Dear Diary,
I can't be around Helga when I'm high. I'm messed up enough without the meth, but with it I can't even remember most of what I've done. I think I hit Mom. She avoids me as much as I avoid her and she pisses me off sometimes, but I don't think she should go through with me what we both have from my "father", that asshole. But I can't go without it. I always have horrible nightmares, I don't have many friends, it's hard for me to get close to anyone... it sounds stupid in writing, but in reality, it hurts and after a while, a person can only take so much. So I escape. But even if I can't stop hurting Mom, I should at least resist from doing anything to Helga.
Have I told you about Helga? She has got to be about thirteen or fourteen, so her figure is just starting to come in and she's kind of ugly, but if you look at her the right way, she's kind of pretty too. She's also really sassy, which is a nice break from the usual girls at my school. They're always either way to innocent and sweet or really bitchy and needy, but Helga's some where in between, in a good way. I think she likes this kid named Arnold, but he has another girl so I might have a chance with Helga. I almost kissed her last night; you should have seen her face! She instantly turned to mush, but just as quickly bounced back. I hope she doesn't start getting too romantic with me though. She's an interesting person, let's hope virgin feelings don't get in the way. I wonder if she's a virgin? For that matter, does she smoke? Well, I guess I'll find out sooner or later.
Speaking of Helga, I'm going to go help her move in. I see the trucks stopping in front of her house now. Write to you later,
Jake
He quickly read over his just-written entry and crossed out his name. Then he crumpled the note-book page and threw it in the garbage bin. It was a ritual he always did with each page of his "diary". He crossed his name out, because he thought of it as a metaphor for what true happiness seemed to have done to him. Or maybe it was something he had done to himself? Nonetheless, it was cheesy, but left him feeling satisfied. He always threw away the pages afterwords, because if any of the few friends he had found out about his diary, then his reputation would be ruined.
Jake sighed and walked out of his room, down stairs, and out the front door to find himself momentarily blinded. "I hate the sun." He mumbled to himself as he put his hand over his eyes and jogged to get out the warm rays as soon as possible. He sneaked in front of the parked moving truck and looked around the corner. He had to be especially sly from now on, yesterday Olga had caught him flirting with Helga and she shoved him out the door and told him to never come back, because he was a "bad influence."
Jake saw that Helga's dad and older sister were laughing about something, while Helga struggled to carry a box by herself. Jake grinned and moved around the side of the house and silently climbed the large tree. When he neared the top, he reached his arms up for the highest branch, lifted one leg, then wrapped both around the thick limb, and skillfully twisted and pulled himself up. Then he carefully opened the window and laid down on the wide windowsill. His grin widened as Helga kicked open the door looking tired and grumpy. "Oh, back again, are you?" He pretended to examine his fingernails.
Helga dropped the box and returned his grin. "Well, I don't know about you, but I'm going to be living here, Bucko, so get used to it."
"Oh, are you? Darn, I don't know how I'll ever survive your hilarious, yet sharp personality. The charm, the wit, the wonderful stories you might tell... oh, the tragedy of it all." Jake put a hand over his head as if he were about to faint from sarcastic horror.
"All right, that's enough, oh Queen of Drama. You said you'd help me unpack, so unpack! This box is just a bunch of dumb stuffed dolls my parents bought me, so throw the biggest one on the bed for decoration and toss the rest in random corners, but try to fake organization."
"Well," Jake sat up and put his nose in the air. "If you're going to be that way about it, I'll be leaving."
"Fine then. Go." Helga crossed her arms and mumbled, "Drama Queen."
"Okay." He acted like he was going to head back home, even though he had no intentions of actually doing so.
"All right, fine," she threw her arms in the air and stared at the ceiling, "please, unpack the dumb dolls for me."
"That's more like it." Jake walked across the room for the box as he watched Helga walk back downstairs. "Where are you going?" He lifted an eyebrow.
"To get more boxes, doi!"
Jake shook his head and ripped the tape off the flaps of the box, still smiling. "She isn't half bad."
SUNSET ARMS
"So, Lila, how's tomorrow night for dinner at my house?" Arnold twirled his finger around the phone wire and smiled. Grandpa gave him a thumbs up before running up stairs for the bathroom. A small chuckle escaped him. "Oh, no, Lila, I'm not laughing at you, just... well, anyways, that's great. I'll see you tomorrow then." Arnold smiled dreamily. "I love you." No one would ever know how great it felt for him to say those words.
Lila hesitated, but Arnold was too wrapped up in his thoughts to notice. "You too. Bye, Arnold."
