This is going to be a long one, so buckle up.
Chapter 6: Perfection Will Not Come
"Hello, this is Abby Lockhart," Abby said into the receiver. She kept her tone stoic, naked of any emotion.
"Oh- um, Abby, I'm so glad you called," replied The Man Who Was Her Father. His uncertainty was evident, and Abby wasn't sure if that made this harder or easier.
"I was wondering if we could talk," she said, still not allowing him to read whether it was to make amends or to yell at him again.
"Uh, sure, that would be fine," he said.
"Can you meet me at Mama Beth's Diner? In about an hour?" Abby closed her eyes. She couldn't believe she was doing this.
"I'll be there," he confirmed happily.
Abby turned around to face Luka.
"This is actually going to happen," she said with panic in her big brown eyes.
Luka rubbed her arm affectionately.
"It is. You're ready for it, though," he said confidently.
Abby changed into some old jeans and a plain long sleeved green shirt. She pulled her hair back into a ponytail and slipped on a pair of runners. As she put on her coat by the door, Luka came over holding Joe and gave her an encouraging kiss. She smiled bravely and kissed Joe's cheek. He giggled.
She chose a booth close to the corner. They would need privacy, but Abby still wasn't ready to be completely alone with him yet. She took her coat off and ordered a coffee. Eddie arrived right on time, taking a seat opposite from her.
"Hi," greeted Abby.
"Hello," nodded Eddie.
A waitress came to their table, and Eddie ordered a coffee for himself. There was an awkward silence as both sat sipping their caffeine. Neither one was sure how to initiate conversation. Once the tension was too much for Abby to tolerate, she spoke up.
"I want to understand. I want you to give me reason not to hate you. Why did you leave?"
Eddie fidgeted slightly, looked up for a moment and then down into his coffee.
Perfection will not come.
"Your mother and I- we met at the laundromat. I was 26, and I had just moved away from Louisiana, where I grew up." A smile appeared on his face. "I was looking for an adventure, so I left for Minnesota, where my cousin was living. Until that point, my mother always did my laundry for me.
"So I was trying to figure out how to work the washer, getting pretty frustrated, and Maggie walked up to me, and explained exasperately that I was supposed to sort my clothes first, 'Don't you know anything?!' So she helped me sort out my clothes, measured my detergent for me and then we sat together waiting for our laundry." Eddie took a drink of his coffee and then continued.
"I was an arrogant son of a bitch, and asked her if would like to do my laundry for me for the rest of my life. I'll never forget Maggie's expression as I said that. She said that I was a typical sexist jerk and slapped me right across the face." Upon hearing this, Abby gasped, but couldn't say she was surprised.
Eddie grinned. "Right after she killed my ego, she turned around and stood beside her washing machine, not even glancing my way. Something about her though- her fire, her independence, made me want to be with her. A week later we met at the same Laundromat, and I asked her out. She flat out refused me, went on a rant about how men always expected to women to be impressed by them, yada yada yada. Then she gave me her number."
Abby found herself laughing before she could stop herself. This was definitely the same Maggie she knew.
"So that's how you two became you two. What happened after that?" Abby asked.
"Well, we got married. Had you. By then Maggie's bipolar really set in. I would come home from work some days to both of you crying. Sometimes she slept all day. Sometimes she stayed up all night, walking around and muttering to herself. She would have fits and throw things at me. Some days, Maggie refused to let me in the house, and started screaming that she hated me, accusing me of being with other women. It got to the point where I'd had enough unhappiness. I left."
Abby had just gotten to the point of empathy, understanding what a miserable life Eddie must have been having with Maggie, until those last two words.
"Oh, no need for clarification there," she spat out cruelly.
Eddie rubbed his forehead defeatedly.
"I know it was bad. It was terrible. I know that now. I do. I should never have abandoned a woman in that state, and I should never have left you and your brother alone with her," Eddie said strongly, his tone intensifying. "But I was a young man, I had my own dreams. Having kids was Maggie's idea, not mine. I went along with it because I loved her. And you and your brother were loved. I just wanted my life back. Maggie became hard to love, my life was miserable, so I wanted another chance."
Abby was shocked at what she heard. Eddie hadn't even wanted kids. What the hell was he doing here then? He had successfully ridded of them their entire lives, he didn't have to have anything to do with them for the rest of it, so why was he messing with her mind?
"Abby, I know this is hard for you. I don't blame you at all for whatever feelings you harbour towards me. I deserve them all. I would hate to think that I have hurt you by trying to meet you, but I would also hate to die and know that I never even tried to right my wrongs."
"You think having coffee with me qualifies as trying to right your wrong?" Abby demanded accusingly.
"No, I don't. You were the one who set this up, were you not? And I'm glad you did." Eddie said softly.
Abby closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She couldn't tell if this was helping them or not. One moment she felt sorry for Eddie, the next she wanted to slap him.
Eddie sensed that Abby was feeling scrambled and unsure, and decided to try a different approach.
"It's getting a little noisy in here. Why don't we go for a walk?" he suggested.
Abby hated the control Eddie had achieved in their discussion, but admitted to herself that she couldn't be in this place anymore. She went to the restroom quickly while Eddie paid for their coffees.
Once in the cool air, Abby and Eddie walked in silence. They weren't too close to each other that their arms might touch each other in mid-stride, but they stayed close enough to be heard over the wind. They walked past Abby's apartment, tempting her to forget this entire morning and go home to Joe and Luka. Something inside of her kept walking though, until they reached a bench.
Abby sat first, a sign Eddie took to mean that she had cooled off and was ready to talk some more. He sat closer to the other side of the bench.
"Abby, as much as I know what I did was wrong, I like to believe that it was meant to be. I believe everything happened for a reason. This all happened because it was supposed to make you stronger. Look at you now. You're a doctor!"
Abby considered what Eddie had said and then spoke herself.
"You think that this has been my life all along? That living with a crazy mom instantly made me strong and then I became who I am. That's not how it all happened. I was a loser in school. I married a jerk to feel accepted, fucked that all up and then had a series of incredibly sucky days, which turned into months, which turned into years. I was unable to maintain any type of relationship, I became a fucking alcoholic with no life and no money. I just found happiness, you know." Abby ranted furiously. Who was this asshole to think he was responsible for making her life what it was now when he had made it a mess.
Eddie sat so still, Abby thought for a minute he had been ignoring her. She was about to yell at him some more when she noticed a tear fall to his lap. Instantly Abby regretted being so sharp with him. They both took a moment to compose themselves, and then Eddie spoke.
"I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry. I really am. I understand if you need to hate me the rest of my life. I don't want you to, but I understand. I hate that I've caused you so much pain, that I did all that I did to you, or didn't do. There is nothing more for me to say," Eddie sobbed pleadingly.
Abby didn't know if it was the tears, or the words he used, but she was moved by this scene. She kind of wanted to hug the guy. She almost did, but stopped herself. She instead got off the bench and kneeled down in front of the man.
"I need to go. I'll see you later, maybe," she said quietly, and walked away, leaving the man with his tears.