BRIEF NOTES:
Drama, full speed ahead.
Enjoy.
DISCLAIMER:
Nope. OTH still isn't mine.
CHAPTER TEN
Lucas walked inside Peyton Sawyer's house the next afternoon. Derek had opened the door for him once again and he bitterly smiled as he thought of how unchanged the marine's demeanor was to him; after almost a month, he was still cold, wary, and skeptical.
From all of them, it was only him who remained hostile. Everyone else was either too welcoming or too awkward.
And he thought he had everyone fooled.
He really didn't mean for his "relationship" with his son to be based on pretense. In all truth and honesty, he wanted nothing more than to construct a foundation where he and Robby could build their bond with just as Keith did with him. But that was exactly the thing that held him back… he had no idea how or where to start. He was admittedly so clueless that he would rather coop himself up in a distant space than have to risk doing anything that would only lead them all to pain.
Lucas barely heard Derek saying Brooke was upstairs watching Robby and that he had to leave for the store when Peyton walked in from the kitchen. He hated feeling the flutter in his stomach every time he saw her – he hated admitting that after all these years, she could still affect him like that.
He spoke first, as coldly as he could manage so she wouldn't feel his nerves. "My mom was wondering if Robby could join us for dinner tonight."
She stared at him as she impassively said, "He's down for his nap."
Her eyes were different, he inwardly thought. And her voice, it was filled with detachment. "I see. I can just pick him up around 6 maybe?"
"I'll take him."
Again, with the coldness. "No, I'll just pick--"
Her voice snapped a little this time. "I said I'd take him."
He left it at PMS. "I really don't wanna deal with whatever's eating at you…. So I'm…"
"You." She said, deadpan.
Lucas was stunned. "Excuse me?"
"You're eating at me. More specifically, your false pretenses at fake fatherhood."
A surge of anger rushed to his head. "He and I are fine."
A flicker of fire shot through her eyes. Peyton Sawyer was now boiling in piping hot steam. "Really, Lucas? Is that why whenever I ask him how he spent his day with you, all he says is 'nothing happened'? Is that why he asks me if you talk to me because he can't understand why you won't if he tries to talk to you? Is that why you lock yourself up or leave right after you pick him up and only come out when it's time to take him home? Is that why you can't even say his name in front of me or anyone else? Because if that's what fine is to you now then I have no idea how you could define a pretty bad relationship."
She had no right to talk like this, he thought as his voice rose to answer her rhetoric. "Is that so? Okay then, mother-of-the-year. Show me. Show me how to bond with him. Show me what to do. More importantly, TEACH ME HOW TO BUILD A RELATIONSHIP WITH A SON WHOM I NEVER THOUGHT EXISTED IN THE FIRST FUCKING PLACE BECAUSE HIS MOTHER TOLD ME SHE HAD GOTTEN RID OF HIM!"
"Are you even listening to yourself, Lucas? Can you hear how hung up you are on something that isn't even true because god dammit for the last time I NEVER SAID I WOULD GET RID OF MY PRECIOUS LITTLE BOY! You know me better than that."
Their voices had reached a crescendo at this point. But neither of them seemed to care.
"You're unbelievable. I was on the receiving end of your words, Peyton. I heard you say them. Granted, maybe I didn't hear them well. But what about the time I called you when I found out he was born, huh? Do you remember that? Do you remember how your voice sounded when I told you I'd come here and you said you didn't want me? Do you? Because I do!"
"And did you really want that, Lucas? Or did you say it because your instincts got the best of you? If you had come back here, would you have been happy? Would you have not regretted leaving NYU and returning to the place you couldn't even stand to be in? I never said I didn't want you, Lucas. I said I didn't want you right now, and I said it because I know you well enough to know how trapped you were feeling. I wasn't stupid to think that if you came back it would all be okay and we'd end up in a fairytale." Peyton's voice had softened towards the end of her rebuttal.
But Lucas had remained stern. "Well it sure as hell doesn't matter now, does it? Because like it or not, I still missed his life the day I thought you got rid of him. And don't put this on me, Peyton. Because you were the one who pushed me away the moment you talked me into leaving this godforsaken place with my mother!"
At this point, Peyton had very little control left. Her left hand had automatically made rough contact with his left cheek. Truth be told, it had stung her more than it did him.
"You're a sad excuse of a man, Lucas. You victimize yourself to the point of twisting words in your head just so you could feel that the world owes you everything. God knows I loved you enough to let you go because I thought it would heal you enough to face this place again, but apparently nothing could ever stand in the way of you and the pain because you refuse to set it free."
Her words had hit a mark he hadn't known was there. He tried to act like he didn't care, but she still saw through it.
"Whatever, Peyton." He huffed.
She shook her head bitterly "You know what, come back when you aren't so hung up… and maybe we can let you back in. Until then, if your mom wants to see her grandson, tell Nathan to tell me and I'll let her have time with him."
He was taken aback by her strength. She really had matured, he realized; but he wasn't about to let her win this. "Fine."
Those were his last words as he turned around and stormed off, slamming the door behind him and leaving Peyton to shed the tears that had threatened to fall the moment they engaged in the screaming.
The house was left with eerie silence. She was reeling from unsteady emotions, and that was enough to remain oblivious to the soft but heavy breathing coming from the pair of ears that had eavesdropped on the fighting from the top of the staircase.