She hung up and Arnold looked at his own phone, disappointed that he wasn't able to hear her say the exact words to him, but he shrugged it off when he heard the doorbell ring.
"Be careful, Kimba. Never let your guard down for a second!" Arnold turned around only to see Grandma equipped with a fly swatter and wearing a safari hat. "It just might be a trap..." She kept her voice low as her eyes glanced around for a fly to pounce on.
Arnold walked over to the door and opened it. "Relax, Grandma, it's just Gerald."
"Hold your guard, watch your enemy, and STRIKE!" She smacked the wall, missing the buzzing insect, and ran in the kitchen after it. Arnold turned back to his friend and sighed.
"Hey, Arnold. Wanna come out and play some ball with the guys? I got a new mitt!"
"No thanks, Gerald. I'm going to stay inside today."
"Well, can I come in then? It is getting hot out here and some shade would be nice." Gerald wiped his face with his sleeve, even though he wasn't even sweating.
"Sure, come in." Arnold pulled the door open wider and turned back to realize he left the phone off the hook. He walked over and put the receiver back on its hinges.
"So, what are you stayin' in for, Man? Summer's out and you should be too!"
"I want to try and clean the boarding house up a bit before Lila comes over."
"Lila's coming over?"
"Yeah, tomorrow, after the last day of school. She's gonna have dinner with us."
Gerald raised an eyebrow. "With the boarders."
"Well," Arnold looked down at the floor and rubbed his arm. "Yeah. Why?"
"Arnold, can we talk in your room?"
"Sure." Arnold headed up the staircase and Gerald followed behind, shaking his head. After a few minutes they made it up to Arnold's door and went inside.
Gerald was the first to break the silence. "Let me get this straight... Lila... is coming tomorrow... for dinner... with you, your grandparents, and the boarders?!"
"Oh, come on, it won't be that bad. What could happen?"
As if on cue, Grandpa slammed opened Arnold's door. "Wooh! Don't go in the bathroom for a while, it's a gas chamber in there! Let me tell you boys, never eat raspberries! Oh, and hey Arnold, when is your little girlfriend coming over? The one with the braids who smiles all time?"
"Her name's Lila, Grandpa and she's coming tomorrow night."
"Perfect! That'll give me time to lock Pookie in the basement so we can order some real food!" He rubbed his hands together at the thought of Chinese takeout.
"En garde!"
"Speak of the devil-" Arnold winced as Grandma smacked Grandpa with her trusty fly-swatter.
"Take that, you buzzing fiend!"
"Pookie, I'm not a fly, I'm your husband!"
"Oh, well, never mind then." She turned around and humbly walked down the ladder steps.
"You bet 'never mind'; and put that thing away before you hurt somebody else!" Grandpa rubbed his bald head and turned back to Arnold. "Should I set an extra plate at the table for Gerald?"
"Uh, no thanks Phil. I'm good." Gerald answered instead.
"Suit yourself. I don't blame you." He turned around and closed the door behind him.
Arnold glanced over at Gerald's "I-told-you-so" face and turned away. "Okay, so maybe they aren't perfect, but they're family and it might be good to-"
"Arnold." Gerald folded his arms.
"Okay, okay, but that just gives me more of a reason to at least make the place look nice, so help me get started with my closet." He slid the closet door open and started pulling stuff off the shelf.
"The closet?! Arnold, she's coming over for dinner, not a house inspection. What would she be doin' in the closet?" Gerald's face turned sly, "Or maybe I should be asking what 'you two' will be doing in there, huh?" He elbowed Arnold.
"Cut it out! Nothing like that is going to happen. Just help me organize this thing?"
He groaned and walked over to his buddy. "Whatever you say, Arnold, whatever you say."
"Hey, look, our old kite!"
"You still have that thing?"
"Yeah. I've been meaning to make it fly for a while now."
"Face it, Arnold. That thing doesn't fly and it ain't never going to fly." Gerald randomly reached for something on the shelf and pulled down a red, high-heeled shoe. "Um... Arnold... is there something you've forgotten to tell me?" He put it in front of Arnold's face.
He looked over and almost blushed as he snatched the shoe away. "That's Cecile's!"
"Cecile?" Gerald put a hand on his hip. "Which one was she?"
"What do you mean, which one was she? I've only like-liked..." Arnold searched his memory, "five girls. Ruth, that substitute teacher back in third or fourth grade, Cecile, Summer, and Lila."
"Oh, yeah, wasn't Cecile your pen pal from France?" Gerald paused for a moment. "Wait, you kept her shoe?!"
