15 Intermission I
20 Questions, Asked by the Holy Toad Sage – Part One
The setting is the same as in the prologue, the only difference being the addition of Taiki at the table on the other side of Kotori. Jiraiya has a small stack of index cards sitting in front of him, which he shuffles through once to refresh himself of their contents.
Jiraiya. We're taking a break from the story to lighten the mood somewhat by indulging our readers' curiosity and having two of our stars answer a few questions. We'll start out with a few basics...
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1. State your name, just for the record:
Taiki. Officially, I'm the Yondaime Raikage, and to all of my friends I'm simply Taiki. All of the ladies can call me Tai-kun.
Kotori. You can find me in your Bingo Book under "Yamataki Kotori," but in everyday life I actually go by my married name.
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2. Where are you originally from?
Taiki. The Hidden Cloud Village.
Kotori. The Hidden Leaf Village, but I was raised in the Mist Village.
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3. What is your favorite color?
Taiki. White.
Kotori. That's not a color, idiot.
Taiki. (rolling his eyes) Whatever.
Kotori. My favorite would have to be... black.
Taiki. That's not a color either!
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4. What is your favorite food?
Taiki. Chocolate...
Kotori. Tempura soba.
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And now onto the more serious stuff...
5. If you could pick any word or phrase to describe yourself, what would you pick?
Taiki. Beautiful!
Kotori. (muttering) More like fatally self-centered. I'm surprised he can still fit through doors with his ego. (blinks) Oh, you still need my answer...
Taiki. There are no words for her, trust me.
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6. Pick one item in your house that you wish you had never acquired.
Taiki. Well, there's this photograph I stole from Kakashi-san... I might have to give that back someday.
Kotori. Two words: Butt floss. Hellkitty has interesting tastes in lingerie, that's for sure.
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7. Name one thing about yourself that no one would guess upon first looking at you.
Taiki. (eagerly) Ooo ooo ooo! Can I answer this one for her? (without waiting for approval) She lusts after older men!
Kotori. (offended) I do not!
Jiraiya. (interjecting) Then that means everything you told me that one night was a lie! Tori-chan, I'm hurt! And what would your husband say?
Kotori. (blanches and looks away) Well, I'll say something about Taiki - the song "Basket Case" describes him so well. Next question.
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8. What do you do for a living?
Taiki. Lots of paperwork.
Kotori. Well, I was just promoted to jounin and we all know what that means: I'm now in charge of a genin cell. (shudders)
Taiki. (disguised as a cough) She's also a porn star!
(Kotori refuses to respond to this)
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9. What do you like to do in your spare time?
Taiki. What is this 'spare time' that you speak of?
Kotori. I have five kids, I don't have spare time.
(From off-camera, the sounds of a scuffle and then the voices of two almost-teenage girls)
Girl 1. Mom! Tomoe stole my underwear again!
Girl 2. What's wrong with that, Jura-chan? It's not like you ever wear them anyway.
(Kotori scowls at this interruption and yells off towards the girls)
Kotori. Can't you read the sign? We're filming right now.
Girl 1, 2. (in unison) Sorry...
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10. What is your dirty little secret?
Kotori. What the hell kind of question is that? If you go blabbing it to every one you can't really call it a secretnow can you?
Taiki. I see dead people...
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(Author's note: For purposes of brevity, this feature is continued in the next chapter.)