washing his face with water and started dabbing at it with a small towel. Finally, they were going to get some training in, he thought with relief.
Anticipating Mizuki's voice shouting out instructions any moment now, he tossed his racquet in his hand, flexing his fingers and his grip. Muscles loose, body ready to go once again, Akazawa looked across at Mizuki, wondering what was taking him so long this time.
And then he saw the cucumber.
The cucumber.
Friday morning training was supposed to consist of warm-ups, practise matches and time in which to perfect new techniques and work on problems and then warm-downs. There were never supposed to be, in any shape or form, cucumbers involved.
Cucumbers did not belong courtside.
And for once, Akazawa made a point of telling Mizuki so.
(S)
Yuuta tapped his fingers nervously against his desk, eyes darting back and forth between his mathematics homework and his mobile phone.
He'd rung his brother nearly ten times now, but every time he answered, Yuuta just hung up. He couldn't help it. There was something in his brother's voice that just made him want to panic and hit the 'end call' button as fast as possible.
Sometimes Yuuta really felt as though Aniki knew everything, and the thought that he might even have the slightest clue what Yuuta was thinking about Atobe was enough to scare him stupid.
He didn't want his brother to know.
He didn't want anyone to know.
He wasn't even sure if he was thinking what he was thinking, or whether he wanted to be thinking what he was thinking or if he was overreacting and overanalysing everything and turning into a freaking girl.
Beside him, his phone vibrated against the desk. It was Aniki returning his call. Again. Yuuta didn't need to look at the phone to be sure of it.
Ignoring the noise, he slumped forward on his desk, biting his lip as he pressed his forehead against his hands.
He really didn't understand what was wrong with him.
A moment later, the noise stopped, and his fingers fumbled for the phone again. He turned it over in his palm, pressing the buttons without looking.
He really wanted to talk to his brother. He wanted... to know what he thought.
Pressing the phone to his ear, Yuuta could hear the dial tone; familiar and repetitive in his ear.
As he heard the clunk of the home phone being pulled from the hook, he bit his lip harder and his hand clenched his mobile just a little bit tighter.
"Hello?"
He heard his brother's voice on the other end.
"Yuuta? Is that you?"
Speak, Yuuta told himself, speak. Say something. It wasn't that hard. He just had to break the silence.
"Yuuta? What's wrong with you? Are you sick?"
Yuuta opened his mouth quickly, nervousness making his head spin. He had to tell Aniki. He had to know if… if maybe this was something that happened to everyone. Maybe it was normal. Maybe it was something to do with having too many hormones and growing and maybe it was just a phase.
Maybe if he told Aniki, that's what he'd say.
"Do you need me to come and see you? I have a spare uniform in my cupboard that I can wear," Fuji continued.
"Ah…" Yuuta interrupted, the momentary horror at the thought of uniforms in his brother's wardrobe overcoming the lump in his throat. "Aniki…"
"I'm quite sure you'll like it. You always liked nurses when you were little, you know. You used to look up their skirts," Fuji smiled, and Yuuta could just imagine him twisting the phone cord between his fingers.
"Aniki!"
Yuuta gripped his desk with his spare hand. He was sitting up straight in his chair now, eyes wide and staring out the window in front of him. He couldn't believe his brother still remembered that!
"Actually I was thinking it's been so long since I've seen you, Yuuta…" Fuji continued, voice softened, "don't you think it would be nice to come home?"
Yuuta stiffened, not wanting to cave into his brother's request. "I'm too busy," he replied, carefully since his brother always knew when he was lying.
"Are you sure?"
Yuuta frowned intently. "Yes."
"Nee-san's going to make blueberry pie again," Fuji coaxed.
Yuuta thought about how annoying and underhanded his brother was, and wondered if he could just go home for a day and eat pie without having to worry about his brother. Then he realised he was listening to his brother and frowned even more.
"Aniki, I'm not going home," he scowled. "Not this weekend, not next weekend and not the weekend after either."
His brother seemed to consider for a moment.
"Then I'll come and visit you, Yuuta. Just to check up on you, okay? I'll bring my stethoscope with me… and oh! I just remembered something," he giggled.