"Yeah... well no, well... remember, I was on that date with Ruth and the girl I thought was Cecile? But then I decided I liked Cecile instead of Ruth, so I went to call it off with Ruth, but the fake Cecile saw me with Ruth and stomped out and threw her shoes on the ground, and then the real Cecile came and you told her you were Arnold and then you two went for burgers and I stayed with the fake Cecile?" Gerald nodded as if he understood Arnold, even though he really didn't and was slightly confused. "Well, I was helping her pick up her shoes, but we started talking and she forgot to get this one, so I ended up with it. At the time, it was the most romantic moment in my life, so I kept it. You know, for memories. I was even kind of hoping I'd see her again."
Gerald blinked several times before erasing his blank look. "Man, Arnold, you are some lover boy. Did you ever find out who she really was?"
"Nope. I remember our conversation though. I still can't believe Ruth turned out to be such a flake. I wonder if she still thinks about me."
"Uh, Arnold, I don't think Ruth ever thought about you in the first place. No offense."
"No, I meant Cecile. She was so mysterious, but also nice and interesting. I could really talk to her and, somehow, I felt like I knew her."
Gerald raised his eyebrows. "Hey Arnold? Before you get in too deep wondering about Cecile, YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND AND SHE'S COMING FOR DINNER AT YOUR WACKY HOUSE TOMORROW NIGHT!"
Arnold shook his head. "Right, thanks Gerald."
"No problem, Man."
Arnold put the shoe back on top on the shelf and began to organize the rest, while Gerald found a few boxes at the bottom and started putting random things in them. However, they eventually realized that nothing wanted to fit when it was organized, so they just shoved everything back in and decided to work on the room and the kitchen. By evening they had done a pretty good job, and Grandpa even payed them a few bucks for their work. Then, Gerald said goodbye, scheduled a ball game for Thursday, and left for home. Arnold ate his dinner, took a shower, and got ready for bed.
'Maybe I should get some flowers from Mrs.Vitello for the table tomorrow? No, no, too fancy. Got to keep it simple.' Arnold thought to himself as he plugged in his favorite potato clock and yawned. 'I just hope no one tries to embarrass me while Lila's over.' He climbed into bed and pressed a button on his remote to turn off the lights. Then he pulled the covers to his shoulders and closed his eyes, almost instantly falling asleep.
Soft violin music is playing... cobblestone streets... where is she? Where is she? "Hello, Arnold! I'm ever so sorry I'm late!" There she- Cecile? You don't talk that way, Lila does. Where's Lila? "I'm ever so sorry..." You're... changing? Into Lila? Lila, there you are! I've been waiting... it's so wonderful to be holding your hand. ...the scenery is changing to lush grass... here we are, me sitting next to you. Lila, you're so beautiful. "Thank you, Arnold. You're so handsome and cute, and ever so charming!" No, really, Lila. Your soft red hair in such perfect braids, the way your blue eyes sparkle in the sun... "Oh, Arnold!" Your giggle is so adorable... Lila... I feel so nervous. Butterflies are in my stomach, but I have to say it... I love you. I love you with all my heart. "I love you too, Arnold!" Lila! I'm so happy! I love you, I love you! I could just kiss you... I have to ... so close to your lips... so close... "Hey Arnold!" ...Lila? "Hey Arnold! Hey Arnold!"
"Hey Arnold! Hey Arnold! Hey-"
Arnold blushed as he quickly pulled out the wire for the alarm and cursed his favorite clock. "I was so close..." He mumbled.
HILLWOOD JR. HIGH
'Last day, and I'm moving. I've got to be nice to Arnold today, I've got to!' Helga thought to herself at lunch. She looked over her shoulder and watched Lila hold hands with Arnold. 'Then again...' Helga growled and looked back at her un-eatened sandwich. She narrowed her eyes and glared at it, as if it were the sandwichs fault, and began smooshing it with her fist.
"Hello, Helga. How are you feeling? You haven't been eating lately and it's made me quite worry some. I'm terribly sorry for the recent events that have happened to you. You'll need as much strength as possible to better cope with them. I'm afraid that distorting your food every lunch hour will not entirely benefit you." Phoebe put down her lunch tray and started eating her salad.
Helga looked up at her best friend and sighed. "That's okay, Pheebs. I'll eat when I get home."
Phoebe swallowed the salad in her mouth and continued the conversation. "Please excuse me, but you've been saying that every day for the past few weeks, and by now you look rather pale and fatigued. Weak, even. I'm starting to believe that you're failing to keep your word. I'm only saying this, because I'm concerned for your well-being."
