Chapter 3: Sad Sad Sadness

Abby laughed. She laughed and laughed and laughed, even though it was sad. Simon, poor Simon. His story was so sad, heartbreaking, but Abby laughed nevertheless. Simon wanted her to laugh. He said laughter was the soundtrack to his life. He said it made him happy, and he wanted to go happy.

She looked around her for a minute. Most of the night staff was crowded in the trauma room, laughing at Simon's joke about a golfer and his pants. Everyone was just living in the moment, forgetting that outside the weather was crap, that two rooms down a bitchy middle-aged woman was waiting for her toe to be examined, even that they were all sporting blood, vomit or snot on their scrubs. They were letting themselves enjoy what was going on, they let themselves be happy. Simon, missing out on the most important night of his life, was letting himself be happy here and now, on a gurney, on quite possibly his last night alive. How often did she let herself be happy?

"Hey," Abby said to Simon, coming in to check on him.

"Hey. How'd I do?" Simon looked at her with big eyes, a smirk on his face. Normally a person in his state would be depressing to look at, but Simon retained an air of contentedness. He had accepted his fate.

"You were great. Anything I can do for you?"

"No. I mean, a good cigar and some vodka would be to die for, but I know there's a no-smoking policy in here."

Abby smiled gently. She felt compelled to ask him something. "How did your dad die?"

Simon closed his eyes for a moment, making Abby regret her question. What if she made him upset just before he died? Finally, after a few moments, Simon opened his eyes and smiled slightly.

"It's a funny story. It was the day after Halloween, and my old man was putting up Christmas lights. He's up on the ladder before it's even light out. The paper boy was still tired from trick-or-treating the night before. My dad is stepping off the ladder, he's almost at the bottom. He's in mid-step when the kid tosses the paper completely off course, and it smokes him right in the head. He fell down and hit his head on the driveway. Isn't that hilarious? I mean, who dies from a newspaper? Who puts their Christmas lights up at 6 in the morning, the day after Halloween?"

Abby looked at Simon carefully. He had closed his eyes again, but whispered sleepily: "My dad…Ha, newspaper…Halloween." As he drifted into a sleep, Abby left the room. Her shift was over now, and a remarkable shift it had been.

Abby walked to the EL. Her life had been anything but extraordinary. She knew she always blamed it on her mother. Maggie had made it impossible for her to have a decent childhood, Maggie made her go insane, Maggie this, Maggie that. An abortion, a divorce, alcoholism and many failed relationships had been her life. Abby was a pessimist, she knew that. But that day in the OR, it had been Maggie who made her have hope for her son's life. Joe was alive now, healthy and happy at home with his father. Her life could be happy now. Was she afraid? What was she afraid of? Why was she afraid? Abby still held back, she was cautious. She didn't let herself be as happy as she could be, to live her live as fully as it could. What if Luka hadn't made it? It was a difficult thought to think, but it had been a possibility. It was important, so important to enjoy life, while you had it. Sometimes, you have to take risks.

Abby nearly ran up the stairs to the apartment. Her pulse raced as she turned the door knob. There he was.

"Hey," he said.

"Hi."

"I was just putting the CD's on the iPod. We don't need all these."

"Can we talk?"

"Sure."

Abby sat on the couch before even removing her coat. She took his hand in hers. It was warm and soft, and so nice to hold.

"Can you ask me again?"

"Ask you what?" Luka said softly, clearly confused.

"Have you ever wanted anything so bad, but it scared the hell out of you?"

"Abby?"

"When you were on the roof, I kept thinking. I was so scared, Luka."

"I know you were."

"Listen, I know I didn't want to before, but I changed my mind, and I want you to ask me again. Ask me to marry you."

Abby could read Luka's smile: he was wondering if this was for real. Did the cynical Abby really want him to ask her to marry him? She gave him a pair of smiling, assuring eyes and a slight nod. She watched as he responded with an even bigger smile. He reached for her other hand. Their bodies formed a circuit, and each could feel the energy emitting from the other one; both were full of adrenaline, and were sharing it with the other. They stood in unison. Luka knelt down.

"Abigail Lockhart, will you marry me?"

Abby broke their connection and stroked his cheek.

"Yes."

Luka jumped up and lifted Abby into his arms. Their giggles were interrupted only by sweet kisses everywhere.