Yuuta felt his stomach sinking.
"What," he demanded blankly; the word not so much a question as a sign of resignation.
"It's a secret," Fuji smiled, pausing. "I might show you when I come and visit," he cooed.
"Don't come and visit then! I don't want to see anything!" Yuuta snapped quickly, dread running up his spine. Anything Aniki wanted to show him was bound to be awful, creepy or downright yucky, he was sure.
"Don't say that, Yuuta," Fuji smiled. "I'd never miss visiting my little brother when he's sick. It's the only time I get to look after you, isn't it?"
"I don't need your looking after," Yuuta scowled, and rubbed roughly at his hair. "And besides," he added, "I never said I was sick, did I?"
"But you don't have to say it, Yuuta."
Yuuta felt his mouth. It was dry. His throat felt tight. For a moment there was silence on both ends of the phone, and then Yuuta heard his brother playing with the cord.
"Aniki."
"Yes, Yuuta? Oh, that's right, you were ringing me about something… What was it you wanted to talk to me about?"
"Nothing," Yuuta said, surprising even himself.
(S)
The next thing Fuji knew, he was listening to the sound of the telephone cutting off and then the incessant beeping of a one-sided phone call.
He opened his eyes and frowned.
(S)
Akazawa sighed a little as he realised Yuuta had fallen behind him again. "Yuuta!" he called out, frowning, and watched as Yuuta looked up at him quickly and hurried forward again.
It was really starting to get to him; this weird mopey Yuuta he wasn't used to.
He'd thought bringing Yuuta out with him would distract him from whatever he was thinking about so much, but it didn't seem like that plan was working. Whenever Akazawa turned around, Yuuta was looking down at the footpath and looking worried.
Akazawa didn't really expect Yuuta to confide in him. He didn't really expect Yuuta to tell anyone what he was worried about, and he wasn't about to force Yuuta. But he did expect Yuuta to fix whatever it was, and fix it soon.
He stopped as they reached the shop he wanted, and a moment later, felt Yuuta walk into his back.
"Ah! Sorry," Yuuta said quickly, his face turning a little red.
Akazawa just sighed and stepped through the sliding doors of the sports store, checking to see that Yuuta was following him.
(S)
Yuuta followed Akazawa without really paying attention to where they were going.
They were walking along the footpath – he knew that much – and they were heading for one of the sports stores in town. Akazawa wanted to check out a new pair of shoes, so they were going to take a look, even though it was Sunday afternoon and even though normally Yuuta would be thinking about doing his homework right about now.
It didn't matter that he usually didn't do his work until much later in the day. Most days, he needed a long time to get the idea of studying English or Maths into his head anyway.
He glanced up at Akazawa again, seeing his back a few metres ahead of him, and then cast his eyes back down to the cement footpath again. He kept feeling as though everyone's eyes were on him, and he kept staring back, wondering if they too knew what he was thinking. He felt almost as though it was stamped on his forehead… Weird, strange, abnormal…
Were they looking at him and knowing? Did they know what he thought? Could they tell just by looking at him, what a sick guy he was?
He didn't know…
He couldn't really understand how it had happened, but now he realised that he liked Atobe.
He really did.
It was really… It was weird. There was no other way to say it, but it was true.
Realising it had almost made him feel more miserable than before.
It wasn't like he'd ever wanted to like Atobe… It wasn't as though he'd asked for it – asked to hang out with the guy, asked to spend so much time eating weird, expensive food with ten different forks and knives and spoons on either side of the plate, asked to sit in the backseat of the limo with him, asked to like listening to his voice, or the way his shirt sat on his broad, straight shoulders…
Feeling his thoughts getting sidetracked again, Yuuta glanced up quickly.
He was starting to think Akazawa had dragged him out to make him feel better, or else find a chance to give him a scolding about his tennis.
Was it even tennis when the best shot you'd hit all week had knocked someone flat on the ground? Yuuta didn't think so. The ball wouldn't even have landed inside the court at any rate…
He felt someone's eyes on him again, and quickly turned his head, looking straight at another boy in a school uniform.