Helga pounded her sandwich again. "Just forget about it, okay?!"
"Forgetting." Phoebe took another bite of salad.
"So," Helga tried to keep her mind off of Arnold. She was having mixed feelings between him and Jake. Arnold had always been her love, her muse, her passion, and the only thing that kept her sane. Yet, at the same time, he didn't see her as anything more than a friend, if even that, and he probably didn't believe or even remember her confession on FTi. Meanwhile, Jake was doing everything she'd wished Arnold would do, and he wasn't such a perfect, go getter, optimist. However, she needed a go-getter optimist. She needed Arnold. But Arnold didn't need her. And Jake did, or at least showed signs of wanting to. 'Oh,' she thought, 'what is a girl to do?!'
Helga blinked out of her thoughts to find Phoebe waving her hand in front of her face.
"Oh, what?"
"You were starting to say something, but then fell into a blank stare. Is there something on your mind?" Phoebe put her hand down and watched Helga with worry in her eyes.
"Nothing, I just... I..." Phoebe continued to stare at her with concern and interest. Helga sighed and decided she couldn't keep this from her best friend... but that didn't mean she'd have to tell her everything either. "Well, not that anything like this is actually going on... per say... but, what if I had a certain... obsession with someone or something..."
"Ice cream?" Phoebe had used this word before in reference to Arnold. Helga might not ever admit her infatuation with Arnold out loud, but Phoebe had known her for so long that Helga didn't really need to.
"Right, right, ice cream... and let's say that ice cream never felt the same way about me. On the other hand, I started having a new obsession..."
"A new obsession?" Phoebe said with surprise.
"Did I stutter?" Helga slammed her sandwich again, which by now had a huge hole in the middle and was almost split in two.
"Sorry, so...this new obsession..." Phoebe tried to think of a random object, "cabbage?"
Helga lifted her eyebrow. "Cabbage, what the- sure, yeah, cabbage... now shut up so I can tell you."
"Shutting up."
"Okay, so I've had a passion over... ice cream for a long time now, a long time. But ice cream never felt the same way. I mean, sometimes it would seem like he... it did, but most of the time it had feelings for someone else. Then out of no where, I meet cabbage, and he... I mean, it starts feeling for me the way ice cream should've. So now, I'm starting to like cabbage, but I still have some feelings for Ar-... Ar... are we running out of lunch time so soon?, hoo boy, I'd better hurry this up! So, I still have feelings for ice cream and it's hard for me to suddenly change my feelings for the cabbage I just met, but I'm kind of falling for cabbage fast and the more I think about it the more it seems like cabbage is the guy for me, instead of ice cream, like I'd thought all along. So... what do you think I should do?" Helga nervously rubbed her hands together and hoped Phoebe had understood her without getting suspicious.
"Well," she had finished the last bite of salad and put her fork down. "Maybe, you should think about whether cabbage is worth giving up ice cream for, and decide which is the better option. Is this cabbage a person I don't know?"
"Yeah, his name's Jake." Helga blurted out but quickly slapped her hand over her face, then she took a deep breath and calmed down. What did she have to worry about? It was Phoebe, her best friend. And if anything did happen between Helga and Jake, people would eventually find out anyways.
"Maybe I should meet cabbage... I mean, Jake, before you make your decision." Phoebe paused and wondered if, ironic to previous thoughts, this would be the day she would know for a fact that Helga loved Arnold. Even if it was obvious, she thought it felt great that someone as secretive as Helga could confide in her. "Helga, before I do, maybe you should tell me who ice cream is?"
Helga turned around and stole a glance at her childhood love and looked back at Phoebe. It was one thing to admit something like this out loud to herself, but to someone else... but who knew? Maybe it would make her feel better to let it out; like when she saw that shrink a few years back. Then again... "What does it matter? Isn't it all the same?"
Phoebe looked hurt. "No, Helga, it isn't. What if I happened to guess?"
Helga looked down at the wounded sandwich and nodded. "But keep quiet, Pheebs, no one needs to know this."
"Could it be that ice cream is..." She leaned in and whispered as softly as possible, "Arnold?"
Even though she half expected it, her eyes still went wide at the name being spoken, let alone on the first guess. "M-maybe, maybe not... crimeny, Pheebs, is it that obvious?"
"In a way, Helga, yes, but you shouldn't worry too much, I don't think anyone else notices." She smiled. 'Unfortunately, not even Arnold himself.'
'That's right,' she thought, 'I never told her about my confession...' "Good, let's keep it that way. But until anything officially happens, they're cabbage and ice cream, got it?! And Pheebs, this conversation never happened."
"Forgetting!"
Helga turned around to steal another glance at Arnold. As Lila moved in for a kiss jealousy burned in Helga's stomach even more than hunger. She was about to turn back, when she noticed that Arnold looked as if he expected a kiss on the lips, but instead Lila moved toward his cheek. 'What the...?' Lila moved away; and between the couple Gerald looked up and caught Helga's stare. Her face changed from confused to threatening as she growled and lifted a fist and shook it. Gerald rolled his eyes and Helga, satisfied with her cover, turned around and faced Phoebe again, who was now drinking her juice. Helga took a bite out of half of her ruined sandwich disdainfully and forced herself to swallow it.
A few minutes later, the bell rang and everyone cleared out of the cafeteria for home, since the last day of school was a half day. Helga hastily said goodbye to Phoebe, mumbled a few garbled words about calling when the phone was hooked up, and grabbed her book bag full off all the stuff from her locker. Then she ran ahead of everyone in the crowd and ducked behind the nearest trash can outside the school in order to get a moment of privacy. Helga pulled out her locket, still holding Arnold's picture, and thought about her talk with Phoebe. "Okay..." She closed her eyes and breathed heavily, "Arnold, this is the last day of school, and unless I play my cards... our cards right, it might even be the last day of you and me. Oh, why did Bob choose to move me so far away from you? Why?" The front doors to Hillwood Jr. High burst open and a crowd of students flooded out. The most important one being Arnold. "Here it is. The moment of truth." Helga closed her eyes and pulled her locket closer to her. "I'll just pull you aside and announce my love. I'll pour my heart and soul out, bold and straight forward. No tricks, no stammers, just you and me. I'll say, 'Arnold, I love you, I always have, and Lila is not the girl for you, I am!' and you'll hold me and say-"
"Helga?"
She turned around and looked straight into the most beautiful pair of green eyes. "Arnold!"
"Who are you talking to?" Arnold looked confused as he threw away an empty packet of gum.
'This is it, the moment of truth! Spit it out, spit it out!' Helga took a deep breath. "Arnold, I... I have something I need... something I need..." She was so nervous that she forgot all about her grip on the locket and wouldn't have even noticed it drop if the sound of glass crashing against the cement hadn't interrupted her. Her eyes went wide as she looked down at the back of the gold heart and before she could even snap into reality to pick it up, Arnold was reaching for it.
"Oh no, Helga, your locket!" He carefully grabbed the locket and turned it around to see a smiling picture of himself. A look of confusion and near horror spread across his face. He lifts his eyes to Helga's brown ones and showed her the broken treasure in his hand. "What is this?"
"I... I... I... I, well, I... just...I..." She mumbled, unable to speak.
"Helga, what is this?" He repeated, looking back to his picture.
"I-love-you." She blurted it out as one word and instantly covered her mouth, regretting the slip. 'Why did I say that?! Why did I have to say that?!"
Arnold's face is now full horror and he looks over to see Lila and Gerald walk towards him. "I can't do this." He thrusts the locket back to her and starts to back away.
"Arnold!" Helga reaches a hand out to him, but he only increases his pace.
"I'm sorry, Helga, but this... this is crazy. I just like you, Helga... as a friend, and... I can't do this." Arnold turned away and jogged to his friends, leaving Helga falling to her knees, close to crying. She shut her eyes and tried to choke down the pain. Arnold's words and face haunted her mind and she tried to block them away, but couldn't. Minutes feel like torturous hours as Helga breathes deeply, trying to control herself. Finally she opened her eyes to the broken locket in her hand. She pulls out the remaining shards of glass and accidentally cuts herself in the process. She crumples the picture of Arnold and throws it away, then shoves the locket in her book bag to avoid the inscription written inside. Helga sighed deeply and felt her whole body shudder as she slowly stood up and walked over to the curb, where she sat back down and hugged her knees. By now everyone has left. She was alone. But Helga's sorrow turned to hate as she waited for Olga to come and drive her to the new house. To her new life. One without Arnold.
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Author's Note: Yay, new chapter! Sorry it didn't have the kissing scene some of you had hoped for, but I know the next one will. Because I'm writing it! This is chapter is longer. I don't have much to write this time. Thank you so much for the reviews and Story Alerts and everything.
Also, thank you to my editor! Yes, now I have an editor! We all know I've been needing one.
-T.S.