The other boy was probably about the same age as he was. He was standing against a shop window just a few metres away and as Yuuta looked at him, he opened his mouth a little, eyes wide for just a moment before he then hurriedly ducked his head and rushed off into the crowd behind Yuuta.
Yuuta blinked, feet stopping beneath him.
What was that? He wondered. People didn't usually look at him like that.
He turned his head, nervously searching out that uniform, but it was too late.
Instead, he jogged quickly to catch up to Akazawa, turning his head one more time to try to see the boy.
He didn't find the boy, but he found Akazawa's back.
(S)
"Hey, what about these ones?" Akazawa asked, holding up a pair of green and white Nikes.
Yuuta shrugged and sat down tentatively at the edge of the low red couches; the ones meant for people trying and buying shoes.
Maybe he should have asked Aniki what he meant on the phone. He felt like they'd left the conversation half-finished, and now he wanted to know if Aniki knew about that… If he really knew, or if he was just putting on that scary "I know everything" voice because it was what he liked to do to people.
Yuuta didn't want him to think he was weirder than he really was.
Because, besides realising that he actually liked Atobe, he'd also realised that… He only liked Atobe. It wasn't that he didn't like girls, or that he did like other guys. It was just that there was something different about Atobe.
He wasn't gay. He just happened to like a guy. That was all.
"Yuuta?"
"Huh?" he looked up at Akazawa again, finding a pair of shoes being thrust at him again.
"Blue ones or red ones?" was the question.
Yuuta stared at both pairs of shoes for a moment. "Don't the red ones look a bit pink to you?"
Akazawa studied the shoes for a moment and then smiled a little.
"I guess they're Mizuki's kind of shoes," he said, and put them back on the shelf.
Yuuta crossed his arms, ignoring the want to ask "can we go now?" He wanted to hurry up and get back so he could call Aniki. He really wanted to know.
"Oi…"
Yuuta looked up again, expecting another pair of shoes. "Huh?"
Akazawa cast him an irritated look for a moment, then his expression softened and he lowered his voice. "Isn't that one of Hyoutei's players over there?" he said, picking up one of the shoeboxes next to Yuuta.
Yuuta looked up quickly, standing up when he realised he couldn't see over the shelves around them. He turned quickly, nearly a full circle before he heard voices coming from another of the aisles and saw a couple of school uniformed kids standing at the end of one of the aisles. He had to stare for a moment or two until one of them turned his head, and when he did, Yuuta felt a heavy thud in his chest.
He couldn't remember the boy's name, but he was definitely a Hyoutei player, and he was definitely a regular.
"It is…" he muttered quickly, quietly. "Are you done? Let's go…"
Akazawa didn't move for a minute and Yuuta frowned at him. He held his tongue, but he really wanted to say more to him.
"Okay…" his captain finally agreed, picking up two boxes of shoes and looking around for the shop assistant who'd been standing around a few minutes before. He couldn't see her, so they walked to the counter. There was no one there, and Yuuta cursed all the stupid giggly teenage girls. They were probably having a gossip session in the store room while they thought there were no important customers to look after.
Girls, he thought.
Akazawa spotted a bell on the counter, so he pressed it a couple of times, and they stood and waited some more.
Yuuta tried to listen to the voices from before but he couldn't really hear them from here, right in front of a set of speakers blasting pop songs, so he kept his eyes to the floor and his back to as much of the shop as possible and wished someone would come and serve them.
"Akazawa-buchou."
"What?"
"You don't need to buy anything else after this, do you?" Yuuta asked a little sceptically.
Akazawa looked a little amused for a moment, giving Yuuta a steady look. "I don't think so, unless there's something you want to buy," he replied, looking thoughtful. "Is there…"
He trailed off, looking as though he'd just remembered something. "I thought you needed new wristbands."
Yuuta shook his head hurriedly. "Not really."
Akazawa gave him a look – the I'm-captain-and-you're-not look – and looked over toward the section marked "apparel and accessories".
Yuuta didn't think it was fair. He didn't really see why it was that captains were so good at doing that, even though they weren't even on a tennis court right now and they weren't even at school and –
"Oh hey! I know you!"
Yuuta grit his teeth at the sound of the voice right behind him. Instinctively fearing the worst, he turned around.
"Oh."
"Hey!" the voice repeated, "you're Fuji Syuusuke's little brother, aren't you? I remember we played a while ago. Do you remember me? I'm Akutagawa Jirou."
Yuuta really didn't need the introduction. He remembered being beaten, steamrolled, trampled, bounced on… Oh, why couldn't he just forget it? It was embarrassing. Fifteen minutes.
Fifteen –
He looked up, realising that Jirou was talking again and that there were another three Hyoutei players walking up to them. He shifted on the spot, feeling distinctly uncomfortable, even as he realised Akazawa was talking to them.
"So are you actually buying something or are you standing here for decoration?"
"Er…" was Yuuta's response, as he awkwardly moved away from the counter and then glared, confused.
Why did he do that? Because it was a Hyoutei brat asking him and Hyoutei brats were stuck up, snot nosed and way too rich for their own good? The one who'd demanded that he move was wearing a cap and what looked like a plaster just next to his eyebrow, and he turned around again when Jirou called out "Shishido".
"What?" he answered, looking unimpressed as he dropped some stuff onto the counter.
Yuuta also looked then, and realised that the store girls were coming back, and that they looked like they were carrying half the shop and why the hell were they taking so long anyway? Hadn't they ever heard of serving customers? What were they –
His mind went blank as he realised he was staring at exactly the person he wasn't ready to see right now.
He saw the flick of the hair first; watched the way every strand seemed to settle back perfectly into place, and saw the self-confident look in his eyes and the arched eyebrow and the look of slight annoyance as he turned to one of the boys and then…
He was looking at Yuuta.
And Yuuta saw the surprise on his face, and the way he let his hands fall to his sides, forgetting to put them at his hips instead, the way his lips just parted as he forget to put that bored expression on his face…
He wondered what his own face looked like right now. He probably looked stupid. Atobe was probably wondering why he was walking around with a bruise the size of Mount Fuji on his face. Maybe he should open his mouth and say something. That was what people normally did, right?
Why wasn't Atobe saying anything? Why wasn't he saying anything? He opened his mouth.
"A-"
"Atobe-san, do you want everything delivered to you or will you be taking it with you now?" a voice interrupted.
Yuuta and Atobe both turned to stare at the girl.
"I… Uh…" Atobe began, looking confused.
Then Jirou elbowed him, and Atobe shot him a look before snapping "have it delivered this afternoon, and put it on my account. And Jirou, is there a reason you feel the need to elbow Ore-sama?"
Yuuta watched the way Jirou simply grinned and gave a quick shake of his head.
Atobe raised an eyebrow at him.
Shishido said something under his breath and the boy next to him laughed.
The really tall boy behind Atobe simply stared straight ahead.
And suddenly Yuuta felt like he wasn't just looking at Atobe anymore. He was looking at Hyoutei, and Atobe was their captain. And he was… a player who lost to one of Atobe's regulars in fifteen minutes flat.
"What happened to your face?"
Atobe's voice cut through Yuuta's thoughts.
"Nothing."
Atobe gave a frown; a slight look of irritation at Yuuta's answer. Yuuta felt his heart beating quickly, nervousness and guilt suddenly rushing through him. Before he could take it back or even say anything more, Akazawa was excusing them both and his feet were pulling him toward the door.
(S)
"Atobe," Jirou frowned. "Should we go and get ice cream now?"
The shake of the head was definite. "Actually… I just remembered I have something to do," Atobe answered.
"You can stay here; I don't need you," he said quickly to Kabaji, one hand thrust into his pocket as he left and glanced up and down the street.
Yuuta was already gone, but that was okay. Atobe suddenly didn't feel ready to talk to him face to face anyway.
He pulled his phone from his pocket and hesitated in calling his driver. Why was it that he used this stupid thing millions of times a day, taking calls, making calls, talking… to everyone but Yuuta?
If that was the question, then the answer was probably that he had no idea what it was he wanted to say.
He wasn't really sure if Yuuta even wanted to listen.
.tbc.